You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
That's one of my favorite music videos ever.
Also, before I even clicked on it, I found myself quietly whistling the synth riff... >_>
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Ugh I hate myself
I need to sleep soon but if I do so I'll almost certainly be asleep when Anonus gets here
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I feel like such a goddamn worthless wreck lately.
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to each other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
Oh, so 'cause I'm not an obnoxious bigot, I'm not a real fundamentalist Christian?
Oh, I hate group X, but you're in group X, so you're not really an X, you're really a Y. You're so different from the others.
No, Aliroz. I'm saying you might be in the minority of fundamentalist Christian because you are not an obnoxious fool. That doesn't make you any less of a fundamentalist Christian, it just means you're different (from my personal experience, at least). I don't even hate them.
I feel like such a goddamn worthless wreck lately.
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to each other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
In short: Why do I even bother?
First of all, let me tell you that you are not worthless; I quite enjoy hanging out with you, and talking about stuff even if are interests rarely overlap.
You have had a job before, and your angry moments notwithstanding, that doesn't mean you are incapable of getting another one because you are you or whatever. You're going through rough times, but it's doable. And just because doing what you do might not be worthwhile; i.e., enjoyable, to me, does not make negate their enjoyment to you. Heck, you not enjoying that stuff would really change our daily interactions, since it makes you you, and I quite like that. There's only one Central Avenue (yes there are two but let's ignore that). I can't personally speak to what you're going through with regards to your sleep problems, though I know you've been able to work through it in the past, and undoubtedly will make it through this as well. I also can't speak for Anonus, but I do know that both of you, a lot of us, go through our different moods where we're fixated on different things; maybe those things just aren't interesting enough, for now? That, and talking back and forth into the wee hours of the day, constantly, can tire of practically anyone in my experience. That's not a bad thing, you don't need to be attached to the hip to still be comfortable with each other, and I reckon Anonus still feels the same way about you. It hasn't even been a week, to my knowledge, since I heard him say "I want my Central Avenue"! Just let me tell you, at least one person (plus Anonus, and certainly others) do not think you're worthless wreck. You have your problems, like anyone, but I at least don't think any less of you because of that.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I feel like such a goddamn worthless wreck lately.
You're not. You're not. You're not. Would you call someone else what you call yourself? Would you be so harsh on someone else? You're a person, and you deserve the same respect and compassion that you would show to anyone else.
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
Having a job does not equal being worthwhile. You're already worthwhile. Can you keep yourself from breaking things in your ragey moments?
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
I consider it worthwhile. Do I matter? Or do only people who agree with you matter? The opinions of people who matter are no more valid than the opinions of those who do not matter. If a person cares about something, that makes it worth caring about. There is no unwritten list of "Things worth caring about" and "Things not worth caring about". I cry for hours over squished ants. Deriving pleasure is valuable in and of itself; and simply making yourself happy and entertained is a valid reason to do things.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
Milk has chemicals in it that create reactions in the brain that induce drowsiness and sleepiness. Laying in bed and counting to a hundred thousand will have you asleep before you get to 100,000. Or, if you prefer, count to 65,536. Sleep will come if you relax your body and mind.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to each other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
You want to talk about things that don't interest him. He wants to talk about things that don't interest you. There must be other things that can include both of you.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I feel like such a goddamn worthless wreck lately.
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to ueach other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
In short: Why do I even bother?
First of all, let me tell you that you are not worthless; I quite enjoy hanging out with you, and talking about stuff even if are interests rarely overlap.
You have had a job before, and your angry moments notwithstanding, that doesn't mean you are incapable of getting another one because you are you or whatever. You're going through rough times, but it's doable. And just because doing what you do might not be worthwhile; i.e., enjoyable, to me, does not make negate their enjoyment to you. Heck, you not enjoying that stuff would really change our daily interactions, since it makes you you, and I quite like that. There's only one Central Avenue (yes there are two but let's ignore that). I can't personally speak to what you're going through with regards to your sleep problems, though I know you've been able to work through it in the past, and undoubtedly will make it through this as well. I also can't speak for Anonus, but I do know that both of you, a lot of us, go through our different moods where we're fixated on different things; maybe those things just aren't interesting enough, for now? That, and talking back and forth into the wee hours of the day, constantly, can tire of practically anyone in my experience. That's not a bad thing, you don't need to be attached to the hip to still be comfortable with each other, and I reckon Anonus still feels the same way about you. It hasn't even been a week, to my knowledge, since I heard him say "I want my Central Avenue"!
I guess you're right...
I just feel kinda unsatisfied with my life lately, somehow
I feel like I accomplish very little that's productive and I never really get closer to anything I'd like to accomplish...
I cry for hours over squished ants. Deriving pleasure is valuable in and of itself; and simply making yourself happy and entertained is a valid reason to do things.
I meant to touch on this, but wasn't sure how to phrase it in a way that I liked. I'm glad Aliroz did.
Well, I know what you mean on accomplishing what you want. Those are big ideas, that take serious time and effort, and more than likely won't knock even a lot of it out in one summer, or two. I can definitely see the proof of that in my artistic friends.
There isn't a whole lot that interests both of us right now
I want to watch more TGWTG, but I keep forgetting
I haven't watched the new Friendship is Witchcraft (and there are still other episodes I haven't watched)
Explore new things. Read new genres of books that you've never tried. At the very least, you can both talk about the book you'd be reading; and your reactions.
Read something that you'd never think to read. Something that's out of the blue, that you have no clue what you're getting into.
It doesn't have to be books; it just has to be something that's long and completely new and different. You might want to get out of the territory that you've mapped and have gone over and over. Get out of your comfort zone.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Back on the laptop for a little while because screw touchscreens for typing long responses
(I need to get a bluetooth keyboard so I can use it with my Nexus 7)
Re: Job: My concern, as of right now, is...well, as I mentioned earlier, my doctor and I are working on adjusting the dosage of the drug I take to help me control my anger. Given that I had at least one little run-in at my last job, and a larger public outburst shortly after, I figure it's a good idea to try and make sure I've found something that works for me before I put myself in that situation again. My parents seem to agree, so at least I don't feel like I'm taking advantage of them, but...bluh.
Re: Sleep: I did tell my doctor about the problems I've been having, albeit very briefly. I think she's willing to work with me on it...I suppose when I see her again later this month I'll tell her if it's gotten worse or not by then.
Re: Interests: I always felt a little conflicted about this one. On one hand, I kinda like that I have unconventional interests and I would feel depressed if I didn't like the things I like. But at the same time...I worry about being too "spergy", so to speak. Like, at some point, I'm literally planning to go out to a road that's being widened and walk along the sidewalk taking pictures. I think most people would find that silly at best and worthy of mockery at worst...
Re: Anonus: I guess the thing that's really hurting me, to be honest, is the fact that this is the first time in quite a while that we haven't really had some big common interest to bond over. We've mostly both moved on from My Little Pony, and The Powerpuff Girls, and all those other little things we'd always fanboygirl over together, and we really haven't yet found something to take its place.
I like the idea of liveblogging something together with him, though. I've actually wanted to do that for a long time, but I never pursued it...
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Also, re: TGWTG:
It feels pathetic to admit it, but oftentimes I find myself watching it more as filler than anything else. Like, I need some way to entertain myself when I'm awake for 20 hours straight and all my friends are in bed, so why not pick some series that has a new video every week and sit and watch that?
Comments
I need to sleep soon but if I do so I'll almost certainly be asleep when Anonus gets here
Why do I have to hurt the people I love like this
Oh, I hate group X, but you're in group X, so you're not really an X, you're really a Y. You're so different from the others.
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to each other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
In short: Why do I even bother?
I don't have a job, which means I have no disposable money, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to get another job because I still have random ragey moments and I worry about my ability to keep my own anger in check during stressful situations.
It's between semesters, which means I have a few weeks with no school commitments, but instead of enjoying this break I just find myself cursing the way I waste away all my time sitting in front of a computer in a dark basement. The few things I do manage to derive pleasure from (browsing Google Maps, taking pictures of road infrastructure, etc.) feel pathetic, as they're things that nobody who matters would consider worthwhile.
On top of that, I can't even sleep right. My body tells me to stay awake for obscene amounts of time, which only leads to me falling asleep during those times when my friends normally expect me to be online to hang out with them. This is a vicious cycle and I've found no way so far to reverse it...recent medical issues certainly haven't helped, because in addition to being erratic, my body's sleep patterns are now unfamiliar and unpredictable even to me.
I even feel like I'm failing at interacting with Anonus. We used to be able to blab to each other for hours, but lately it seems like all he wants to talk about is Hollywood and broadcast television, neither of which are really industries that interest me all that much. And any attempts to steer the conversation in the direction of something I'd want to talk about either goes nowhere or, in the case of things like Harry Potter or Todd in the Shadows, gets him upset with me for excluding him, no matter how many times I explicitly invite him to participate.
In short: Why do I even bother?
choo choo
Having a job does not equal being worthwhile. You're already worthwhile. Can you keep yourself from breaking things in your ragey moments?
I consider it worthwhile. Do I matter? Or do only people who agree with you matter? The opinions of people who matter are no more valid than the opinions of those who do not matter. If a person cares about something, that makes it worth caring about. There is no unwritten list of "Things worth caring about" and "Things not worth caring about". I cry for hours over squished ants. Deriving pleasure is valuable in and of itself; and simply making yourself happy and entertained is a valid reason to do things. Milk has chemicals in it that create reactions in the brain that induce drowsiness and sleepiness. Laying in bed and counting to a hundred thousand will have you asleep before you get to 100,000. Or, if you prefer, count to 65,536. Sleep will come if you relax your body and mind. You want to talk about things that don't interest him. He wants to talk about things that don't interest you. There must be other things that can include both of you.
Because bothering is life.
I just feel kinda unsatisfied with my life lately, somehow
I feel like I accomplish very little that's productive and I never really get closer to anything I'd like to accomplish...
Read something that you'd never think to read. Something that's out of the blue, that you have no clue what you're getting into.
It doesn't have to be books; it just has to be something that's long and completely new and different. You might want to get out of the territory that you've mapped and have gone over and over. Get out of your comfort zone.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
It's a bonding experience that'll get you both into a new thing that you can discuss.
You managed to say in 32 words what it took me 96 words to say, and you said it more clearly.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Like this.
CITIZENS.
We have returned.
Speaking of which, this performance is amazing. :D