YOUR KING and his child Fanfiction Thread

Princess Alice

Let's start off with a little Rule 63:

I AM A WOMAN

WOMANIN' AROUND

FEMALEFEMALEFEMALEFEMALEFEMALEFEMALE

mother stop that

this is a train station, not a playground

I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR QUEEN

AND NO TRAIN STATION IS THE BOSS OF ME

but mother

if you continue to be rowdy in the train station eileen will have to come and throw you out

WHO IS THIS EILEEN BITCH

YOUR GIRLFRIEND

i told you once

i'm gay

THEN WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT EILEEN

Ace Rimmer

whatthefuckamireading.org.uk

Anonus

nothin' like a nice shibboleth

Imipolex G

I enjoyed it

Justice4243

Technically canon but:

BANG BANG BANG

SLAM SLAM SLAM

father i'm trying to sleep

SLEEP, CHILD

I GAVE UP ON THAT HOURS AGO

it's 4 in the morning father

i've got to get to work at 8:30

i need sleep

NO YOU DON'T

I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR KING

AND I RULE JUST FINE WITHOUT SLEEP

you rule over this house father

that's about it

AND THE NEIGHBORS

AND IHOP

dad, when will you shut up about ihop

why don't we just go to denny's

BECAUSE THEY ARE RUDE TO ME

THEY DARE DISRESPECT THEIR KING

OH, AND I AM NOW DAMARIUS RUFUS

who the hell is that

THE CADBURY CARAMEL BUNNY'S ADOPTIVE BROTHER

WHO IS HUMAN, UNLIKE HER

father i had no idea you were a furry

WHO TOLD YOU THAT

ERR, GO BACK TO BED CHILD

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY TEMPER RIGHT NOW

GOTTA SAVE MY PASSION FOR THE ROCK AND ROLL

yeah

okay

Gelzo

What is this...

...faggot tree?

Anonus

looks like somepony doesn't know their old time Trash Heap stuff

Gelzo

Sounds like this shit I don't care about is shit I don't care about..?

Justice4243

Man, YOUR KING and his child is gold. :P

Gelzo

Ignore me, I'm just being flippant today.

Princess Alice

SIR BUY THIS OR I'LL KICK YOU

MA'AM BUY THIS OR I'LL KICK YOU

MR PRESIDENT BUY THIS OR I'LL KICK YOU

what are you doing this time father

I'M SELLING THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

DELICIOUS NESTLÉ® WAX BEETLES™

father nobody wants nestlé® wax beetles™

WHY NOT CHILD

because they're shitty

NONSENSE

HERE, TRY ONE

IT'S DELICIOUS

father this isn't even a nestlé® wax beetle™

it's a small figure of derpy hooves

THAT'S MY PAYCHECK

ISN'T IT GRAND

who the fuck is paying you to do this

I AM

IT'S FUN BEING MY OWN BOSS

Anonus

that was hilarious

...how the hell did either of us avoid linking YKAHC to MLP for as long as we did?

Princess Alice

...is this the first time MLP has been referenced in relation to YKAHC?

Anonus

I think so!

Yarrun XIX

father, please stop yelling at the tv

the neighbors are starting to complain

NOT NOW

THE RAINBOW PONY IS ABOUT TO SONIC BOOM

I NEED COMPLETE SILENCE BY ROYAL DECREE

BESIDES, OUR NEIGHBORS ARE PUSHOVERS

mr. bursnell was in the navy, father

he put you in a headlock for an hour that time

I DECREED THAT WE WOULD NOT TALK ABOUT THAT

NOW GO BEFORE I MISS THE YELLOW PONY YELLING

Justice4243

I FEEL THE TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE

I AM NOW YOUR KING AND SAVIOR CHILD

father you're not my savior

you might be the farthest thing from

SILENCE CHILD

THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO THE SON OF GOD

you're not jesus

I IMBUED MORE OF JESUS THAN ANYONE ELSE AT CHURCH

you just ate all the communion wafers and drank all the wine

I HAVE TAKEN ALL OF JESUS'S FLESH AND BLOOD INTO ME

NOW I AM THE SECOND COMING

you're suppose to let every one else have some

THEY WHERE UNWORTHY 

I AM THEIR KING 

IT IS BY DIVINE RIGHT THAT I BECOME THEIR SAVIOR

that's not how it works father

besides there are other churches doing the same thing

I SEE YOUR POINT CHILD

finally

I MUST GO TO ALL THE CHURCHES 

AND CONSUME MORE OF JESUS'S ESSENCE

oh god

THEN THE TRANSFORMATION WILL BE COMPLETE

please lets just go home

LOOK

ANOTHER CHURCH WITH A SERVICE THAT HAS BEGUN

oh god please god no

THEY SHALL BASK IN THE GLORY OF THEIR KING AND SOON THE KING OF THE JEWS

Haven

the kingliness of kings

Anonus

you people and your fanfic make me laugh

Mr. Darcy

@Justice: Isn't King Friday your king?

Yarrun XIX

CHILD! GET UP HERE AND HELP ME

father why are you on the roof

how are you on the roof

the ladder's broken

MEANINGLESS QUESTIONS!

NOW, ARISE TO THE CHALLENGE!

WE MUST CLEAR THE ROOF FOR SANTA'S ARRIVAL

what already

its only june

WE HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT

MY DIVINITY FOR THE NEXT LINE OF PONY DOLLS

I SHALL BE THE BELLE OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD

oh for peaces sake

i just finished paying the bail for that a week ago

AND WE SHALL BE REWARDED GREATLY

NOW, BRING THE BROOM OF RECKONING

you know

we could just go to the beach

GOOD POINT

-LEAP-

CHILD, HALT MY ROYAL DESCENT

Justice4243

"Isn't King Friday your king?"

Possibly in the sense that she is mine be right of marriage and whatever legal rights that conveys. Not so much that she's my king, unless that makes me her queen.

And that's just far too confusing. 

Princess Alice

MMM

I'M GLAD I CHEWED ON THIS

father are you gorging yourself on nestlé® wax beetles™ again

the doctor told you not to consume many more of those

DON'T BE A DUMBASS CHILD

I AM MERELY CHEWING ON SEARS HOLDINGS CORPORATION

eww

father spit that out right now

NO WAY

IT'S DELICIOUS

father that's kmart

OH MY GOD

KMART

I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUT THAT ANYWHERE NEAR MY MOUTH

god i know

so are you going to spit it out now

OF COURSE NOT

I NEVER DO ANYTHING HALFWAY

then why did you put on half a prom dress

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS

I PUT ON A HALF-DRESS FULLY

you're not very smart

GO AWAY

PlutoniumFist

HAND ME THAT WHIRLYDING CHILD

THE CAPACITOR NEEDS A TUNE-UP

father what are you doing

you've taken apart all our appliances

YES MY CHILD I NEEDED THE PARTS TO BUILD A SPACECRAFT

i'm surprised you haven't done that already

YOUR SASS IS NOT UNNOTICED CHILD

I AM GOING TO WIN THE SPACE RACE

the space race was won fifty-two years ago father

IRRELEVANT

I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR KING

AND AS A MAJOR WORLD POWER I NEED TO STAKE MY CLAIM ON THE FINAL FRONTIER

the ocean

THE STARS

THIS QUADRANT AND ITS DERIVATIVES BELONG TO ME

SAVE CHUCK JONES 11356

ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE

what prompted this

VIOLENCE NEWS 9 DID A REPORT ON A SPACECRAFT

ugh not that swill

do you mean the north korean rocket

MAYHAPS

father that broke up in the ocean

besides that wasn't supposed to go to space

it was a nuclear delivery system

HELP ME WIND UP THIS BIG RUBBER BAND

THEN HOLD THIS JAR OF BAKING SODA AND POUR WHEN I SAY SO

father since when did you watch the news

are you trying to be politically savvy

SAVVY

I AM NO CORSAIR

that's more like it

WE NEED TO BEAT THE REDS CHILD

north koreans wear olive green

YUCK

I PREFER TANGERINE

that's not a color

WELL SOMEONE IS A CRAYOLA CONNOISSEUR TODAY

father be careful with that hammer

Yarrun XIX

I'm not sure whether to post about this in the other thread, or the other thread here.

Princess Alice

This one's from last December but I like it anyway:

IT'S SO LATE I MIGHT AS WELL REFER TO MYSELF AS A MORNING OWL

but father

owls are nocturnal

DO NOT BACKSASS ME CHILD

I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR KING

AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I HAVE A DEGREE IN OWLOLOGY

owlology isn't a real field father

what university did you get this degree from

THE UNIVERSITY OF SHUT YOUR FACE

that's a total party school father

and also it doesn't exist

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO EXIST FOR ME TO LEARN THERE

NOW BRING ME A DOUGHNUT

Justice4243

THIS SEASON WILL BE THE MOST KINGLY OF ALL THE SEASONS CHILD!

father they're not going to make your Pony OC an official character.

BUT I MADE IT A ROYAL DECREE!

you just scribbled your character on note paper and shoved it in an envelope marked "Celestia, Canterlot, Equestria" 

I AM HER KING 

THE PRINCESS CANNOT REFUSE A DECREE MARKED WITH THE ROYAL SEAL

i don't think having the envelope notarized counts

especially when it was just you that notarized it

OF COURSE

I COULDNT HAVE A LOWLY PEASANT USE THE ROYAL SEAL NOW COULD I

you also din't exactly mail the envelope 

you just hassled the people at the post office for several hours

THEY WANTED THEIR KING TO EMPTY THE ROYAL TREASURY AND DARED  SUGGEST I MADE AN ERROR.

they just wanted you to buy a stamp

and i dont think the hello kitty coin-bank is much of a treasury

NOW YOU'RE MOCKING THE ROYAL ACCOUNTANT

I'M BEGINNING TO SUSPECT YOU FEEL YOU CAN RUN THE EMPIRE BETTER YOURSELF

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER MADE YOU VIZIER

thankfully i have no desire to run the empire

SO YOU SAY

YET YOU CONSPIRED WITH THE COURIERS

they just needed more to the address 

and a real place to deliver to

NONE OF YOU COULD BE TRUSTED

THAT IS WHY I HAD TO SELECT A ROYAL COURIER

ONE WHO COULD BE TRUSTED

i don't think that pony you tied a parakeet to

YOU MEAN THE ROYAL PEGASUS

i don't think that parakeet could fly that pony to equistria even if equistria where a real place father

NONESENSE

NOTHING DEFIES THE KING

NOTHING

Justice4243

Princess Celestia, a ummm... a pony with a parakeet tied to it has a message for you.

Haha, man, I am SOOOO high right now, I thought you just said a pony with a parakeet tied to it has a message for me.

Errr, right...anyways. Here's the message.

*opens* Pffffft HAHAHAHA, WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING. Alright, *snicker* make it so.

Princess?

YOU HEARD ME! MAKE IT SO! ALSO, MORE BROWNIES!

COMING SOON ON THE HUB: THIS SEASON OF MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC PROMISES TO BE THE MOST KINGLY YET

PONIES OF PONYVILLE, I AM YOUR KING AND YOUR PONY

I DECREE WERE GOING TO THE EVERFREE FOREST TO TEACH THE BADGER HOW TO MAKE BREAKFAST FOR US.

Hurray everypony! It's adventure time!

Pinky, I hope you get mauled be a bear.

*pout* 

I wonder if I get to be the bait again?

This would probably seem like a bad idea if I weren't  drunk right now.

You said it, sugar! *hick*

That's nothing,I've been self medicating on prescription drugs ever since he showed up.  *twitch* It's the only way to keep sane.

Twilight...are you WEARING an outfit made of books?

Of course! If knowledge is power and knowledge comes from books, then a suit of books must be power armor. It's just basic logic.  

Riiiiight....Rarity, did you MAKE Twilight an outfit made of books?

Well, I couldn't very well let her go out with an outfit made of books made by an AMATEUR, now could I?

...and you ponies wonder why I'm drunk all the time...where's Spike?

Justice4243

i can't believe what I'm watching 

You said it.

i also can't believe I live with a dragon now

Well, your king and your father needed someway to send messages to his ponyself. 

this does not help my ability to believe what is going on even a little bit

ROYAL DELIVERY SERVANT 

ROYAL COURIER IS ON A SECRET MISSION TO DELIVER VITAL INFORMATION TO OPTIMUS PRIME 

I HAVE A FEELING RACCOONS ARE GOOD PASTRY CHEFS 

TAKE A LETTER 

Yes, SIR, your kinglyness.

if anyone needs me i'm going to make a fort out of my covers and rock back in forth in it for the foreseeable future

ROYAL DELIVERY SERVANT 

KEEP AN EYE ON THE VIZIER 

I BELIEVE HE IS HOLDING SECRET MEETINGS TO PLOT MY DOWNFALL

i can still hear you

SEE EVEN NOW HE SPIES ON ME

Justice4243

HAVE TWILIGHT SPARKLE KILLED

SHE STOLE THE ROYAL CROWN

im pretty sure crowns that exist in other dimensions dont count

I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR KING AND I SAY ALL CROWNS THAT EXIST THROUGHT TIME AND SPACE AND EVEN PLACES THAT DONT EXIST ARE SYMBOLS OF MY DEVINE RIGHT TO RULE 

TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS AN USURPER AND CONSPITITOR AND SHE SHALL BE EXECUTED

Hey guys! How's it going! This wing of the castle sounds lively

TRAITOROUS WENCH

I SHALL DEFEND WHAT IT IS MINE WITH MY OWN ROYAL HANDS

Ouch! Oh THAT is it. *zaaaaap*

Oh my god

did you kill him

What? No. I just sent him to the timeout zone.

you mean the moon

dont you

....maaaaaaaybe.

****

ATTRACTIVE SPACE HORSE 

YOUR SISTER HAS MACHIANTIONS ON THE CROWN ITSELF

WE MUST GATHER OUR FORCES AND RETAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE

Oh DAMNIT! I specifically have a setup here to play Call of Duty away from you distracting fucker.

YOUR GAME IS TOO EASY ON THE AMERICANS

IM TELLING YOU IT REQUIRES AZTECS TO BALANCE IT OUT.

URGHARBABELE!

Crystal

Now this is the Trash Heap I know and recognize.

Miss Miko Mayonegg

:D

Aliroz

But where is the squire?

Justice4243

Do kings have squires? I think Knights have squires...

Justice4243

OW! HOW ARE YOU STRIKE THE ROYAL HAND

father those rolls are for dinner

SILENCE!

I AM YOUR FATHER AND KING AND IT IS MY RIGHT OF RULER TO GRAZE UNTIL THE GRAND FEAST HAS BEGUN

no father

you will not spoil your appetite this year or eat all the rolls

you will go sit back down

and you will patiently wait for dinner

or I will break your royal kneecaps

MY CHILD YOU SEEM ON EDGE

i will have my perfect thanksgiving father

i dont care if the only people im celebrating it with are my idiot father and two incompetents from a horrible restaurant

I think she's talking about you Waiterman.

No, she was talking about both of us, chef.

But I brout the pumpkin pie! 

Your supposed to take the insides of  the pumpkin out before you put it in the crust, Waiterman.

But it's icky in there.

THANK GOODNESS I USED MY ROYAL INFLUENCES TO PROCURE THESE BAKED GOODS FROM FRED MEYERS

father the nearest fred meyers isn't for hundreds of miles.

NONSENSE MY CHILD

HE LIVES IN A GRAND CARDBOARD PALACE JUST DOWN THE STREET

you mean that homeless guy father

that explains why this pie smells of pigeon and shoe

ITS NOT THANKSGIVING WITHOUT A MEATY SHOE PIE

I HAVE DECREED IT 

This would go a lot faster if you just let me help cook.

you wanted to stuff the turkey with paper

They where print outs of recipes of delicious turkeys, I figured it waould obsrob the essence of goodness,

I at least brought the candied yamms and cranberry sauce

I didn't know you could cook waiterman

Of course, canned food is for plebs

Wow wWaiterman, tell us how you really feal

I'm thankful that I'm spending thanksgiving with my best friend, chef.

Ahh, I'm thankful we didn't have to open today so i get to spend more time with my best friend.

I AM THANKFUL I HAVE SUBJECTS TO LISTEN TO HOW I TAUGHT THE NATIVE INDIANS THE FIRST THANKSGIVING

Im thankful I get to have a meal that mostly wont give me food poisioning. 

Alright turkeys ready

father, you may cut it it with the royal claymore

STAND BACK SUBJECTS

YOUR KING TAKES WIDE SWINGS

Have a Heaptastic Thanksgiving.

Justice4243

Hey! We weren't in this one!

I've been busy creating your love life out of whole cloth.

Yeah...about that...

Ah yes, comment, critique, complete denouncement of my work?

Naw, I'm good. *giggle* I get tons of snuggles and smoochees, But Surprise is pissed!

Now why doesn't that SURPRISE me...

YOU STOLE MY PUN, YOU FUCKER! AND WHY IS MY HAIR ORANGE.

Yellow on white is a bitch to read.

WHATEVER, YOU TALENTLESS HACK! YOU TOOK A NOVEL WORTH OF UPDATES JUST TO HAVE THEM SMOOCH! AND NOW YOU'RE WASTING MORE TIME BUILDING JUST SO THEY'LL PROBABLY HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX IN THE MISSIONARY POSITION! IT'S A TOTAL WASTE!

Just...trying to build a relationship first.

RELATIONSHIP NOTHING! YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE ENTIRE CAST RAPED BY MYSTERIOUS BLUE/BLACK CLOUD THINGIES IN THE PROLOGUE! BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO, PINKIE HAS TO BE TRANSPORTEDTO ANOTHER WORLD AND NOT GET RAPED BY A STRANGER!

Suprise, you may have a problem...

AND WHAT THE HAY!? YOUR TWO MAIN CHARACTERS SHARE A BED FOR MONTHS AND NEITHER OF THEM BREAKS DOWN AND FUCKS THE OTHER OR BREAKS OUT A DILDO OR HANDCUFFS OR A GIMP MASK OR NOTHING?! IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW A REAL RELATIONSHIP WORKS,

Riiight, Pinkie, I'm going to go get blasted on Holiday Cider and Eggnog, wanna come?

DO I?!

Imipolex G

waiterman

Yarrun XIX

IT LIVES

Aliroz

Cafe Anglais should be a rival foodmaker trying to steal Chef and Waiterman's jobs.

Yarrun XIX

hello ayoung girl, what barings you to thihs restaurant toady?

hello mr waiter

i am looking for my father

he was supposed to pick me up from school hours ago

i heard that he had gone off somewhere with your chef

huh, so that expalsins whare cehf had gone

i just asuemdt hat he got lost on the waay to wrk aggain

i am surprised that you are open with the chef absent

eh, i justt warmed up tsom nestlé® wax beetles™ and gvae them tto eh cusstomers

it's safter than what chef woud cook up for them anyways

we are nothing but keepers of man-children, aren't we

prety much

Justice4243

we are nothing but keepers of man-children, aren't we

Hehehe.

Anonus

I haven't written any YKAHC in a while...

Imipolex G

We want more!

Yarrun XIX

Pillows said:

We want more!

Justice4243

OPEN

YOUR KING DEMANDS IT

father they won't open for many hours

THEY MUST

I AM THEIR KING

I DEMAND KINGLY DEALS

were first in line father

were the only ones here

i dont even think theres anyone at the store yet

HOW DARE THEY KEEP THEIR KING WAITING

HEADS WILL ROLL

father why are we even here

YOUR FATHER AND KING REQUIRES A DEAL ON A NEW THRONE

HE WILL NOT SUFFER SWIMMING THROUGH THE RIFT RAFT THIS YEAR

YOUR KING HAD TO DISPATCH TOO MANY SUBJECTS LAST YEAR IN HIS QUEST FOR A GAME BOY COLOR

i mean why are we here now

its a furniture store

i dont think people usually flock to furniture stores on black friday

CHILD YOU WILL KEEP YOUR RACIST REMARKS TO YOURSELF

Imipolex G

"rift raft" sounds to me like some kind of raft that sails through the gaps between dimensions or something

Imipolex G

YNTKT

Tachyon

that sounds awesome

Princess Alice

IMPERTINENT COMPUTER

I HATE TECHNOLOGY

what's going on father

THIS PAPER CLIP CHILD

IT CONTINUES TO QUESTION MY AUTHORITY

father it's just asking if you want to use the built-in letter templates

they're kind of lame but they're better than your normal formatting

I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR KING

AND I HAVE NO NEED OF MICROSOFT-PROVIDED TEMPLATES

I'M NOT EVEN WRITING A LETTER

but you typed "dear grandma"

YES I DID

I AM PRACTICING MY TYPING

why don't you actually write a letter to grandma

i'm sure she misses you

SHE DID NOT RESPOND TO THE LAST FOUR LETTERS I SENT HER

SO I WILL NOT BE CORRESPONDING ANY FURTHER

you didn't mail those letters

they're still on your nightstand under that old coffee mug

IT'S NOT MY FAULT STAMPS COST SO MUCH THESE DAYS