The YKAHC and Chef/Waiterman Collection Project
As you know, famous authors AU and CA have written two sister series. One's about a ludicrous king and his sensible child, and the other is about a quirky duo working in the quirky Five Singers RE staurant in quirky Ohio. You probably also know that they are scattered across multiple forum posts and IRC conversations. This cannot do.
I, Sir Yarrun Goldenmace, Guadian of the Four Sigils, Wielder of the Unusually Sharp Wit, as assisted by Squire Arthur Fetchman, propose that we collect these stories in this thread for future generations of curious tropers, as well as any imitations that may have been made
Begin!
I, Sir Yarrun Goldenmace, Guadian of the Four Sigils, Wielder of the Unusually Sharp Wit, as assisted by Squire Arthur Fetchman, propose that we collect these stories in this thread for future generations of curious tropers, as well as any imitations that may have been made
Begin!
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Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
sure, what do you—wait, what did you call me?
i canlled you chef becauswe that's your name
no chef is your name c, hef
i'm waiterman
no, waiterman is my name
i'm a waiter and also a aman
you're only one of those things, chef
i told you chef, i'm waiterman!
no i'm wiaterman, you're chef
no you're chef, i'm waterman!
there's one way to settle this, ok chef?
what's that chef
let's look at our driver's ilicnes
sorry chef
i don't have one of those
what? but you drive here ever day!
what the cuyahoga county sherrif'ts dpeartment doesn't know won't hurt 'em
oh, chef...
i told you once: i'm chef, and you're waiterman
no, i'm chef and you're—wait, what did you say?
i said you're cef and i'm waiterman
no you didn't chef
yes id id chef
no, you clearly said you were chef and i was waiterman
if you're wiaterman, prove it
see it's right here on my driver's license: waiterman
well that prove's you're waiterman
but it doesn't prove i'mm not also waiterman
how does that make any sense at all?
it doesn't waiterman
but i feel i should have a right to self-identify
i don't see how that applies here
but whatever
waiterman, can i ask you something?
Yes, waiterman?
Are you just saying you'rw waiterman so you don't have to cook anything tonight?
*grumble* I'll fire up the grill...
That's more like it!
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
What the ehll chefv
why are you shouting liek taht?
BECAUSE I'M FEELING ENTERGETIC
did you eat cooffee grounds stagaith from the can gagain?
PERHAPS.
BUT ANYWAY, PICK UP ON TABLE 7
we've alerady exsstablished that "pick upw" isn't how you call that
JUST TAKE THE FOOD, WATIERMAN.
fine, fine.
*watierman takes the food, comes back a minute later*
so, how did your date with rob thefireman go?
IT DIDN'T
what did he cancel
NO, I DIDN'T ASK HIM OUT
why not
BECAUSE I WAS FEELING SORTA
Sorta...?
YES, I WAS FEELING SORTA
o...k then.
CRAP THE RESTAURANT IS ON FIRE
that's the thrid time this week
I KNOW
WHAT DO WE DO
call the fire depattenmetn, of course
I CAN'T
BECAUSE ROB MIGHT ANSWER
AND I'MT STIELL FEELING SORTA
let the reastuarnt burn to the grond tehn
see if i care
THIS IS YORU PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT, YOU KNOW
YOU DO WANT TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD THAT VOLVO, RIGHT?
fine, fine, fine.
i'll call the fire depatemtn.
just stop shouting, PLEASE
ok then.
(This story is one of the few that hint to Chef's sexuality, and is the earliest story thus far to mention Rob. His mention suggests that there were earlier mentions of the Firefighter, but we haven't found any yet)
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
I'd like to note that there are some mutations. There seems to be a third character known as Mr. Snugglepuss. He seems to contribute more to the role of the Child than the Mittens character. Also, there is a lack of the lamb and the ending seems to suggest that the characters are destroyed. Suggests some failure rate to YKAHC imitations
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
The Inspector is, perhaps, the most interesting aspect of Yarrun's fanfiction. She obviously takes some 'inspiration' from The Girl Who Lived, as well as common Mary Sue traits. It's interesting to see how alien Chef and Waiterman react to the Inspector. All the aspects that would usually endear a Mary Sue to canonical characters, such as her long black hair and her perfect speech, are either ignored or disparaged by the two restaurant workers
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
This story suggests some gender dysmorphia. In the story, Waiterman rejects both a pair of pants and a dress, a masculine and feminine form of dress respectively. He rejects the pants because they're ugly and badly-fitting, suggesting a sense of distaste for maleness or masculinity. He then rejects the dress without giving a specific reason. This could signify that the author rejects femininity, but not because of his own preferences. The chef's insistence on the Dress Code could symbolize society's expectations. If you're not a man, then you're a woman. If you're neither, then get out.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
It presents an odd dichotomy. In a way, this is all that YKAHC is. Yet, it's popularity and style has made it a theoretically multibillionaire series. Does this suggest that, perhaps, humans like formula? That we like getting fed the same breakfast, lunch and dinner, over and over again? Intriguing. This reveals bits of human nature itself.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
While the crossover was highly accredited by all available reviewers, it also has a sense of hollowness. None of the four characters end the story in a happy way. We also see the negative consequences of the King's frivolous demands and the Five Singers RE staurant's terrible service. The King drags the Child across the United States for more than a day just to fulfill this errant whim of his. The chef and the waiterman, in our first view of their interaction with the customers, fail at satisfying the King, leaving the Chef in tears. It ends with YKAHC going to Taco Bell, another restaurant known for subpar food. The story really has no pleasantness to it
There is a short cameo by Rob thefireman, in which he heroically puts out a fire. This suggests that Rob has some elements of The Ace.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
This is the first sample so far that has mentioned the lamb. The lamb has no connection with the conversations of YKAHC and only appears at the very end of stories, as a threat. Though the lamb lacks the top billing enjoyed by the King and the Child, he is just as important as either of them. He represents the world. You see, YKAHC is inherently illogical. Why would a King make so many illogical requests? Why would a Child continue to obey such requests. If either of them realize that their relationship is flawed, its existence will collapse under the strain of logic. So, they fear it, and hide it away, and satisfy it so they can continue their existence. Thus, the lamb.
The lamb also calls to mind the lamb of Judaic-Christian symbolism. Historically, the lamb represents sacrifice, specifically the one made by Jesus at the Crucifixion to erase humanity's sins. In a way, YKAHC turns this view on its head. The two sacrifice their time and money to the lamb in order to continue sinning without dealing with real problems.
Yarrun, you analyze the rest of it. I'm already worn out.
The rest of the story is pretty straightforward, if only because we're too worn out to look for any more deep symbolism. In other words, no Arthur, I'm tired too. Let's just move on to the next one.
It's the commentary that does it
of pants and a dress, a masculine and feminine form of dress
respectively. He rejects the pants because they're ugly and
badly-fitting, suggesting a sense of distaste for maleness or
masculinity. He then rejects the dress without giving a specific reason.
This could signify that the author rejects femininity, but not because
of his own preferences."
Huh, could swear I heard someone talking about gender stuff like this in the Heap once.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Again, the King's improbable spending habits temporarily take center stage. Indeed, where does he get the money for such purchases? The careers of both the King and the Child remain unknown to us. Perhaps the King has a job that benefits from his risktaking nature and indomitable authority, which suggests the high-flying career of a Columbian Drug Lord.
Malarkey. That's your explanation for everything.
Very well. He could also be a boring CEO who is unrelated to drugs in the slightest.
The lamb is significantly less threatening in this story.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Hmm. You did something very interesting, Yarrun. You wiped out the lamb, on purpose. In a way, this is nicely symbolic of the destruction of fiction. By using real people for this imitation, you connect this to the modern world. Thus, reality is acknowledged in the work and the lamb has no power, causing it to simply not exist.
Also, your use of Central as the Child raises some interesting discussion topics. In both the original and your imitation, the Child represents sanity, someone that we can connect with. He's the sane one while his sister is the pants-on-head crazy one. However, Central's sister no doubt had legitimate reasons for asking Central to be quiet in real life. So imagine, what if the King had legitimate reasons for his actions after all?
(I still need to record a Terezi impression)
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Seeing a fictional character come to terms with his lack of existence is always an interesting experience. YKAHC doesn't fail expectations. As part of his method of coping, the King extends his kingship to all people as a way of symbolically exerting his power. In reality, he's just grasping at straws as he's slowly submerged under the heel of reality's foot. Wait, that's a terrible metaphor. Nevermind that.
As the King attempts to defy his lack of existence, his child becomes more and more troublesome. She (He?) refuses to acknowledge the King's claim to universal kingship and mocks it by comparing him to the Burger King. When the King questions her (his?) claim to existence, she offhandedly assures herself and mentally designates the King's worries as irrelevant. She refuses to provide further proof, instead retreating. The king settles for playing in his band, but it's obvious that he's trying to drown out the voices inside his earlobe and...this is about to turn into another bad metaphor.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
yes sister
I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT THIS STRANGE FLAT OBJECT IS
sister, that's a piece of paper.
AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET FROM THAT
it's a piece of paper
it comes from trees
what else am I supposed to tell you
CENTRAL, I AM YOUR SISTER AND YOUR KING
princess
PRINCESS
AND YOU WILL NOT SASS ME IN MY OWN HOME
fine i'll tell you
but then i want to be the princess
FINE
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Commentary later There doesn't seem to be much to comment on. It appears to be a regular case of author appeal. Except for the facebook thing. That's just odd.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Must give us pause
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Chef's grasp on reality is slowly losing its grip. He manages to mistake a number of objects, creating his own interpretation of what he does, one that makes sense.
He becomes petulant when Waiterman does not share in his fantasy. Must give us pause.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
And here, we see a tough spot in the Chef-Waiterman relationship.
In this vignette, Chef becomes incapable of handling his own
problems. This is signified by him making his grill unusable through
orange paint. Waiterman has to pick up Chef's slack. As Chef has failed
his role in the relationship, Waiterman must compensate, a principle
akin to a wife working overtime because her husband was let go. However,
even Waiterman is obstructed by Chef's problems, symbolized by the
orange paint.
Seeing Waiterman struggle with his own problems forces Chef
to reflect on the cause of them. He goes back to a childhood memory, a
failure that has stained his life since then. Very Freudian, obviously.
However, instead of confronting and overcoming this memory, he
falters and strikes out against Waiterman, who strikes him back in
turn. It becomes obvious that Chef needs to take a break from the
relationship and go to find himself.
This, I do believe, stands out among Central Avenue's work.
It's something that relates to anyone who's ever been in a stressful
relationship. Also, Central uses a fuller gamut of emotions than his
usual stock. I recommend this story highly
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
but sis
this car doesn't have a radio
LUCKILY, CHAUFFEUR, I BROUGHT ALONG A CD FILLED WITH THE BEST HITS FROM 1978
it doesn't have a cd player either, remember?
i told you this three times already
WHAT TOMFOOLERY IS THIS
cd players were expensive in 1994.
CENTRAL, I AM YOUR FATHER--
sister
--AND YOUR KING
AND I DEMAND TO HEAR BARRY MANILOW'S COPACABANA
nope
that's it
-stops the car; gets out-
CENTRAL WHERE ARE YOU GOING
i'll be back when it gets out of my head