You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
"I’m pretty sure it’s mostly a cheap trick. Swanwick likes to do the thing where he simulates depth through vagueness and obfuscation." I have heard this criticism a million times about a million different things, and it is always a sure sign I will like something.
People seem to think strangeness, surrealism or narrative opacity are the lame vegetables you have to eat to get at the yummy desert of a good important deep story at the core, but for some of us, those vegetables ARE the desert!
Of course. It was read to me when I was a kid and didnt understand any of it except that Gulliver was going to wierd places. Read it when I was older, with annotations explaining the references that were apparently hilarious back in the day. I haven't read it in years, though. Hated the last bit. Stupid hyounuhuounuhyhms.
But young Rozzy used to invent strange lands for Gulliver to find. Like bounceland where the entire place is basically a trampoline, or dnal where everything is spelled backwards. My favorite was the one where the populationas scissors with the long cutting part for beaks and the finger holes for eyes.
Man, I was less creative than I thought.
DARN IT YOUNG SELF, YOU WERE SUPPOSD TO SUPPLY ME WITH AMAZING IDEAS, NOT MAD LIBS.
I was always sad no one remembered anything after Brobdingnag, because Laputa was amazing,
I know! Buildings without right angles are great! uneven streets, colorful clothes, and a floating island! Sadly, nobody ever really did a good job of drawing laputian architecture.
Ye Yahoos mourn, for in this Place Lies dead the Glory of your Race, One, who from Adam had Descent, Yet ne’er did what he might repent; But liv’d, unblemish’d, to fifteen, And yet, O strange, a Court had seen, Was solely rul’d by Nature’s Laws, And dy’d a Martyr in her Cause! Now reign, ye Houynhnms, for Mankind, Have no such Peter left behind, None like the dear departed Youth, Renown’d for Purity and Truth, He was your Rival, and our Boast, For ever, ever, ever lost!
Yeah, I remember Gulliver escaped being put in laij (Dumb younger me!) in dnal by getting away in a kayak.
(stupid young me, the proper getaway palindrome was Racecar! but no, you thought it was spelled rasscar because you spelled your cousin Grace's name as grass, and space as spass.)
hopefully the people from the grocery store will call later today
having a job will be very nice and i'm excited to negotiate salary and stuff, hoping for 10 bucks an hour but i'll probably have to settle for 8.50 or so
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I like that you bothered to correct yourself when we already knew what you meant
hopefully the people from the grocery store will call later today
having a job will be very nice and i'm excited to negotiate salary and stuff, hoping for 10 bucks an hour but i'll probably have to settle for 8.50 or so
I have always been taught that you should put down "standard starting" for your wage if it's a paper application
if you're doing it in person than I have no real advice
on the paper application that landed me the interview i said that i thought i should make around $8.10 because i figured lowballing would be the best idea
Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!
My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!
I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so fucking loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 fucking yards tonight! I’m that fucking pumped!
I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I fucking love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!
I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!
I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!
I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!
I will valet tonight!
I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!
I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!
When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!
I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!
I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!
When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!
I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to fucking party again tomorrow!
on the paper application that landed me the interview i said that i thought i should make around $8.10 because i figured lowballing would be the best idea
no you don't wanna do that because most places will give you exactly what you wrote down if you lowball with the excuse "well that's what you said you wanted".
because getting the job is the point really, now i'll be able to put down a customer facing job + some nifty skills on my resume in addition to my volunteer stuff.
and that is super important, as i have learned from my dad's leveraging a career in being a chef into working in the kitchen in a nursing home and then using that to land his cushy as hell position at that assisted living center.
People seem to think strangeness, surrealism or narrative opacity are the lame vegetables you have to eat to get at the yummy desert of a good important deep story at the core, but for some of us, those vegetables ARE the desert!
Exactly.
Also, Swanwick's "King Dragon" is horrific and exceptional. You should find it and read it.
Comments
That's the worst. What foods are causing this?
Anyways, Kexruct, you should read George Orwell's essay on Gulliver's Travels and tell me if I'm just imagining a similarity to FILM CRIT HULK.
Of course. It was read to me when I was a kid and didnt understand any of it except that Gulliver was going to wierd places. Read it when I was older, with annotations explaining the references that were apparently hilarious back in the day. I haven't read it in years, though. Hated the last bit. Stupid hyounuhuounuhyhms.
But young Rozzy used to invent strange lands for Gulliver to find. Like bounceland where the entire place is basically a trampoline, or dnal where everything is spelled backwards. My favorite was the one where the populationas scissors with the long cutting part for beaks and the finger holes for eyes.
Man, I was less creative than I thought.
DARN IT YOUNG SELF, YOU WERE SUPPOSD TO SUPPLY ME WITH AMAZING IDEAS, NOT MAD LIBS.
I know! Buildings without right angles are great! uneven streets, colorful clothes, and a floating island! Sadly, nobody ever really did a good job of drawing laputian architecture.
Lies dead the Glory of your Race,
One, who from Adam had Descent,
Yet ne’er did what he might repent;
But liv’d, unblemish’d, to fifteen,
And yet, O strange, a Court had seen,
Was solely rul’d by Nature’s Laws,
And dy’d a Martyr in her Cause!
Now reign, ye Houynhnms, for Mankind,
Have no such Peter left behind,
None like the dear departed Youth,
Renown’d for Purity and Truth,
He was your Rival, and our Boast,
For ever, ever, ever lost!
(stupid young me, the proper getaway palindrome was Racecar! but no, you thought it was spelled rasscar because you spelled your cousin Grace's name as grass, and space as spass.)
i am in this film, which has a trailer. i am also in the trailer. but where.....
(the film is lookin p good, in it i get beaten up, so if you ever wanted to watch me get beaten up then you are in luck)
Evenin'
thom browne does hoodies now apparently
and it's not as ridiculously pricey as some of his stuff
having a job will be very nice and i'm excited to negotiate salary and stuff, hoping for 10 bucks an hour but i'll probably have to settle for 8.50 or so
herpa derp
but yes wages
if you're doing it in person than I have no real advice
on the paper application that landed me the interview i said that i thought i should make around $8.10 because i figured lowballing would be the best idea
and that is super important, as i have learned from my dad's leveraging a career in being a chef into working in the kitchen in a nursing home and then using that to land his cushy as hell position at that assisted living center.