I use a lot of dialogue tags because... it's kind of a trust issue, I guess? As I'm writing it I don't really have faith that I'm conveying who is speaking well enough.
I use a lot of dialogue tags because... it's kind of a trust issue, I guess? As I'm writing it I don't really have faith that I'm conveying who is speaking well enough.
Context! I think that there is enough context there to indicate who says what.
Also, non-"said"/"asked" dialogue tags are a bit hokey outside of humorous writing. One may describe the way that a person talks without resorting to them.
I dunno if I'm really comfortable only having using those two words for dialogue tags. I'm not sure if that's just because I'm not a very good writer or because it's a stylistic choice.
Also, what about non-grammatical/word choice stuff?
I like it. I like how "Hroldi never had second thoughts. He would always blindly seek whatever he thought would benefit him the most, going through anything that got in the way of his shortsighted goals in the most straightforward manner possible, with no regard for the consequences of his actions. He was also extraordinarily lucky."
Never, always, blindly seek, whatever, most,anything, most, possible, no regard.
I like the superlatives, they give it a feeling of "tall tale". Also, the anecdotes of Hroldi's luck. It's an exaggerated thing like the eyes of the dog in that one fairytale.
It sets the mood.
And in folk tales / ghost stories, stories mostly said out loud, Sredni, people don't say things. The wolf growls at the three pigs, the witch screeches and cackles whatever she says, and in the oral tradition, you try to give each character a distinct sounding voice, exaggerating it. You can't get that across in print that well. For this form, it's entirely appropriate to have "said" colloquialisms.
I'm wondering whether that qualifies as "smart" or not because my writing score was lower than I expected, though I did remember struggling with the essay because I didn't have very much time to collect my thoughts
The way that essays are set up in standardizing testing is so unbelievably stupid.
The ability to pull an essay out of your rectum in an hour is not a useful skill, nor is it a barometer of a person's talent as a writer.
I guess hypothetically it could test quick thinking but that's not what it aims to test.
The education system and standardized testing system specifically are some of the few things everyone seems to agree is deeply flawed, but no one really has a solution either.
It's utterly insane to me that school has barely changed for the past, what, 120 years? Maybe even more? What other institution has remained as insanely stagnant in that amound of time.
It's utterly insane to me that school has barely changed for the past, what, 120 years? Maybe even more? What other institution has remained as insanely stagnant in that amound of time.
I dunno if I'm really comfortable only having using those two words for dialogue tags. I'm not sure if that's just because I'm not a very good writer or because it's a stylistic choice.
Also, what about non-grammatical/word choice stuff?
Then use fewer dialogue tags and modify "said" with adverbs when you need to.
You need to tell less in places. Do not tell us that Hroldi is a creep right off the bat. Instead, allow his perspective and memories to demonstrate it to us. Weave in detail that will clue us in to what he is like and what he has done rather than spelling it out or using narrative shorthand.
The first paragraph of last passage is far too informally worded given that you seem to be attempting a more formal tone elsewhere--"you" where it would be "one," and so forth--and it feels very abrupt.
I've already sent this off, by the way, but the advice is appreciated.
The ending (and I know, it's a cliche for bad writers to say this) is supposed to be abrupt. I could probably handle it better, but the abruptness was intentional and I don't want to remove it.
As for telling rather than showing, I'm doing that for a few reasons:
there's a 1500 word limit.
certain aspects of his character can't be adequately expressed without outright stating them, at least within the context of this particular story.
the long spiel about his luck has to be there because of the implied divine intervention at the end is supposed to provide an ironic counterpoint to what is said of him at the beginning.
I'm sure I told a bit more than what was necessary, but I feel like some telling is necessary.
I've already sent this off, by the way, but the advice is appreciated.
The ending (and I know, it's a cliche for bad writers to say this) is supposed to be abrupt. I could probably handle it better, but the abruptness was intentional and I don't want to remove it.
The phrasing, not the end itself. The ending is fine. The phrasing in that paragraph is choppy and it feels like you're trying too hard in it with the repetition.
As for telling rather than showing, I'm doing that for a few reasons:
there's a 1500 word limit.
certain aspects of his character can't be adequately expressed without outright stating them, at least within the context of this particular story.
the long spiel about his luck has to be there because of the implied divine intervention at the end is supposed to provide an ironic counterpoint to what is said of him at the beginning.
I'm sure I told a bit more than what was necessary, but I feel like some telling is necessary.
I can do all of that in fewer words, as can you.
Like so.
Hroldi Pikes drew his cloak over his head and bore on through the rain. He wore a stately soldier’s uniform in addition to the worn, ragged coat. The uniform and cloak were not his; his clothes were lying discarded in the mud a mile back, near the naked corpse of the unlucky soldier who’d made the mistake of recognizing Hroldi’s face from a wanted poster and attempting to trail him. Hroldi was a swaggering brute whose cruelty and pettiness were only matched by his stupidity. Hroldi never had second thoughts. He would always blindly seek whatever he thought would benefit him the most, going through anything that got in the way of his shortsighted goals in the most straightforward manner possible, with no regard for the consequences of his actions. He was also extraordinarily lucky. Without any sort of plan, he would break into a mansion and find that its occupants were on vacation and hadn’t taken their possessions with them. Or he would be hanged on the gallows only for the rope to break as soon as the trapdoor opened. On one occasion, he was sentenced to a beheading, but the headsman stumbled as he swung his axe and severed Hroldi’s bonds rather than his head.
...becomes...
Hroldi Pikes drew his cloak over his head and bore on through the rain. He wore a stately soldier’s uniform in addition to the worn, ragged coat. The uniform and cloak were not his; his own clothes lay discarded in the mud a mile back, near the naked corpse of the soldier who had the misfortune of recognizing Hroldi’s face from a wanted poster and had attempted to trail him
Hroldi never had second thoughts, either of himself or others; with his luck, he did not need them. He could break into a mansion on a whim and find that its occupants were on vacation and had left all of their valuables behind; or if apprehended, he might be taken to the gallows only for the rope to break as soon as the trapdoor opened. On one occasion, he was sentenced to beheading, but the axeman stumbled and severed Hroldi’s bonds rather than his neck.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Friday Night Tea with Central Avenue
*checks clock*
Yeah, it's still Friday for another couple hours. Yay Friday!
This time last year, I couldn't run for crap. I found a "couch to 3k" program and followed it, working up to the point where I could run for 30 to 40 minutes every other day. It wasn't exactly easy, but it wasn't exhorbitantly hard either.
someone make me put out my album this weekend. I'm just being lazy about it.
DO EET.
Unless it's not finished and that will make you rush, in which case wait, because your best work tends to have a pretty long gestation period and I would rather you continue to produce quality material than fixate on deadlines.
someone make me put out my album this weekend. I'm just being lazy about it.
DO EET.
Unless it's not finished and that will make you rush, in which case wait, because your best work tends to have a pretty long gestation period and I would rather you continue to produce quality material than fixate on deadlines.
It's been done for like two weeks. I'm mostly just waffling over whether I want to include the two later tracks I made for it or just the original ten.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
That little menu you get when you right-click the Start button is, like, the only genuinely useful thing introduced in Windows 8.
Comments
Never, always, blindly seek, whatever, most,anything, most, possible, no regard.
I like the superlatives, they give it a feeling of "tall tale". Also, the anecdotes of Hroldi's luck. It's an exaggerated thing like the eyes of the dog in that one fairytale.
It sets the mood.
And in folk tales / ghost stories, stories mostly said out loud, Sredni, people don't say things. The wolf growls at the three pigs, the witch screeches and cackles whatever she says, and in the oral tradition, you try to give each character a distinct sounding voice, exaggerating it. You can't get that across in print that well. For this form, it's entirely appropriate to have "said" colloquialisms.
I'm wondering whether that qualifies as "smart" or not because my writing score was lower than I expected, though I did remember struggling with the essay because I didn't have very much time to collect my thoughts
Still, I'm thinking that it was okay for what it was, given that I did the test sans prep.
The education system and standardized testing system specifically are some of the few things everyone seems to agree is deeply flawed, but no one really has a solution either.
and by "pre modern" I mean less 1500s and more early 1900s.
if I really really try
*checks clock*
Yeah, it's still Friday for another couple hours. Yay Friday!
So it'd work but it'd take forever.