I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
Something silly.
You call up ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, Connecticut, and demand that they license their name and logo to a line of aerosol-can whipped cream right fucking now.
Mmm, ESPN.
With that accomplished, you head for the Congo River Rapids ride, taking care to take change into swim trunks before going onto it.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
You can't spend all day here. You go back to Denver and, at long last, get settled in your fabulous, plushy, spinning chair in front of your desk.
Your office has a large window in the back, which does not seem to be visible from the building's exterior. There is also a large gold ABC logo on the wall to your right, and on your desk you have a nameplate and an ABC logo ball which you like to bounce off of the walls.
Why are there artificial plants in here? You hate those things.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
You throw them out the window. Get the robots to replace the window later.
You pull out a sheet of paper with a bunch of doodles pertaining to your master plan. Which is the grandiose term you ascribed to your desire to buy out Ion Media Networks. Underestimated real estate, you think.
Right here in Denver, they own KPXC-TV, channel 59. You're going to have to change its callsign in order to get rid of the Pax TV reference, though, because it drives you insane.
You notice that you're still in your swim trunks, with no shirt on. This is as close to being naked as is acceptable in this part of the building, however, so you're cool with it.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
> Decide that "KOCK" is a better callsign because it will make 12-year-olds snicker
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
(blasphemy!)
Anyway, decide that "KMGA" is good enough, then go get a candy bar from the vending machine in the break room.
Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
Name the next station KHHF after your favorite place on the internet.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Decide you need to make a bold and daring move in the industry.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
You have suddenly decided that you need to make a bold and daring move in the industry.
Truth be told, you've felt it best for the consumers to just detach your lucrative pay TV channels like ESPN and ABC Family from the pay TV ecosystem and make them standalone services. You know darn well that the industry's demand for ever-increasing affiliate fees from cable and satellite companies just might do in the pay TV providers and channels, so it's best to think ahead and address what consumers actually want.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
Well, you've been lounging in your swim trunks for far too long and you fell asleep at your desk. Go get in the shower and put some other clothes on.
With that done, you head for Arlington, Virginia, where WJLA-TV makes its home, along with the cable news channel NewsChannel 8.
WJLA occupies a ginormous skyscraper. You're very envious of this building. Perhaps you'll move here if you buy this station.
You kick the tires of one of their news vans, because you just love your puns. With their permission, you hop in and drive around Arlington.
You've deployed plenty of news vans for intimidation purposes before, but you've never actually driven a news van before. You feel a rush of energy and importance, but then again, you are an important guy.
You would drive to a Dairy Queen for fun, but sadly there are no Dairy Queens in Arlington. After a while, you return to the ginormous skyscraper, hop out of the van, and put in a bid for the station. Then you return to The Communications Center, filled with confidence.
You have the coolest house ever, but from the outside it doesn't look like much. You're excited about not only possibly owning a station serving the nation's capital, but also living in a skyscraper.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
You check your phone before going home just to make sure if someone wants to close a deal or that nobody wants to rope you into a crazy adventure.
Sinclair just upped their bid on Local TV LLC, you see. Time to up your bid on them!
No crazy adventures now, though. Maybe later.
You exit the Dairy Queen and run back to WJLA-TV's building. Goddammit, they towed ABC-Ride.
You run all the way to whatever part of the area is responsible for holding your beloved ABC-Ride captive. You pay them a fee, get it back, and drive back to Denver.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
You've been itching to buy out Chrysler Group LLC for a few days now.
You've never been very interested in automobiles. Yet you would very much like to be behind the wheel of this automotive giant...and so would Fiat of Italy.
Would you like to take them on in a Battle for Auburn Hills? You already want to spend a fuckton of money buying Time Warner, which participates in an industry you are increasingly disdainful towards...
Comments
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead