The Trash Heap of the Heapers' Hangout

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  • My face was being licked by a wet pink sandpaper kitty tongue just now
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    cat.
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    HOT TAKE:

    🐱 > 👮
  • it's snowing

    lol
  • it snowed the other day here

    then today it was over 20 celsius...
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Jane said:

    I thought you were gonna go for political comentary and then you just threw Mavis Beacon in there  so now I don't know what to think

    The best example of the Mandela Effect is the people who swear they saw Mavis Beacon being interviewed on TV as the winner of a typing contest
  • Benjamin Britten Vs. The World
  • kill living beings
    what in fuck's name is a typing contest
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    something that exists in the universe where Mavis Beacon was a real person, I suppose
  • they played that on watch + play
  • kill living beings
    trains are better than planes in like... almost every aspect

    like it's slower, but i'm still crossing most of france in four hours, and i don't need a seatbelt (and if TGV would spring for it, the wi-fi would be free like it is on this one)
  • Trains are honestly the best way to travel
  • Munch munch, chomp chomp...
    True.
  • kill living beings
    TGV also has a nice thing where if you're at most 25 years of age you get a reduced "youth" rate

    but even without that this costs a lot less than planes
  • 31 AUGUST 1997 was one of the hottest nights in Paris that year. Just after midnight a black Mercedes Benz rushes through the dark streets with a horde of ravenous paparazzi on tow. In the Pont de l’Alma tunnel the car swerves into a roof-supporting pillar and in the echo of the metallic roar dies Diana, the Princess of Wales. The world has lost one of its greatest icons and the morbidity of popular culture hits a new high. The story is strangely resonant with the myth of the Greek goddess Artemis (Roman: Diana) and the hunter Actaeon, who, after having seen the goddess bathing naked, is turned into a stag and torn to pieces by his own hunting hounds. This picture opens Ulver’s 13th album, The Assassination of Julius Caesar.
  • kill living beings
    also

    another aspect of train-taking is that you might need to change stations rather than just gates, because having different rail termini in a city makes more sense than multiple airports

    so, i got off at Gare Montparnasse and had to reach Gare du Nord. there's a metro line directly between them, but the station for it at Montparnasse is closed for renovations because life sucks sometimes. i spent ten minutes staring at the map trying to find another route using multiple station switches that isn't five times as long, failed and went for something dumb

    and halfway through that i noticed that i could have taken another line and ended up at a station two back from Montparnasse on the direct line to Nord.

    and so, i was nearly late for my next train despite only having to cross six kilometers in eighty minutes
  • We Intend To Sing The Love Of Danger, The Habit Of Energy And Fearlessness.

    Courage, Audacity, And Revolt Will Be Essential Elements Of Our Poetry.

    Up To Now Literature Has Exalted A Pensive Immobility, Ecstasy, And Sleep. We Intend To Exalt Aggressive Action, A Feverish Insomnia, The Racer’s Stride, The Mortal Leap, The Punch And The Slap.

    We Affirm That The World’s Magnificence Has Been Enriched By A New Beauty: The Beauty Of Speed. A Racing Car Whose Hood Is Adorned With Great Pipes, Like Serpents Of Explosive Breath—a Roaring Car That Seems To Ride On Grapeshot Is More Beautiful Than The Victory Of Samothrace.

    We Want To Hymn The Man At The Wheel, Who Hurls The Lance Of His Spirit Across The Earth, Along The Circle Of Its Orbit.

    The Poet Must Spend Himself With Ardor, Splendor, And Generosity, To Swell The Enthusiastic Fervor Of The Primordial Elements.

    Except In Struggle, There Is No More Beauty. No Work Without An Aggressive Character Can Be A Masterpiece. Poetry Must Be Conceived As A Violent Attack On Unknown Forces, To Reduce And Prostrate Them Before Man.

    We Stand On The Last Promontory Of The Centuries!… Why Should We Look Back, When What We Want Is To Break Down The Mysterious Doors Of The Impossible? Time And Space Died Yesterday. We Already Live In The Absolute, Because We Have Created Eternal, Omnipresent Speed.

    We Will Glorify War—the World’s Only Hygiene—Militarism, Patriotism, The Destructive Gesture Of Freedom-bringers, Beautiful Ideas Worth Dying For, And Scorn For Woman.

    We Will Destroy The Museums, Libraries, Academies Of Every Kind, Will Fight Moralism, Feminism, Every Opportunistic Or Utilitarian Cowardice.

    We Will Sing Of Great Crowds Excited By Work, By Pleasure, And By Riot; We Will Sing Of The Multicolored, Polyphonic Tides Of Revolution In The Modern Capitals; We Will Sing Of The Vibrant Nightly Fervor Of Arsenals And Shipyards Blazing With Violent Electric Moons; Greedy Railway Stations That Devour Smoke-plumed Serpents; Factories Hung On Clouds By The Crooked Lines Of Their Smoke; Bridges That Stride The Rivers Like Giant Gymnasts, Flashing In The Sun With A Glitter Of Knives; Adventurous Steamers That Sniff The Horizon; Deep-chested Locomotives Whose Wheels Paw The Tracks Like The Hooves Of Enormous Steel Horses Bridled By Tubing; And The Sleek Flight Of Planes Whose Propellers Chatter In The Wind Like Banners And Seem To Cheer Like An Enthusiastic Crowd.
  • kill living beings
    i think that's longer than the previous record for longest album title
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    The success of Nick Land is proof plagiarism is okay
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    Too long for an album title, your enemies would escape while you were saying it.
  • the best part is the fact that this was all inspired by getting drunk and crashing their car, then deciding that was awesome
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    moo
  • kill living beings
    i guess a hostel is a hotel, but rat cheap (also with an age limit)

    i'm cool with this
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    I feel like you could write a program that generates Cracked articles by rewriting Wikipedia articles and including jabs at, or jokes about, certain things whenever they come up

    And ALWAYS the same jokes or jabs. You mention Prometheus, you better mention Charlize Theron not instantly computing the best possible movements to make in a split-second moment of crisis
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    why

    does anyone

    read Cracked
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    Odradek said:

    As @hoxhamania predicted MSM's army of mini Kissingers are dutifully smearing Hulk Hogan for opposing Bill Gates' medical apartheid program. There are many parallels between smears against Hogan and appalling treatment Sgt. Slaughter received for bravely supporting Saddam Hussein.


  • kill living beings
    my last meal in belgium was traditional fare: doner from the turkish town, but with fries
  • Things that have happened in my Sims game:

    * My gay vampire Sim, who is studying for a degree in Fine Arts, is in a relationship with a Plant Sim
    * The frat house where my gay vampire Sim and his boyfriend live is populated with the ghosts of deceased housemates who all starved to death
    * Aliens have visited the frat house
    * The professor of Fine Arts is practically dating nearly everyone on campus
    * Said professor can be flirting with a student outside a lecture hall and be teaching at the same time
  • Oh, and in the normal household, a female werewolf is dating the ghost of someone who died in a fire.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    is the next HH Hunger Games gonna happen?
  • Hopefully it will.

    I may run the games with just the Sims I have, instead of increasing the number up to 8.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    I eagerly await my grisly death, is all
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    some days

    you just wanna

    cut a random person in half with a power saw

    you know?
  • “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

    some days


    you just wanna

    cut a random person in half with a power saw

    you know?
    You should listen to more brutal death metal.

    I'm not even kidding. Slam Princess for the win.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    DEATH METAL PRINCESS
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    *accuses the next 3 posters of being Tanya Degurechaff*
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    Rest in Peace, Metal Princess.  After all these years, she finally rusted.
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    According to the press kit from Virgin Records' media information, Skat Kat is a "street philosopher with an alley Kat point of view."
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Windows 10 version 1507 was released in July 2015 and version 1511 was released in November 2015. OK.

    But then version 1607 was released in August 2016 and version 1703 was released in April 2017.

    I get that they're using the date the build was finalized instead of the date it was made public...but it still bugs me.
  • well it bothers me that version 1703 didn't come out in the year 1703
  • I would go out tonight
  • No, I have work :(
  • I never want to hear the walking in Memphis song again
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    DOWN IN THE JUNGLE ROOM
  • image
    So which spin-off JJBA universe is this a part of?
  • kill living beings
    what if... i jsut didn't sleep
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