ITT: We are Captain Planet villains

Odradek

Goddamnit, why are baby seal boots so expensive these days? Nothing prevents stains from humpback whale blood better!

ProfessorGator

I happen to personally know a few mad scientists who can help you out with the (ahem) harvesting. They're geniuses when it comes to nature-destroying machines. I never get my equipment for clearing old-growth tropical rainforest to make room for my absurdly large cattle ranch anywhere else!

Bunny

the other night, I had sex with my lover on a pile of woodland animal corpses.

It was bliss.

Corporal Forsythe

Yes, I'd like to take out a loan to purchase devices and chemicals to contaminate and ruin the earth's oceans, soil, and atmosphere on a massive scale

Why? Well DUH, it's because th...

...you know, I never really thought of that

Justice4243

Dudes! I found a kid that has AIDS! 

I'm going to spread rumors about him at his school and make his shitty high school existence even shittier!

It's going to be so rad!

Bunny

wait, I've totes got a better idea

lets take the aids and inject it into some baby seals

Justice4243

AND THEN WE'LL SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT THEM AND MAKE BABY SEAL SCHOOL HELL FOR THEM!

Bunny

And then when all is said and done, we'll harvest them for their meat and make shoes out of their hides

The torturing makes the meat nice and succulent

Hexartes

You know what goes great with seal meat?

Copious amounts of whale blubber that we end up throwing away anyway.

In fact, why don't we just go ahead and get all of this over with quickly and just dump a bunch of whales and seals in some national park or something.

Yarrun XIX

And then we set the park on fire! Easy cooking, and no need for cleanup!

glennmagusharvey

You know what we could do?  We could introduce negative economic externalities AND waste natural resources!

I say we get ourselves an apartment in the city that's rent-controlled and has water included.

Then we go in there, and RUN THE TAPS AT FULL BLAST, AND FLUSH THE TOILETS OVER AND OVER, ALL DAY LONG!

lee4hmz

STINY, KEEP FLUSHING THOSE TOILETS!

Anonus

(my first thought too)

^^^What if we fuel the fires with GASOLINE?

Imipolex G

*litters*

Justice4243

*buys an SUV and lets it idle for long periods of time*

glennmagusharvey

^^^ That's exactly where I got the idea!  See, I would be not just producing negative economic externalities and wasting natural resources, I would also be free-riding off of others' work and plagiarizing them!!!

Mwahahahahahahahahah!

Odradek

I just went to the grocery store.. and got PLASTIC BAGS!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Justice4243

*Puts recyclables in the garbage can*

lee4hmz

-cuts down entire rainforests to make elevator buttons-

Yeah, that was Tiny Toons, sue me.

ProfessorGator

(puts only one article of clothing in the washing machine at a time)

Yes... soon my master plan will reach its next stage.

Anonus

lee4hmz said:

-cuts down entire rainforests to make elevator buttons-

Yeah, that was Tiny Toons, sue me.

(But both TTA and Captain Planet are owned by Time Warner now, so that's okay :P)

^Oh yeah, well

*puts only one dish in the dishwasher at a time*

*also only plants one grass seed in the backyard and waters it like the end of the world is near*

Corporal Forsythe

*keeps pointing out facts like Antarctic ice is at an all-time record high volume in 2012*

Obā-san

*keeps pointing out facts like Antarctic ice is at an all-time record high volume in 2012*

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/20/science/earth/arctic-sea-ice-stops-melting-but-new-record-low-is-set.html

see that word low

it is not the word high

Corporal Forsythe

*keeps pointing out facts like Antarctic ice is at an all-time record high volume in 2012*

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/20/science/earth/arctic-sea-ice-stops-melting-but-new-record-low-is-set.html

see that word low

it is not the word high

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jamestaylor/2012/09/19/antarctic-sea-ice-sets-another-record/

Nope

I read that right

Obā-san

in fact, many people consider "low" to be the opposite of "high"

some go so far as to call them antonyms.

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

in fact, many people consider "low" to be the opposite of "high"

some go so far as to call them antonyms.

uh huh

and

Obā-san

Interestingly, a new NASA study finds Antarctica once supported vegetation similar to that of present-day Iceland.

“The southward movements of rain bands associated with a warmer climate in the high-latitude southern hemisphere made the margins of Antarctica less like a polar desert, and more like present-day Iceland,” a co-author of the NASA study reports.

why is extraneous information appended to the end of this article.

ProfessorGator

Extraneous information? That's the worst kind! How dare they!

(kidnaps NASA meteorologists to work on a secret invention as punishment)

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

Interestingly, a new NASA study finds Antarctica once supported vegetation similar to that of present-day Iceland.

“The southward movements of rain bands associated with a warmer climate in the high-latitude southern hemisphere made the margins of Antarctica less like a polar desert, and more like present-day Iceland,” a co-author of the NASA study reports.

why is extraneous information appended to the end of this article.

a Captain Planet villain put it there

as a red herring

Obā-san

But seriously, the fact that he tacked that information on there, (*which is true, but he also fails to mention that Antarctica used to actually be close to the equator*), makes me seriously doubt his intellectual honesty.

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

But seriously, the fact that he tacked that information on there, (*which is true, but he also fails to mention that Antarctica used to actually be close to the equator*), makes me seriously doubt his intellectual honesty.

Maybe, but it's still a fact that the ice levels in Antarctica is at an all-time high this year. 

Obā-san

Oh my god he cited Steven Goddard.

brb loling forever

Obā-san

During 2003 to 2008, the mass gain of the Antarctic ice sheet from snow accumulation exceeded the mass loss from ice discharge by 49 Gt/yr (2.5% of input), as derived from ICESat laser measurements of elevation change. The net gain (86 Gt/yr) over the West Antarctic (WA) and East Antarctic ice sheets (WA and EA) is essentially unchanged from revised results for 1992 to 2001 from ERS radar altimetry. Imbalances in individual drainage systems (DS) are large (-68% to +103% of input), as are temporal changes (-39% to +44%). The recent 90 Gt/yr loss from three DS (Pine Island, Thwaites-Smith, and Marie-Bryd Coast) of WA exceeds the earlier 61 Gt/yr loss, consistent with reports of accelerating ice flow and dynamic thinning. Similarly, the recent 24 Gt/yr loss from three DS in the Antarctic Peninsula (AP) is consistent with glacier accelerations following breakup of the Larsen B and other ice shelves. In contrast, net increases in the five other DS of WA and AP and three of the 16 DS in East Antarctica (EA) exceed the increased losses. Alternate interpretations of the mass changes driven by accumulation variations are given using results from atmospheric-model re-analysis and a parameterization based on 5% change in accumulation per degree of observed surface temperature change. A slow increase in snowfall with climate warming, consistent with model predictions, may be offsetting increased dynamic losses.

from the abstract of the article

Obā-san

you can read it too here

Corporal Forsythe

Who?

Obā-san

Steven Goddard was a contributor to WUWT, but they dropped him for being too intellectually specious even by their own laughably low standards.

Corporal Forsythe

 A slow increase in snowfall with climate warming, consistent with model predictions, may be offsetting increased dynamic losses.

Yep, here it is. Never fails. Thanks for bolding it

No matter what evidence gets trotted out to counter global warming alarmism, it's always rationalized as being yet more proof that it is global warming

Obā-san

But it's evidence they themselves collected, it's the results they expected, and it supports their theory.

Don't go twisting it around.

Bunny

*munches on baby seal meat and crackers*

Obā-san

(*Shares*)

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

But it's evidence they themselves collected, it's the results they expected, and it supports their theory.

Don't go twisting it around.

I'm not the one doing the twisting around. I'll explain.

1. All this nonsense started out as an ice age scare. Global cooling was the reasoning behind the first Earth Day in 1970. Go ahead, look it up.

2. We switched gears in the early 80's because the ozone was breaking apart over earth. Claims that the earth was going to be scorched to a crisp in our lifetime were being howled over the news at the time. 

3. Billions and billions of dollars in the form of carbon credits are set to change hands over the next few decades. Of course, nobody would ever, ever push a load of bullshit down the throats of the public to facilitate this. Dear old Mother Earth is at stake! 

4. Instead of the Waterworld being promised from a decade or two ago, now we've scaled back the doom and gloom to the earth's ocean levels going up a few feet. Maybe. But everyone panic anyway, just in case!

And you know what? Maybe the Earth's ocean levels will rise a few feet as projected in the next 100-300 years. Maybe global warming really is causing all these freak snowstorms and Antarctic ice levels to rise in contempt of the whole "warming" bit of its very name.

But me and millions of others kind of doubt it. 

Obā-san

1. All this nonsense started out as an ice age scare. Global cooling was the reasoning behind the first Earth Day in 1970. Go ahead, look it up.

I know this. Also keep in mind that "Global Cooling" had very little scientific support behind it.

2. We switched gears in the early 80's because the ozone was breaking apart over earth. Claims that the earth was going to be scorched to a crisp in our lifetime were being howled over the news at the time. 

Yep. Thanks to the Montreal Protocol that didn't happen and the Ozone layer is expected to fully recover by 2075.

3. Billions and billions of dollars in the form of carbon credits are set to change hands over the next few decades. Of course, nobody would ever, ever push a load of bullshit down the throats of the public to facilitate this. Dear old Mother Earth is at stake!

There are also boatloads of economic incentives pushing the other way. As I understand it Exxon Mobil and the like aren't exactly known for being scrupulous with their large sums of money. Just sayin'

Maybe global warming really is causing all these freak snowstorms and Antarctic ice levels to rise in contempt of the whole "warming" bit of its very name.

There's a reason climatologists call it climate change.

Obā-san

Here, you might wanna read this:

http://journals.ametsoc.org/doi/abs/10.1175/2008BAMS2370.1

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

There's a reason climatologists call it climate change.

You're right, and that reason is that it's a sidestep climatologists took whenever their doom and gloom poppycock was proven baseless, and that the earth isn't any closer to a cinder or an icicle as it was 100 years ago. Climate change? Yes, that's a fact. Nobody doubts the fact that we've had an ice age here and extended periods of warming there, but to claim that humans are the ones rushing us along to either is truly a testament to our arrogance.  As the East Coast learned just a few weeks ago, and as New Orleans found out some years back, we can't even prevent or even predict the tides we're trying to hold back a few measly days ahead of time -- but we can tell you the state of the earth 1, 10, 100 years from now.  Right. 

Obā-san

I wish i could find that whole article, it's not like abstracts are a great way to convince people.

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

I wish i could find that whole article, it's not like abstracts are a great way to convince people.

I have to study my Chinese so I'm just going to defer to Carlin on this:

Obā-san

 to claim that humans are the ones rushing us along to either is truly a testament to our arrogance.

While nature is pretty damn durable and could easily handle whatever we could throw at it, current human society and modern lifestyles are quite a bit less secure.

Nobody who is really informed is saying that we're gonna pull a Day After Tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that we can't royally fuck ourselves up.

^ lol George Carlin

Obā-san

Observation: George Carlin sounds like a redditor

Corporal Forsythe

Mr. Truant said:

Observation: George Carlin sounds like a redditor

you might not agree with the points that he and I are making but that's no reason to stoop to insults

Obā-san

No seriously he does, even when I agree with him.

I've always disliked the man.

Bunny

But...it's Rufus, man.

He's Rufus!