Hey you know what the readers of Cracked really want?

Odradek · 2013-09-06 08:28:13

The subjective opinions of their worst writers! None of that weird real stuff, that shit doesn't get hits.

Alduin · 2013-09-06 08:35:00

Like, did you know that, like, Thomas Edison stole shit?

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 08:41:09

And here, we see the Heaper in his natural habitat, making fun of Cracked.

Alduin · 2013-09-06 08:47:22

Dude, dude, dude

you're getting too meta here

I mean come on show some restraint for Dagon's sake

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 08:50:43

This ritual, performed at least once a month, is seen as something of a war ritual, to be performed before attacking the Heapers' natural enemy, the Internet Writers of Poor Quality. However, as the IWOPQ are not present in their current habitat, the ritual is performed in absentia, and does not usually lead to aggression.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 08:53:52

It is not known why the Heaper will attack any IWOPQ upon encountering them. Early suggestions that it was to show dominance in mating season were quickly shot down, as most mating occurs only after monogamous relationships.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 08:56:18

Others posited that they needed some rarely-used yet important resource from the IWOPQ in order to survive through harsh times. While that idea held for a while, it fell apart after two winters without any major attacks on IWOPQ populations. Most Heapers were shown to survive off of various webcomics and TV shows, scavenged and hoarded during the warm months

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 09:01:22

One of the most popular theories at the moment is based on the mongoose/snake relationship. While their animosity is exaggerated in the popular eye, it's known that mongooses are protected against venom-based neurotoxins because of the shape of their neurotransmitters. The theory posits that the Heaper has a similar protection against the poor writing used as weapons by IWOPQ.

Obā-san · 2013-09-06 09:56:02

today i learned that mongooses are more closely related to cats then they are to weasels.

Obā-san · 2013-09-06 09:56:51

honestly tho it's nice to know that i am not the only one sick of this shit

Aliroz · 2013-09-06 10:42:49

Pangur Bán said:
honestly tho it's nice to know that i am not the only one sick of this shit

Do you mean sick of cracked, or sick of Odra mocking Cracked? 'Cause I like the latter and dislike the former.

Odradek · 2013-09-06 11:15:55

That was pretty awesome Yarrun.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 12:35:22

I'll be honest, I don't really care about Odradek's kismesis-relationship with Cracked.

I just made a joke, and then it kind of got away from me. Like that time with the dyslexic joke.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-09-06 12:41:21

And we tried hard to use the phrase "they will not survive the winter". We really did.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-09-06 13:40:22

Pangur Bán said:
today i learned that mongooses are more closely related to cats then they are to weasels.

Indeed. Their closest relative is the fossa of Madagascar, whose name is actually pronounced "foohsa," but not spelled that way for whatever reason. I think that they are all also loosely related to hyaenas. Meanwhile, mustelids and procyonids are an entirely different branch, far closer to seals and walruses than cats!

Also, could we please stop talking about Cracked? They aren't a very funny website. So what.

Misery · 2013-09-06 13:44:44

i like some of the articles like when they talk about weird things

Justice4243 · 2013-09-06 14:04:17

I read quite a lot of Cracked until I felt they where running out of interesting and informative articles.

Previous Calica · 2013-09-06 14:12:20

Yarrun XIX said:
I'll be honest, I don't really care about Odradek's kismesis-relationship with Cracked.

I just made a joke, and then it kind of got away from me. Like that time with the dyslexic joke.

It was a good joke.

Justice4243 · 2013-09-06 14:14:51

What if Cracked did an article on Voodoo being a superior comic that was ignored by the comic public because she simply wasn't a DC A-lister?

I think Myr's hate would block out the sun.

MetaFour · 2013-09-06 14:50:14

Pangur Bán said:
Also, could we please stop talking about Cracked? They aren't a very funny website. So what.

This. Things get more popularity than they deserve all the time. Staying constantly mad about this fact is just exhausting.

Previous Calica · 2013-09-06 23:54:10

Justice42 said:
What if Cracked did an article on Voodoo being a superior comic that was ignored by the comic public because she simply wasn't a DC A-lister?

I think Myr's hate would block out the sun.

I just had an idea for a Cracked article...

Aliroz · 2013-09-07 02:05:52

MetaFour said:

Pangur Bán said:
Also, could we please stop talking about Cracked? They aren't a very funny website. So what.

This. Things get more popularity than they deserve all the time. Staying constantly mad about this fact is just exhausting.

Yeah, and you guys talking about politics constantly isn't exhausting. Not at all.

MetaFour · 2013-09-07 05:54:54

I don't talk about politics.

One-Winged Eagle · 2013-09-07 08:44:50

Do we even talk about politics in any capacity?

Alduin · 2013-09-07 08:48:01

My problem with Cracked is that it spreads blatantly untrue misinformation like "Einstein stole all of his theories" and passes it off as hidden knowledge that mainstream media just doesn't get.

Not to the level of conspiracy sites, of course, but distressingly close.

Hexartes · 2013-09-07 09:15:30

Acererak said:
My problem with Cracked is that it spreads blatantly untrue misinformation like "Einstein stole all of his theories" and passes it off as hidden knowledge that mainstream media just doesn't get.

Not to the level of conspiracy sites, of course, but distressingly close.

Yeah, that annoys me a lot. That said, I still enjoy most of the auricles I read.

Obā-san · 2013-09-07 10:29:23

kingCrackers said:
Do we even talk about politics in any capacity?

no, because having a serious discussion on this website is roughly as enjoyable as having your foot run over by a goddamn car.

Justice4243 · 2013-09-07 12:37:59

Pangur Bán said:

kingCrackers said:
Do we even talk about politics in any capacity?
no, because having a serious discussion on this website is roughly as enjoyable as having your foot run over by a goddamn car.

Salix Babylonika · 2013-09-07 16:03:47

Obā-san · 2013-09-07 16:10:06

Tupac is my #1 favorite band

Imipolex G · 2013-09-07 16:14:45

how can something "secretly" suck?

Salix Babylonika · 2013-09-07 16:15:33

Dirty Pillows said:
how can something "secretly" suck?

a riddle for the ages.

Obā-san · 2013-09-07 16:16:37

Dirty Pillows said:
how can something "secretly" suck?

i have no clue

Hexartes · 2013-09-07 16:16:47

Cracked loves its adverbs.

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-09-07 16:29:06

Dirty Pillows said:
how can something "secretly" suck?

Well... :3

Hexartes · 2013-09-07 16:32:43

Miko said:

Dirty Pillows said:
how can something "secretly" suck?
Well... :3

dohohohoho

Imipolex G · 2013-09-07 16:33:32

LOL

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-09-07 16:48:42

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUNNY JOKE WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING I'M SO MAD I'M GONNA WRITE A TEXT WALL

Imipolex G · 2013-09-07 16:58:44

lol

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-09-07 16:59:21

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL STOP MAKING ME LAUGH K.O. YOUR SARCASM IS KILLING ME

Previous Calica · 2013-09-07 16:59:57

olololololololololololololololol

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-09-07 17:00:38

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HEEHEE

HOHO

Aliroz · 2013-09-07 17:12:12

Justice42 said:
I read quite a lot of Cracked until I felt they where running out of

Pangur Bán said:

kingCrackers said:
Do we even talk about politics in any capacity?
no, because having a serious discussion on this website is roughly as enjoyable as having your foot run over by a goddamn car.

And I am the reason for that.

I want each and every one of you to feel what I feel when I have a serious discussion (in any context, with anyone, ever).

You have other sites for serious discussion; ingrates (you should be thanking me for not making all serious discussion anywhere as being-enjoyable-as-having-your-foot-run-over-by-a-car).

Anonus · 2013-09-07 17:35:21

Aliroz, we carved out the "Talk" space for serious discussion a long time ago. If you want to joke and shitpost, that's fine, just not there.

Justice4243 · 2013-09-08 05:58:19

You know, I'm not so sure this is a case of Heaper trolling Cracked for bad articles to make fun of and more a bunch of former fans of the site desperately swimming through the dregs, already having drank all the fresh water , and waiting under the waterfall of sludge, hoping to be hit by a drop of something clean.

Or something...

I don't know. I don't really visit anymore...

Salix Babylonika · 2013-09-08 06:00:25

I actually enjoy Cracked fine about 50-60% of the time, but their bad articles are really bad.

Alduin · 2013-09-08 08:42:25

I only go there for photoplasty.

Last I heard of Wong he went full on reddit MRA.

Crystal · 2013-09-08 15:19:41

I go there for articles like these here, so I'd say it's still somewhat enjoyable for me too.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-09-08 15:56:17

The problem, in a meta sense, is that we have talked all of these points into the ground and it has gone from being a rough consensus about something to a borderline circle-jerk of unwarranted outrage and indignation over what amounts to something that, in the end, most of us are only lukewarm on. It's a waste of energy, and not in a fun, amusing way, just a draining, head-banging way.

If a good article comes from Cracked, then it might be worth commenting on regardless of its source, but why should we even bother with the rest of it?

Odradek · 2013-09-08 15:57:43

I don't know why this thread is still going, honestly.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-09-08 16:44:17

Because no-one has closed it...?

Hey you know what the readers of Cracked really want?

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