So, serious question time to all of the non-straight peeps hereabouts: At what point in your life did you realise that you were attracted to people of the same sex/gender? How old were you? Was it an epiphany, did it come to you gradually, or was it just something that you knew? How did you deal with it at first?
Sorry, that's a bit of a barrage, but it's really just a matter of detail.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Ok, this all went down before I came to terms with my gender dysphoria, so for the purposes of this post I'm going to refer to myself as male.
Anyway, for the longest time I just kinda assumed I was straight by default. In retrospect it's kinda obvious that I wasn't--some of my earliest sexual fantasies were about men, and I always found those just a little more arousing than the fantasies about women. But you know, I can't possibly be gay, 'cause only gay people are gay!
By 2011, Anonus and I were hanging around each other a lot, and Anonus told me he was bi. I remember thinking "god, I wish I were bi, so it would be okay for me to be attracted to him." As this went on, I realized that, no, I was attracted to him, and I was trying to rationalize it. So, hey, it looks like I am bi then, right?
I guess that was kinda rambly and probably not the kind of answer you were looking for. Sorry I can't make it any clearer; I was kinda going through the whole "wait, am I really trans?" thing at the same time and so a lot of that is intertwined in a way that it's hard to tell one half of the story without the other. Also, since you asked, I was 20.
I always found cute guys interesting from as far as I can remember but I always pushed any innapropriate thoughts away until my best friend, who I actually kinda thought was really cute on top of being my longtime best friend but i didn dare say anything to him about it, jerked me off when I had gone to sleep during a sleepover at his house. It freaked me out at the time though and it ended our friendship and he moved away then. That was when I was 14 and I still thought certain guys were hot but i never acted on anything and in fact when i was 17 i got a gf and we had sex well pretty much everyday for 6 months lol but i still was attracted to certain guys.
Then a good friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his as someone we couldgame with online but we hit it off and actually snuck around behind said friends back for quite a while cause he is religious and the whole penis in mouth thing between his 2 best friends would bother him we feared. And in fact it did bother him a lot at first but he eventually got over it.
Now me and my bf have been togethor for 2 years and i have come out to everyone but he still hasnt told his parents about us as they also are religious and he fears they would kick him out and hes in college now. So we always hang at m place for now lol.
So, serious question time to all of the non-straight peeps hereabouts: At what point in your life did you realise that you were attracted to people of the same sex/gender? How old were you? Was it an epiphany, did it come to you gradually, or was it just something that you knew? How did you deal with it at first?
Sorry, that's a bit of a barrage, but it's really just a matter of detail.
the first person i was attracted to, ever, (i think i was... 11/12?) was a very tomboyish girl, who i actually thought was a boy, and i went through a brief 'am i gay? oh man. i might be gay. am i gay' panic phase but then found out she was a she
hence things were very confused from the start
perhaps that was the panic moment because it was then a very slow and gradual realisation to 'yes i do like people of the same gender'. i perhaps began to realise it age... 14/15? and i was sure and beginning to tell people by 17/18. really i dealt with it well, no panics, no worries, aside from being nervous about telling my parents (i had no reason to be; theyre very supportive and always are with me... i think i just felt like i was supposed to be.)
as to what my sexual identity is - what i would call it - i think i am as confused as i was way back at that first moment. i thought i was gay; straight; bi; now i dont think im any of those, strictly. but i am happy and comfortable in my confusion and i have a boyfriend who i love so who cares?
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I've told my coming out story a few times but here it is again for those who haven't heard it yet.
Basically, I was getting ready to go on a shopping trip with my mother and sister, then this happened.
Sister: Are you gay?
Me: Wait, what?
Mother: Gay. Are you gay?
Me: Um...no?
Sister: Are you bi?
Me: ...Yes.
Mother: Oh, okay. Let's go.
It wasn't until weeks later that I realized my obsession with My Little Pony and my insistence on referring to myself as "the princess" probably contributed to them asking that initial question.
I could tell the story of my coming out as trans, too, but it's less entertaining.
For quite some time I struggled with quite a bit of sexual confusion until a rather nice chap eventually started hitting on me. I...well, I didn't really panic, but I ended up explaining my situation to him and he helped me sort everything out.
We never did become an item or anything like that, but that fellow was the reason I started identifying as bi. I'm not sure I'd be where I am today without him.
So, serious question time to all of the non-straight peeps hereabouts: At what point in your life did you realise that you were attracted to people of the same sex/gender? How old were you? Was it an epiphany, did it come to you gradually, or was it just something that you knew? How did you deal with it at first?
I was kinda sitting around minding my own business (I was 15/16 or so) kinda half-napping and then i started wondering why i could never find any cute girls, what with all the cute dudes around, and then something clicked and i went like "oh, shit"
I guess at this point I should relate my own situation.
The first inkling that I really had that I wasn't completely straight came at about thirteen, in the most bizarre way possible: I was walking around school and thinking about something related to my general dissatisfaction with life, and suddenly a voice entered my internal monologue—specifically, the "devil's advocate" voice that I imagine when I'm struggling over some internal contradiction—and literally responded, "Well, that's because you're gay." This happened several more times, and my usual interior retort was something along the lines of, "No, that's incorrect. I am interested in girls. How can I be gay?" Not that I had anything against gay people; my best friend at the time had just come out as a lesbian (although she later identified as bisexual), and I generally thought myself pretty tolerant. I just... wasn't gay.
Flash forward a few years, and I'm fifteen and in algebra class with two friends of mine, both of whom I would play in my band with. On a very slow day, the teacher allows me to do a little presentation on the mathematics of just intonation. Nobody gets it, including my friends, but after the rest of the class goes back to their own business, one boy comes up and asks me questions, genuinely interested in what I have to say. He's a year older than me, not especially handsome but very cute and athletic. Above all, though, he is nice.
I quickly realised that I had a crush on this boy. More than that, I straight up lusted after him to some degree. I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to take him behind a desk in an empty room and do... things with him. Sexy things.
That threw me.
The first person that I really told I was bisexual was my aforementioned lesbian friend, who I informed somewhat indirectly during a bus ride. It didn't come up again until around my senior year, when I told another friend of mine, my current best friend. In between, I kind of avoided the topic of my own sexuality, not because I was afraid of my friends' or family's reaction so much as I really didn't like talking about that particular aspect of my life. I'm still not completely comfortable owning up to an attraction to someone, particularly if that attraction is emotional and strong. My friends did drag out of me that I was head over heels for one girl that same year, but that could almost be called a fluke. I asked her to prom at their urging; I was too late, and was basically barred from prom anyway. She was flattered anyway.
I came out to my mom in a pretty unspectacular fashion: I simply slipped, "Well, I'm bisexual..." into a conversation about gay rights and she just rolled with it. I had dropped hints before then, but most were pretty subtle.
I still think that I haven't told at least one of my friends, but I get the feeling that he knows and doesn't care.
So, serious question time to all of the non-straight peeps hereabouts: At what point in your life did you realise that you were attracted to people of the same sex/gender? How old were you? Was it an epiphany, did it come to you gradually, or was it just something that you knew? How did you deal with it at first?
Sorry, that's a bit of a barrage, but it's really just a matter of detail.
Well... I can't remember the exact moment; somewhere around the first year of high school.
That, plus occasional thoughts about not being quite the right gender, plus incredibly low self-esteem, makes a pretty confused and rather miserable teenager. And until very recently, I thought I've managed to push all those thoughts away.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
I can kinda see his point, but I would argue that it's more so a hatred of men stepping into the female gender role than a hatred of women.
Also, one of the commenters said that famous internet stock phrase "Homophobia is the fear that a man will treat you like you treat women." I do not like that phrase. Homophobia is hate, prejudice, and discrimination, not actual fear. And not all men are abusive, and not all abusive people are men.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
I can kinda see his point, but I would argue that it's more so a hatred of men stepping into the female gender role than a hatred of women.
But they are the same thing. The female gender role is undesirable, weak, and inferior. A man who puts himself there is feminizing, and thus disgracing, himself. All the most dehumanizing male-specific insults are feminizing: fag, pussy, cunt, queer, gay, douche, etc.
Also, one of the commenters said that famous internet stock phrase "Homophobia is the fear that a man will treat you like you treat women." I do not like that phrase. Homophobia is hate, prejudice, and discrimination, not actual fear. And not all men are abusive, and not all abusive people are men.
The phrase is talking about sexual harassment. Homophobes are typically afraid that a gay man is going to come along and start harassing them, trying to make a sexual conquest, hitting on them, grabbing their butt, commenting on their body, or whatever. The irony is that this is exactly the sort of behavior that is encouraged of men towards women.
Well I don't know if it's necessarily misogyny, but part of gender equality is not really giving a damn if someone acts masculine or feminine, I would say. And ultimately, that's what the article is kinda getting at; it should not be a bad thing to be feminine.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
Well I don't know if it's necessarily misogyny, but part of gender equality is not really giving a damn if someone acts masculine or feminine, I would say. And ultimately, that's what the article is kinda getting at; it should not be a bad thing to be feminine.
But they are the same thing. The female gender role is undesirable, weak, and inferior. A man who puts himself there is feminizing, and thus disgracing, himself. All the most dehumanizing male-specific insults are feminizing: fag, pussy, cunt, queer, gay, douche, etc.
But women are also discouraged from stepping into the male gender role, and it's not because people think being a woman is inherently wrong. In fact, women stepping into the male role is less frowned upon than the reverse, in part because of the progress feminism has made. Even though gender roles are at this point more of a hindrance than a help, they're still so strongly ingrained in our society that anyone who steps outside them is frowned upon.
The phrase is talking about sexual harassment. Homophobes are typically afraid that a gay man is going to come along and start harassing them, trying to make a sexual conquest, hitting on them, grabbing their butt, commenting on their body, or whatever. The irony is that this is exactly the sort of behavior that is encouraged of men towards women.
If I may be bold, I really don't think either of these things are true. For one, sexual harassment of women is most certainly not encouraged by society as a while. I far more often see butt-groping and the like described as creepy than I do as in any way acceptable, and not just online. There just happen to be a lot of creeps out there who ruin things for everyone.
Also, that's one homophobic stereotype, but it's certainly not the only one or the one used most often. More often than not, people will just describe it as immoral than voice fears that they'll be hit on.
Of course, most phobias when it comes to sexuality probably come from the primitive mindset of "She/He acts different than me, and in a way I can't understand, fear fear fear."
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
Of course, most phobias when it comes to sexuality probably come from the primitive mindset of "She/He acts different than me, and in a way I can't understand, fear fear fear."
"Homophobia is the fear that a man will treat you like you treat women."
What I dislike about this phrase is that it's a very limited definition of homophobia, one that doesn't even get near covering it all.
If it's more acceptable for women to step into men's roles than the reverse, doesn't that seem to support the idea that male roles are seen as "better" or more empowering?
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
I see your point there. I think it might have something to do with the fact that the male role is more active while the female role is more passive, and our society favors the active over the passive (at least ideally).
I see your point there. I think it might have something to do with the fact that the male role is more active while the female role is more passive, and our society favors the active over the passive (at least ideally).
Or it could be said that male traits are presented as more desirable. While feminine traits are presented as undesirable
Thus, even straight males can be socially mistreated if they exhibit undesirable feminine traits, and not enough desirable male traits.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
The thing that makes me hesitant to say that is that feminine women really aren't looked down upon by society like feminine men are.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
But women are also discouraged from stepping into the male gender role, and it's not because people think being a woman is inherently wrong. In fact, women stepping into the male role is less frowned upon than the reverse, in part because of the progress feminism has made. Even though gender roles are at this point more of a hindrance than a help, they're still so strongly ingrained in our society that anyone who steps outside them is frowned upon.
It is sexism: if a woman does things that are 'masculine' she is stepping outside of her proper place as a biological female (the inferior class that is not capable of being a man).
If I may be bold, I really don't think either of these things are true. For one, sexual harassment of women is most certainly not encouraged by society as a while. I far more often see butt-groping and the like described as creepy than I do as in any way acceptable, and not just online. There just happen to be a lot of creeps out there who ruin things for everyone.
Society encourages guys to go and get those girls!! If you don't have a gf you are a virgin loser fag who lives in your mother's basement; go get a gf zomg rite now. So it becomes this game: guys, whether they even want to or not, are pressured to make everything about sexual conquest. And a lot of the guys like it that way, and while it certainly isn't all guys, many guys self-congratulatorily chase females and make inappropriate comments towards them and hit on them either in situations where it is not appropriate (i.e. she is just trying to go somewhere in her daily life) or where she has said no but society says that 'no' really means 'yes.' If it were not acceptable for men to harass women, they would not do it, and there would not be social pressure among them to do it.
Of course, most phobias when it comes to sexuality probably come from the primitive mindset of "She/He acts different than me, and in a way I can't understand, fear fear fear."
Yes. And blind fear can make people irrational. That guy is gay and I don't understand or feel comfortable with that so I will allow my imagination to run wild and project my subconscious fears onto him!
The thing that makes me hesitant to say that is that feminine women really aren't looked down upon by society like feminine men are.
That's because, at the very least subconsciously, they're expected to be feminine. Men are "supposed" to be masculine, which is why it's so much worse if a man is feminine.
Society encourages guys to go and get those girls!! If you don't have a gf you are a virgin loser fag who lives in your mother's basement; go get a gf zomg rite now. So it becomes this game: guys, whether they even want to or not, are pressured to make everything about sexual conquest. And a lot of the guys like it that way, and while it certainly isn't all guys, many guys self-congratulatorily chase females and make inappropriate comments towards them and hit on them either in situations where it is not appropriate (i.e. she is just trying to go somewhere in her daily life) or where she has said no but society says that 'no' really means 'yes.' If it were not acceptable for men to harass women, they would not do it, and there would not be social pressure among them to do it.
It isn't simply acceptable, it's pretty much expected, which seems highly unfortunate to me
The thing that makes me hesitant to say that is that feminine women really aren't looked down upon by society like feminine men are.
Or perhaps they're just not held to the same standard, as males are expected to hold a standard amount of masculine traits, so too are females expected to hold a standard amount of feminine traits.
Just, instead of negative association with females displaying masculine traits, It's seen as endearing due to the higher quantity of the "desired traits"
Likewise, Males who display feminine traits fall below the standard of "masculine"
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
It is sexism: if a woman does things that are 'masculine' she is stepping outside of her proper place as a biological female (the inferior class that is not capable of being a man).
I agree with everything in this part except the parenthetical bit. Like I said, feminine women aren't really seen as inferior; they're seen as doing their job.
I should also probably mention that I don't agree with the usual definition of patriarchy theory. I don't think men made a conscious decision to dominate the powerful top tiers of society. I think it's a leftover instinct from the earliest ages of humanity where life was harsh and gender roles were necessary to survive. But now that society and technology have advanced as far as they have, gender roles do more harm than good.
Society encourages guys to go and get those girls!! If you don't have a gf you are a virgin loser fag who lives in your mother's basement; go get a gf zomg rite now. So it becomes this game: guys, whether they even want to or not, are pressured to make everything about sexual conquest. And a lot of the guys like it that way, and while it certainly isn't all guys, many guys self-congratulatorily chase females and make inappropriate comments towards them and hit on them either in situations where it is not appropriate (i.e. she is just trying to go somewhere in her daily life) or where she has said no but society says that 'no' really means 'yes.' If it were not acceptable for men to harass women, they would not do it, and there would not be social pressure among them to do it.
The first part of this is true, but I have problems with the bolded part and most of the stuff after it. I think a lot of guys simply go along with society's prescribed roles and don't stop to think if there are any problems with them rather than actively deciding to treat women as objects of desire. I also think a lot of people see guys like the ones you describe as not only creepy, but immature, and someday they'll grow out of it and find the one person they love or something like that.
I can't really comment on the frequency of sexual harassment, having never experienced it myself.
And whether or not society considers something acceptable doesn't stop it from ever happening at all. Murder is not socially acceptable, yet it happens frequently.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
The thing that makes me hesitant to say that is that feminine women really aren't looked down upon by society like feminine men are.
Or perhaps they're just not held to the same standard, as males are expected to hold a standard amount of masculine traits, so too are females expected to hold a standard amount of feminine traits.
Just, instead of negative association with females displaying masculine traits, It's seen as endearing due to the higher quantity of the "desired traits"
Likewise, Males who display feminine traits fall below the standard of "masculine"
I'll be flat-out honest here. I still don't entirely agree with that, but I'm a little tired from a long day and don't really remember my argument here all too well. It's probably better if I took a break from this, at least for now. Otherwise, we'll just be talking to each other like brick walls, and hard feelings will be had.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
The first part of this is true, but I have problems with the bolded part and most of the stuff after it. I think a lot of guys simply go along with society's prescribed roles and don't stop to think if there are any problems with them rather than actively deciding to treat women as objects of desire. I also think a lot of people see guys like the ones you describe as not only creepy, but immature, and someday they'll grow out of it and find the one person they love or something like that.
If they stopped and thought about it being the important thing here. :) People don't just decide to join this culture; they are part of it from birth and must consciously realize what it does and try to break free from it. As for creepy and immature guys: they really get to do whatever they want mostly unchecked, and there sure are a lot of them, and there are things like "boys will be boys" or "that's just men being men" or whatever that basically validate and encourage this behavior.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
Maybe. Like I said, I can't really comment on that, having neither experienced nor observed it to any significant degree.
I think I had always known that I liked the same gender, even as a young child. As I grew older, I tried to hide it and say "I am straight, damnit!" But when Indy, my girlfriend, started talking to me, I realised that I couldn't hide my feelings any more, and shortly after getting together with her I came out to my mum, who was really accepting about it.
So, serious question time to all of the non-straight peeps hereabouts: At what point in your life did you realise that you were attracted to people of the same sex/gender? How old were you? Was it an epiphany, did it come to you gradually, or was it just something that you knew? How did you deal with it at first?
Sorry, that's a bit of a barrage, but it's really just a matter of detail.
I mentioned this to a few people in the jukebox awhile ago, but I realized it about 2 to 2 & 1/2 months ago, when I realized I had romantic feelings for a guy.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
While I'm posting in this thread, I should mention that my recent realization that I loved SFS made me think a lot about my orientation. This was when my old feelings that I was asexual instead of straight came back to me. Ultimately, I realized that I was actually demisexual. This is a development that literally dates back to about two or three weeks ago, although the initial feelings of being asexual date back to about two or three years ago. Although I've already told most of my closer online friends about it, this is my official coming out post, so yeah ...
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⚢
Then a good friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his as someone we couldgame with online but we hit it off and actually snuck around behind said friends back for quite a while cause he is religious and the whole penis in mouth thing between his 2 best friends would bother him we feared. And in fact it did bother him a lot at first but he eventually got over it.
Now me and my bf have been togethor for 2 years and i have come out to everyone but he still hasnt told his parents about us as they also are religious and he fears they would kick him out and hes in college now. So we always hang at m place for now lol.
the first person i was attracted to, ever, (i think i was... 11/12?) was a very tomboyish girl, who i actually thought was a boy, and i went through a brief 'am i gay? oh man. i might be gay. am i gay' panic phase but then found out she was a she
hence things were very confused from the start
perhaps that was the panic moment because it was then a very slow and gradual realisation to 'yes i do like people of the same gender'. i perhaps began to realise it age... 14/15? and i was sure and beginning to tell people by 17/18. really i dealt with it well, no panics, no worries, aside from being nervous about telling my parents (i had no reason to be; theyre very supportive and always are with me... i think i just felt like i was supposed to be.)
as to what my sexual identity is - what i would call it - i think i am as confused as i was way back at that first moment. i thought i was gay; straight; bi; now i dont think im any of those, strictly. but i am happy and comfortable in my confusion and i have a boyfriend who i love so who cares?
That, plus occasional thoughts about not being quite the right gender, plus incredibly low self-esteem, makes a pretty confused and rather miserable teenager. And until very recently, I thought I've managed to push all those thoughts away.
What I dislike about this phrase is that it's a very limited definition of homophobia, one that doesn't even get near covering it all.
If it's more acceptable for women to step into men's roles than the reverse, doesn't that seem to support the idea that male roles are seen as "better" or more empowering?
Thus, even straight males can be socially mistreated if they exhibit undesirable feminine traits, and not enough desirable male traits.
But what do I know
Just, instead of negative association with females displaying masculine traits, It's seen as endearing due to the higher quantity of the "desired traits"
Likewise, Males who display feminine traits fall below the standard of "masculine"
I should also probably mention that I don't agree with the usual definition of patriarchy theory. I don't think men made a conscious decision to dominate the powerful top tiers of society. I think it's a leftover instinct from the earliest ages of humanity where life was harsh and gender roles were necessary to survive. But now that society and technology have advanced as far as they have, gender roles do more harm than good. The first part of this is true, but I have problems with the bolded part and most of the stuff after it. I think a lot of guys simply go along with society's prescribed roles and don't stop to think if there are any problems with them rather than actively deciding to treat women as objects of desire. I also think a lot of people see guys like the ones you describe as not only creepy, but immature, and someday they'll grow out of it and find the one person they love or something like that.
I can't really comment on the frequency of sexual harassment, having never experienced it myself.
And whether or not society considers something acceptable doesn't stop it from ever happening at all. Murder is not socially acceptable, yet it happens frequently.
"Vatican: well, they did say they were sorry"
I think I had always known that I liked the same gender, even as a young child. As I grew older, I tried to hide it and say "I am straight, damnit!" But when Indy, my girlfriend, started talking to me, I realised that I couldn't hide my feelings any more, and shortly after getting together with her I came out to my mum, who was really accepting about it.
So... Yeah.
I mentioned this to a few people in the jukebox awhile ago, but I realized it about 2 to 2 & 1/2 months ago, when I realized I had romantic feelings for a guy.
Also, this is my coming out as Bi post. So yeah.
all according to plan
also congrats dude