i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
What's great is that's just one interpretation of Revelations and there's debate over what everything means or when certain events take place in relationship to each other between the various sects!
Granted, that appears to be the most literal interpretation up there.
Well, Jesus could just tell Saint Death that she doesn't have to take people to the next life anymore. Given how people tend to die, it would probably be a relief to her.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
There's a handful, though it seem sometimes their functions differ:
Azreal seems to be the bookkeeper of the Book of Life.
Micheal serves as a psychopomp.
Gabriel is guardian of the underworld and apparently Angel of Death of kings.
Hemah is the Angel of wrath, fury, and destruction and governs the deaths of domestic animals. He's also made of chains composed of black and read fire and is 60 miles shy of being 2,000 miles tall. He also punishes those who commit incest, idolatry, and murder. He also once swallowed Moses, but Hod made him spit him out, then Moses killed him (I've started to come across multiple instances of Moses fucking up Angels who mess with him...)
Sameal is basically God's hitman. He also came down for Moses after Moses died and Moses blinded him for his trouble.
Abandon appears to be ruler of Sheol or Hell, or maybe both and, like Samael is an Angel some people assume is synonyms with Satan/Lucifer.
There seems to be a handful of Angels of Death/Angels of Destruction/Punishment (Hemah is one). Kezef is another that also fought Moses and got hella punished for it. Kezef was imprisoned in the Tabernacle by Arron.
Mashit governs the death of children and has a role very similar to Hemah. Af pretty much has the same role, save he governs over the death of mortals...I guess those not covered by other angels.
Yehudiah is a benevolent Angel of Death mentioned in the Zohar (also, apparently a psychopomp).
Additionally, the Metatron seams to also be an Angel of death (though some consider the Metatron and Archangel Micheal one and the same), and there where a few other names of Angels of Death, though they appear to be a even more obscure than many that I've found...
Also, I stumbled on more details of Azreal:
The angel of death is spoken of in the Koran (suras xxxii. 11, lxxix. 1), and is called by the Mohammedans Azrael—probably identical with , the angel of Gehinnom, according to "'Emeḳ ha-Melek" ("Tiḳḳune Teshubah"; quoted by Eisenmenger, "Entdecktes Judenthum," ii.333). "When Death was created by God, he, on account of his terrible power, had to be put in 70,000 chains of a thousand years' journey's length each, and behind millions of barriers. When Azrael was placed in charge of him and saw him, he called the angels to look at him, and when he, at God's command, spread his wings over him and opened all his eyes, the angels fainted away and remained unconscious for a thousand years. Azrael was given all the powers of the heavens to enable him to master Death."
Azrael reaches from one end of the world to the other (Jellinek, "B. H." v. 49), and has 70,000 feet and 4,000 wings. His whole body is covered with eyes (see 'Ab. Zarah 20b) and with tongues as numerous as the living creatures on earth. When any of these latter die, the corresponding eye bulges forth. At the end of the world all these eyes excepting eight are plucked out by God--those of Israfil (Sarafel), Michael, Gabriel, Azrael, and the four "ḥayyot" of the Heavenly Chariot alone remaining. The times of the death of persons is made known to the angel of death through the roll-book in his possession showing a white stripe around the name of the person doomed. Forty days before death, however, a leaf falls from the tree of life, under the throne of God, into the lap of Azrael, who is seated in the seventh heaven, thus announcing the death (compare Yer. Ber. ii. 8, 5c, and the picture of the fig-tree).
"When people lament and weep too much over the death of a person, the angel of death shall stand at the door and say: 'What cause have you for such violent complaint? I am only the messenger of God and have done His bidding, and if you rebel against Him, I shall return often to take one of your house'" (compare Midr. Yalḳ. to Deut. xiv. 1, 2; 'Er. 19b; and Böklen, l.c.).
"When a righteous person dies, the angel of death comes with a host of good angels, carrying sweet odors of paradise, and makes the soul leave the body like a drop taken out of a bucket of water. When a wicked person dies, the angel of death comes in the company of demons, who pull the soul out as with iron spits" (compare Midr. Teh. to Ps. xi. and "Nishmat Ḥayyim," ii. 20).
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
On further reading of one of my other Angel sources, it looks like one of the other names I left out is probably another name for one or multiple Angles listed above.
The term appears in the context of an oracle against a dead king of Babylon,[14] who is addressed as הילל בן שחר (hêlêl ben šāḥar),[15][16][17][need quotation to verify][18][need quotation to verify] rendered by the King James Version as "O Lucifer, son of the morning!" and by others as "morning star, son of the dawn".
In a modern translation from the original Hebrew, the passage in which the phrase "Lucifer" or "morning star" occurs begins with the statement: "On the day the Lord gives you relief from your suffering and turmoil and from the harsh labour forced on you, you will take up this taunt against the king of Babylon: How the oppressor has come to an end! How his fury has ended!"[19] After describing the death of the king, the taunt continues:
"How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, 'I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.' But you are brought down to the realm of the dead, to the depths of the pit. Those who see you stare at you, they ponder your fate: 'Is this the man who shook the earth and made kingdoms tremble, the man who made the world a wilderness, who overthrew its cities and would not let his captives go home?'"[20]
J. Carl Laney has pointed out that in the final verses here quoted, the king of Babylon is described not as a god or an angel but as a man.[21][22]
The line in Isaiah often interpreted "Lucifer" as a sort of fallen angel figure, and this was as far back as pre-Christian era. Christians continued to use this interpretation and combined it (or continued to use associations) with "Satan" and "the devil", etc...
It probably doesn't help that there are a handful of demons and angels in rabbinic lore that people also associate with "The Devil". Making a concrete profile pretty damn difficult.
This is especially true with Samael.
Samael, while often involved in less than savory tasks, often is still working directly with God..even if he's doing the Lord's dirty work.
^^^ That last part also applies to Satan in most Jewish sects, given that the semantic value of that title/designation (lit. "adversary") is completely different in Judaism than in most of modern Christianity.
"It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Searching for St Young Men pictures has brought up some interesting Buddhist/Other Religious inspired Jesus art.
\
Some of the original "Jesus in art" was basically "Jesus is taking Helios's chariot for a joy ride", so basing art of him off other religious figures is just par for the course.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
An AKUMA is an evil fire spirit with an enormous flaming head and eyes of fire. Oh, and a large terrifying sword which it swings around as it flies through the air. It can slice off your head and grill it for a tasty snack before you can say "Arrgghhh help nooooo arrrggghhhhhhhhhh!"
The name 'AKUMA' means 'devil' in Japanese, and that's putting it mildly. The Akuma character in the Street Fighter video games is a total wimp in comparison to these horrific monsters.
Sighting an AKUMA is extremely bad luck. If you see one, pretend that you haven't. The less you know the better. Just get away as quickly as you can — preferably in the direction of the nearest fire extinguisher.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
I looked at some of the negative comments because I'm a massacist and apparently and some people didn't like his writing style. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, of course, but those people are objectively wrong and should be burned at the steak.
"It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens
I looked at some of the negative comments because I'm a massacist and apparently and some people didn't like his writing style. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, of course, but those people are objectively wrong and should be burned at the steak.
"Aaah! I'm being burned alive in sight of delicious steak! What kind of sadistic regime is this?!"
I am a devout atheist and as such, I enjoy witty and sophisticated ridicule of religions. All religions.
But frankly, after enjoying the scrumptious prose of Gore Vidal in "Live From Golgotha" this book is simply repetitive, juvenile swill.
This was indeed one of the ones I was thinking of. Especially since if the person thinks Lamb is ridiculing religion, they missed the point spectacularly.
Yeah, Christopher Moore is a lot less obvious than that.
Of course, if the reader in question were actually intelligent enough to understand Gore Vidal rather than take his work at face value, he would understand that. But alas, our specimen clearly is not.
Look, I get that I'm an outlier and all, but I knew who Pontius Pilate was at that age and my family's not even actually religious. Seriously, we celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah and stuff, but... yeah, how did this happen?
Look, I get that I'm an outlier and all, but I knew who Pontius Pilate was at that age and my family's not even actually religious. Seriously, we celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah and stuff, but... yeah, how did this happen?
minus the Hanukkah bit, this.
my parents both actually have a strong distaste for religion.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Oh. Oh wow.
Look, I get that I'm an outlier and all, but I knew who Pontius Pilate was at that age and my family's not even actually religious. Seriously, we celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah and stuff, but... yeah, how did this happen?
Wait...Christmas AND Hanukkah? My only guess here is either
One parent is Christian, the other Jewish.
Your parents just love celebrating holidays.
You're actually an alien and haven't figured out people tend to stick to a set of religious holidays (or your parents are aliens etc...)
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
I've been reading some Apocrypha lately. There's some rather interesting elements:
The Gospel of Peter: Peter has something of a magical feud with a magician. The best part is where Peter uses the power of the Lord to make a dog talk then sends it into a house to retrieve his rival. The magician Simon in this case comes up with the brilliant plan is basically "Tell Peter I'm not here!" to which the Dog replies "You're ARGUING with a talking dog enchanted with the power of the Lord! The hell is WRONG with you?!"
Genesis A & B:Two Anglo-Saxon poems that are basically retelling of the Book of Genesis. The first literary example of Satan getting his war on with God. It seems highly likely that Milton plagiarized was heavily influenced by this work when he wrote "Paradise Lost".
Malleus Maleficarum ("The Hammer of Witches"): This is apparently THE guide if one is concerned there may be witches hiding in your neighbor hood. I haven't read much of it because it appears to be massive, but perusing the index has let me know I can look into such topics as the existence of witches, can children be born of succubi and inccubi, and what to do if a witch uses magic to makes it look like one's penis has fallen off.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
I wanted to look up the angle in Lamb but kept on forgetting to go downstairs to check one of my many books on Angels and then I remembered there was one right by my computer because I'm some sort of supernatural obsessive nerd.
Raziel is an Angelic name used in Rabbinic lore. However, "The Archangel Stephen", probably ins't.
Also, we can add Sariel as another angel that has had the title of "Angel of Death". I'd explain it, but it seems rather complicated.
Look, I get that I'm an outlier and all, but I knew who Pontius Pilate was at that age and my family's not even actually religious. Seriously, we celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah and stuff, but... yeah, how did this happen?
Wait...Christmas AND Hanukkah? My only guess here is either
One parent is Christian, the other Jewish.
Your parents just love celebrating holidays.
You're actually an alien and haven't figured out people tend to stick to a set of religious holidays (or your parents are aliens etc...)
All of the above, to varying degrees. My dad is Reform Jewish, once devout but long since lapsed; my mom was confirmed as a Schwenkfelder and self-identifies as a pagan animist of sorts. They both love holidays, but neither can stand organised religion. We're also all just kind of weird.
Comments
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
The angel of death is spoken of in the Koran (suras xxxii. 11, lxxix. 1), and is called by the Mohammedans Azrael—probably identical with
, the angel of Gehinnom, according to "'Emeḳ ha-Melek" ("Tiḳḳune Teshubah"; quoted by Eisenmenger, "Entdecktes Judenthum," ii.333). "When Death was created by God, he, on account of his terrible power, had to be put in 70,000 chains of a thousand years' journey's length each, and behind millions of barriers. When Azrael was placed in charge of him and saw him, he called the angels to look at him, and when he, at God's command, spread his wings over him and opened all his eyes, the angels fainted away and remained unconscious for a thousand years. Azrael was given all the powers of the heavens to enable him to master Death."
Azrael reaches from one end of the world to the other (Jellinek, "B. H." v. 49), and has 70,000 feet and 4,000 wings. His whole body is covered with eyes (see 'Ab. Zarah 20b) and with tongues as numerous as the living creatures on earth. When any of these latter die, the corresponding eye bulges forth. At the end of the world all these eyes excepting eight are plucked out by God--those of Israfil (Sarafel), Michael, Gabriel, Azrael, and the four "ḥayyot" of the Heavenly Chariot alone remaining. The times of the death of persons is made known to the angel of death through the roll-book in his possession showing a white stripe around the name of the person doomed. Forty days before death, however, a leaf falls from the tree of life, under the throne of God, into the lap of Azrael, who is seated in the seventh heaven, thus announcing the death (compare Yer. Ber. ii. 8, 5c, and the picture of the fig-tree).
"When people lament and weep too much over the death of a person, the angel of death shall stand at the door and say: 'What cause have you for such violent complaint? I am only the messenger of God and have done His bidding, and if you rebel against Him, I shall return often to take one of your house'" (compare Midr. Yalḳ. to Deut. xiv. 1, 2; 'Er. 19b; and Böklen, l.c.).
"When a righteous person dies, the angel of death comes with a host of good angels, carrying sweet odors of paradise, and makes the soul leave the body like a drop taken out of a bucket of water. When a wicked person dies, the angel of death comes in the company of demons, who pull the soul out as with iron spits" (compare Midr. Teh. to Ps. xi. and "Nishmat Ḥayyim," ii. 20).
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Pretty much this.
Modern Bible translations don't use "Lucifer" anymore:
The line in Isaiah often interpreted "Lucifer" as a sort of fallen angel figure, and this was as far back as pre-Christian era. Christians continued to use this interpretation and combined it (or continued to use associations) with "Satan" and "the devil", etc...
It probably doesn't help that there are a handful of demons and angels in rabbinic lore that people also associate with "The Devil". Making a concrete profile pretty damn difficult.
This is especially true with Samael.
Samael, while often involved in less than savory tasks, often is still working directly with God..even if he's doing the Lord's dirty work.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Huh, yeah.
Like "Daystar" betrayed his comrades at some point, and became evil villain "Nightstar".
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
^^^Well, it seems their have been movements to distance "Satan" from "Lucifer" and also movements to bring them closer together within Judaism.
Though, from what I gather from my readings, the modern popular interpretation is that they are separate entities.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
I guess that makes all the G1 cartoon Dinobots demons
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
st yung men
st old men
stalin men
st un man is communizt paropoganda
im on to u japns
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
An AKUMA is an evil fire spirit with an enormous flaming head and eyes of fire. Oh, and a large terrifying sword which it swings around as it flies through the air. It can slice off your head and grill it for a tasty snack before you can say "Arrgghhh help nooooo arrrggghhhhhhhhhh!"
The name 'AKUMA' means 'devil' in Japanese, and that's putting it mildly. The Akuma character in the Street Fighter video games is a total wimp in comparison to these horrific monsters.Sighting an AKUMA is extremely bad luck. If you see one, pretend that you haven't. The less you know the better. Just get away as quickly as you can — preferably in the direction of the nearest fire extinguisher.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
Brother: Jesus died?
Brother: The cross?
Me: Uh, I'll tell you when you're older.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis