Trash Heap Classics: The Adventures of Twilight Fan, Weather Pegasus and Englishman (April 2013)
CentralAve: Alright, so an Englishman, a weather pegasus, and a Twilight fan walk into a bar
CentralAve: The Englishman says "Back home in England, we have this thing called England"
CentralAve: And weather pegasus says "good for you, mate, but i'm not paying your speeding ticket"
Section42L: wb
CentralAve: "I told you to take the bus," says the Twilight fan
CentralAve: "How are you even in here?" says the weather pegasus. "You're definitely not 21."
SF_Sorrow: wb
CentralAve: "21?" says the Englishman. "What kind of backwards country lets you own a gun when you're 12 but won't let you drink until 21?"
CentralAve: "You know what, screw this," says the weather pegasus. "I'm dashin'."
CentralAve: But then the bartender's like "ma'am, I can't let you leave. You've had too much. I can't let you fly under the influence."
CentralAve: So the pegasus says "fine, I'll walk then"
CentralAve: But nobody actually believes her
CentralAve: So the Twilight fan is offering to give her a ride home, since she's the designated driver anyway
CentralAve: But the pegasus just storms out of the place. It was kinda rude, actually.
Section42L: I always saw Twilight as about 25-ish
Section42L: I know that isn't the Twilight you're talking about
Section42L: but still
Section42L: about the same age as you, which is probably why you saw a connection in her
CentralAve: You know, that makes sense
SF_Sorrow: heh, same here
CentralAve: Also I've nonsensed myself into a corner here
Section42L: also I gotta listen to some Scott Walker now
SF_Sorrow: around that age anyways
Section42L: Thanks, JHM
Alicia: "You know what, screw this," says the weather pegasus. "I'm dashin'."
CentralAve: so anyway, the pegasus goes outside
CentralAve: and she's getting ready to fly off but she sees that Charlotte's dad is standing across the street
Section42L: also, listening to "Fear Of A Black Planet" - It's a shame that sampling crackdown happened. Who knows what rap would've sounded like if it hadn't?
Section42L: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Upright_Music,_Ltd._v._Warner_Bros._Records,_Inc.
Omnipresence: URL: [en.wikipedia.org] Grand Upright Music, Ltd. v. Warner Bros. Records, Inc - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
CentralAve: and i mean, he's off duty and all, but why risk it?
Section42L: okay moving on
CentralAve: who know, maybe giving breathalyzer tests is a hobby of his
CentralAve: so she just goes back inside
CentralAve: and the Englishman is laughing his ass off at this
CentralAve: because he's totes drunk
CentralAve: or "pissed" as he'd call it
CentralAve: so then the Twilight fan is like "aren't vampires sexy"
CentralAve: and everyone else is like "why did you just decide to randomly say that?"
CentralAve: and she's like "well it's better than talking about this dumb horse and her FUI"
CentralAve: and the pegasus is like "excuse me, bitch, i've never ONcE been convicted of FUI"
CentralAve: and the englishman is all "FU is right!"
CentralAve: and then they all just sorta have a laugh
Section42L: ah, terminology
Section42L: and how it can mean multiple things
CentralAve: so then the englishman starts speaking in some weird foreign language
CentralAve: i think it's called english
CentralAve: but not like american english
Somasis: how is everyone doing tonight?
CentralAve: some, like, english english
CentralAve: He's like "My lorry's parked up by the kerb, mate"
Somasis: OY
CentralAve: And the Twilight fan says "Who's Laurie?"
CentralAve: And the Englishman says "My lorry!"
Somasis: oy what u say mate ill hook u in tha gabba oi I sw'ea on me mum
CentralAve: and the pegasus is like "so wait, you can drive here but i'm not allowed to fly off. so un-rainbow."
CentralAve: and the twilight fan's like "i told you before we got here, i'm the designated driver"
CentralAve: "i mean seriously" she says "why did you think i'm not drinking anything"
CentralAve: "because you're under 21, duh" says the pegasus
CentralAve: "i am NOt under 21" says the Twilight fan
CentralAve: and the englishman's just laughing
Section42L: Somasis: pff, we're okay tonight
Somasis: is that good?
Section42L: yeah, it is
. . .
CentralAve: so a little bit of time passes, and they drink some more
CentralAve: except the twilight fan, i guess
CentralAve: then she's like "so, how's Laurie?"
CentralAve: and the englishman's like "not bad, i guess. needs some more petrol..."
CentralAve: and the twilight fan's like "petrol? do you need a prescription for that?"
CentralAve: "i don't understand how you people get by without flying," says the weather pegasus
CentralAve: (fuck i forgot where i was going with that)
Section42L: were you making a joke about petrol being drugs, maybe
CentralAve: "So Laurie's on Petrol?" says the Twilight fan
CentralAve: "Yeah," says the Englishman. "I mean, I could've bought a diesel one, but..."
CentralAve: "Where's Laurie from, anyway?" asks the Twilight Fan
CentralAve: "Some place in Birmingham" the englishman replies
CentralAve: "Ooh, she's from Alabama!"
CentralAve: "you're doing that on purpose now, aren't you?" says the englishman
CentralAve: "doing what on purpose?" says the twilight fan
Pyridrym [~Pyridrym@76-10-166-13.dsl.teksavvy.com] entered the room.
CentralAve: "how is this conversation happening like this when you're not even the drunk one?" says the weather pegasus
CentralAve: "don't blame this on me!" says the twilight fan. "he's the one not making any sense!"
CentralAve: "and poor Laurie is outside in the cold waiting for us, too!"
Pyridrym left the room (quit: Client Quit).
CentralAve: "i don't see how that's a surprise considering we all rode here in it" says the englishman
***Somasis yawns
Somasis: I have no idea what is going on
Section42L: just the usual nonsense :P
CentralAve: so the bartender's basically just been standing here listening to this the whole time, y'know?
CentralAve: and he's finally had enough
CentralAve: so he turns to the twilight fan and says "a 'lorry' is a truck"
CentralAve: and the twilight fan says "HOW DARE YOU"
CentralAve: "INSULTING MY FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT"
CentralAve: and the enlighman goes "I'M NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BLOODY LORRY"
CentralAve: "Bloody? Oh my god, what did you do to her?"
CentralAve: "Can we get on with it?" says the weather pegasus
CentralAve: "I feel like this whole Who's On First gag was run into the ground several lines of dialogue ago"
CentralAve: and everybody goes "fair enough" and they get back to drinking
CentralAve: END OF BOOK 1.
Section42L: ++
SF_Sorrow: ++
CentralAve: Book 2 will commence during that inevitable period around 4 am where anonus is here but nobody's saying anything because we're tired
Section42L: and I won't be up to actually see the book be read
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