Anonus Watches Star Wars: The Prequel Trilogy

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  • edited 2016-12-21 05:21:51
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Anakin's descent to the Dark Side is really uneven. He kills children in a fit of rage, and the movie presents it as a forgivable mistake, not as a complete atrocity. And Padme's lack of reaction when Anakin confesses paints her either as a sociopath or dangerously codependent.
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Also, as awkward and dumb and Anakin and Padme's romance is, it could have been something really interesting. Anakin was raised by a bunch of stoic monks; Padme was was practically married to politics. Both of them have zero experience with romance. It would make perfect sense for them to have an awkward, dumb relationship. Look at Anakin's backstory: he's exactly the kind of doof who would hit on his dream girl by comparing her to sand.

    But the rest of the movie frames their dialogue as if we're supposed to take it seriously. As if this were the a grand love story for the ages.

    I'm not sure where George Lucas screwed up here. Whether he wanted to signal that Anakin and Padme's relationship was flawed from the beginning, and failed to make it clear that was intentional—or whether he was trying to give them beautiful young love, and he just failed at writing their dialogue.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    they seem to play it like the latter
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    SAND, BITCH! I HATE IT! GOT THAT
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Senator Binks?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You know I truly believe Jar Jar is one of the best parts of this movie

    But "I love democracy. I love the Republic" is so beautifully delivered
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Ian McDiarmid seems to have just run with the glorified B-movie nature of it all
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    thank god for C-3PO and R2-D2 who like never show up in this thing >_<
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    oh my god this conveyor belt scene has no dramatic tension

    the technological whiz-bang emphasis fucks with things
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    poor threepio

    no wonder he feels he was made to suffer
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    now he's been body-swapped with a battle droid
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    now Anakin's stuck in some bolt or something

    and Padme has to be saved from molten metal
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Artoo turned it off, and now Padme is freed

    Anakin managed to get out of his thing, and his lightsaber is broken
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life..."

    "What are you talking about?"

    "I love you."

    oh god
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I think they're going to publicly execute our heroes?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    "I've got a bad feeling about this" says Anakin

    Uggghhh
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I have like zero interest in what happens here
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    "This party's over," says Mace Windu

    leave it to Samuel L. Jackson to spice up cheesy-ass dialogue
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    "My legs aren't moving, I must need maintenance"

    somehow these droids have more charisma than the actual human characters
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    poor threepio
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    RIP Jango Fett
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    here's some beefy battle droids
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Anonus said:

    I think they're going to publicly execute our heroes?


    we wish
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    here's the designs for the Death Star
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    dooku just struck anakin with force lightning
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    what was the point of Anakin having two lightsabers
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    there goes one of Anakin's arms
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    yoda is surprisingly agile for someone his age
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    are we supposed to be moved by Anakin and Padme getting married in silence?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    And with their wedding, the movie finally ends
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    how would you rate this Content on a scale of 1 to 10?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    A 4 maybe?
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    that high? really?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Well I would rate it lower if not for the presence of Threepio, Artoo, Yoda, and Windu

    Also the CGI begs for a movie of its own
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    oh
  • IMHO 1 is the one I find myself having the most affection for, if only because the Maul fight scene is legitimately one of the great scenes of the series and for all its faults there is genuine charm in 1

    3 is the most technically competent but boring as all hell and assumes audience understanding of character motivation that isn't dramatized

    2 is one of the most unbearable films I've ever seen. An absolute pandering mess. All of the fight scenes are shit. The plot is overly confusing nonsense. Pretty setpieces are lost in the sound and fury of the bad fights and in the boggling, mind numbing dialogue.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    like I said, Episode I finds appeal in its aesthetic components more than anything else
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Who is Episode II pandering to?
  • I could buy episode 1 being better than 2. It's been long enough since i've watched them that it's hard to remember. I will never waver in my belief that episode 3 is the worst though. Of all the words that could describe a Star Wars movie, "boring" should be the absolute last one on the list.
  • Anonus said:

    Who is Episode II pandering to?

    People who wanted more tits, more gunz, more swordz, and more Boba Fett.
  • And less Jar Jar.
  • I could buy episode 1 being better than 2. It's been long enough since i've watched them that it's hard to remember. I will never waver in my belief that episode 3 is the worst though. Of all the words that could describe a Star Wars movie, "boring" should be the absolute last one on the list.

    Well yes, 3 is inexcusable boring. 2 is offensively, infuriatingly boring.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Kexruct said:

    Anonus said:

    Who is Episode II pandering to?

    People who wanted more tits, more gunz, more swordz, and more Boba Fett.
    well they got them, but still, compelling characterization and storytelling was lacking
  • Pandering is a negative term
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I know

    I was just amused at how that can be taken as Lucas being a literal genie
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Something I said in an email conversation with Section:

    Oddly enough, for all its faults, The Phantom Menace was the only PT film that really felt like the OT ones did, I think.

    Even beyond the use of film vs. digital cameras, I think the shot framing and set designs were different enough that it subconsciously felt off. The clearest example I can think of is if you compare the interior of the Tattooine moisture farm in A New Hope with the return to that set from Attack of the Clones. In the 1977 version, Luke's home is a physical set, so all the equipment in the background doesn't do much, and certainly doesn't distract from the conversation in the foreground. For the 2000-whatever version, I don't know offhand if the set was entirely CG, or a physical set touched-up with CG, but the background suddenly has a lot more going on than the original did. In that scene where Anakin confesses to Padme about murdering a bunch of sandpeople, there are blinking, moving lights constantly behind the characters.

    That kind of cinematography pops up all over Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Establishing shots of new locations would have random aliens mucking around in the foreground. Any scene inside a spaceship would have obtrusive blinking lights. During the big, climactic duel on Mustafar, Anakin leaps onto a platform floating above the lava--except for some reason, the platform is a floating droid, who fusses over having a Jedi on his head. It doesn't affect the duel at all; the CG people just didn't think a simple floating platform was interesting enough. I know the OT did that kind of thing sometimes, but not nearly as pervasively.

    The guys creating the CG seemed to be operating under the philosophy that every time they could make a shot visually busy, they should do it, context be damned. (Cue that one clip RLM ran into the ground with Rick what's-his-name talking about how there was so much going on in every shot.) Sometimes this does work (like the battle scenes), other times it's outright distracting, and other times it only registers subconsciously. But on some level, it makes it harder to believe that Clones and Sith happen in the same universe as the original trilogy.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    That makes sense...
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I'm about to watch Revenge of the Sith now
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    is it me or is the sky in the Fox logo duskier here
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    also the recording of the Fox fanfare sounds a bit different
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