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Anonus Watches Star Wars: The Original Trilogy

AnonusAnonus
edited 2013-09-16 01:40:59 in Liveblogs
As one of three people who has not seen it in its entirety, I've decided to change this.

I'd already watched the first one a few years ago, but I wasn't fully attentive towards it, so here I go again. I've also seen bits and pieces of the other two, but now I'm watching them all the way through.

These aren't any of the Special Editions, they're old VHSes. The VHS of Star Wars is copyrighted 1992, and the VHSes of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi are copyrighted 1995.

So, I'm going to start Star Wars soon!

(To Odradek: I will get to liveblogging Marville's first issue soon)
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Comments

  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Who are the other two people?
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Section and somebody else
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Yay, Star Wars!

    Let me know what you think
  • Justice4243Justice4243
    READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    image
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Cue the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm Limited logos with the CinemaScope fanfare! And here now is the opening crawl...even back then, the movie was called "EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE"

    Lucas must have had these prequels planned out for a while...
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    C3PO says "this is madness"

    Thirty years before 300
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Stormtroopers are attacking the good guys

    You know, the dated-ness of these movies probably adds to their charm

    They give it a human element
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 02:52:13
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    And here now is Darth Vader, just passing by

    Leia is talking to R2-D2
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 02:55:06
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    They've got Leia! there's so much action...I can't comment on it all

    I do like C3PO, though. He just seems so open about what he says...
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:02:57
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    So now Leia is conscious again

    Darth Vader wants the Death Star plans, and considers Leia a traitor...but the plans aren't on this ship, they're probably in the escape pod!

    C3PO and R2-D2 were in the escape pod, and they aren't "lifeforms"...now they're on Tatooine

    "We seem to be made to suffer, it's our lot in life"...C3PO is funny

    They are now going their separate ways...
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:05:31
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    C3PO now finds R2-D2 a traitor, and now he sees a transporter...he is calling out to it

    Now we've wiped to R2-D2

    Hooded figured with glowing red eyes are watching him

    And one shot him

    He's been deactivated and they're gonna take him away
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    He's been sucked into a tube

    Looks like he's in robot jail

    And R.O.B.'s ancestor and a walking trash can are here
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:11:12
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Yay

    C3PO is in robot jail and he's so happy to see R2

    Meanwhile back on Tatooine there are Stormtroopers

    They know about the droids

    The hooded figures have come back for them, and now they're being led outside...

    Now here's Luke Skywalker

    He's taking Theepio and Artoo to his uncle's garage
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Threepio's so fussy

    He's worried about dust contamination

    I admit, the notion of droids being property kind of bothers me

    They seem to be sapient
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Hahaha

    Luke thinks his sister is hot
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Leia says "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope"

    Obi-Wan Kenobi is now Ben Kenobi

    Why is "Kenobi" still his last name?

    Luke tried to get Artoo to play the whole message

    But Artoo will not
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke wants to go to the Academy

    He feels like he's trapped being a farmhand

    "Luke's just not a farmer...he has too much of his father in him" "That's what I'm afraid of"

    FORESHADOWING
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:31:16
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke finds R2-D2 a nuisance...

    It is now morning and he must have escaped, they're looking for him now

    Some aliens have spotted Luke and C3PO in some cruiser thing

    C3PO doesn't like that R2-D2 is trying to find Obi-Wan

    Now Luke's been subordinated by the aliens

    They're looking at his ride...but now a noise has scared them off

    Turns out it's Ben Kenobi
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Anonus said:

    Hahaha


    Luke thinks his sister is hot
    Shhh, you're not supposed to know that yet. :P
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Ben admits he's Obi-Wan

    Doesn't remember being R2-D2's owner

    And now C3PO needs his arm reattached
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:33:40
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Central Avenue said: Anonus said:Hahaha
    Luke thinks his sister is hot

    Shhh, you're not supposed to know that yet. :P


    The culture has spoiled     Star Wars for me

    I'm giving this away in several of my posts
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    It's ok, pop culture spoiled the hell out of Star Wars for me, too
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Obi-Wan and Luke's father were both Jedi

    They fought in the Clone Wars

    Obi-Wan has given Luke his father's lightsaber..."an elegant weapon for a more civilized age"

    Obi-Wan says that Darth Vader killed Luke's father, and he explains the Force to Luke

    Now Leia's whole message is being presented to Obi-Wan...he and Luke will go to Alderaan, and Luke must learn the ways of the Force

    Luke doesn't want to be a hero right now
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Now the captured rebel ship is being taken to the Death Star
  • Miss Miko MayoneggMiss Miko Mayonegg
    More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
    I saw it before pop culture spoiled it for me. :3
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Vader's Force choking someone who doesn't like his devotion to the Force

    "I find your lack of faith disturbing"

    This choke is not fatal, however
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Bad guys are at Luke's house

    They've killed his aunt and uncle
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Now Vader is interrogating Leia

    She's apparently going to be injected with something...this was a short interlude

    Luke is motivated by the death of his guardians to got to Alderaan with Obi-Wan and become a Jedi

    This spaceport is the most wretched hive of scum and villainy

    I admit, there's something depressing about how much these lines have circulated throughout pop culture

    This one in particular seems very ruined

    Anyway, Obi-Wan is using the Jedi mind trick to get Luke past the Stormtroopers
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Ah yes, the cantina scene with the jizz music
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    They don't serve droids at this cantina

    Lots of aliens here

    Some guy wants to kill Luke

    And Obi-Wan's killed this guy
  • Miss Miko MayoneggMiss Miko Mayonegg
    More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
    omg like every line in this movie is a pop culture meme I forgot
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Han Solo and Chewbacca are introduced

    I was mistaken, NOW they're about to go to Alderaan

    On Han Solo's ship, the Millennium Falcon

    But he wants 10,000

    Obi-Wan offers 2,000 now and 15,000 when they reach Alderaan

    Han Solo accepts this offer...though their conversation is overheard and Stormtroopers have come

    This was a close call...for Luke and Obi-Wan and Chewie

    Greedo's trying to capture/kill Han Solo, and Han Solo's pulling out his gun

    Han kills him and walks off
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-09-16 03:59:15
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Meanwhile, back at the Death Star, Darth Vader tells his subordinates that Leia has considerable resistance to the mind probe

    They intend to show off the true destructive power of the Death Star

    C3PO and R2 must hid from the Stormtroopers

    C3PO's always having disagreements with R2

    A hooded figure in a gas mask is following our heroes...he's saying something about them into a walkie-talkie

    And Luke thinks the Millennium Falcon is a piece of junk
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Han Solo's shooting at some Stormtroopers to ward them off

    Now the heroes are taking off in the Millennium Falcon

    C3PO: "Oh my, I'd forgotten how much I hate space travel"
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    They've got to get away from the bad guys

    HYPERSPEED
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Oh god

    They're going to destroy Alderaan if she doesn't talk

    She said the rebel base was on Tatooine

    But they're destroying Alderaan anyway

    Man that's a cheesy explosion

    Obi-Wan knows that Alderaan has been destroyed...he felt a great disturbance in the Force
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    R2 is playing some kind of stop-motion game

    Chewbacca doesn't like losing games...he'll pull people's arms out of their sockets if he's too upset
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke is learning the ways of the Force with a laser ball

    Han Solo doesn't believe in the Force
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Turns out the rebel base isn't actually on Tatooine

    Darth Vader has been told to terminate Leia

    Now the heroes have found out that Alderaan has been destroyed

    And now they know about the Death Star..."That's no moon..."
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    The Millennium Falcon has been sucked into the Death Star

    Now Darth Vader thinks that someone's trying to return the plans to Leia...she may be of some use to them

    The Stormtroopers are checking the Millennium Falcon...turned out the heroes were hiding in secret compartments

    And Obi-Wan keeps his cool
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Chewie just punched a bad guy in the face

    Han just shot this bad guy

    He would prefer a straight fight to all this sneakin' around
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Obi-Wan must go elsewhere, and he has reassured Luke that the Force will be with him...always

    R2 knows that Leia is on board the death star, having stuck some part of himself into a jack

    Han Solo doesn't want to rescue Leia...would rather let her die than risk his life

    Luke, however, convinces him that the reward for rescuing Leia would be massive

    So they're dressed as Stormtroopers again and they have Chewie in cuffs, so they can sneak into the detention center...
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke isn't convinced that this is gonna work

    Now the heroes are fighting the bad guys
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Luke's saving Leia before the bad guys come get him

    Darth Vader feels Obi-Wan on board the Death Star, because he's a master of the Force

    And now the bad guys are shooting at Luke, Han, and Leia

    They're gonna have a tough time escaping...until Leia shoots a hole in a chute cover

    Air vent escape
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    ah, not an air vent, a garbage chute

    There's some sort of serpent down here...it's got Luke
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    He's free, but now the walls are closing in on them

    They have to use a pole to keep the walls from crushing them

    Luke wants C3PO to save him, but he can't get in contact with him

    Indeed, he's snitched on the heroes

    He must have been manipulated
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Now R2's plugging his thing into another jack

    Luke's telling C3PO to shut down all the garbage chutes, a request that R2 complies with

    C3PO can't really interpret their rejoice, so he thinks they're dying...which they are not!

    Obi-Wan is sneaking around the ship

    He's turned off the tractor beam
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Heh, Leia called Chewbacca a "walking carpet"

    Han Solo thinks she's a nag
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Han Solo's running after some Stormtroopers, screaming and shooting

    But Chewie (who also has a gun) drags him away

    Luke and Leia are trapped at the edge of what seems like an abyss

    Luke shooting one of the Stormtroopers elicits the Wilhelm scream
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    They're across now, thanks to a hook

    Obi-Wan's still sneaking around
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