Anonus Watches Star Wars: The Original Trilogy

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  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    So Yoda lifts the ship out of the water himself. Don't doubt yourself, Luke! You can get that good...even if his disbelief in Yoda's mastery of the Force is why he fails...

    Vader has Force-choked someone else to death: "Apology accepted, Captain Needa."

    He instructs the newest Admiral not to fail him in finding the Falcon...

    C3PO's fretting is interrupted by Leia turning him off. Han Solo has decided to go to Lando Calrissan's place. Meanwhile, Boba Fett pursues him, and back on Dagobah, Yoda is making Luke do another handstand in order to feel the Force. Luke sees that Han and Leia are in pain, and Yoda tells him that this is the future. Asking Yoda if they die, he says that this is difficult to see, as "always emotion is future." Luke decides that he must go to them, but Yoda says that if he leaves now, he could help them, but he will destroy for which they have fought and suffered. Eep...
  • edited 2013-09-17 04:37:48
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Han Solo has to explain to someone that he's trying to reach Lando Calrissian and that he does not have a landing permit. Amid the ships firing at him, he heads through the orange sky for a landing spot.

    C3PO and Leia area bit skeptical of Han's plan, as no one was outside to meet them. But a door opens, and Lando comes out to greet them. Lando pulls a fast one on Han, trying to make him feel that a rift has developed between them. Seems like he's still sore over losing the Falcon to Han, but he promises to get the ship fixed. He's got a pretty nice house, full of white walls and spots of bright color...
  • edited 2013-09-17 04:50:45
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    C3PO passes by a door, which opens and reveals a silver double of him, which walks off. C3PO enters this door, and is greeted with "who are you?" by Yoda's voice. Then he is shot at, which prompts moaning from Chewie.

    Back on Dagobah, Yoda tries to get Luke to stay behind to complete his training. Obi-Wan joins Yoda in this persuasion, telling him that Han and Leia's suffering is a trap. All of the persuasion, which includes telling Luke that the quick and easy way leads to evil, does not work, and Luke goes off to fight Vader. Yoda wishes him the best, but tells Obi-Wan that Luke is reckless. Obi-Wan tells him that Luke is the Rebels' last hope, but Yoda says there is another.

    Leia has a new hairdo, it seems, and she doesn't trust Lando. C3PO has been broken into pieces, and it appears that he's going to be melted down. Chewie recovers the pieces, brings them to Han and Leia, and Leia wonders if Chewie can fix him. Right on cue, Lando enters the room and tries smooth talking Leia before they go to a room with Darth Vader in it. This is part of a deal that keeps his residence free from Empire interference. Han shoots at him, to no avail, and Vader takes his blaster away. Turns out Lando's betrayed them, and Boba Fett and several Stormtroopers are in the room as well. But Luke's on his way...

    A distressed Chewie examine C3PO's parts and puts some of them back together. C3PO is reactivated and seems to have known that there were Stormtroopers here. Meanwhile, Han is being tortured, but he must still be kept alive. Lando seems to regret having cut this deal with Vader...

    Chewie's put C3PO back together backwards, and Han is taken into the room where they are. Leia follows him and asks why they're doing this...they never even asked any questions.

    I don't get Lando's plan if it's really meant to help the heroes...
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Vader is arranging to have Han Solo frozen. Chewie's beating the crap out of a bunch of Stormtroopers, though Solo doesn't appreciate the help.

    He kisses Leia goodbye before he is frozen, and she tells him the she loves him. I still don't get this romantic plot...

    Solo has been encased in carbonite. He is alive and well, fortunately for Boba Fett (and for our heroes!)

    Luke is here to rescue them, and is fired at by Boba Fett as the Stormtroopers and Lando take Leia, Chewie, and C3PO away. Lando activates some sort of especially humanoid droid(?). Meanwhile Luke follows the heroes and Leia begs him not to follow them as it's a trap. He does so anyway, and R2 is locked out of the doorway that Luke passes through.

    This is the room in which he meets Vader. "The Force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet." Luke and Vader begin a duel!

    Chewie strangles Lando for his betrayal, but Lando lets them know that the east platform is where they must go to save Han. Chewie lets go and the heroes head that way. R2 joins them in their dash to the east platform.

    Back at the duel, Vader has knocked Luke's lightsaber out of his hand, and knocked him into a hole in the floor. Luke jumps out, grabs some big cord things, and brings his lightsaber to his hand. Vader's trying to bring him to the Dark Side...

    And now, the duel continues. Vader smashes a window, which causes Luke to get sucked out. However, he holds onto a bridge over an abyss and climbs back on.

    The other heroes' escape is impeded by a door that R2 cannot open. However, there is another door that R2 can open, and the heroes hurry out to the Falcon.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    And they're off!

    Meanwhile, Luke explores this room he has fallen into, and Vader comes out and restarts the duel. Out on the bridge again, Luke loses his hand and his lightsaber. Vader attempts to bring Luke to the Dark Side.

    Vader makes the revelation that he IS Luke's father. Ugh, this scene is so ruined by Hamill's dorky voice...(granted, he does seem to be pretty restrained for someone who just had his hand lopped off)

    After more persuasion, Luke jumps into the abyss and is sucked into a chute, which he slides dow. Then he falls through a trapdoor, slides down another chute, and is confronted with an abyss. Clinging to a big metal thing for dear life, he begs Obi-Wan for help and communicates with Leia using the Force. Leia knows of this and the heroes go back for him. Vader requests his shuttle.

    Meanwhile, the Falcon has come for Luke, and he is saved. He is then hooked up to some medical equipment, and the Empire is still attacking the Falcon. They've also deactivated the hyperdrive on the Falcon. Darth Vader has somehow entered the Falcon, and persuades Luke to come with him. Luke expresses frustration that Obi-Wan did not tell him that Darth Vader was his father.

    Although C3PO is upset that one of his legs is not yet reattached, R2 restarts the hyperdrive.

    Luke has gained a cybernetic hand, and he bids Lando and Chewie good luck in their effort to rescue Han Solo. As Luke, Leia, C3PO, and R2-D2 look out on the Falcon, we cut away to a broader view of the ship they are on and the credits begin.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Ooh, John Ratzenberger was in this

    Another link between Lucasfilm and Pixar established (aside from the fact that Pixar was originally a Lucasfilm division, and is now its corporate sibling)

    Anyway, I don't think I enjoyed this one as much as the last one

    There wasn't much space to slow down and mentally chew on the movie...
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    It has a very "this is the middle installment" feel to it, doesn't it?
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I guess.

    Maybe it was because it was tough to liveblog (yet somehow easier to write about this way instead of the way I did the last one), but it did feel a little more bloated than its predecessor. There was also something about the bigger budget that took away some of the charm.
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Aww...

    I always felt a little weird about how cliffhangery it was, though I guess that's to be expected.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Originally I would have agreed with you, but over time I came to the conclusion that Empire is the best of them (not an uncommon idea).
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    I used to think the middle portion (Luke on Dagobah, the Millennium Falcon hiding in the asteroid) was the boring part sandwiched between a great opening and great ending. But the dialogue and character drama of these parts has grown on me in the years since.
    Vader makes the revelation that he IS Luke's father. Ugh, this scene is so ruined by Hamill's dorky voice...(granted, he does seem to be pretty restrained for someone who just had his hand lopped off)

    I believe Mark Hamill agrees. Part of it is that George Lucas had kept that twist a secret, even from the people working on the movie. In the script they were shooting, Darth Vader's line was "Obi-Wan killed your father!" instead, and that's what the fellow wearing the Vader costume said when the scene was filmed. Lucas pulled Hamill aside right before that scene and told him what was actually going on so Hamill could react appropriately. And, looking back, Hamill says he would have played Luke's reaction differently if he had more than a few minutes to prepare for the scene.
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    Did you see Ice Cream Maker Man?

    He's in the movie, and is the best thing about star wars.
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite movie of all time.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Pretty sure it was Lucas's idea.
  • Living tissue over endoskeleton.
    The midichlorians line is so small but caused such a huge stink for something that could've been replaced with a "HE'S FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN THE OTHER [Jedi]" line from DBZ.
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    Now watch Ewok Adventure.
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    The theme to that cartoon is a thing of nightmares.
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    And the Star Wars Holiday Special is what nightmares suffer when there sleep is disturbed.
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    Also, stop saying the cartoon where we first meat Boba Fett is good, you fat, lying pieces of crap living in denial. 

    I saw it.

    It is not as soul crushingly horrible as the rest of the show, but it is still garbage. 
  • edited 2013-09-19 19:06:15
    READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    "Oh look! A dude with a gun in a mask! Let's trust him, as people with guns and masks are the most trustworthy in the universe."

    "Surprise! I'm evil!"

    "Oh noooooo!'


    "Muhahahahahaha" *leaves*


    The fucking end.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Starting Return of the Jedi.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Fun fact: I had to hunt down this movie, because the box I thought had it actually had the 1998 X-Files movie. But now I have it, so here we go.

    Again with the Star Wars Trilogy trailer, and here is the third part of the interview with George Lucas. The Ewoks were originally going to be Wookiees...

    Man, Leonard Maltin's unwavering grin is somewhat unsettling...
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Oh god, they're talking about the prequels (which had yet to be made at the time)
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    The Deep Note! Film aspect ratio modification notice! The 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm Limited logos!

    Opening crawl! Gotta love John Williams...and after that, we pan down to see the Death Star II under construction. A huge Empire ship releases three much smaller ships to the Death Star II.

    I admit, the Darth Vader-like helmets worn by some of these guys make me think of Dark Helmet. >_>
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Darth Vader is here...he seems pissed. Emperor Palpatine is unhappy with the fact that the ship is taking too long to build.

    "The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am." Brr!
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    C3PO and R2-D2 are on Tatooine. Neither of them are very excited about going to Jabba's place. And the Huttese doesn't have subtitles.

    C3PO looks funny when he runs...

    And C3PO and R2 have been apprehended by these pig-looking people with horns and this pale guy with a weird head. He's petting R2 and R2 is uncomfortable...and the present they have for Luke is to be given only to Jabba himself! C3PO has a bad feeling about this.

    We see Jabba, in all his creepy, gross anti-glory. He's eating something on a stick...

    Luke wants a bargain for Han Solo's life. This makes Jabba laugh...but Luke suggests trading C3PO and R2-D2 for Luke! Jabba wants no bargain...he will not give up his favorite decoration...Han Solo in carbonite!

    After this, C3PO and R2 freak out in the dungeons. C3PO engages in conversation with another droid, who says that C3PO is their new interpreter. He is sent to the main audience chamber, with a restraining bolt.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Now Jabba is watching some captive space women perform for him. One of them is upset with him and is sent through a trapdoor.

    Now Jabba is eating some sort of space shrimp thing alive. And a shot's been fired. Chewbacca has been brought in by a bounty hunter!

    The hunter wants a reward of 50,000, not 25,000 like was originally agreed on. If he is not paid he'll blow up the place! He's Jabba's kind of scum, fearless and inventive. We catch a shot of Boba Fett getting his gun ready...

    Jabba offered sum of 35,000, which is accepted. Chewbacca is taken away by some of Jabba's thugs and the show resumes. Seems like Boba Fett knows this other bounty hunter.

    Lando Calrissian is posing as one of Jabba's thugs, watching as Chewie is locked up. Outside, we see some space bug being eaten by a space frog, who then belches loudly. I didn't know they had burp jokes in movies in 1983...

    Cutting to a dark room, we see this unnamed bounty hunter walk up to Han Solo, lower him to the ground, and unfreeze him. The effects here aren't all that smooth, but it was 1983. Unfrozen, Han falls to the ground. The bounty hunter picks him up, and Han is visibly shaken. He has hibernation sickness, and cannot see, but his eyesight will return in time. The bounty hunter is Leia, who introduces herself as "someone who loves [him]" and kisses him. It turns out, unfortunately, that Jabba was watching the whole thing.

    Han says he was going to pay him back, but it's too late for Jabba. Now he is Bantha fodder. Jabba's goons laugh, and amidst Han's attempt to bargain he is taken away. Leia tells Jabba that they have powerful friends and will regret taking Han prisoner.

    Han is in a cell with Chewie. He does not believe Luke is a Jedi Knight when he is told so.

    A figure wearing a long dress enters Jabba's palace, and strikes fear into the hearts of the guards. And then we are introduced to Leia's prisoner bikini. The figure in the dress (and hood) is Luke, who wants to see Jabba. Luke is now able to use the Jedi mind trick on one of Jabba's goons, but not on Jabba himself!

    Man, Luke's badass...he's made quite a turnaround.

    Not wanting to set Luke's friends free, Jabba tells Luke that he shall enjoy watching him die. Luke grabs a blaster with the Force and fires it into the air, but falls into a trapdoor along with one of Jabba's goons. A door opens to reveal a Rancor, which Jabba's goon attempts to escape from, to no avail, as he is eaten by the Rancor, which then turns on Luke. Luke picks up a large bone, and he is picked up by the Rancor amid the cheering of Jabba's goons. He shoves the bone into his mouth, propping it open. However, the Rancor is able to destroy the bone with his bite, and grabs Luke again. He escapes and runs away, then opens a door, which has a grate on it. Luke picks up a skull and throws it at a button which lowers the gate on the Rancor's chamber, which hits the creature's neck and kills it.

    Jabba demands that Solo and Chewie be brought to him so that they may suffer.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke and Han are reunited, both in the grasp of goons. They are to be fed to the Sarlacc, and digested over the next thousand years.

    We see that R2-D2 is not happy about serving his new master. Jabba, Leia, C3PO and R2-D2 are being taken on a ship to watch the Sarlacc feeding. Lando is still posing as a goon. Chewie also appears to be among the victims.

    Luke says to Jabba "this is your last chance. Free us or die!" As he moves to be fed to the Sarlacc, he gives a cue to Lando and R2. Luke is prodded off the plank, springs back onto it, and grabs his lightsaber, shot to him by R2. He knocks several goons into the Sarlacc, one of whom screams the Wilhelm scream. Lando is knocked down, suspended over the Sarlacc. Boba Fett joins the fray, and shoots a rope at Luke, then is knocked onto the plank. Boba attempts to shoot Han, but is knocked away and falls into the Sarlacc. Leia strangles Jabba to death, and Han saves Lando from the Sarlacc. R2-D2 frees Leia, and C3PO has one of his eyes chewed up by a goon. C3PO and R2-D2 almost fall into the Sarlacc, but are saved. Jabba's ship blows up and the heroes leave Tatooine.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke is headed for the Dagobah system. More bad guys check up on the progress on the Death Star II. Palpatine arrives on the ship. Darth Vader assures him that progress on the ship is on schedule and that he will find Luke Skywalker. Only together can Palpatine and Vader turn Luke to the Dark Side of the Force.

    Luke and R2-D2 have returned to Dagobah. Yoda is coughing, and says that he is dying. He also says that no more Jedi training is necessary, and that confronting Vader is the one thing he needs to become a Jedi. Luke asks Yoda if Darth Vader is truly his father. "Your father he is. Told you did he?" "Yes." Yoda says that it is unfortunate that Luke rushed to face him and did not complete his training. He also tells him not to underestimate the powers of the Emperor, and that when he is gone, Luke will be the last of the Jedi. He repeats to Luke that there is another...Skywalker, and dies. His body then fades away.

    Luke returns to his ship, and finds R2 connected to it. He tells R2 that he can't fight Vader, and then Obi-Wan's spirit returns to talk to him. Obi-Wan explains that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are effectively separate people, and that Darth Vader killing his father was truth, from a certain point of view. Luke tells Obi-Wan that he isn't able to kill Vader, but Obi-Wan tells him that the Emperor would have won.

    Luke concludes from what Obi-Wan tells him that Leia is his sister. He knew this deep down inside, and is told that his feelings could be made to serve the Emperor.

    At a Rebel base, Han finds that Lando has been made a general. A leader announces that the Emperor himself is overseeing the construction of the Death Star II. Admiral Ackbar says that a shield is being generated from the nearby forest moon of Endor, and it must be deactivated before any attack is to be attempted on the new Death Star. General Nadine announces that an Imperial ship has been stolen and will be used in this mission. Han Solo is now a general, and will go on this mission to Endor. His strike team is filled up by Chewie, Leia, and presumably Luke, C3PO, and R2-D2. At the hangar, Han offers to let Lando borrow the Millennium Falcon, and he takes the Imperial ship. Chewie complains about how small it is.

    Han says he has a funny feeling that he won't be seeing the Falcon again, and departs for Endor. Back on the Death Star II, Vader is implored by Palpatine to send the fleet to the far side of Endor.

    Luke is nervous about the command ship with Vader on it. He feels himself to be endangering the mission, but Han tells him to keep a little optimism. Whatever optimism he has is briefly crushed by a feeling that he's been outed, but the ruse works and he says he told them it was gonna work. Always so smooth, Han.

    Now they are on Endor, and accompanying Imperial troops. Somehow none of them spot Chewbacca.

    Han follows a troop and ends up being spotted. This troop ends up jumping on a flying vehicle and is shot down by Chewie. Luke and Leia jump on another and follow two more troops. Man the green-screening has not aged well...

    Luke jumps onto another vehicle and knocks off its driver. He then shoots down another. Leia is knocked off her vehicle by a troop who shoots her off, who then runs into a tree. Luke eventually jumps off his vehicle, which explodes without him, and pulls out his lightsaber and cuts off the cannon on another vehicle, which twists and turns into a tree and explodes. Man, that was cool.

    Initially interpreted as an enemy, Luke gets back to the other heroes, but without Leia. They go on a search for her. She is found by an Ewok with a spear. They do seem unusually toyetic for Star Wars creatures...

    Leia gives the Ewok a rice cake, then offers it her helmet, although it does not like the helmet. My god this scene is so cutesy @_@

    Leia and the Ewok are shot at by an executive at a rival studio an Imperial troop. The troop has another as backup. He is distracted by the Ewok, knocked over by Leia, and his backup drives into a tree and explodes. The Ewok takes Leia into the forest, but before we get to see this we are taken back to the Death Star II. Darth Vader reports to Palpatine and tells him of the Rebels who have infiltrated the Imperial fleet and that Luke is among them. Palpatine orders him to go to the center of Endor and wait for him, and tells him that Luke's compassion for Vader will be his undoing, as Vader will bring Luke to Palpatine. Vader complies.

    Back on Endor, Luke finds Leia's helmet, then is called back by Han. The heroes are worried that Leia has died, as the vehicle (a speeder) is wrecked, though there are two more. Chewie catches sight of an alien carcass on a branch, and grabs it with the intention of eating it.. It's a trap. R2-D2 cuts it open and sends everyone back to the ground. Ewoks come for the heroes, Han gets standoffish in the face of a spear, and his blaster is taken from him. The Ewoks bow at the sight of C3PO (whose eye has been fixed by now, and has been for some time), seeming to consider him some sort of god.  Han instructs him to use this, but it's against his programming to impersonate a deity. The Ewoks seem outraged by this, but Han tells them that C3PO is an old friend of theirs. They are taken to the Ewoks' village. It looks like Luke, Han and Chewie are about to become sacrifices! And we see what looks like a baby Ewok!

    Tell me again what the point of all this is?

    They are to be eaten in C3PO's honor, and Leia has been brought to witness these events. She tells C3PO to tell the Ewoks to set them free. This doesn't work. Luke tells him to tell them that if they are not set free, he will become angry and use his magic. Okay, this is kinda funny...

    Luke uses his Jedi powers to levitate C3PO in his chair, which causes him to freak out and demand to be put down. The heroes are set free. R2-D2 shocks an Ewok, Leia kisses Han, and C3PO is surprised at his persuasive skills.

    C3PO and R2-D2 are in a tree, and C3PO are recapping the plot of the movies for the Ewoks. This is funny too but this Ewok stuff is dragging on...
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Anonus said:

    Obi-Wan explains that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are effectively separate people, and that Darth Vader killing his father was truth, from a certain point of view.

    Obi-Wan's kinda full of shit here

    Why can't you just own up to the fact that you lied to the kid
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Finally the Ewoks are useful. The heroes are now part of the tribe and will be shown the way to the generator.

    Luke and Leia are now outside, and they have a conversation about Leia's childhood. Leia was the one to spend time with their mother (Padmé Amidala, who goes unnamed here).

    Luke says that he has to leave, because Vader can feel his presence and he is endangering the group. Luke tells Leia that she is able to use the Force, and that she is his sister. She knows this, deep down inside. She begs him not to confront Vader, but Luke says that he has to try to confront Vader and turn him back to the side of good.

    Han walks out to Leia, and is told that she wants to be alone. Han is upset that she was more receptive to talking to Luke about this than him. She asks him to hold her. This love story still makes no sense to me.

    Luke has surrendered to Vader. Luke tells him that he has accepted that he is truly Anakin Skywalker, but he is told that that name has no meaning to him anymore. He finds that Luke's lightsaber is of his construction, and that this is a high-level Jedi skill.

    Vader says that the Dark Side is too powerful for him to become good once more. Luke tells Vader to let go of his hate, but is told that it is too late, and that the Emperor will soon become Luke's master too.

    Back on Endor, the other heroes have been taken to the Imperial base. C3PO translates for an Ewok that there is a secret entrance.

    Lando is in the Millennium Falcon, among a fleet of other Rebel ships. At Ackbar's directive, the fleet charges full speed ahead.

    Back on Endor one of the Ewoks has decided to distract the troops, hopping onto a speeder and flying off. Han, Chewie and Leia enter the base, C3PO and R2 having elected to stay behind.

    Vader brings Luke to the Emperor, who unlocks his handcuffs. He then elects the guards to leave them. The Emperor believes Luke to be mistaken that he can't be turned to the Dark Side, and Vader hands Palpatine his lightsaber.

    Turned out Palpatine set up the Rebels! They're soon surrounded by Imperial troops...

    The Rebel fleet is headed for the Death Star II, whose shield is still up. Lando directs the fleet to retreat. Ackbar realizes that it's a trap!

    Palpatine is implored to look on as the Rebel Alliance fleet is destroyed. He taunts Luke with is lightsaber and implores him to give into his anger. Hamill is showing hints of turning back into a dork...

    Back on Endor, the heroes are brought to a whole bunch of Imperial soldiers, along with several walkers, one of which is animated with jerky stop-motion. The Ewoks show up to assist the heroes in beating the crap out of the Imperial troops and their escape from them. The stop motion on one of the walkers is now a little more appealing to me, if that's even stop motion...

    Some of the Ewoks throw stones on strings at the Stormtroopers, but one of them hits himself in the face. R2 is summoned by Leia to assist the heroes, and C3PO follows him out of panic.

    Back in space the Rebels are fighting the Empire ships. Palpatine tells Luke to witness the power of the Death Star II (although it is still not finished). Ackbar tells Lando to order a retreat. Lando does not comply, and asks that more time be given for the shield to be brought down.

    R2 uses his lockpicking skills to attempt to open the door, but is shot in the attempt. Han opens a box and rips out a wire. An Ewok is shot down by the Empire.

    Lando decides to destroy some Star Destroyers, because they'll last longer against them than against the Death Star II. But some Rebels are blown up anyway.

    Palpatine taunts Luke some more and demands to be struck down with all of Luke's hatred. Luke takes his lightsaber, and is engaged in a duel with Vader. Back on Endor the battle continues. Did Chewie look like he had a mustache before this movie?

    One of the Stormtroopers is knocked off his speeder via more jarring stop motion. Han attempts to open the door by fiddling with the wire, and is briefly successful. Leia acts like she's been shot, and uses this to shoot a Stormtrooper. Chewie has hijacked a walker and is implored to get out of it.

    Luke and Vader duel some more. Luke eventually refuses to fight his father, then is brought back into the duel. Luke evades Vader, and is told that if he does not fight, then he will meet his destiny. He tosses his lightsaber up to the bridge on which Luke is standing, severs part of it, and causes it to tip down.

    Back on Endor the battle continues, and Han enters the base. Cut back to the Death Star II, where Vader is looking for a hiding Luke, continuing to implore him to turn. He speaks of the prospect of Leia turning, which enrages Luke and restarts the duel. Luke eventually chops off Vader's lightsaber hand, mirroring what Vader did to him in the last movie. Palpatine is happy about this and implores Luke to turn. Luke sees his hand covered in a black leather glove, and a cybernetic stump where Vader's hand was.

    Luke says that he will never turn to the Dark Side and that Palpatine has failed. He is a Jedi, like his father before him. Back on Endor, the base, and thus the shield, is destroyed. Lando and his fleet fly into the Death Star II. Palpatine shoots lightning at Luke, and Darth Vader rises to his feet. Palpatine continues to shock Luke, and Vader watches. Palpatine shoots Luke with more lightning, meant to kill him, and Vader turns his head between Palpatine and Luke. Vader picks up Palpatine and tosses him into an abyss, killing him. Luke gets up and hobbles over to Vader, holding him.

    Lando leads his troops into the Death Star II, looking for the strongest power source. Some Imperial TIE Fighters follow the Rebels, and some of them end up blowing themselves up.

    How does fire burn in space if there's no oxygen?

    Luke brings Vader, who seems to be barely alive, along with him. He asks Luke to take his mask off, even if he will die. Luke takes it off and sees his father, a weakened, scarred man, who asks him to leave him behind. Luke does not want to, but Anakin says that he has already been saved, and to tell Leia that he was right and there being good abut him. He promptly dies, as a somber version of the Imperial March plays in the background. Luke lowers his head over Anakin's dead body.

    The Rebels blow up the power source of the Death Star II and fly out. The Millennium Falcon barely makes it out of the exploding ship, and Lando gets quite a rush from this. On Endor, the heroes and the Ewoks celebrate. Han worries that Luke has died in the explosion, and is jealous of Leia's love for Luke (though it's not romantic), though Leia feels that Luke is fine.

    Luke burns Vader's body, and the heroes and the Ewoks celebrate, with the Ewoks using Imperial soldier helmets as drums. Luke sees three ghosts: those of Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin. They look on at the celebrations and smile.

    I dunno, this movie was kind of underwhelming...
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Holy shit, Warwick Davis was in this

    He's also in the Leprechaun movies and played a character in the Doctor Who episode "Nightmare in Silver"
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Also, for some reason the credits on this print of the movie are in widescreen; the rest of it is not.
  • edited 2013-09-20 04:44:15
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Luke evades Vader, and is told that if he does not fight, then he will meet his destiny. He tosses his lightsaber up to the bridge on which Luke is standing, severs part of it, and causes it to tip down.
    Luke: I will not fight you, father. Besides, I have the high ground.
    Vader: Oh, no, I'm not falling for that one again. [throws lightsaber]

  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    How does fire burn in space if there's no oxygen?
    It's The Force...

    of bad writing.

    Or, maybe there is oxygen in space? It's a galaxy far, far away, so anything's possible!
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Luke and R2-D2 have returned to Dagobah. Yoda is coughing, and says that he is dying. He also says that no more Jedi training is necessary, and that confronting Vader is the one thing he needs to become a Jedi. 
    The Empire Strikes Back:
    Luke: I must go rescue Han and Leia by fighting Darth Vader!
    Yoda: You can't fight Darth Vader! You need to finish your training!
    Luke: brb

    Return of the Jedi:
    Luke: Alright, I'm back to finish my training.
    Yoda: Oh, you don't need any more training.
    Luke: what
    Yoda: All you have to do is fight Darth Vader.
    Luke: what
    Yoda: [trollface]
    Yoda: [dies]
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    that is kinda dumb, yeah...

    though maybe Yoda changed his mind or something

    Really, this movie is where things kinda fall apart...I can't remember what the other plot-hole-ish thing I noticed was...

    Also, how does Luke manage to keep his hair as well-groomed as it is throughout this movie? (I know, it not being messy anymore is a metaphor for his progress as a Jedi, but still)
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    NOW DO THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    I don't know if I want to...

    I remembered the other thing: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker's "internal conflict"

    Introduced here, and apparent only here; he wasn't even originally the same person as Anakin, that was only when Empire was being written, but still...
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    Making Anonus do the Holiday Special would just be mean. It barely even counts as a real movie.
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    image
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    I was JOKING, you sillies
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    that is kinda dumb, yeah...
    though maybe Yoda changed his mind or something

    To be serious, I took that scene as yet another indication that Luke had grown (both in power and experience) since the second act of
    Empire. Luke really wasn't ready before (see: asswhupping) but after the experience of losing to Vader once, and rescuing Han from Jabba (plus whatever other nonsense the EU says he got into in between if that even counts), he was at that moment as close to ready as he ever would be.

    It's interesting how much the wise mentor types in the original trilogy are full of garbage. In Empire, Yoda and Obi-wan are both adamant that Luke will ruin everything if he goes to fight Vader, and that the best course of action is to finish his training even if it means letting his friends die. Luke says "Screw that" and rushes off to Cloud City. Yoda and Obi-wan are proven right that Luke isn't ready to defeat Vader, but contrary to their doomsaying, Luke survives the fight and doesn't fall to the dark side. And while Luke is doing that, R2-D2 successfully rescues everyone except Han—and R2 is only in Cloud City because Luke brings him there.

    Then, in Jedi, Obi-wan and Yoda are adamant that Vader is beyond redemption, that the only way to save the galaxy is to kill him. Luke says "I'll take your advice into consideration," then goes and redeems Darth Vader.

    Even without considering what the prequels show, Yoda and Obi-wan's exposition on the previous generation gives the impression that the good guys screwed up big time. Luke Skywalker's call to adventure boils down to "Luke, it is your destiny to fix our mistakes." 

    So it's a darn good thing that Luke recognizes when his mentors are full of it, and is so willing to tell them where to shove it. Gives me hope that Luke's new Jedi Order won't make the same mistakes the old one did.

    (I refuse to acknowledge the EU's post-ROTJ nonsense.)
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    MetaFour said:

    How does fire burn in space if there's no oxygen?
    It's The Force...

    of bad writing.

    Or, maybe there is oxygen in space? It's a galaxy far, far away, so anything's possible!


    I think Lucas himself said that "Sound travels through space in the Star Wars universe."

    So either, there is something burnable that fills things enough for sound to travel, or it's another thing that we're just to decided "FUCK PHYSICS!" and ride off doing crazy speeder bike tricks into the giant, fiery, space, explosions. 
  • edited 2013-09-21 02:58:09
    THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS
    Justice42 said:

    MetaFour said:

    Anonus said:

    How does fire burn in space if there's no oxygen?
    It's The Force...

    of bad writing.

    Or, maybe there is oxygen in space? It's a galaxy far, far away, so anything's possible!
    I think Lucas himself said that "Sound travels through space in the Star Wars universe."

    So either, there is something burnable that fills things enough for sound to travel, or it's another thing that we're just to decided "FUCK PHYSICS!" and ride off doing crazy speeder bike tricks into the giant, fiery, space, explosions. 
    That, or the ships somehow have huge, unprotected tanks of LP gas and LOX in them. Or hydrazine and N2O4. Either one, really.
  • edited 2013-09-21 03:05:17
    READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    I think it's pretty much canon that ships use some form of ionization for power.

    ...Which probably wouldn't explain explosions.

    ...but actually my immense knowledge of all things Star Wars is paying off. "Blasters" (which includes even the sort of misnamed "lasers" on ships) are powered by a gas that the weapons convert into a plasma bolt that gets fired. 

    I'm fairly certain this stuff is rather unstable on it's own, so it wouldn't be too far fetched to think of most Star Wars ships as similar to pirate ships cruising around with holds full of gunpowder. 
  • More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
    I... hope the expanded universe doesn't attempt to explain sound traveling through space...? ^_^;
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    FURTHERMORE, it follows that both Death Stars are using the same technology, just scaled way up. 

    So gratuitous explosions may not be that far fetched, given they're basically giant collections of both fuel and air for the crew.
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