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Boring holiday thinkpieces you can stop writing

OdradekOdradek
in General
1. Elf on the Shelf is creepy

2. Christmas Shoes is bad

3. The Maccabees were terrorists!!!!

4. Christmas has pagan origins.
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Comments

  • CrystalCrystal
    Munch munch, chomp chomp...
    I do not understand numbers one and two, for the better. Three and four I get, I've just never seen thinkpieces on.
  • lee4hmzlee4hmz
    ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS
    Elf on the Shelf, as I understand it, is a more localised reformatting of Santa Claus. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, etc. Christmas Shoes is glurge, and there's tons of that; people complain about it around Christmas because of all the schmaltz floating around in general.
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    IT NEVER GETS PLAYED THOUGH

    EVER

    EEEVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRRR
  • MetaFourMetaFour
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Likewise, I've been exposed to people complaining about "Christmas Shoes" far more often than I've been exposed to "Christmas Shoes" itself.

    Shocking twist: "Christmas Shoes" was only ever played once in its entirety, but people have kept its memory alive by complaining about it ever since.
  • CalicaCalica
    Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.
    i don't know what christmas shoes is
  • FossilmaidenFossilmaiden
    image Wee yea erra chs hymmnos mea.
    clearly the greatest christmas song of all time is "is this the way to amarillo"
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Fossilmaiden said:

    clearly the greatest christmas song of all time is "is this the way to amarillo"

    no, the greatest christmas song of all time is "witch doctor (ooh, ee, ooh ah ah)"
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    blah blah blah panopticon blah blah blah
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    I don't think I've ever heard "Christmas Shoes"

    honestly
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Because it has never been played anywhere.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    it is possible.
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    It hit #42 in the Hot 100 and #1 in "Adult Contemporary," so it was very, very big at one point. And I have no doubt that there are parts of the country where people still play it fairly often. This being said, cracking jokes about how awful it is has become pretty old hat at this point. Like, apparently Patton Oswalt did a whole bit about how sick this song is. It's been wrung dry.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    Baldanders said:

    3. The Maccabees were terrorists!!!!

    lies, this is the greatest thinkpiece of all
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    "The Christmas Shoes" is a Christmas-themed song by the Christian vocal group NewSong

    this is the least promising thing I have ever read
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Antiochus Epiphanes was totally a colonialist coming in and forcing his religion on an unreceptive populace via atrocities.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    "Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
    It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
    Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
    You see she's been sick for quite a while
    And I know these shoes would make her smile
    And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight"

    oh

    my

    god
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    "Christmas Shoes" is my mom's favorite song, full stop.

    She has a burned CD-R that is just it and nothing else.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    like one instance of it or as many times as it could be put on there?
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    nope

    just one, the CD has one track.
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    said CD is like 

    at least 6 or 7 years old, so it's not a recent undertaking

    but she digs it out every Christmas season
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    I once burned a CD containing the Dysfunctional Systems and Tower of Heaven soundtracks.

    I had extra space so I copied a loopable version of a certain Tower of Heaven track over and over again because it's my favorite track.

    As a result, my custom CD has the Dysfunctional Systems soundtrack, followed by part of the Tower of Heaven soundtrack, followed by 18 minutes of Indignant Divinity, followed by the rest of the Tower of Heaven soundtrack.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    I have a CD that's nothing but 12+ different versions of "Can't Seem to Make You Mine" by the Seeds

    so, whatever
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    There is a compilation out there of multifarious underground and experimental artists covering "Call Me Maybe".
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i heard Call Me Maybe playing in a store the other day and was surprised

    cuz, i dunno, didn't expect it to still be getting airplay at this point?
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    I'm usually cool with brainless happy pop, but I found Call Me Maybe insufferable.

    Which was bad, because it was the brainless happy pop everyone ELSE decided they were cool with.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    . . . i loved it tbh

    but i normally like brainless happy pop so that's probably not surprising
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Imipolex G said:

    I have a CD that's nothing but 12+ different versions of "Can't Seem to Make You Mine" by the Seeds

    so, whatever

    this makes me think of the 20 different versions of "Fly Me To The Moon" that are present in Evangelion's soundtrack, of which 12 are present at the end of the third (and last) disc
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    Baldanders said:

    I'm usually cool with brainless happy pop, but I found Call Me Maybe insufferable.


    Which was bad, because it was the brainless happy pop everyone ELSE decided they were cool with.
    I had this reaction to "Happy" by Pharrell.

    also St. Pepsi's remix of "Call Me Maybe" is great.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    1. I still hear "Christmas Shoes" on a semi-regular basis...but I am the kind of weirdo who intentionally listens to the Christmas music stations in December, so my experience might not be typical. (Most people seem to dislike Christmas music for some reason?? I've always found it to be relaxing.)

    2. It's interesting to me that burned CDs last as long as they do. Somehow I would expect CDs from 6-7 years ago to be deteriorating by now, but I guess CD-Rs have some pretty decent longevity. (Which is good, because I have a bunch of discs I burned of my digital photos from 2008-10.)

    3. I loved "Call Me Maybe". I'm a sucker for bubbly, giggly teenybopper pop songs. Maybe the Band of Brats should cover it! :P
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i'm sorry Jane but Happy is the best
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    Tachyon said:

    i'm sorry Jane but Happy is the best

    NO ONE RESPECTS ANY OF THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER SONGS PHARRELL HAS EITHER MADE OR PRODUCED

    LOOK, HERE'S ONE THAT HE DID THE BEAT FOR IT'S 10,000X BETTER THAN HAPPY AND IT CAME OUT LIKE A MONTH AGO AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT


  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    ??

    i heard people talking about that song lots

    and i'm not disrespecting Missy Elliott

    Happy is just a really cheering happy song and sometimes that's enough
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    That's not true, people talk about Blurred Lines
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    Blurred Lines might be the only thing he's worked on that's worse.
    Tachyon said:

    ??

    i heard people talking about that song lots

    this surprises me ,because I largely didn't other than one/r/HipHopHeads thread.

    I like the track he did with Daft Punk better also.

    Anyway, I mostly don't like "Happy" because the Dollar General I used to work at played it fucking constantly.
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    glennmagusharvey said:

    Imipolex G said:

    I have a CD that's nothing but 12+ different versions of "Can't Seem to Make You Mine" by the Seeds

    so, whatever

    this makes me think of the 20 different versions of "Fly Me To The Moon" that are present in Evangelion's soundtrack, of which 12 are present at the end of the third (and last) disc
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    Christmas shoes has its own play

    I've been in it
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Pharrell, Janelle Monae, and Lupe Fiasco should team up.

    Not like, in a song, they should fight crime on a TV show.
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    I would watch that.

    I happen to enjoy both of those songs to some degree, although I am not regularly exposed to either and thus they have yet to entirely wear out their welcome.

    I could stand to hear "Boom Clap" get overplayed, personally. It's really a lovely song.
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    I still honestly love the shit out of Random Access Memories in general.

    It might help that I don't listen to the radio enough for "Get Lucky" to be overplayed to me.
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    Charlie XCX is a great singer.
  • MetaFourMetaFour
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    glennmagusharvey said:


    this makes me think of the 20 different versions of "Fly Me To The Moon" that are present in Evangelion's soundtrack, of which 12 are present at the end of the third (and last) disc



  • MetaFourMetaFour
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Central Avenue said:

    1. I still hear "Christmas Shoes" on a semi-regular basis...but I am the kind of weirdo who intentionally listens to the Christmas music stations in December, so my experience might not be typical. (Most people seem to dislike Christmas music for some reason?? I've always found it to be relaxing.)


    I freakin love Christmas music. But as with all other music, my taste in Christmas stuff is odd, and when I don't dislike the stuff on the radio outright, I find it overstays its welcome quickly.
  • MissUtilisMissUtilis
    BEWARE OF GRRL!
    Baldanders said:

    I'm usually cool with brainless happy pop, but I found Call Me Maybe insufferable.


    Which was bad, because it was the brainless happy pop everyone ELSE decided they were cool with.
    I so know how it feels for the one thing everybody else likes to annoy me to no end
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    I've heard 'Christmas Shoes' now and I'm very bewildered.
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    The song bewilders me for its length and structure but not its sentiment.

    And I dunno Patton makes a stink about how Jesus wouldn't care about your material possessions, but I don't know, grave goods makes sense to me.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    To me, at least, a big part of what makes it awkward is the way the singer makes it all about himself.

    "God had sent that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about"...really? A little boy's mom is dying and you think God's trying to make a point to you?
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    edited 2015-12-05 04:28:25
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Magical thinking isn't exclusive to Christianity. Like, lots of people could die in a war, including your son, and you could still think; "This is Old Man Heaven's (老天爷) way of punishing me."
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Like a lot of occult belief stems from the idea that the universe was arranged to rotate around you personally, while also rotating around everyone else as individuals as well. That's the thinking behind astrology.

    Or something like that, I'm misremembering something.
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    it's just that Yehowah is generally portrayed as benevolent, but the deity depicted in "Christmas Shoes" is, well, kind of a dick, yeah?
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    edited 2015-12-05 04:33:51
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Right, I forget about that.

    Omnipotence has always confused me.
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