Let's say that a Cuil is a unit of measurement...

Obā-san · 2012-08-24 18:38:51

...equal to one level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a Hamburger.

1 Cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.

2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it
turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a
picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.

3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.

4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries
softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the
cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles
for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.

5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a
hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches
involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the
stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give
you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your
hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A
pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look
at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You
raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you
take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead
with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give
you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am
your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger.
The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own
bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you
kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to
reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack
of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed.
John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am
reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe
in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise
shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop
what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background
radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You
hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all
knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained
within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You
stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry
out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the
spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The
fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a
small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you
blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you
a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution.
The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak
for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments
later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library.
You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the
inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to
cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.