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Make Anonus Conduct Business

AnonusAnonus
edited 2013-04-28 20:32:35 in Roleplay & Games
You are ANONYMOUS USER, OVERSEER OF ABC INC AND CAPITAL CITIES INDUSTRIES.

You wake up in your sweet bedroom in The Communications Center in downtown Denver, Colorado, the home base of ABC's owned-and-operated station KMGH-TV, channel 7, the corporate headquarters of ABC Inc and Capital Cities Industries, and your not-so-humble abode. Snapping your fingers, you summon robots to lift you out of bed and escort you to the Teleport Pad on the floor. It bears a large blue Circle 7 logo.

Where do you go?

>Floor 1
>Basement
>New York
>Los Angeles
>Chicago
>Bristol
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Comments

  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    The Mushroom Kingdom
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-30 01:20:26
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Sadly, the Mushroom Kingdom is not real. But it could become real, if only you got around to buying out Nintendo...
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    1960s Australia
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    (you copycat you)

    Basement.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    As "1960s Australia" is not an option, you go to the basement. You survey your glorious collection of tanks, fighter jets, and submarines.

    Aw hell yeah.

    Maybe you should have somebody drive one of the tanks as you stand atop it. Maybe you could have them bump its turret into a competitor's building for funsies. It's been far too long since you did something to annoy the folks at KUSA...

    >Ride a tank to KUSA's building and irritate them
    >Leave the basement
  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    Ride a submarine to KUSA's building and irritate them
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Submarines do not work on land
  • BunnyBunny
    edited 2013-04-28 20:48:42
    Not a hybrid rabbit-skink spirit
    Ride a LANDmarine to KUSA's building and irritate them
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Attach wheels to the bottom of the submarine so it will work on land
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-28 20:57:08
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You have the robots attach some wheels to a submarine in order to create a LANDmarine, because that's so much cooler than a tank.

    You hop in and have some robots pilot the LANDmarine to KUSA's building.

    "I'M COMING FOR YOUR RED UMBRELLAS, KATHY SABINE! YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT!"

    You do not obtain any actual red umbrellas, but you storm the building and take the "9 Back Yard" sign as a trophy.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    go to Wendy's and get a Frosty to celebrate
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    park your LANDmarine in a handicapped space because you're rich and thus can afford the fines
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    >Kill the dragon
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    LANDmarines do not fit in any parking spaces, sadly.

    With this in mind, you take the red umbrella-shaped sign and return to The Communications Center's basement, and park the LANDmarine back where it was.

    Stepping onto the Teleport Pad and going to Floor 1, you put on your diamond-encrusted golden ABC logo pendant, exit the building, and hop into ABC-Ride, your gloriously gaudy sedan. Its tires are adorned with spinning parts bearing the logos of ABC, ESPN, The Hub, and the Circle 7 used by six of ABC's eleven owned-and-operated stations, KMGH-TV among them. ABC-Ride's steering wheel is also in the shape of this logo.

    Entering the car, settling into front seat and placing the key into the ignition and turning it, you grab onto the steering wheel and drive off to the nearest Wendy's.

    Entering the establishment, you ogle the various Verlag-bearing pieces of promotional material for the restaurant's offerings. Strutting up to the counter, you order a Chocolate Frosty. How weird it is to have to specify what kind of Frosty you want nowadays.

    You take a seat in the back of the restaurant and, while eating the Frosty, you wonder what the hell it is you're going to do with AMC when it officially becomes your property.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    ^^There are no dragons, sadly, and you would want one for a pet if there were.
  • BunnyBunny
    Not a hybrid rabbit-skink spirit
    Turn AMC into a front for speakeasy operations just in case alcohol ever becomes illegal again
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Sounds like a good premise for an AMC show, but alas you don't want ABC Inc to do anything too illegal, at least not right now anyway.
  • Previous CalicaPrevious Calica
    (flower path)
    Create an ABC Inc-themed bar.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Wave AMC in a third grader's face and say "HAHA, I OWN THIS NETWORK AND YOU DON'T"
  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    Consider funding a revival of your favorite cancelled game show
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    commission a mini-series based on Gravity's Rainbow
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    convince Bill Watterson to approve AMC commissioning a Calvin and Hobbes animated series
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-28 22:10:12
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    An ABC Inc-themed bar? Well, there are the ESPN Zones...but no ABC bars! Just imagine all those Lost-themed drinks!

    Ooh, you could make this a bar and grill! And franchise it! Look out, Applebee's!

    Waving AMC in a third-grader's face? If only it were that easy to carry around, but a little physical rendering of the logo you want them to use ought to do!
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    A revival of your favorite canceled game show? You can't think of it...

    A mini-series based on Gravity's Rainbow? Would the public like it? You hope so, though you might have to cut the coprophagia scene you've heard exists...

    Calvin and Hobbes, sadly, does not fit the AMC brand. It fit's The Hub's brand more!
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    >cut the coprophagia scene, if only to avoid complaints by Concerned Parents
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    AMC is not a kids' channel, it can show whatever the fuck it wants. However, the public is not very into coprophagia, so if it can go, it will go.

    You've finished your Frosty. You're a little tired of Wendy's now. What do you do next?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Go downtown to check out the huge ads you placed all around the city.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    rock the fuck out
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You're already downtown, but you head into the more bustling parts of the city.

    Ads for KMGH's newscasts are everywhere. And you eventually bump into the sheet of paper you posted on a wall, reading "Please Watch The Hub!".

    You head to the park across the street from the Colorado State Capitol, just because you can. Maybe you should get out of the city for a bit. Where outside of Denver do you want to go?
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    ^^Standing in the park, you pull out the toy guitar you were given at the age of ten. Fuckslayer blares nursery tunes when you place your hand in the hole in it.

    Alright that's done.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    ...well that was kinda weak

    Go to Montana
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-28 22:57:10
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    (it's called comedy)

    You decide to go to Montana, which is two states away. You have to drive there because you have no business holdings in that state, and as such, no Teleport Pads exist there. Maybe you ought to let the ABC affiliates use the technology and not just keep it exclusive to the O&Os and other ABC Inc properties...

    Wyoming is on the way, and if it were at all conducive to your plans/desires you would probably stop at Yellowstone. But you don't have time for that. You have to get into ABC-Ride and drive like a furious motherfucker. To Glendive!
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    learn what comedy is
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-28 23:01:40
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Oh alright fine. You look up "comedy" on your Galaxy Player:

    Noun

    comedy (countable and uncountable; plural comedies)

    1. archaic Greece. a choric song of celebration or revel
    2. ancient Greece. a light, amusing play with a happy ending
    3. medieval Europe. a narrative poem with an agreeable ending (e.g., The Divine Comedy)
    4. (drama) A dramatic work that is light and humorous or satirical in tone
    5. (drama) The genre of such works
    6. entertainment composed of jokes, satire, or humorous performance
    7. the art of composing comedy
    8. a humorous event

    There. Now you know what comedy is!

    Now it's time to head to Glendive. Market number 210 out of 210. Get to know the smallest market there is!
  • Previous CalicaPrevious Calica
    (flower path)
    Establish a low-cost nationwide fiber-optic service.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    destroy Nickelback
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Establishing a low-cost nationwide fiber-optic service? Taking on Google sounds kinda fun!

    How are you supposed to destroy Nickelback from Glendive of all places?

    This place has little of interest to you. Maybe you should go to a more interesting part of Montana. Like Butte.

    You go to Butte. What do you want to do in Butte?
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    You're a corporate gazillionaire person, right? Can't you just get on your phone and tell your people in...wherever you're headquartered...to end Nickelback's career NOW?
  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    Go to the Berkeley Pit and collect samples of contaminated water for the research team.
  • Section42LSection42L
    edited 2013-04-29 05:54:29
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    If you can't end Nickelback's career, can you at least do a favour for me and end Imagine Dragons' career?
  • AnonusAnonus
    edited 2013-04-28 23:33:47
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You don't own Nickelback's label, Roadrunner Records, Warner Music Group does. And you don't think you have the chance to buy that right now, so you'll have to hold off on that.

    You don't have a hazmat suit. You don't think you can go to the Berkeley Pit right now. So you zoom back to The Communications Center, put on a hazmat suit, and head to the Berkeley Pit and collect some samples of contaminated water for the research team.

    You deliver them to the research team and they shower you with candy.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    ^^Not them either, you worry.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    If you can't end Nickelback's career, can you at least do a favour for me and end Imagine Dragons' career?
    radioactive radioactive
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    Buy out Rolling Stone and fire Jan Wenner; replace him with someone that understands modern music and/or is not a massive douche-nozzle.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You've been meaning to buy out Jan Wenner's magazine titles for a while. Not only does he own Rolling Stone (which commissioned this beauty), he owns Us Weekly. The hell's it called that for? It's about them, not us. But wait, you're rich. Aren't you one of "them", you nimrod?

    He also owns Men's Journal, but if it were a choice between them and GQ you would pick GQ. Never forget!

    Though really, would Wenner sell his magazines?
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    If you threatened/bribed him properly...
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Well, you did manage to convince Disney to hand over that majority stake in ESPN...

    The research team is giving you bizarre looks. Probably time to go. But where?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Busch Gardens
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You decide to go to Busch Gardens. Well, there goes anything productive you wanted to accomplish today!

    You choose to drive all the way to the one in Tampa, Florida, because you've been itching to get back to Florida.

    Now you're here.

    Maybe you should go on the Congo River Rapids ride. Do you want to?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Yes, but only after doing something really silly first.
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