The Homestuck Heap of the Heapers' Hangout Forum

Justice4243

Two million dollars, people.

Two million dollars.

Heh.

Justice4243

oh god. he wasn’t even just mad at me, like. rose it was like i kicked him right in the heart and i hadn’t even washed my shoes. i am such a dick. they voted me king of the dicks last year because i found a dick in my food denoting me dick king. only i also conquered douchebag land so i am king of the dicks and emperor of the douchebags and i am trying to colonize the country where you are awful to people you bro-love so much you want to puke.

Now John is channeling Dave.

Also, people should read up on Marchingstuck and then read Promstuck if they have not, it is most entertaining. 

Justice4243

Is it just me, or is it common for fan-works to go that extra out of their way to make Eridan much more likable than his is in canon. 

...Also this thread is slowly becoming some sort of strange online diary where I share my musings about Homestuck with the world... 

Yarrun XIX

He has a lot of potential to be likeable. Could possibly reach 85% of Vriska's likability, by my estimate.

Could be that people like to work with raw materials. Make a sympathetic character out of one of the most disliked characters in Homestuck (well, he was. not sure where he stands on the popularity charts right now)

Yarrun XIX

You know what? We need a character popularity chart.

You know why? Because Touhou has one, and they're cool. Why can't we be cool?

Yarrun XIX

Oh, wait, apparently there is one

But...it has Karkat in second place? And Rosemary in fifth and eigth, respectively?

...maybe the demographics are different on the MSPA forums than on tumblr. Or I just get too much of my Homestuck from Haven's blog.

(Oh, wait, it hasn't been updated in a year, that's why)

Justice4243

He hasn't been around as much...for good or for ill.  

But yeah, I guess there was always that potential that Eridan would sort of figure out the universe doesn't owe him anything. Obviously, this didn't pan out in canon, but people like to play with the idea in fan-works. 

Compare with his dancestor that Andrew purposely made horrible in every way possible...

Justice4243

Oh, wait, apparently there is one

But...it has Karkat in second place? And Rosemary in fifth and eigth, respectively?

...maybe the demographics are different on the MSPA forums than on tumblr. Or I just get too much of my Homestuck from Haven's blog.

(Oh, wait, it hasn't been updated in a year, that's why)

Also, it's not in order from most favorite to least favorite, it's actually in tiers with everyone in the same tier arbitrarily placed. 

It's actually:

Dave

Karkat

John

Kanaya

Jade

Vriska

Terezi

etc... 

Yarrun XIX

Here's one that's more current.

Highest Troll - Karkat - 1st
Highest Human - Dave - 2nd
Highest Dancestor - Meenah - 9th
Highest Alpha - Dirk - 10th.

...people sure do like the Karkat.

(only has 44 votes. we are terrible at this popularity chart thing, as a fandom)

Justice4243

Dave, too. But I'm not as surprised at that.

Karkat being very high is pretty interesting though. I don't DISLIKE Karkat, or anything, but I'm not sure what the appeal is. I mean, he certainly has a bit more depth then the avatar of screamed obscenities he usually behaves as, but it doesn't seem like that comes up really often or anything.

Yarrun XIX

And Mituna is the third highest dancestor, after Meenah and Aranea.

Why do you people like him?!

Justice4243

Why do you people like him?!

That is an excellent question. Cronus is at least at the very bottom, as the no doubt very orange/yellow god of Homestuck desired, but Mituna is just sort of...brain damaged. 

Maybe people feel sorry for him? 

Somehow Kankri is higher than Eridan. Which also is a tad lost on me. Eridan at least HAD the potential to be not horrible, Kankri is just a stand in for Hussie's commentary on Tumblr Social Justice blogs....save for his interactions with Porrim which might have won him more points.

Though, 44 votes doesn't make for an incredibly accurate poll, as you eluded to.

One-Winged Eagle

Why are they called "Dancestors"? Is it because they can't dance? Or it's only safe for them to dance?

As for Mituna, he's abused and thus empathizable. Kankri is kind of funny in his social warring, and I have laughed at his silliness. I also suspect that a lot of people can relate to Karkat's self-loathing (which is a reason why some comedians are so popular).

Justice4243

Also, not that I'm one for fandom hate, but this IS the same fandom that has voted more points to the fan story that's just a retelling of Homestuck with body horror that has about 100 pages to it over the epic fan work of Be the Sea Dweller Lowblood which has over 1,000 pages. 

I'm really not sure what the hell is going on with it some of the time...

Justice4243

kingCrackers said:

Why are they called "Dancestors"? Is it because they can't dance? Or it's only safe for them to dance?

Because of them being basically identical clones of the other twelve trolls it's unclear as to which member of the pair actually came first, so one of the trolls (Porrim, if memory serves) coined this term. 

Yarrun XIX

descended ancestors

it is a stupid name. I blame hussie. do we call Dirk and Roxy dancestors? no. they're alpha kids. why not alpha trolls?

Justice4243

Even now, Hussie sits and plots his next horrible pun...likely fish related.

Haven

Somehow Kankri is higher than Eridan. Which also is a tad lost on me. Eridan at least HAD the potential to be not horrible, Kankri is just a stand in for Hussie's commentary on Tumblr Social Justice blogs....save for his interactions with Porrim which might have won him more points.

Kankri's annoying, but that's still better than attacking and killing a bunch of characters in a fit of sexual jealousy (not to mention destroying the matriorb). Also, his conversation with Latula was kind of sweet.

Although as far as making Eridan sympathetic, I think Conscience of Eurydice manages that while staying closest to canon. But damn, I just love that fic.

Or I just get too much of my Homestuck from Haven's blog.

I'm pretty sure if you tried to figure out Homestuck from my blog, it would just look like a slice-of-life yuri comic where one of the girls happens to be an alien. So.

Yarrun XIX

Update.

Haven

The alpha session planets are amazing. They look like black velvet paintings. That you shoot things in.

My entire dash is going crazy over the fact that Dirk and Jake have matching tattoos, heh.

Yarrun XIX

The entirety of Act Six Part Four is one flash.

We should have never let Homestuck become popular. It just allows Hussie to troll us without retaliation.

Haven

I'm expecting a "PSYCH!" but honestly, that was good enough it could be a whole act.

Or maybe I'm just saying that because it means we're back to intermission, and therefore checking back in on my perfect precious gay babies. </meulin>

Yarrun XIX

Also, I legitimately don't think that was a good move on Hussie's part, plot-wise. Time-wise, probably, considering that Hussie never has enough time, but bad plot-wise.

I was looking forward to more interaction between the characters. At this point, I still don't feel like I know the Alpha kids in the same way that I know the Beta kids, with the exception of Dirk. Jane, Roxy and Jake still seem somewhat vague. They haven't done enough for me to know much about them (besides their romantic tendencies, of course). So, I was hoping that the next part of Act 6 would fix that.

And now we have a good month or two of actions that, for the most part, we don't get to see.

...I think my issue with Hussie is that he and I view characters differently. I view them as people, who should be fleshed out as much as possible to make them feel real. Hussie views characters as tools to further the plot. And I'm just going to have to deal with this.

Haven

At this point, I still don't feel like I know the Alpha kids in the same way that I know the Beta kids, with the exception of Dirk.

I agree with this, but I don't think Hussie sees characters as tools. There are so many non-plot-essential conversations in Homestuck, I think it's the other way around. By his own admission he's never intended to focus on the game itself, its quests and everything, which is why it was skipped over in the troll session and is being glossed over here as well.

Someone on tumblr pointed out that counting from the start date of 11/11/11, Jack's tallies mean it's now 4/13/12, so presumably the other kids are about to enter the session. So the point of the time skip isn't to short-change us on alpha kid interaction, but to facilitate the reunion and/or meeting for the first time that's been building for a while.

Yarrun XIX

There are already cosplayers working on Dirk's gasmask.

How

No comprendo.

^ Once again, you are right.

I'd like to post something witty here about how you're kind of awesome, but I need to save my remaining wits for finishing this essay.

One-Winged Eagle

Dirk is wearing Batman's utility belt.

And the girls are thinking with portals.

Yaldabaoth.

Suh-weet-ness.

Haven

Yarrun said:

There are already cosplayers working on Dirk's gasmask.

How

No comprendo.

You just made me do a double-take by reblogging people I know in real life talking to each other about this.

Justice4243

Kankri's annoying, but that's still better than attacking and killing a bunch of characters in a fit of sexual jealousy (not to mention destroying the matriorb). Also, his conversation with Latula was kind of sweet.

I think I actually like Eridan more for his murder spree, at least as a character. Before it, he was just sort of a desperate loser who thought the world owed him something by virtue of having the good fortune of being born into the highest caste.

Him going off the deep end (closest to a fish pun I could come up with) at least showed that he he could be dangerous and there more to him than just being the most pathetic out of the group.

Kankri, while having not done anything that reprehensible, just doesn't seem to have a lot to offer to the story or seem that interesting to me.

Though, I think by Hussie's own admission, he didn't really concern himself with much depth for most of the new trolls.

Yarrun XIX

Haven said:

Yarrun said:

There are already cosplayers working on Dirk's gasmask.

How

No comprendo.

You just made me do a double-take by reblogging people I know in real life talking to each other about this.

Like I said, most of the Homestuck on my dash either comes from you or Spacey. And it counts as you when it comes from Juan or Zudak.

Wait, does Juan even post Homestuck? I'm trying to remember, and all I'm seeing is that Fantomex guy.

One-Winged Eagle

Juan doesn't like it.

Yarrun XIX

Right. He just posts stuff about comics and occasionally Magic.

I should probably go to bed.

Haven

But the thing that took me a few seconds to realize is that you didn't reblog it from me, you reblogged it straight from them. It's like crossing the streams or something.

Anyway, Juan's not really into Homestuck, although I think he reblogged a Meenah/Aranea pic I reblogged once. I know it started an inside joke, at least.

I think I actually like Eridan more for his murder spree, at least as a character. Before it, he was just sort of a desperate loser who thought the world owed him something by virtue of having the good fortune of being born into the highest caste.

Oh, in terms of characterization? I'm not sure what to think, actually. It certainly made him more plot-relevant, but generally a murderous rampage is kind of a character-flattening thing. Although the moments leading up to it suggested some relatively complex stuff.

Kankri doesn't seem to have quite as much room to develop, but I get the sense that the pervading theme of the Beforus trolls is that something (presumably Kurloz) is keeping them from moving on in the afterlife like they're supposed to, which is represented in both their comparative immaturity and retaining their physical problems (as opposed to Tavros, who can walk now that he's dead). So if that was ever fixed, he could probably grow up a little.

One-Winged Eagle

http://mspabooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=dynastystuck

This tag makes me happy.

Justice4243

^^ To me, Eridan seemed a bit more flat before, mostly because he talked a good "psychotic" game, but didn't act on it (not much that we've seen), at the point it became apparent who could make good on his aspirations of violence on the rest of the cast.

I'm not sure how each person who voted treated the popularity contest, but I'm used to villainy acts not necessarily being a huge factor (unless it's something particularly disturbing, or something). I'm sure Darth Vader tops the charts of many Star Wars popularity polls, for instance, despite all the evil things he's done. 

Spacey

Haven

That was my first thought too, but they all entered the incipisphere at LOMAX, and Sawtooth could've told them they'd need gas masks on LOTAK.

Justice4243

Soo...if the kids have been running around for this long, have they just simply NOT run into Jane's dad? 

Haven

They probably have, but it was glossed over.

I mean, we also didn't see what happened to the robots or the exiles, so this flash was exclusively focused on the kids (with Jack taking a stab at being a timekeeper).

Gelzo

Subtle.

Spacey

i still think this is one of the best pesterlogs.

Justice4243

Dave and Terezi have the best conversations. 

Possibly more than seeing some relationship updates, it'd just be nice to read more of them talking to each-other. 

Haven

Yeah, definitely.

Also, upd8. Finally getting back to that jerk.

One-Winged Eagle

Don't really wanna be that jerk.

Justice4243

lee4hmz said:

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it:

IDE/THEORY: Roxy and Dirk will not enter the Medium by normal means.

Those fourth walls of theirs lead to the Furthest Ring, right? I'm not ruling out the possibility that they somehow end up on the meteor with Rose, Dave, and the trolls.

Just going through earlier parts on the thread.

Nice call here.

Justice4243

OK, well I filled the void in my heart where Dave and Terezi shenanigans should be with fan-fiction.

That I wrote...

Apparently it was a big fucking hole.

Enjoy:

4ST3ROIDbored
Cantastrophe 

D4V3, D4V3
ah fuck
yeah thats how to wake a guy
mouth full of shark teeth inches from my face
felt like i just woke up on the set of jaws
spielberg ready to throw my ass in the water to be eaten by a metal piece of shit looking shark
4R3 YOU DON3? >:|
that depends
what time is it?
D4V3 4R3 YOU OR 4RE YOU NOT TH3 ON3 4LW4YS B1TCH1NG 4BOUT HOW T1M3 1S 4RB1TR4RY “ON TH1S FUCK1NG ROCK”?
FOLLOW3D BY MOR3 B1TCH1NG 4BOUT HOW 1T IS 3V3N MOR3 4RBITR4RY B3C4US3 OF “FUCK1NG T1M3 TR4V3L”?
1st off 
i said “fucking pointless” 
id never say “arbitrary” because thats something a damn nerd would say and you know us cool kids and nerds throw down like the bloods and crips
2nd off
stfu
3rd off 
you wouldnt have started spouting off that shit unless it was super fucking late
4th off
double stfu
i noticed my clock is conveniently missing 
OK F1N3!
1T IS “SUP3R FUCK1NG L4T3” 
1T IS SO FUCK1NG L4T3 TH3 HORROR T3RRORS H4V3 GON3 TO B3D
4R3 YOU H4PPY NOW?
happiness is 8 hours of sleep pyrope
D4V3
D1D YOU M4YB3 TH1NK 1 WOULD NOT H4V3 WOK3N YOU 1F 1T W3R3 NOT SUP3R FUCK1NG 1MPORT4NT?
no
because its never important
3RM… >8|
like the 1st time where you woke me up because you thought you discovered a new flavor of chalk
OK 1 4DM1T 1 M4Y H4V3 GOTT3N SO 3XC1T3D 1 FORGOT YOU C4NNOT SM3LL S1GHTS
or the 2nd time you burst in and begged me for my shades for that snowman thing you made out of cans
M1ST3R T1NS H4D TO LOOK H1S B3ST FOR H1S DAT3, R3BOOKA! >X0
and the 3rd time where you said you had a bad dream and asked if you could sleep in my bed
except for when i said yes you did have a bad dream and almost clawed my face off
…M4YB3 1 HOP3D 1 COULD G3T BY A F3W HOURS W1THOUT SL1ME AND N1GHT T3RRORS
1
1 W4S LON3LY
4ND 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S ROM4NT1C
SORRY!
>:’[

Justice4243

alright t-z
no water works
i flew off the handle there
i hereby throw myself at the mercy of the court in the hopes that it will rule against the handles restraining order
i am a changed man
if her royal buzz-sawed tooth tyranny can find it in her heart to forgive me i will walk the straight and narrow from here on out
WHY M1ST3R STR1D3R, YOU SUR3 KNOW HOW TO SW33T T4LK 4 G1RL >;]
yeah
i know
its all that cool kid swag
i just cant turn it off
so whats the deal
is rose on fire
ROS3 1S F1N3, D4V3
did kanaya snap and go all fangy and is trying to drink people and shit
K4N4Y 1S F1N3, D4VE
did the mayor over excite himself
go on some sort of fucking tab fueled binge 
destroy thousands of dollars of residential property 
TH3 M4YOR 1S F1NE, DAVE
karkat
karkat has screamed so much that his vocal cords exploded  
TH3Y 4R3 4LL F1N3, D4V3
who is?
3V3RYBODY, D4V3
3V3RYBODY IS F1N3, D4VE
hrnnnnrghgth
im going back to bed

Justice4243

W41T!
TH3R3 W4S 4N 4CC1D3NT!
like the haul breached and were running out of air
and our faces are all going to pop like arnold schwarzenegger on total recal
NO
W3 4RE 1N NO D4NG3R
TH3 D4M4G3 H4S 4LR3ADY B33N DON3 >:,[
whoooaa 
shit t-z
what happened??
YOU KNOW TH3 M1CROW4V3 1N N3AR C4N TOWN?
yeah
thats where we heat up about 75 percent of all the food we eat
well for me anyway
most of your food is actually colorful things that arent food
OK, TH1S 1S TH3 P4RT WH3R3 YOU SHUT UP FOR 4 F3W SECONDS
right
sorry
TH3 M1CROW4V3 3XPLOD3D 
shit
how
1 W4S H34T1NG UP SOME C4NS OF CH1LL13 4ND… 
fuck me
you actually just threw a couple of cans in there didnt you
3R >8[
damnit terezi 
this is like microwave 101
you dont  put metal in them and turn those fuckers on
and you sure as hell dont put them in unopened
HOW TH3 FUCK W4S 1 SUPPOS3D TO KNOW TH4T
1D N3V3R 3V3N H3ARD OF ON3 OF THOS3 TH1NGS UNT1L 1 M3T YOU
J3GUS
1 4M 4N 1D1OT 
>:’[>:’[ >:’[
k
i get it
hot alien chick dosent understand crazy human technology
its so primitive she cant help but cause explosions with it
*SN1FF* YOU TH1NK 1M HOT?
maybe
maybe i just said that because im delirious with sleep depravation
>:T

Justice4243

im afraid to ask
but what was the damage toll 
W3 LOST TH3 ORPHC4N4G3 
shit 
now the all beans and tinned veggies will be on the street 
TH3…3R…TH3..SHOPP1NG C3NT3R 
fuck
the economy is going to be in complete disarray
city hall is going to be filled with the unemployed and needy and a ton of people who cant get their shop on
FUNNY YOU SHOULD M3NT1ON TH4T
by “funny” do you mean “tragic”
like the make a wish foundation bus just crashed into a bus full of elementary kids while both were on their way to disney land? 
Y3S, W3 4R3 4T D3AD W1GGL3R’S CUT DOWN ON TH3IR W4Y TO H4V3 TH3 T1ME OF THEIR L1V3S L3V3L OF TR4G3DY  
W3 LOST C1TY H4LL
fuck me
we need some fucking government assistance here to get out of this disaster
the mayor needs to contact the president and let him know the shit has hit the fan
>:/ 
TH3 M4YOR DOSE NOT KNOW TH1S H4PP3N3D 
k
so thats what all this waking up dave at an hour where even god and tentacled multi-faced gods are asleep was about
you needed me to rub my cool kid time magic on everything and help you clean up the house after your exploded chili party before mom and dad come home and ground you for the rest of high-school   
UH… Y3S? >8[ 
ill help
Y4Y! >:]
but at a price
FUCK! >:[ 
N4M3 YOUR T3RMS, COOL K1D
some day 
and that day may never come
i will call upon you to do a service for me
BLUUUUUUHHHH, TH4T SOUNDS SO V4UG3 4ND UN1NV1T1NG >X[
ahhh fuck it
lets just say i get to wake you up in the middle of the night sometime for a completely asinine reason and you dont get to say dick about it
HMMMMMMMM…
4 times
FUCK!
WH4T TH3 FUCK, D4V3?!
what thats like eye for an eye or equivalent exchange or whatever it is the troll justice animes and bibles say right?
BLUUUUUUUUUUUH >:Y
F1N3 >:[
shit terezi
lets be heroes 
DOUBL3 Y4Y! >:]

You two spend exactly four hours and thirteen minutes rebuilding the damaged can town beyond its former glory before passing out in Terezi’s room. It would go down in asteroid history as one of the most productive days either of you had the entire trip.

Justice4243

epylog:

A couple weeks later.

terezi terezi
AH, FUCK!
WH4T THE H3LL! >:[ >:[ >:[
its a goddamn emergency
m level is filling with water quick
we need to be down there right now
WOW D4V3
TH1S 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS S3R1OUS >8|
you bet your pointy ass it is
if we get too much water the slip and slide i just made will be useless
just some sort of limp plastic dick in a giant puddle
WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S 4 SL1P 4ND SL1DE? >:?
terezi
just stop and imagine this fucking miracle of wet plastic covered in water 
this is a fucking gift from on high
just you
me
the slip and slide
and all that water
sliding off into the sunset
all our cares forgotten
BLUUUUUH! 
C4N 1 4T L34ST CL3AN THE SOPOR S1LM3 OFF M3?
no
i bet you slide even better with that shit all over you
>:[

The very next night

terezi terezi
OH GOD D4MN 1T! >XO
WH4T?!
1 ST1LL H4V3 BRUS3S FROM L4ST N1GHT!
 m level is completely flooded with water
1 W4RN3D YOU W3 N33D3D TO F1GUR3 OUT 4 W4Y TO SHUT TH4T OFF, BRO!
1 TOLD YOU, DOG! 
no fuck that noise
its time for a motherfucking pool party
>:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[

Justice4243

And the next night…

WH4T TH3 FUCK DO YOU W4NT!?
L3T M3 GUESS!
TH3 3NTIR3 4ST3RO1D IS FLOOD3D?! 
fuck no
i shut that water off hours ago
even unplugged all the drains
what am i criminally irresponsible
dont answer that
since i was the one who plugged all the drains and flooded m level in the first place
>:[ 
TH3N WH4T?!
i need your shades
rebooka is in court fighting for custody of her hybrid can and book brood with mr tins
and she has to look her best in front of her royal tyranny 
aka judge judy
F1N3!
M4BY3 NOW 1 C4N G3T SOM3 SLEEP!
so i didnt wake you
NO, I F1GUR3D YOU WOULD SHOW UP TO BUG M3 >:|
OBV1SOLY 1 W4S R1GHT!
so technically this dosent count
4RGH4FGGHHR4GHGH333RARGHF!!! >XO >XO >XO

That morning.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, TEREZI?
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THE LUSUS BRUTALLY MURDERED, ATE, AND SHIT OUT ON THE LAWNRING
D4V3 H4S NOT L3T M3 SL33P FOR THR33 N1GHTS STR4IGHT >8|
WHOO, FUCK!
I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU TO SHARE THE DETAILS OF THE FUCKED UP SEX LIFE YOU TWO HAVE WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND!
KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF.
I’M GOING TO GO FIND SOMETHING TO DRILL INTO MY THINK PAN UNTIL I FORGOT WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION.
WH4T?
NO!
I M34N, D4V3 WOK3 M3 UP SO W3 COULD SL1P AND SL1DE TH3 F1RST N1GHT!
TH4TS WH3R3 4LL THE BRU1S3S 4RE FROM!  
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!
IF I RECALL, IT WAS SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF “PLEASE SHUT YOUR WORD HOLE AND STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR CRAZY FUCKED UP SEX LIFE.”
BECAUSE IT SURE THE FUCK WASN’T “PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FUCKED UP SADOMASOCHISTS RITUALS WITH MR. STRIDER.”
W41T!
4 SL1P 4ND SL1D3 1S JUST WH3N YOU G3T A PL4ST1C SH33T 4ND 4 HOS3, TH3N YOU…
HOLY GODDAMN FUCK!
I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER NOT WANTED TO HEAR THE END OF A SENTENCE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I THINK, NO WAIT, I’M POSITIVE I RATHER HAVE MY BULGE SET ON FIRE!
ON THAT NOTE, I’M GOING TO FIND THAT DRILL AND ENJOY THE SWEET RELEASE OF BRAIN DAMAGE.
>:[
YOU CAN JUST SIT HERE AND FANTASIZE ABOUT THE LAST TIME STRIDER PYGMY HOOFBEAST PUNCHED YOU.
OH SHIT!
NOW I’M THINKING ABOUT IT!
I NEED FIND THAT FUCKING DRILL, QUICK!
>:[  >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[ >:[