Vorpy's Gonna Vorp: The Pseudothread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

Viani · 2017-02-06 05:43:19

And the reader, dark and weary stumbled upon a post that made them shake in disgust. They cried out from the flickering light of their candle "For Lord, it is another personal thread, but dreadful tales it bear, carved against the flesh of the violated and ghastly. What horrid things await me?" He gazed into the blood red carvings of dicks and cusswords, attempting to translate these tirades from Bitch to English.

"No, this cannot be."

But oh, it had could not be, it did.

-----------------

Yo wat the fuck you talking about BROTHERMANG

I'm basically SAIYAN fuckoff that Perhaps we should do SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH THIS GRAND AND ULTIUMATE MEGATHREAD, Something special and perfect with this Personal Thread to make it better than ALL OTHER PERSONAL THREADS, TO KEEP IT THE MAXIMUM ACHIEVEMENT OF PERFECTION AND GRANDEUR-san. Brothermang. [Brothermang isn't a real word] [YOUR PERSONALITY ISN'T REAL EITHER, YOU'RE FAKING IT BECAUSE IN REALITY YOU TRULY HATE PEOPLE FOR THEIR FLAWS AND HATE THAT THEY'RE HUMAN BECAUSE THEY REMIND YOU THAT YOU TOO ARE HUMAN]

That's not how you make hilarious Subtitle Jokes //////////////////////ain't nobody making anything hilarious in this heap of shit//////////////STOP BEING MEAN -=-=-=-=-=-=f=o=r-y=o=u---------------B/A/N/E/P/O/S/T/I/N/G
Red Text carried along from your garbage mate! www.☥ She edits and posts what she loves the most, because what she abhors the most is seeing her old ghosts*☥

The kinda scary thing about graveyards you probably never considered.

* It contains all the stories that people had never written, and loves that never came to fruition

--------------------------------------------------------------

It was nearing sunset and the dormitories were devoid of their staff and residents, leaving nobody to witness Leyla disrobe before her partner. "What if somebody comes?" Said her timid partner, a reluctant male student only permitted to remain in the dormitories during class hours as a security aide.

"Then that somebody better be me." Leyla replied, pressing the boy into the cushions of the lobby's couch with her lower body, rubbing her crotch against his. [

What is this shit ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

-----------WHEN THEY THINK THEY'RE BEING SNEAKY UPLOADING THEIR SEXY PICS TO TINYPIC BUT YOU CATCH THEM--------------

HEY REMEMBER WHEN CHARMED WAS RELEVANT, CUZ I SURE DONT

-----PFffffff HAHAHA

𝓐𝓼𝓴 𝓜𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

Anonymous asks: "You don't love me anymore, do you?"

[Your first mistake was believing you were useful to me at all.]

....wow was that supposed to be a joke or something?

𝓐𝓼𝓴 𝓜𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

Anonymous: "I never hear from you anymore, and am really getting worried. Are you okay? Is he hitting you? What has he been doing to you when we left home?"

R͎̭e̻̟͎̗̳a̮̟͙̺̖͈̲̕l͈̙l̳̙̬̲̥͢y͎͙̰͔͕̝̖ ͈̙͖͠t̲͍̞̦h͡i͏̦̻s̺̘̼̰̯̪͚͘ ͙̦i͇͔̦s̢̫ ͠ju̯̗͉̩͕͔st͏̳͙̬͖̣̟ ̯̺͚̙a̝͓ ̭̳̱̬͖̹́wá͔y̢ ͍̱̱t̖̗̣͙̦̠̞o̡͍ ̗̘̻̜̞̀ͅp̕a͚̫̹͉͓͉̥͘i͍̯̳͉n̙̞͉̳̟̬t̵͔̣̹͕ ̟͘m̢̘̻̝y̻̼̖̖̞͎ͅ ͔͍̝͓̫͇ͅe̡͍̖̗͇̪̟̺n̷͇̬̪̺t͎͉̪̺̰͔͉i͎ŗ̥͎e̳͇͔̹̣̱̠ ̵̠̪̱͇̜̝ḷ̰̭̰̀ͅi̪̝̭f̝̖̝̯̼̺̣e̙̘͎̺ ̢̠̙̠͔͈̖ͅb͔͜l̗̭a̭̟͖͖̥͍ç̯ͅķ ̹̲͇̺a̢̙̬̫n͍̪̟͓d̶̫̹ ͟m̫͎̺̫̻a̯̞̠̝̟͕̲k͓̪͝e̝͜ ̞̘̹͉̣̫̀ẹ̠̮͉͕́v̞̖͙̜͈e͏̞͔̮̫͓ͅr̕y̡̱͓͖̙̻t͓͘h̖̠͞i̮͜ņ͇̳͍̱g̢̦͉͕̯̞̜̠ ṣ̝̮̖̞̺e̝̙e͎̥̟̥̟ṃ͉̱͈͝ ̮͇̱̤l̹̀i̩̯̪̩̯̭͉͟k̶̘͔ȩ̪̮̤ a ͈̱̼̼̫̣̟h͡u̢g̞e҉͈̰͈̮ͅ ͞j̦̣o̴̥͓̻̙k̵̺͕̱e͙̼̞̥͚̣̠ ̬ͅwh̙͉̣͜e͉̼̗͉͎͘n̖̯̰͖̝ ͏͎̮͚i͚t͔̪̫̮̫ ͟r̤̘̤̫e͓̙͍a̶̩̫̟l͍̝̠͚̻̖͕l̸̟̙͕͙̣͕y̖͉̟̹͉ ͟ͅi͍̞̙̖͔s̬̖͞ͅṇ̷'̦̗̙t̨̜̭͎͍̟̝͓.̪͖̬̗̟͘ ͖

Sredni Vashtar · 2017-02-06 05:44:38

This is now the best thread.

Imipolex G · 2017-02-06 05:45:55

that remains to be seen

Yarrun XIX · 2017-02-06 05:50:16

It's 2016. Bloody hell, stop fiddling around with candles and get a proper torch, you nerd.

Crystal · 2017-02-06 05:51:41

Aw yeh, ultraviolence.

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 06:00:42

Yarrun XIX said:
It's 2016.

pause

Yarrun XIX · 2017-02-06 06:06:23

Accurately telling the year is so 2016, mate

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 06:16:49

>2011
>not knowing what year it is
>ishygddt

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 06:17:42

Shiggy Diggy

Calica · 2017-02-06 06:18:50

>5 AL

>still using anno domini instead of anno Luigi

>laughingmemes.jpg

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 06:22:49

it's actually pronounced "i shiggity diggity" in the original japanese

Viani · 2017-02-06 06:44:26

Don't Wake Me Up Inside, I Got Tomorrow Off.mp4 (AMV)

SATAN,

I miss you.

I don't know why we no longer talk. [YO FUCKER THAT RAINBOW TEXT IS 644 CHARACTERS OR SOME SHIT YOU'RE BURNING UP VALUABLE ULTRAVIOLENT SHITPOST TIME]

Looks like we'll be plaintexting this shit from now on (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF)

>tfw I don't know the HTML for greentext so I just made up some shit

how about you ask Calica how to do it?

Okay if I can be honest this girl is gross looking.

𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓔𝓭𝓰𝔂 𝓕𝓪𝓽-𝓢𝓱𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓑𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼

Projecting Percentage: 100%

ATTRACTIVENESS IS A WEAPON IN A WAR YOU CAN NEVER WIN! GO GIRLS!

Maleness OP, plz nerf

Calica said:
>5 AL
>still using anno domini instead of anno Luigi
>laughingmemes.jpg

Behold tard, just copy this and fix your Greentext. [You CAN DO THIS!]

19.3 hrs on record

POSTED: JANUARY 29

if you kill things, you are going to cry
if you kill everything, you are going to cry
if you spare everything, you are going to cry

If you play this game, you will cry

PAIN, WITHOUT LOVE, PAIN CAN'T GET ENUF*

*Ms. Covington, I'd like to speak to you about your daughters shortcomings in her AP English class. She is a brilliant student, but she has only turned in one assignment out of the sixty five that have been assigned this year.

𝓐𝓼𝓴 𝓜𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

What was the assignment

you turned in?

l-lewd

//////////MOVING A LNOG--------------------//-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/secretmessageinmorse\

\

Spoiler Alert: I actually don't know anything about Euclidean Stuff, aside from the fact that I had a Strange Enforcer named "Euclidean's Calculator".

[No shit m8]

– 🎥📺JØł₦ theⓀⓨⓔⒻⓞⓡⓒⓔand ᔕᑌᗷᔕᑕᖇIᗷE to myY҉O҉U҉T҉U҉B҉E҉ channel📺🎥 I

Calica · 2017-02-06 06:57:15

for greentext just select the text and click the icon that has a T and a bunch of colors next to it

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-06 08:54:51

VGV:TPTOMPIUM

Odradek · 2017-02-06 13:34:34

Vorp gon give it to ya

Yarrun XIX · 2017-02-06 20:23:20

Your Eternal Euclidean's Calculator

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-06 20:26:00

Viani said:

this looks like it could be part of a mystery hunt puzzle

Viani · 2017-02-06 23:00:21

The Obsessed Fanboy (Japanese: ファンボーイ Fanbōi) is a Beta-type Pokemon introduced in Generation I.

It evolves into Creepyfuck (at any Level) when it's [Sexual Desire] is maxed out, and its [Sense of Shame] is 22 or below.

OFBs as they are known, are the base level Betas that are stronger than Sour Grape Farmers, but less threatening than Shameless Monsters. OFBs are more innocent, and have less threatening or sexual attacks, and in many circles can be converted into a regular Pokemon, and with some therapy and medication, can learn to be a regular person, and possibly a real friend.

Encountering

-----------------------

Obsessed Fanboy is commonly found on sites like Instagram, Tumblr and Facebook, and depending on their selected Target of Adoration, they will adapt and spread to different locales of the internet to find their fan. You won't have to look hard to find Obsessed Fanboys in the wild, because they seem to find you. They are also found, and summarily bred, on popular male-orientated self improvement sites. One of the largest concentrations of these individuals has the highest amount of meta-strategies, on how to make their Worship succeed, and "earn the hearts of their beloved angels."

A Target of Adoration is any female that they see one image of, and suddenly believe that they need to worship this girl, that they need to praise and love her and give her everything that he can to earn something alien to the entire world but him.

Traits

-----------------

Obsessed Fanboys are a starving kind of creature that relies on your praise and attention to survive. They believe calling you "goddess", "beautiful", "heavenly", "Saintly" and "perfect" and praising everything you do will earn their place in your heart, despite the fact that their appraisal and approval is so common and trite it's basically meaningless.

Obsessed Fanboys are not to be confused with actual friends, for friends who praise what you do have no ulterior motives, while Obsessed Fanboys praise what you do and what you are because they seek sexual gratification, romantic attention or non-sexual partnership with you.

Obsessed Fanboys will believe worshipping you will be a good subsitute for self-improvement. Many of them will apply the stategies of the "Pity Beta" Pokemon to attempt to guilt you into showing affection to them.

Countering Obsessed Fanboys

-----------------

One of the easiest Pokemon to counter, like all [Beta] types they are weak against [Alpha] types, and will summarily back off or outright leave the battle when you send them out.

A OFB's main weakness is their need for approval and attention from you. WHen you deny them the attention they will slowly starve, and eventually outright LEAVE YOU ALONE.

Honesty-based attacks are very effective against OFBs, and delivering the "You're creeping me the fuck out" Trump line will sever them completely, letting the Emotional Damage-Over-Time effects kick them from the battle completely.

Obsessed Fanboy Moveset

-------------------

[Like Everything] - This attack will fill your notifications like crazy, sending thumbs up, likes, stars and favorites on all of your works, pictures and posts. This attack is mostly harmless, despite it being inauthentic and somewhat meaningless, but it is usually one of the first signs that you have been targeted by an OFB.

[Verbose Adoration] - They will use words like pulchritudinous, mesmeric, and other such terms to describe you. While not bad, your lack of knowledge of these words may cause issues, and may even segway into other attacks like [Sour Grapes Beam].

[Exponential Cringe Spikes] - Every time you meet this person, the conversations will get more akward and alien, and as they waste all of their work-friendly and innocent compliments, they begin to "up-their-game" as its called, and will use more sensual and sexual comments on you, completely unaware that you don't exactly want them.

Training Obsessed Fanboys

---------------------------

What, are you fucking dumb? I know this is supposed to read like a wikipedia article but you've got to be fucking kidding. Did you ever notice why there are no Smogon articles on Obessed Fanboys or Creepyfucks, or any [Beta] Pokemon at all? That's right. You move the fuck along now.

Obsessed Fanboy Prevention

--------------------------

Most girls don't have to worry about Obsessive Fanboy attacks, because they are ugly. However, far more aesthetically inclined women will often have [Beta]-types attacking them from every front. However, the OFB is one of the easiest to keep away.

Equipping a.....-literally googles "muslim head thing"- HIJAB will give an aura of 100% Fanboy Repulsion. Fanboys rely on your face and your body to draw any conclusions, and therefore, any attraction towards you. Blocking away their primary worship target will ultimately prove to be the best strategy in avoiding OFBs.

Toning Down - Reducing the amount of make-up you wear and making yourself less asthetically pleasant will drive off some of the more shallow OFBs, however many may still follow you if they find your natural beauty "inhuman and almost celestial to behold, for no star ever discovered or any universe written in word could ever match your purity, a purity that makes my heart shutter out because not having you makes this entire world feel so wrong."

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 23:10:01

You know, I know the r9k stereotypes, but I'd never actually looked at it

and, yep, this could be machine generated. good job with that concept randall

most recent threads: transphobia, "the worst females on this site", help me with acne, complaining about complaining about friend zones, something about ("females" with) borderline personality disorder, some kind of meme, let's make porn, something about homosexuality, would you date a slav, i have depression, literally measuring his own dick and posting about it come on, food advice, meme, troll

that's freaky.

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 23:13:52

what's r9k short for again

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 23:15:48

"robot nine thousand". the idea is that if anything has been posted before it's rejected.

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 23:19:52

oh right

Randall I love ya, but please stop with that.

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 23:21:08

well it's not like he runs the board obviously. he came up with the idea and then moot grabbed it and then it became an excellent place to catch all your favorite douchebagmon.

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 23:22:52

well I suppose that's fair.

Still I think this is a good argument for the idea that it's impossible to force a community to be interesting with mechanical enforcement. People have to want to act in a civil fashion.

Obā-san · 2017-02-06 23:23:59

The /r9k/ community is most well-known for its greentext stories that antagonize social norms and celebrate singledom.

Yarrun XIX · 2017-02-06 23:26:13

Huh. I just saw the occasional reference to it on /co/ and assumed that it's where the really maladjusted people end up

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 23:27:14

btw i feel there should be a joke about balls in here somewhere but i got nothing

Viani · 2017-02-06 23:41:17

Klinotaxis said:
You know, I know the r9k stereotypes, but I'd never actually looked at it

r9k stereotypes? Is there a list or wiki or something that people actually made?

Klinotaxis said:
𝔟𝔱𝔴 𝔦 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢 𝔞 𝔧𝔬𝔨𝔢 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔟𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔰 𝔦𝔫 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔦 𝔤𝔬𝔱 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤

If they had balls, they wouldn't be obsessed fanboys, they'd be friends and lovers. They would STRIDE UP TO YOU ON THEIR HORSE, or Ford Mustang, or Zumiez Skateboard for all I care, and be like "Yo, I like you. This is my audition for being part of your life, wanna go smash?" so I could go "wtf is smash, like you bending me over or the Nintendo game"

And he would slick his badboy blonde hair back, put his beanie to the side and flick his fingers pistol style at me "If the night goes well, both!" and then I NASALLY CHORTLE AT HIM ROMANTICALLY WITH MEME ARROWS IN MY EYES, BUT ONLY FIGURATIVELY.

𝕓𝕥𝕨 𝕚 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕓𝕖 𝕒 𝕛𝕠𝕜𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕚 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘

"𝕒 𝕛𝕠𝕜𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕤"

by George R.R. Martin, the eigth installment of the Song of Ice and Fire , preorder today

They say that if you fall in love with a writer, then you will live forever. So I fell in love with myself.

—	Amanda Vegas AND AFTER CONSEQUENT RESEARCH WE HAVE DETERMINED THAT AMANDA VEGAS WAS SINGLE AT THE TIME SHE WROTE THE ABOVE, MORE AT 11

ＱＵＯＴＥＯＦＴＨＥＧＡＭＥ

Jane said:
what's r9k short for again

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-06 23:43:02

:anime rude girl voice: ooooooooooy

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-06 23:46:42

Viani said:

Klinotaxis said:
You know, I know the r9k stereotypes, but I'd never actually looked at it
r9k stereotypes? Is there a list or wiki or something that people actually made?

uh probably but i like to think i'm above that

i just meant like

pretty much what's in your description

or "they suck"

but more importantly

stride up to you on their horse

Odradek · 2017-02-06 23:50:31

Remember when you called me a beta male

Salix Babylonika · 2017-02-07 00:04:18

the actual fact of the matter is that all males are beta, because humanity hasn't left the testing phase yet.

Odradek · 2017-02-07 00:11:48

Well at least I'm not one of those buggy alpha males

Viani · 2017-02-07 00:52:50

𝓐𝓼𝓴 𝓜𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

"Have you ever met somebody, that the first time you saw them, the wrongness of the world and the seeming pointlessness of existence seemed to go away? A person that made your heart swell, made your anxieties dissipate, and made the tortures of everyday life seem to have some silver lining in the end, some point to all of it? A person that made you smile when they smiled, that you wanted to protect and worry about when they were at a low? That even under their defiant and independant exterior, you saw deep inside them a horrible longing that they hid away out of shame, a pain that made you want to reach inside their heart and undo the years of damage? To pull them close to you to absorb their scent, feel their skin warm against yours and their heartbeats flutter? That person I met was you.

Have you ever met somebody who in their very being, that was angelically gorgeous, beautiful with no match, whose face made you so happy to see smile and drew you in when she shed a tear, drawing out so many emotions from inside you that it made you secretly sad? Perfect in ways that nobody could even fathom to understand but you, for she didn't even know that even at her worst, you loved her. It is sad that in a universe with infinite possibilities, where star crossed lovers who eventually found themselves and each other held by loving arms, did not include you and her in the mix at all? That no matter how many threads of destiny or fate that stretched across the stars, that the life thread of the girl you love, and your own, are destined to never meet? Zero percent out of infinity is a devastating probability, one that makes you sick, one that makes you almost want to die. That you could fight against the universe and rage against the heavens, endure thousands of deaths and years of agony, destroy your past and rewrite your future, and know that in the end she still would never be yours? This isn't a romance story where everyone gets what they want, this isn't a novel where I even get a sliver of my dream to come true. The fantasy of hearing you say "I love you" is nothing more than a feeble one, a work of fiction from a lost soul who desires the affection of an angel he'll never be loved by.

I could feign confidence, say that if I try hard enough, if I work day and night, tear apart this flawed exterior and destroy this gross body, and rebuild myself into what you truly desire, a form that will satisfy the longing in your heart, that I could have you. That you could smile as you see me, be glad that I'm here, and want me to be around you. But, I'm not what you want. You want to hear "I love you" from somebody completely different, who that person is I do not know. The only thing I know about that truly blessed person, is that they'll be happy, to hold you and run their fingers through your hair in this horrid place, make jokes with you and feel the love that radiates from your allegedly icy heart. They will melt away that pain and suffering, even just by a little bit, and open up the side of you that has been sealed away by heartbreak and mistrust. They will have your love, an angel's love. The only thing I'll know about that person is that you'll love them, and not me.

In the midst of all of this, I want to let you know that I don't hate you. I cannot let my soul be consumed by jealousy and bitterness, and let what remains of me to become a green-blooded monster who would wish the worst for you just because we can't be. The temptations are always flooding in every day, being sucked into this gape inside me where you would have been. Just hate her. Push her away. Wish death and suffering and woe upon her because she made you feel this way. If I did that, I would be like every other person on this planet, wishing misery upon lovers that never were, and being sadistic and vindictive to everyone who is "below" them. I've been tortured by reality enough, so I don't need to torture myself with fantasies either. I want you to be happy, I want you to find that dream where you find the person perfect for you, who loves you beyond a doubt in their heart, who won't downgrade or upgrade to another girl and leave you in a whirlwind of sorrow and doubt. You are perfect, you are angelic, beyond everything beautiful that has ever been written, drawn or sung. You are an artpiece of something divine, undeniable in prescence and form. I wouldn't be surprised if you were actually a Goddess all along, just mingling with the casuals and humans of the world to see what happens.

I don't know if this will be creepy to you or annoying, I hope its not. I didn't come here with a depraved teenage lust or a unfathomable thirst for bad girl meat or whatever dumb thing that would corrupt the intent of this message for you. I came here to tell you that I love you. That I love you for everything you are, and I wish I could have been the person you would have loved too. That I want to see you shine bright and become whoever you want, and I wish only good for you. You may forget this the moment you close it, or you might remember it fondly at times, but whatever might happen, I want to let you know that I care deeply for you, and wish that you would find that special person. I need to move on now, dwelling and starving for you is only going to prolong the inevitable. Thank you for being part of my life.

I'll love you always, and goodbye.

ᗪ乇卂尺丂ㄒ尺卂几Ꮆ乇尺,

Holy fucking character limit. If you wrote prose as well as you wrote love letters from anonymous facebook profiles and Ask Me Anything sections, you'd be a damn NYT Best Selling Author. MOVING ALONG.

You won't be reading this because I figured out who you were in real life, and blocked you. However, I have been feeling this strange wrongness. This thingy thing. It's gross. Not gross like three month old anally-dilapidated condoms or a surgically removed prostate strained like a wet paper towel until the cum, piss and blood drains into a mucousy puddle, but something grosser. It's the fact that you believe I am this angelic thing. That I am so perfect and flawless in your head when you never even knew who I really was.

I thought you were gross. I thought you were ugly, and actually joked you would die alone. I found your desperation humorous, and even humored your half-advances at me because I felt like it would make me a better person. You probably thought I liked you, but I didn't. I can do way better than you, and I sincerely believe that.

And I'm torn by it. The fact that one half of me thinks that it is the most fucked up thing to do to you makes me feel bad. It keeps me awake some nights. Other nights, I grin because my darker half loves how fucking gullible you are, and how sweet it is to kill that twinkle in your eye. To break hearts and waste time.

The other half finds it hilarious, to do to you what was done to me by the ones I thought were flawless, that made me want to write notes like you did. Yes, that is one thing we have in common, my little stranger. We both have been preyed upon by creatures outside of our league. I am a joke to him still, some easy pussy too eager to open. He destroyed me, and it is his fault that I will never love you.

Don't chase girls like me, dear stranger. I may condemn you for being "beta" and "spineless trash", but never openly. Not all of them will be as humane as me, and stop before I ruin your entire life, and color your world all sorts of cynical shades. I only went half as hard with my evil bitch side, some other girls will lead you on until you drop the diamond ring on them, and then fuck the guy you hate the most right in front of you. Makeup can do wonders to hide the faces of monsters.

The cold reality is that the words you said to me made me feel so special and loved that it made my heart warm up, and did make me feel so very important. I actually smiled, and felt really bad that you felt that way. I have never made anyone write a 1,000 word letter about how much they loved me.

But the words you speak are true, and that is the only thing that matters, that is what condemns this future to its death. I can't love you like you love me. I don't do fake love anymore. I can't sit by somebody's side pretending to care about them and honor their feelings when I desire something else, when you would never satisfy that poisonous longing for what I cannot have.

I wish you luck in the future, stranger. I hope you find somebody that truly deserves such praise and adoration.

Because I sure don't.

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-07 00:58:00

> Ask me anything

Will it blend?

Viani · 2017-02-07 01:00:42

𝓐𝓼𝓴 𝓜𝓮 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

Anonymous asks: Will it blend?

It depends on your skin tone and the region you are working on.

Man this shitpost is weak. I kinda hit with wrongfeels and now I don't have my mojo. The segway from Betamale jokes into IRL shit just kinda....bleh.

Klinotaxis · 2017-02-07 01:17:16

you're doing it on purpose

Odradek · 2017-02-07 01:21:38

No I think you just called me a beta male because I made a joke thread about how I was shitposting too much and turning into you, and you wanted to humorously dunk on me

Viani · 2017-02-07 01:34:38

Odradek said:
Remember when you called me a beta male

Man that sounds like the line the kid at school says when he's about to drop the smackdown on his bullies

with a gun

Odradek said:
No I think you just called me a beta male because I made a joke thread about how I was shitposting too much and turning into you, and you wanted to humorously dunk on me

Yeah, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with my OBSCENE DESIRE TO GO TO FAR WITH EVERYTHING ON THE INRETNET>

I feel like an asshole for not even remembering I called you that. Was there any other people I insulted that I didn't actually apologize to?

n-n-n-not that it matters, baka-UM I MEANT faggot You....PLEB! There we go. [Wow way to invalidate your one attempt at honesty]

Klinotaxis said:
you're doing it on purpose

-insert Postmodern deterministic quotation here-

Klinotaxis said:

Viani said:

Klinotaxis said:
You know, I know the r9k stereotypes, but I'd never actually looked at it
r9k stereotypes? Is there a list or wiki or something that people actually made?
uh probably but i like to think i'm above that

i just meant like

pretty much what's in your description

or "they suck"

but more importantly

stride up to you on their horse

This is the importance of blocking when it comes to writing shitposts. If I do not take time to detail the positions of the characters in the scene, and use poor word choice, this kind of stuff happens.

But yeah if somebody had a horse and they strode up to me with it, or strode up to me ON IT, moonwalking on its back or some crap, that would catch attention.

Viani · 2017-02-07 05:28:49

The Pseudo-Thread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

Without you

Pseudo-Thread: A thread that simulates a thread on a discussion board. A Pseudo-thread then would be a fake thread, a discussion that does not consist of multiple viewpoints or comments, but a singular viewpoint, or none at all. It is contrasted with a Mono-thread (mono being one), where it reads like a journal or blog, the main point to provide a monologue without interruption.

Mordant: An idea or type of humor that is biting, sarcastic and very critical of something.

Post-Ironic: Now one is familiar with irony, for it is a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result. The statement Post-Irony, deals with the idea that is introduced after it's inherent irony. Something that is Ironic is subversive of what is expected, and is funny. Something that is Post-ironic means the aftermath of an ironic statement. Actually the Post- on Post-Irony is really pointless, and seems like a term devoid of meaning.

Ultraviolent: A reference to a type of violence in A Clockwork Orange and Lana Del Rey's Album "Ultraviolence". It is random acts of violence with no moral justification, or meaning.

Macrocancer: Probably in reference to the internet term "Cancer", a phenomenon of uncomfortable, gross, repulsive or socially unacceptable behavior and content. Macrocancer however, I have no idea. Macro- is a prefix denoting incredibly large and all-encompassing, so Macrocancer must be something that is incredibly large in its Cancer quality, a large amassment of Cancer, or both.

Ultraviolent Macrocancer is an amassment of incredibly volatile, pointless and gruesome content involving terrible acts of violence done for the sake of violence, devoid of even the desire to induce shock value.

Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer is a state after the supposed irony of the aformentioned Ultraviolent Macrocancer, probably where it ceases to be ironic and therefore humorous, and just outright disturbing. The time when such disgusting shit stops being funny or clever.

Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer is a step beyond the abscence of ultraviolent irony and gives it a paradoxical purpose, to be extremely grating and insensitive, and heavily critical beyond its ironic sources. It extends so much as to be completely unfunny and heavily mean-spirited in form.

But then this raises a question:

What is Macrocancer?

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-07 07:03:01

it was phone.

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-07 07:03:19

also you put a lot more effort into your shitposts than i do

Viani · 2017-02-07 11:58:48

𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓰𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓾𝓽, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰?

𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝓊𝓉, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔?

𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝓊𝓉, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔?

glennmagusharvey said:
also you put a lot more effort into your shitposts than i do

If you think this is EFFORT

T h e n you're more silly than I am.

I'm formatting nonsense in Comic Sans, for fucks sake.

"She's right you know." -Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman

Think about the one you love
Try not to think about the one you love
It's your fault
It's their fault
IRONIC MEME HERE TO DISTORT ANY ATTEMPTS AT BEING HEARTFELT
Realize that step is completely unneccessary because nobody gives a shit
It is your fault
Laugh
Because chemicals are telling you what to do
Continue reaching out to the side of your bed wishing they were there
Realize you drove them away
Because they were a cunt
Good riddance.

moving along is the best ending to this shitty Visual Novel.

Lunate · 2017-02-07 17:09:32

you put a lot of effort into your shitposts than i do into my regular posts

Viani · 2017-02-08 00:25:53

Lunate said:
YOU ARE WEAK, MORTAL

Lunate said:
Hey look I'm stuck in an infinite Quoteblock problem

Lunate said:
It will go away eventually.

Lunate said:
[Hey fam you know I ain't going anywhere right?]

Lunate said:
you put a lot of effort into your shitposts than i do into my regular posts

Why make a couple dozen little crappy posts that nobody wants to read,

When you can make 🅞🅝🅔 🅡🅔🅐🅛🅛🅨 🅣🅔🅡🅡🅘🅑🅛🅔 🅞🅝🅔that nobody wants to read?

Vorpy has no remaining Pokemon!

Vorpy can't blackout because of obligations to her Alcoholics Anonymous Program!

Vorpy dropped money and then proceeded to go to the cafe!

ꂦꈤꍟ ꋪꍟꍏ꒒꒒ꌩ ꓄ꍟꋪꋪꀤꌃ꒒ꍟ ꂦꈤꍟ

featuring Pony Boy and Otherkin-g of the North

Warning, Shit you should've expected Vorpy to Post below, not suitable for NORMIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-------------------------------------------------------------

She got down on all-fours and took Chewie’s penis into her mouth, stroking it and spitting on it, even biting it. Chewie didn’t mind though, him and Leah both seemed to like it raw and hard. They should have started doing this months ago! Luke was doing her in the behind, crying because there was poop in there, but also happy because it’s tightening sensation felt wonderful on his meat.

-----------------

“Well, you’re only technically like 11, right?” Tony Stark said, and Astroboy saw that he was looking directly into his eyes with an intensity that was most peculiar.

Tony immediately obliged and took Astro’s entire cock in his mouth, as it was proportional to the young boy’s body that it was modeled after.

“Don’t worry, we’re not done yet, little man,” Tony said.

[SOMEBODY ACTUALLY WROTE THIS]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Please do not use the terminology Normie seriously. Do not use the terminology "Chad Thundercock" or "Stacey Thundercunt" to describe any real life persons, as it is extremely inaccurate, assumptious and creates an aura of insecurity and non-competitiveness around the aformentioned person using such terms. Please do not use the term "involuntary virgin" either, for that is copyrighted by Vorpy and her legal associates. Do not use these terrible posts to diagnose any mental diseases or illnesses. This is not a work of fiction. It is also not very entertaining.

----------------------------------------------------

"It's like setting out landmines for Trans People to step on. It's not ethical at all." - Korrigan Humsley, MtF, florida, 17

---------how-about-you-dont-click-dat-shit-nosey-boy--------

"L-Lewd!" she cried out. As Adolf Hitler rummaged through her underwear drawer. "It's okay Onee-san, Vorpy has absolutely zero experience vith writhing Early Nazi Germany. She is not so stupid, to attempt to write a skit from that timeline." The anime girl shrugged her head. "THE FUCK YOU TALKIN ABOUT B0SS"

Crystal said:
Aw yeh, ultraviolence.

>WHEN YOU AT HOME WITH YOUR BIGGER BED, AND YOU THINK TO YOURSELF "I HAVE MORE BED ROOM, BUT LESS BEDROOM"

This image has been resized to fit in the page. Click to enlarge.

This image has been resized to fit in the page. Click to

CONTEMPT

--------------------------

The Person Below this Post is a Dolt

Crystal · 2017-02-08 00:44:17

Aw yeah, ultraviolence.

Section42L · 2017-02-08 00:53:17

High Impact Sexual Violence

Viani · 2017-02-08 05:26:02

╔┓┏╦━━╦┓╔┓╔━━╗
║┗┛║┗━╣┃║┃║╯╰║
║┏┓║┏━╣┗╣┗╣╰╯║
╚┛┗╩━━╩━╩━╩━━╝

Welcome to my Myspace Page!

Ask The Professor!

what is high impact sexual violence?

I'm sorry my girl, what was that?

HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE. WHAT IS IT?

Sorry, I'm kind of hard of hearing, dear girl. Could you reiterate?

WHAT IS HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE!?

Unnnnnnnnnnn YEAH WHAT IS IT, BESIDES SO GOSH DARN DELICIOUS DEAR GIRL!

Oh that's so gross, Professor! All over the floor! and in Comic Sans no less! Call the police!

[Yo, Comic Sans jokes went out of style in 2011]

To be fair, EVERYTHING WENT OUT OF STYLE IN 2011.

Why?

Well, it started with the Obama Administration supportin them baby killings and lettin-

OKAY STOP RIGHT FUCKING THERE CONSERVATIVE SCUM, WE DON'T TOLERATE POLITICAL SLANDER ON THIS SHITSTAIN THREAD!

My bad fam, let's start over.

♥ Unwarranted Self Importance ♥

once upon a time there was me and I am better than all of you the end.

---------------------------------------

That was the most unsatisfying piece of shit I ever read. Downvoted.

No seriously kill yourself why are you even on here you cunt.

---------------------------------------

♥ Warranted Self Importance♥

Once upon a time I was better than everyone else. The reason I believe this is because I have done a lot of things that I should be proud of. The end.

----------------------

That was the most unsatisfying piece of shit I ever read. Downvoted.

No seriously kill yourself why are you even on here you cunt.

---------------------------------------

♥ Isometric Self Importance♥

Once upon a time there was me, and I am just as important as anyone else. The End.

-------------------------------------

That was the most unsatisfying piece of shit I ever read. Downvoted.

No seriously kill yourself why are you even on here you cunt.

---------------------------------------

♥ Subliminary Self Importance♥

Once upon a time there was me. Sorry about that. The End.

------------

That is way better. Downvoted.

No seriously kill yourself why are you even on here you cunt.

Viani · 2017-02-08 05:28:01

[You know if you used less formatting you could keep writing inane bullshit before you hit the character limit]

WELL I DO KNOW THAT, BUT THE POINT IS TO KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU HIT THE CHARACTER LIMIT.

[.....you hit the character limit on this post early as well didn

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-08 06:52:27

Viani said:
[You know if you used less formatting you could keep writing inane bullshit before you hit the character limit]
WELL I DO KNOW THAT, BUT THE POINT IS TO KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU HIT THE CHARACTER LIMIT.
[.....you hit the character limit on this post early as well didn

glennmagusharvey · 2017-02-08 06:53:50

i tolja ima lazyass shitposter

Vorpy's Gonna Vorp: The Pseudothread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

The kinda scary thing about graveyards you probably never considered.

Comments

Don't Wake Me Up Inside, I Got Tomorrow Off.mp4 (AMV)

The Pseudo-Thread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

T h e n you're more silly than I am.

Howdy, Stranger!

Categories

Vorpy's Gonna Vorp: The Pseudothread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

The *kinda* scary thing about graveyards you probably never considered.

Comments

Don't Wake Me Up Inside, I Got Tomorrow Off.mp4 (AMV)

The Pseudo-Thread of Mordantly Post-Ironic Ultraviolent Macrocancer

T h e n you're more silly than I am.

Howdy, Stranger!

Categories

The kinda scary thing about graveyards you probably never considered.