Ombudsmanship: An RP with a Bear in it

Yarrun XIX

Your name is GUY

You are a BEAR who has been gifted with PRETERNATURAL INTELLIGENCE, making you slightly smarter than the average human. This is very handy, as you have an important job as an OMBUDSMAN, which requires you to outsmart various humans. It also requires you to outrun and outfight them, but you have few difficulties with that, seeing as you are, in fact, a BEAR. 

You're currently in your office. You hear a phone ringing, but you don't know where it is, exactly. 

What do you do?

PatchAwful

Use superhumanbearan intelligence to find the phone

Yarrun XIX

Your superbearean intelligence is not needed, as you have DIRECTIONAL HEARING, like most mammals. 

After a few seconds, you find the phone under a pile of casenotes. It's an old-fashioned rotary dealie that doesn't seem to be connected to anything. It's still ringing though.

Tanya

Let it ring, chances are the people on the other side of it don't speak my language. 

One-Winged Eagle

Paw at your coat.

PatchAwful

Shuffle the casenotes, try to get back to what you were doing before being interrupted by this neverending ringing

Yarrun XIX

While it is true that your bear vocal chords cannot speak Common, you have a handy translating device that can translate your speech in real time.

Unfortunately, you seem to have misplaced that too. You really ought to clean up this office one of these days.

You scratch at where your coat would be if you were wearing one. Luckily, your job only requires you to wear a dress shirt and a tie. Sure, there are misgivings about you wearing short-sleeved shirts instead of the traditional long-sleeves (never mind the whole 'not wearing pants' thing), but you've long since smoothed that over with the high council.

You decide to call back whoever it was later and look over the current case files. There are rumors of an immigration office in the gold district that's blocking more registrations than they should. Complaints about something in the sewers that the water administration should have checked on months ago. And--hello, what's this? One of the Rats sent in a complaint about something in the Ratholes. And in fancy penmanship too.

Anonus

Admire your tie! You're wearing the green one today, hey-hey-hey!

The complaint has to wait. Gotta go find your translator.

One-Winged Eagle

Put on some goddamn pants. It's time for a change.

Yarrun XIX

You shelve the files for now. You briefly consider putting on some pants before remembering that getting pants that fit a 500-pound bear is EXORBITANTLY EXPENSIVE. It's bad enough that you had to order that reinforced chair. And that wearing clothes in general makes you itchy as all get out. Besides, the tie you're wearing works so well with the fur.

You decide to find your translator. You can usually get by with gestures and grunts, but the first and third cases may need a more delicate touch. It's probably somewhere around here.  

You get up from your reinforced chair and look at your office. You see your CHAIR, your DESK, your OLD-TIMEY TELEPHONE, three piles of MISCELLANEOUS DOCUMENTS and OLD CASE FILES and the CABINET that they should all be in. 

...this tends to happen every few months. Living in the woods doesn't train you for housekeeping. 

One-Winged Eagle

Take a poo in the woods.

Yarrun XIX

Mind you, you haven't lived in the woods for a few years, and the closest ones are half a day by wagon away. Ombudsmanship is a municipal job, after all. Even if you hadn't adopted most of civilization's attributes, the commute would be terrible.

Tachyon

Drive out to the woods and take a poo.

Salix Babylonika

Don't do that, because this is a serious game starring a serious bear.

Calica

Call up a storm.

A Yuri Bear Storm.

Tachyon

Summon a Yuri Bear Storm to somehow help you find that translator

Yarrun XIX

Magic Jane said:

Don't do that, because this is a serious game starring a serious bear.

GUY temporarily removes the fourth wall to compliment you on your APPROPRIATE IDEA SUBMISSION, as he is far too UPTIGHT to partake freely in such UNMITIGATED TROMPERIE. THE NARRATOR also agrees.

Tachyon

Search for that translator in a more serious manner.

PatchAwful

Sit and have a serious think about where you, in a serious manner, last used your translator. Seriously.

Yarrun XIX

Tachyon said:

Search for that translator in a more serious manner.

PatchAwful said:

Sit and have a serious think about where you, in a serious manner, last used your translator. Seriously.

But you just got out of that chair!

Well then. The last time you saw your translator was when, hm, when that troublesome northern baron came complaining about your investigation into his affairs. Those minor noblemen, always storming in like they own the place and demanding you to speak the Trader's Tongue. As if it's your fault that his mistress was embezzling his funds. 

Now that you think about it, you didn't move from your chair for a few hours after that, filling out an incident form so the baron would get a reprimand. You check around the desk and under the chair cushions and...oh, drat.

You've found 1x TRANSLATOR (DAMAGED). Figures. Anything that ends up under your cushions doesn't survive for very long. You can probably get it fixed in town later.

PatchAwful

Later? This is crucial to our work, and we must act hastily! Fill in a translator requisition form to be processed within the next 3-4 weeks, and while you wait for that to be actioned, get to work on the case that you might not need it for

Morven

Is the bear capable of reading and writing Common?  I would imagine so, since he is a bureaucrat.  Thus, he can proceed with whatever he wants to do so long as there's a notepad and writing implement to hand.  Look for these in his vicinity.

He should bring the busted translator with him.  Does he have a post-it that he can put a THIS IS BUSTED tag on it?

Yarrun XIX

Requisition form? All officers of the law ate required to take care of their own equipment, besides the standard issue stuff. Thus the exorbitantly expensive chair. 

You do take 1x NOTEBOOK and 2x CHARCOAL STICKS from the assorted paraphernalia on the floor. You prefer not to write when possible -- your claws aren't as precise as you'd like -- but it's useful to have. They go right next too the translator in the inventory. No post-it notes though. Haven't been invented yet, not that you know that. You also take 1x SEWER CASE NOTES and review them. 

This city is one of the two in the country that has a modern sewer system, the others relying on night-soil collection and runoff. In the past few months, an increasing number of complaints have been leveled from around Watkins Street, home to a number of cheap butcher shops and bakeries. Water pressure would fluctuate wildly, breaking sinks and causing lines at the water closet. Sewer Maintenance claim there's something down there causing trouble, and won't go in there without muscle. 

Morven

Well, we had to go into town anyway to get the translator repaired.  Might as well poke around down there and see what silly thing the maintenance men are scared of.  If a bear isn't muscle, who is?

Do we have any sources of light to hand?  Anything to nibble on in case we get peckish doing our duty?  Any weaponry or tools, or do we deem our claws and teeth sufficient to deal with the likes of petty criminals?  Sometimes that sort mess around in the sewers, so we should be prepared to scare them off.

Yarrun XIX

You decide to check your INVENTORY, which exists outside of the confines of reality. It defies the laws of physics, but you've long since gotten used to things that violate your understanding of the universe.

In addition to the aforementioned items, you have 1x OMBUDSMAN BADGE, 40x MISCELLANEOUS COINAGE, 1x BERETTA PISTOL, 1x GUN HARNESS, 1x APARTMENT KEYS.

You can probably pick up some food at the butcher's before heading down. No light though, that might be a problem.

Tachyon

Stop by an electronics store on the way to the butcher's and purchase a torch.

PatchAwful

Count your coinage to ensure you have enough to purchase the items you require

Morven

Well, we know the bear has 40 of them, we just don't know their purchasing power.  However, the bear probably does have some idea whether the sum of money he has on his person is sufficient for the goals we have set him.

Yarrun XIX

An electronics store? Never heard of the like.

What happens is that you go down to the nearby watchmaker's. While there's some seriously advanced tech in that translator, the parts that get broken are usually the gears and springs that provide the power. Old Jesse replaces the sprocket at a discount, since you're practically his best customer. 

You now have 38 MC

Salix Babylonika

Using your newly repaired translator, thank Jesse in his native tongue.

Yarrun XIX

You attach the translator to your neck. Using a series of grunts and button presses, you get the translator to crank out a "Thanks".

Jesse appreciates it, a little. He's more surprised than anything else. Most of your close acquaintances know that the translator's a bit of a bother, so it's odd to see you doing it without being prompted. Of course, you ARE being prompted, but never mind that. 

==>

You head over to Watkins Street, to save yourself and the people commanding you some time. A butchery lies to the east. A bakery to the west. A sommelier's place northwest. You're pretty sure you hear someone arguing in the bakery, but there's a gurgling noise coming from the butchery and the sound of rushing water from the sommelier's. 

Tachyon

Investigate the bakery first.

Salix Babylonika

Hum sweet-ass detective music to yourself while doing so.

Yarrun XIX

You enter the bakery. It's empty except for two men. The one with flour staining his apron is obviously the baker. The other's wearing the grey cloak of a high-rank sewer worker, and is currently standing between the baker and a door. 

"Bear, nice to see you!" said the sewer worker, lightening up a little. "I hope you can help me with this guy. I'm trying to explain the situation to him, but--"

"Blazes, there's a PIPE burst in there and he won't let me get the flour out! Two month's worth of the stuff! Maybe you lot can laze about without worrying about your next meal, but I have to work for a living!"

Tachyon

The baker won't be happy to just write-off all that flour, but explain the danger to him as diplomatically as you can.

Morven

It might be a good idea to ask the sewer worker for an update on the situation first.

One-Winged Eagle

Bellow in his face for good measure. Assert your bear-hood.

PatchAwful

Assert bear-hood for as long as it takes for the baker to stop interrupting and let the sewer worker explain the situation

Yarrun XIX

You stamp your sizeable paw on the floor and bellow in both their faces. You now have bear-command of the situation.

You nod your head towards the sewer worker, who stammers out a quick explanation. "Water pressure's been going crazy all over this area. We think it's..." he side-eyes the baker, who glares at him in turn. He leans in closer. "Whatever the thing in the sewers is, it got sucked into one of the larger pipes, caused a pressure build-up and broke out downstairs. I sent Mink and Lucy down there to try and take it down."

You turn on the translator and give the baker a broad explanation of the situation, leaving out the fact that there might be some sort of mysterious creature downstairs. He looks down despondent, and the says "Just one barrel. If I can just get one barrel of flour out intact, I'll be fine."

Tachyon

Offer to retrieve a barrel.  As a bear, you surely have nothing to fear.

Yarrun XIX

"Thank you, Mr. Bear!" The baker looks relieved. The sewer worker frowns, but he lets you through.

The basement's filled with water and floating barrels up to your bear-waist. A couple of the flour barrels have leaked through, and what looks like a sack of dried berries has burst. It's going to be ages getting this stuff out of your fur. 

You spot a stack of barrels over by the corner. The top one on the pile is still untouched by the water; you still have a couple of seconds to grab it. As you move towards it, you notice something in the water. Something red, coming from that door in the corner. 

Tachyon

Never mind the red.  Grab that barrel quick!

Yarrun XIX

You hoist the barrel over your shoulder and head back up the stairs. 

As you place it next to the grateful baker, you hear a scream from below. "Lucy!" the sewer worker cries as he runs down the steps

Morven

Run down after the sewer worker, because it sounds like they need some muscle and bears are definitely muscle, even a bureaucrat bear who works behind a desk a lot.

But keep our eyes open and proceed with caution, it will serve no-one any good to run headlong into a bad situation.

PatchAwful

Reach for your bearetta as you go, just in case this is a problem bear muscle can't handle on its own. You can never be too careful when it comes to the sewers.

Yarrun XIX

You cautiously return to the basement. The water's now at your bear-belly button. The door in the back's open and there's more red stuff leaking out. You rush in, bearetta in paw.

The room's a wreck. At least, what you can see of it is. Not much light is coming down from the first floor. You can't even tell what the room was supposed to be. You bump into a body in the watery much, blood still oozing from it into the water. You can barely see a figure in a greycloak crouching in the corner atop a pile of broken chairs, clutching a shuttered lantern. You hear two people struggling and breathing raggedly in front of you, in the darkness. One has to be the last greycloak. The other...you can't tell. You see the outline of a tail and...is that its snout? Whatever it is, it just knocked out the greycloak.

It turns as you cock your pistol. You can see now that, whatever it is, it's practically covered in scrapes, and it's clutching its side in pain. 

"Erm...afternoon, sir?" it croaks.

One-Winged Eagle

Roar in his face. That seemed to work out well the first time.

Morven

I don't think this is the correct circumstance for that, Crackers.  Whatever it is is wounded, and clearly this is a world where not everything intelligent and speaking is human.

Keep the gun on it.  Prompt it to give further explanation.  And see if the greycloak is still alive.

Yarrun XIX

You roar at the creature and keep your gun trained on him while you pull the greycloak out of the water. His chest ain't moving, but he's still kind of warm. The head greycloak emerges out of the shadows and swims towards you--you and the creature are the only ones who can still stand in the still-rising muck.

"Is Mink okay?" he cries. You let him take take the body. "Oh, blazes. Lucy, come on! We got to get Mink out of here!" Lucy reluctantly comes down from her perch and helps the head greycloak keep 

The creature begins to mutter. "Uh, look, sir, I like that you're not trying to kill me right now, haven't seen a lot of that lately, but this looks kind of bad for me and, well, I think that it might be better if I was, erm, not here, so--" He cuts off suddenly and dives beneath the muck.You feel something brush against your leg. 

Tachyon

Make a grab for him, using instincts honed for fishing salmon in Alaska during the spawning season.

Yarrun XIX

Unfortunately, you were a forest bear and the only river you knew was the lazy Tullamarine. Also, Alaska doesn't exist in this world. He slips by you and starts clawing up the stairs, dragging his hind leg.

"Don't let him get away, Guy!" yells the sewer worker! "He's the one who's been causing all this. Come on, Mink, we're not going to let you die."