What if like instead of sex people did guro to reproduce and we made babies by doing body modification where we chain our spouse to a table and operate on them to make babies and then it starts as a seed and has to mutate through five different monster forms before settling into a stable fetus, and during that time, it must feed on the other spouse's digits for sustenance because the nails have mutating genes to mutate the proto-fetuses, so the other spouse has to drink a serum to regrow their fingers and toes all the time?
Our species would have a very low survival rate.
I would also be thanking my lucky stars for my rampant homosexual tendencies.
What if like instead of sex people did guro to reproduce and we made babies by doing body modification where we chain our spouse to a table and operate on them to make babies and then it starts as a seed and has to mutate through five different monster forms before settling into a stable fetus, and during that time, it must feed on the other spouse's digits for sustenance because the nails have mutating genes to mutate the proto-fetuses, so the other spouse has to drink a serum to regrow their fingers and toes all the time?
ebin ESpordo bärde bedo boar :DDDDDDD uusi mene is borned's :D ei vittu jonne are you haeving kiddinsg me????
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
I am the cyborg transhumanist overlord surgeon who turns humanity into its perfect trisexual cannibal monster form. :) If you cut your arm off it sprouts a new human because each limb has a heart in it which makes the seed of a new human and also your limb and its heart grow back.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
But are you excited about Mushroom Cloud vs. Shark?
pffft whatever. Another schlocky Hollywood macho action movie where I can guess everything before it happens and like the whole movie is just stuff exploding and also there are boobs at some point.
But are you excited about Mushroom Cloud vs. Shark?
pffft whatever. Another schlocky Hollywood macho action movie where I can guess everything before it happens and like the whole movie is just stuff exploding and also there are boobs at some point.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
UNICORN PATROL
NARRATOR: It's a Saturday evening in Cuyahoga County, Ohio. All across the suburbs, people are enjoying their weekend by dining out with friends and having a good time. But there's no time to rest for the officers of the Cleveland Police Unicorn Squad!
(We open on Corporal Cloudkicker, a blue winged unicorn with a vest and badge, galloping down a city street. On her head is a helmet with a rotating blue light and a cutout for her horn.)
CLOUDKICKER: We got a call of someone trying to leave a local restaurant without paying, so I'm heading down to check it out. It's a little place over in Lakewood called Five Singers.
(Cloudkicker approaches the door of the Five Singers, uses unicorn magic to open the door, and walks right in. She finds the dining room empty.)
CLOUDKICKER: Hello? Police officer...somebody here called?
(A waiter walks out from the back of the restaurant.)
WAITER: Oh, your'e hre! HEy cherf, the copas are hre!
(The chef comes out of the kitchen, butcher knife still in his hand.)
CHEF: Thsi is so not fair. how come the poilice will cshow up when you call but not when i call?
WAITER: I todl you, chef, it's beause you kept trying to call 912 insteaed oof 911
CHEF: I cna't help it watermain, 912 is jsut a more aethsteically pleasing phone number.
(Cloudkicker tips her head toward the ground.)
CLOUDKICKER: oh god, it's these two again
CHEF: Oh hey, your'e that alicorn who arrested me before. How are things going these days?
CLOUDKICKER: I'm not an "alicorn", "alicorn" is the stuff my horn is—nevermind that, what's the problem here?
CHEF: Pproblem? you mean tehre's a problem? ugh, this sisn't good
CLOUDKICKER: Well, why did you call the police?
CHEF: I didn't. waiterman did, bcause apparently you police cops are too pretentious to answer when someone calls 912 isntead ofyour precious 911.
WAITERMAN: Don't take an attitude with teh polcie pegasis, chef. and im not efen sure you knwo what "rpetnetious" means.
CLOUDKICKER: I'm not a pegasus, I'm a unicorn who happens to have wings because her father was a hawk. Why is it hard for people to understand that?
WAITERMAN: anyways, officer, i alclled the police. because chef said to.
CLOUDKICKER: And why did Chef say to?
CHEF: Because, ther was some ashole in here who came in and ordered food and then LEFT WITHOUT PaYING
WAITERMAN: Chef, please dot'n swear at the officer
CHEF: Sorry
CLOUDKICKER: Ok, so please, just tell me exactly what happened.
CHEF: How much?
CLOUDKICKER: All of it. The whole thing.
CHEF: Ok, i gues. a long time ago my parents had sex...
CLOUDKICKER: No, no, just tell me what happened with the customer today.
WAITERMAN: Which customer?
CLOUDKICKER: The one who left without paying.
CHEF: Oh, him. Well, this guy came in and ordered a Swiss 'n' Rye Paty Melt Plastter
CLOUDKICKER: Okay...
CHEF: And then he ust left without even paying fo r it!
CLOUDKICKER: Ok, so you gave this customer the food, and then he just left without paying?,/p>
CHEF: ...wait, you have to give the customres the food first?
WAITERMAN: Oh, for crying out loud, chef, i todl you before, you can't tlel the customer to pay for food you didnt' bive them!
CHEF: Well he didn't even giem e a chace to finish making the food!
CLOUDKICKER: How long was the customer here, Mr. Chef?
CHEF: About two horus, i guess
CLOUDKICKER: ...You couldn't make a Swiss 'n' Rye Patty Melt Platter in two hours?
CHEF: Well i'd told the customer to wait until i was done beating the final boss of Sueper Mario Sunshine, but he wouldn't listen and just up and walked out like an impationet little brat. The nerve of some people.
(The two men and the mare stand in awkward silence for a moment. Cloudkicker tries her best to maintain a professional composure but her frustration shows.))
CLOUDKICKER: (sigh) Ok, I think that's about all I need to know. Is everything gonna be ok here if I go?
WAITERMAN: As "ok" as anything everi s around here, i guess.
CLOUDKICKER: All right then. Have a nice night, you two.
WAITERMAN: Wait, before you go, would you like a Swiss 'n' Rye Patty Melt for the road?
CHEF: I finally got aroudn tom aking ti after my GAmeCube oferheated, but the customer was gone by then
CLOUDKICKER: ...I'm a unicorn.
WAITERMAN: Oh, oh, rjight, sorry. WEll, feel free to have anibble of the grass out front before you leave.
CLOUDKICKER: Um, thanks. Have a nice night, you two.
(Cloudkicker exits the restaurant and beings walking down the street. Once she's gotten about half a block away, she turns to face the camera.
CLOUDKICKER: I don't even understand how those two stay in business, to be honest.
My aunt left me home while she went out to dinner because she doesn't want me to pretend to be a charming intelligent honors student in front of her friends anymore.
I want to be an honors student again. I enjoyed it. Basic classes are miserable for me. But I am just so absolutely fucking sick and tired of being told I only fail because I'm lazy or make excuses. I hate how when people saw me doing so much worse in basic classes their first instinct was that I was simply lazy.
I told myself I was just lazy for so long. But it never helps anything. Actually coming to terms with the fact that I might have problems outside of laziness has helped me. If not my grades, at least it's the first step in me actually being able to accept myself for once.
My aunt left me home while she went out to dinner because she doesn't want me to pretend to be a charming intelligent honors student in front of her friends anymore.
I'm not going to lie. That one hurt. A lot.
You are under absolutely no obligation to put up with this crap.
As Imi said, who is she that she can act in such a way to you?
She'd never accept you doing to her what she does to you.
As your friend, it's a good think I don't know where she lives.
I would try to burn her house down or make her listen to me talk.
Or maybe I would simply stand by her and then she'd smell me.
And she gets really angry with me when I tell her I don't like being constantly criticized. I don't care if she's bought me a few things and taught me how to cook a few things. She's done little for the past two weeks but make me feel awful.
Comments
ebin ESpordo bärde bedo boar :DDDDDDD uusi mene is borned's :D ei vittu jonne are you haeving kiddinsg me????N
o
UNICORN PATROL
NARRATOR: It's a Saturday evening in Cuyahoga County, Ohio. All across the suburbs, people are enjoying their weekend by dining out with friends and having a good time. But there's no time to rest for the officers of the Cleveland Police Unicorn Squad!
(We open on Corporal Cloudkicker, a blue winged unicorn with a vest and badge, galloping down a city street. On her head is a helmet with a rotating blue light and a cutout for her horn.)
CLOUDKICKER: We got a call of someone trying to leave a local restaurant without paying, so I'm heading down to check it out. It's a little place over in Lakewood called Five Singers.
(Cloudkicker approaches the door of the Five Singers, uses unicorn magic to open the door, and walks right in. She finds the dining room empty.)
CLOUDKICKER: Hello? Police officer...somebody here called?
(A waiter walks out from the back of the restaurant.)
WAITER: Oh, your'e hre! HEy cherf, the copas are hre!
(The chef comes out of the kitchen, butcher knife still in his hand.)
CHEF: Thsi is so not fair. how come the poilice will cshow up when you call but not when i call?
WAITER: I todl you, chef, it's beause you kept trying to call 912 insteaed oof 911
CHEF: I cna't help it watermain, 912 is jsut a more aethsteically pleasing phone number.
(Cloudkicker tips her head toward the ground.)
CLOUDKICKER: oh god, it's these two again
CHEF: Oh hey, your'e that alicorn who arrested me before. How are things going these days?
CLOUDKICKER: I'm not an "alicorn", "alicorn" is the stuff my horn is—nevermind that, what's the problem here?
CHEF: Pproblem? you mean tehre's a problem? ugh, this sisn't good
CLOUDKICKER: Well, why did you call the police?
CHEF: I didn't. waiterman did, bcause apparently you police cops are too pretentious to answer when someone calls 912 isntead ofyour precious 911.
WAITERMAN: Don't take an attitude with teh polcie pegasis, chef. and im not efen sure you knwo what "rpetnetious" means.
CLOUDKICKER: I'm not a pegasus, I'm a unicorn who happens to have wings because her father was a hawk. Why is it hard for people to understand that?
WAITERMAN: anyways, officer, i alclled the police. because chef said to.
CLOUDKICKER: And why did Chef say to?
CHEF: Because, ther was some ashole in here who came in and ordered food and then LEFT WITHOUT PaYING
WAITERMAN: Chef, please dot'n swear at the officer
CHEF: Sorry
CLOUDKICKER: Ok, so please, just tell me exactly what happened.
CHEF: How much?
CLOUDKICKER: All of it. The whole thing.
CHEF: Ok, i gues. a long time ago my parents had sex...
CLOUDKICKER: No, no, just tell me what happened with the customer today.
WAITERMAN: Which customer?
CLOUDKICKER: The one who left without paying.
CHEF: Oh, him. Well, this guy came in and ordered a Swiss 'n' Rye Paty Melt Plastter
CLOUDKICKER: Okay...
CHEF: And then he ust left without even paying fo r it!
CLOUDKICKER: Ok, so you gave this customer the food, and then he just left without paying?,/p>
CHEF: ...wait, you have to give the customres the food first?
WAITERMAN: Oh, for crying out loud, chef, i todl you before, you can't tlel the customer to pay for food you didnt' bive them!
CHEF: Well he didn't even giem e a chace to finish making the food!
CLOUDKICKER: How long was the customer here, Mr. Chef?
CHEF: About two horus, i guess
CLOUDKICKER: ...You couldn't make a Swiss 'n' Rye Patty Melt Platter in two hours?
CHEF: Well i'd told the customer to wait until i was done beating the final boss of Sueper Mario Sunshine, but he wouldn't listen and just up and walked out like an impationet little brat. The nerve of some people.
(The two men and the mare stand in awkward silence for a moment. Cloudkicker tries her best to maintain a professional composure but her frustration shows.))
CLOUDKICKER: (sigh) Ok, I think that's about all I need to know. Is everything gonna be ok here if I go?
WAITERMAN: As "ok" as anything everi s around here, i guess.
CLOUDKICKER: All right then. Have a nice night, you two.
WAITERMAN: Wait, before you go, would you like a Swiss 'n' Rye Patty Melt for the road?
CHEF: I finally got aroudn tom aking ti after my GAmeCube oferheated, but the customer was gone by then
CLOUDKICKER: ...I'm a unicorn.
WAITERMAN: Oh, oh, rjight, sorry. WEll, feel free to have anibble of the grass out front before you leave.
CLOUDKICKER: Um, thanks. Have a nice night, you two.
(Cloudkicker exits the restaurant and beings walking down the street. Once she's gotten about half a block away, she turns to face the camera.
CLOUDKICKER: I don't even understand how those two stay in business, to be honest.
I am.
A high docktane thrill ride through modern cinema it'll be.
I had an idea for a show called Tapewormz
I'm not going to lie. That one hurt. A lot.
I mean, I despise many of my relatives a lot of the time. But who are they to tell me who I am and what I should be, y'know?
I want to be an honors student again. I enjoyed it. Basic classes are miserable for me. But I am just so absolutely fucking sick and tired of being told I only fail because I'm lazy or make excuses. I hate how when people saw me doing so much worse in basic classes their first instinct was that I was simply lazy.
I told myself I was just lazy for so long. But it never helps anything. Actually coming to terms with the fact that I might have problems outside of laziness has helped me. If not my grades, at least it's the first step in me actually being able to accept myself for once.
You are under absolutely no obligation to put up with this crap.
As Imi said, who is she that she can act in such a way to you?
She'd never accept you doing to her what she does to you.
As your friend, it's a good think I don't know where she lives.
I would try to burn her house down or make her listen to me talk.
Or maybe I would simply stand by her and then she'd smell me.