Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
HERE COMES THE ANTIBIOTIC-RESISTANT STRAIN OF THE PLAGUE
CG: YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I AM SWOLLEN WITH WISDOM FAR BEYOND MY SWEEPS, A GODDAMN NEXUS OF MATURITY AND ENLIGHTENMENT SO POWERFUL I SHIT PARABLES EACH TRIP TO THE GAPER.
Before the Law stands a doorkeeper on guard. To this doorkeeper there comes a man from the country and prays for admittance to the Law. But the doorkeeper says that he cannot grant admittance at the moment. The man thinks it over and then asks if he will be allowed in later. "It is possible," says the doorkeeper, "but not at the moment." Since the gate stands open, as usual, and the doorkeeper steps to one side, the man stoops to peer through the gateway into the interior. Observing that, the doorkeeper laughs and says: "If you are so drawn to it, just try to go in despite my veto. But take note: I am powerful. And I am only the least of the doorkeepers. From hall to hall there is one doorkeeper after another, each more powerful than the last. The third doorkeeper is already so terrible that even I cannot bear to look at him." These are difficulties the man from the country has not expected; the Law, he thinks, should surely be accessible at all times and to everyone, but as he now takes a closer look at the doorkeeper in his fur coat, with his big sharp nose and long, thin, black Tartar beard, he decides that it is better to wait until he gets permission to enter. The doorkeeper gives him a stool and lets him sit down at one side of the door. There he sits for days and years. He makes many attempts to be admitted, and wearies the doorkeeper by his importunity. The doorkeeper frequently has little interviews with him, asking him questions about his home and many other things, but the questions are put indifferently, as great lords put them, and always finish with the statement that he cannot be let in yet. The man, who has furnished himself with many things for his journey, sacrifices all he has, however valuable, to bribe the doorkeeper. The doorkeeper accepts everything, but always with the remark: "I am only taking it to keep you from thinking you have omitted anything." During these many years the man fixes his attention almost continuously on the doorkeeper. He forgets the other doorkeepers, and this first one seems to him the sole obstacle preventing access to the Law. He curses his bad luck, in his early years boldly and loudly; later, as he grows old, he only grumbles to himself. He becomes childish, and since in his yearlong contemplation of the doorkeeper he has come to know even the fleas in his fur collar, he begs the fleas as well to help him and to change the doorkeeper's mind. At length his eyesight begins to fail, and he does not know whether the world is really darker or whether his eyes are only deceiving him. Yet in his darkness, he is now aware of a radiance that streams inextinguishably from the gateway of the Law. Now he has not very long to live. Before he dies, all his experiences in these long years gather themselves in his head to one point, a question he has not yet asked the doorkeeper. He waves him nearer, since he can no longer raise his stiffening body. The doorkeeper has to bend low towards him, for the difference in height between them has altered much to the man's disadvantage. "What do you want to know now?" asks the doorkeeper; "you are insatiable." "Everyone strives to reach the Law," says the man, "so how does it happen that for all these many years no one but myself has ever begged for admittance?" The doorkeeper recognizes that the man has reached his end, and to let his failing senses catch the words, roars in his ear: "No one else could ever be admitted here, since this gate was made only for you. I am now going to shut it."
....which is a joke article similar to the Onion. The funny thing is before he became Sgt Maj of the Marine Corps, he was my company SgtMaj. Very, very nice man -- but someone you never, ever want to piss off.
"Oh, I just crashed into the optical section of the Straight Shot." he says, lying down in the top sheet of the red bed next to me. We both stare at the warehouse roof of the showroom together like it's a starry sky or something.
"Whoa. Did you like, get taken away by Carl or something?" I turn my head toward him as I ask.
"I... think so. I mean, I was knocked out so I can't really speak for what happened while I was off in Dreamland."
"That's pretty creepy. How'd you get out?"
"Well, uh, it's kind of a funny story. I broke through the window in Carl's door."
"Wow. That's some hardcore stuff, man," I say, lightly punching his shoulder in the process. He fakes like he's hurt by it, and we both laugh.
"Eh, it's no big deal," he says, shrugging. He lies down onto the bed. "I came to the mall to get away from my school-- there was this dance, you see, and I'd been invited by this girl."
"Girl?" I can't help but wonder, and when he mentions it I get a bit flustered inside, though I try not to show it.
"Yeah. She's one of those popular girls, the ones that just... do things, y'know? Like, just jerky stuff. It's strange. I dunno why she even wanted to go with me, I'm not anyone important. I'm just... Tre."
"What happened when you went?" I ask.
"She wanted me to get punch for her, and then her ex-boyfriend showed up and threw the bowl over my head, and it just so happened that it was in front of everyone." He sighs as he says it.
I don't say anything for a bit, mainly because I'm trying to think. I could demonize the chick further to make myself seem better by comparison, but I didn't know this girl, and even if she were a hussy I wouldn't want to jump to any conclusions.
I decided to take the high road.
"Maybe she didn't do it on purpose," I say quietly.
"...You think so?" Tre asks.
"I dunno. Maybe her ex was just being a butthead. I'm not saying it's out of the question that she did mean it, but maybe it was just a bad fox pass on his behalf."
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Comments
*hugs squid*
Heh heh, this amuses me. And I don't even watch that show
Was nice knowing you all.
Here come the tears.
I have a Pabst
so pffft on your frosty
I NEVER PMS
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
D:<
A joke about webcomics that only a Marine would understand:
http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/05/terminal-lance-creator-revealed-sergeant-major-marine-corps/
....which is a joke article similar to the Onion. The funny thing is before he became Sgt Maj of the Marine Corps, he was my company SgtMaj. Very, very nice man -- but someone you never, ever want to piss off.
LOL
Got caught up on Toonami's new shows today. Deadman Wonderland and Casshern Sins?
Daaaamn.
I actually really liked both.