You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Observe the red spiral's resemblance to the Dreamcast logo.
>Combine the Table, Office Chair, Poster and Mattress into a fort of no small grandeur.
Aw yes, this is gonna be sweet!
Get all this crap out the way, you're about to build a masterpiece here.
You pull down the poster, making sure you don't rip it. This will be your door.
You pull the desk out from the corner of the room.
Hup!
And... you're done!
Well, OK, it's not perfect, but given the materials you had to work with, you're pretty pleased with the result.
>prepare for a possible exciting crossover with that other abandoned Heapers' Hangout adventure game. (or not)
Heapers' Hangout? You are quite certain you have never heard of such a thing in your life. Jeez, can't you concern yourself with things that actually exist for two seconds?
Speaking of which, looks like there was something under that mattress...
>See what books are on the bookshelf. Look for mystic grimoire; orgone accumulator building instructions; and cake recipes.
The shelf doesn't seem to have any of those things.
Most of these books look to be about genetics, and are incomprehensible to you, with the notable exception of, for some reason, a copy of the script of Aphra Behn's The Rover.
>Read The Rover and smoke ganja, periodically stroking your chin with an expression that says, "That's deep, man."
Of course, you have no ganja, so you imagine some. As with imaginary candy, it's not nearly the same as the real thing.
Or so you imagine, anyway. You have no memory of ever smoking weed before.
Frankly, you have no idea whether the book is deep or not. It's so hard to read in this light. You put it back on the shelf, since you have no space for it in your inventory. Maybe you can return to it if you find a better light source.
>wonder who owns this house
A reasonable thing to wonder, under the circumstances.
You... probably should have thought about that before you raided their cupboards and rearranged their furniture, though!
>Examine the thing under the mattress.
It looks like a dark blue marble.
>meditate.
You sit down and meditate for a while. Your mind starts to feel clearer, in spite of your growling stomach and lack of energy. You become more acutely aware of your surroundings: of the distant sound of clanking machinery; of a strange, metallic smell mingling with the more overpowering sewage odour; of the cold, concrete floor beneath you.
You are able to wholly suppress your sense of Panic, returning the gauge to zero. Your Stamina, Fettle and Dignity also recover slightly.
>Take bite of luminous mushroom and continue to meditate, this time on a specific subject.
You take a big bite out of the mushroom, chew and swallow. It's like eating bitter rubber, and the aftertaste is rather like vomit.
You will yourself to concentrate, focusing all your mental powers on a single object...
You are so hungry right now.
>recite all of Thus Spake Zarathustra
You aren't sure you've ever read Thus Spake Zarathustra.
"What have ye done to surpass man?" you chant. "I teach you the Übermensch. Man is to be surpassed. Uh. You must have chaos in your heart to give birth to a dancing star." You're losing your focus, and you're already out of words.
You begin to hum the theme of that name from 2001: A Space Odyssey instead.
>briefly imagine yourself hanging with da bros.
You have no idea who these people are, but they're obviously cool people.
You focus. You concentrate. You grasp the WIENER tightly and pull it into your Happy Place.
This action symbolizes your resolve and your willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal.
AND NOTHING ELSE
>After opening your third eye, do a cosplay of Satori from Touhou! :D
First, you pluck out your THIRD EYE.
Then, you imagine SATORI'S BADGE and combine it with your THIRD EYE.
You equip your imaginary SATORI COSTUME, eye and all. It looks adorable on you!
You are suddenly jarred from your Happy Place by a soreness in the vicinity of your stomach and an acidic taste in the back of your throat. The next thing you know, you're expelling a torrent of vomit onto the concrete floor. Looks like forcing that second chunk of fungus down was a bad move.
You lose some FETTLE to POISON DAMAGE, and your already-low DIGNITY also takes a hit. You feel painfully dehydrated.
There are no Tums in your inventory. You can't use what you don't have! You will just have to hope for the best.
>Try to recall what you were doing and follow the no-doubt obvious road to escape. :D
You consult your objective list, and see that you currently have two real-world objectives.
So far as escaping goes, you figure you should try the CONSPICUOUS DOOR over here. There's also a LIGHT-SWITCH here, which would also come in handy for finding your way around.
You are also HUNGRY. Your preferred food is DELICIOUS SAUSAGE. The cupboard over the microwave contains a tin of HOT DOG WIENERS, which may or may not fit the bill, as well as various other food items.
>Pinch self to determine level of dehydration and attempt to hydrate accordingly.
You pinch the back of your hand. You are moderately dehydrated, not to the point of near-death, but certainly at the point where you're feeling its effects.
You are able to mitigate this somewhat by drinking two cans of cola.
>go someplace where something can actually happen
You try the door, but it won't open. It appears to be locked.
>try to find a drinking fountain.
You scan the room but can find no drinking fountain. Everything is exactly as it was before.
You do, however, notice a door that you missed on your first survey of the room, opposite the middle chest.
>If all else fails: Visualise a gallon of water and consume it with your enhanced IMAGINATION.
Mighty though your IMAGINATION is, pretend water can't quench real thirst!
You still can't read in this light. You're going to have to find a stronger light source. If only there was some device that could supply such a thing, preferably operated by a simple switch...
>Wash up in the sink, apply / use appropriate hygiene products from the chests, then change into some new clothes.
You've been smelling like a sewer long enough, you figure. You help yourself to some shampoo, conditioner and body wash from the second chest, and some deodorant from the third. You don't feel like using someone else's toothbrush, so you leave the toothpaste alone, but you do help yourself to a piece of gum from the third chest.
It feels good to be clean again! You pull on some clean clothes from the second chest. While you're at it, you tie your hair back using the rubber band, since it was giving you a headache wrapped around your forehead.
>After washing, drink water from sink at regular intervals to ensure proper hydration.
You take a cup from the table and take regular drinks of water for an hour or so, until you feel completely hydrated.
Comments
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
The spiral reminds you of the Dreamcast logo because it is a red spiral that extends clockwise from the centre.
OK, it doesn't look that much like the Dreamcast logo, but one red spiral looks a lot like another.
>Then, try squirting it with the squirt gun.
You equip the squirt gun as your weapon and take aim, but you can't seem to line up your shot right. The cupboard gets in the way.
>Follow the kitchen counter. Explore the house
Next to the sink you find a WASHING MACHINE.
Hey! That looks just like the washing machine in the TV TROPES FORUM THREAD A TV Tropes Forum Adventure, you realize.
Next to the washer, you find an ELECTRIC COOKER.
You reach the corner of the room and continue to follow the wall.
You pass the hole you entered through. Even now, the stench from down there makes you nauseous.
You find a BOOK SHELF.
You arrive at another corner, which contains another ABANDON HOPE POSTER. It smells like a stale reference.
You find a TABLE and an OFFICE CHAIR.
You continue to follow the wall, turning towards the MATTRESSES.
At the end of each mattress you find a CHEST. You step in something wet.
The third mattress is pressed up against the wall. You walk over it, following the wall.
You arrive back at the cupboards where you started.
>Meet someone named Ormund
You haven't exactly been troubling to keep the noise down, and you haven't seen or heard anyone yet. Seems like you're alone here.
Lonely as you are, you'd have to admit you're kind of glad not to have to explain why you're such a mess or why you smell of sewer water...
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Eat your heart out, R.L. Stine.
Aw yes, this is gonna be sweet!
Get all this crap out the way, you're about to build a masterpiece here.
You pull down the poster, making sure you don't rip it. This will be your door.
You pull the desk out from the corner of the room.
Hup!
And... you're done!
Well, OK, it's not perfect, but given the materials you had to work with, you're pretty pleased with the result.
>prepare for a possible exciting crossover with that other abandoned Heapers' Hangout adventure game. (or not)
Heapers' Hangout? You are quite certain you have never heard of such a thing in your life. Jeez, can't you concern yourself with things that actually exist for two seconds?
Speaking of which, looks like there was something under that mattress...
>See what books are on the bookshelf. Look for mystic grimoire; orgone accumulator building instructions; and cake recipes.
The shelf doesn't seem to have any of those things.
Most of these books look to be about genetics, and are incomprehensible to you, with the notable exception of, for some reason, a copy of the script of Aphra Behn's The Rover.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Of course, you have no ganja, so you imagine some. As with imaginary candy, it's not nearly the same as the real thing.
Or so you imagine, anyway. You have no memory of ever smoking weed before.
Frankly, you have no idea whether the book is deep or not. It's so hard to read in this light. You put it back on the shelf, since you have no space for it in your inventory. Maybe you can return to it if you find a better light source.
>wonder who owns this house
A reasonable thing to wonder, under the circumstances.
You... probably should have thought about that before you raided their cupboards and rearranged their furniture, though!
>Examine the thing under the mattress.
It looks like a dark blue marble.
>meditate.
You sit down and meditate for a while. Your mind starts to feel clearer, in spite of your growling stomach and lack of energy. You become more acutely aware of your surroundings: of the distant sound of clanking machinery; of a strange, metallic smell mingling with the more overpowering sewage odour; of the cold, concrete floor beneath you.
You are able to wholly suppress your sense of Panic, returning the gauge to zero. Your Stamina, Fettle and Dignity also recover slightly.
You take a big bite out of the mushroom, chew and swallow. It's like eating bitter rubber, and the aftertaste is rather like vomit.
You will yourself to concentrate, focusing all your mental powers on a single object...
You are so hungry right now.
>recite all of Thus Spake Zarathustra
You aren't sure you've ever read Thus Spake Zarathustra.
"What have ye done to surpass man?" you chant. "I teach you the Übermensch. Man is to be surpassed. Uh. You must have chaos in your heart to give birth to a dancing star." You're losing your focus, and you're already out of words.
You begin to hum the theme of that name from 2001: A Space Odyssey instead.
>briefly imagine yourself hanging with da bros.
You have no idea who these people are, but they're obviously cool people.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
OK, you do that.
> Open your third eye
Boom.
>Snatch the wiener from the plate.
You focus. You concentrate. You grasp the WIENER tightly and pull it into your Happy Place.
This action symbolizes your resolve and your willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal.
AND NOTHING ELSE
>After opening your third eye, do a cosplay of Satori from Touhou! :D
First, you pluck out your THIRD EYE.
Then, you imagine SATORI'S BADGE and combine it with your THIRD EYE.
You equip your imaginary SATORI COSTUME, eye and all. It looks adorable on you!
You are suddenly jarred from your Happy Place by a soreness in the vicinity of your stomach and an acidic taste in the back of your throat. The next thing you know, you're expelling a torrent of vomit onto the concrete floor. Looks like forcing that second chunk of fungus down was a bad move.
You lose some FETTLE to POISON DAMAGE, and your already-low DIGNITY also takes a hit. You feel painfully dehydrated.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Try to recall what you were doing and follow the no-doubt obvious road to escape. :D
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
You rummage through each of the chests in turn.
The first contains:
The second, rather damp chest contains:
The third and final chest contains:
- Various CLOTHES
- 1 ROLLED SLEEPING-BAG
- 1 BATH TOWEL
- 1 tube of TOOTHPASTE
- 1 bottle of MOUTHWASH
- 1 pack of CHEWING GUM
- 1 TOOTHBRUSH
- 1 COMB
- 1 SAFETY RAZOR
- 5 SAFETY RAZOR BLADES
- 1 can of SHAVING FOAM
- 1 BOTTLE OPENER
- 1 CAN OPENER
- 2 packs of CIGARETTES
- 1 tube of HAIR GEL
- 1 can of DEODORANT
- 1 bottle of TWO-IN-ONE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER
- 1 TANKARD
- 1 WOODEN BOWL
- 1 copy of THE LUSTY ARGONIAN MAID, V1
>Take a tums to avoid heartburn.There are no Tums in your inventory. You can't use what you don't have! You will just have to hope for the best.
>Try to recall what you were doing and follow the no-doubt obvious road to escape. :D
You consult your objective list, and see that you currently have two real-world objectives.
So far as escaping goes, you figure you should try the CONSPICUOUS DOOR over here. There's also a LIGHT-SWITCH here, which would also come in handy for finding your way around.
You are also HUNGRY. Your preferred food is DELICIOUS SAUSAGE. The cupboard over the microwave contains a tin of HOT DOG WIENERS, which may or may not fit the bill, as well as various other food items.
>Pinch self to determine level of dehydration and attempt to hydrate accordingly.
You pinch the back of your hand. You are moderately dehydrated, not to the point of near-death, but certainly at the point where you're feeling its effects.
You are able to mitigate this somewhat by drinking two cans of cola.
>go someplace where something can actually happen
You try the door, but it won't open. It appears to be locked.
>try to find a drinking fountain.
You scan the room but can find no drinking fountain. Everything is exactly as it was before.
You do, however, notice a door that you missed on your first survey of the room, opposite the middle chest.
>If all else fails: Visualise a gallon of water and consume it with your enhanced IMAGINATION.
Mighty though your IMAGINATION is, pretend water can't quench real thirst!
You still can't read in this light. You're going to have to find a stronger light source. If only there was some device that could supply such a thing, preferably operated by a simple switch...
>Wash up in the sink, apply / use appropriate hygiene products from the chests, then change into some new clothes.
You've been smelling like a sewer long enough, you figure. You help yourself to some shampoo, conditioner and body wash from the second chest, and some deodorant from the third. You don't feel like using someone else's toothbrush, so you leave the toothpaste alone, but you do help yourself to a piece of gum from the third chest.
It feels good to be clean again! You pull on some clean clothes from the second chest. While you're at it, you tie your hair back using the rubber band, since it was giving you a headache wrapped around your forehead.
>After washing, drink water from sink at regular intervals to ensure proper hydration.
You take a cup from the table and take regular drinks of water for an hour or so, until you feel completely hydrated.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Um... maybe? (No.)
>turn the goddamn lights on
You turn on the shit out of those goddamn fucking lights.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
ZESTPOOLE WHAT HAS BECOME OF THEE