why do evangelical protestants frequently emphasize that heaven is a good real estate deal

Obā-san

i feel this question needs its own thread

Imipolex G

because it's THE AMERICAN DREAM

Salix Babylonika

huh?

glennmagusharvey

because them born-agains' megachurches need the money

flamebait.txt

Obā-san

Jane said:

huh?

IN HEAVEN YOU GET A HUGE MANSION

Salix Babylonika

Today is Tomorrow said:

Jane said:

huh?

IN HEAVEN YOU GET A HUGE MANSION

oh

because people don't understand what metaphors are

Bee

glennmagusharvey said:

because them born-agains' megachurches need the money

flamebait.txt

I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of place where that counts as flamebait.  Like, it's flame, but it's not bait.

Imipolex G

"In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." John 14:2, KJV

this verse bugged my dad because it's so grammatically weird

Salix Babylonika

mmmyour dad does realize the Bible is not natively written in English, yeah?

Salix Babylonika

Bee said:

glennmagusharvey said:

because them born-agains' megachurches need the money

flamebait.txt

I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of place where that counts as flamebait.  Like, it's flame, but it's not bait.

oh let the lad have his fun

glennmagusharvey

Bee said:

glennmagusharvey said:

because them born-agains' megachurches need the money

flamebait.txt

I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of place where that counts as flamebait.  Like, it's flame, but it's not bait.

<Tompkins> aww, peas!

Bee

Imipolex G said:

"In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." John 14:2, KJV

this verse bugged my dad because it's so grammatically weird

It bugs me because it logically implies literally anything not explicitly contradicted.  Fucking KJV.

SUPER CATHOLIC POWERS GO

In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?

Imipolex G

Jane said:

mmmyour dad does realize the Bible is not natively written in English, yeah?

My father has since passed on to those heavenly mansions, but while on earth he did realize that, yes.

He just wondered why it was translated that way.

Salix Babylonika

Imipolex G said:

Jane said:

mmmyour dad does realize the Bible is not natively written in English, yeah?

My father has since passed on to those heavenly mansions, but while on earth he did realize that, yes.

He just wondered why it was translated that way.

Probably slavish faithfulness to whatever it was translated from.

The various translations of the Bible are weird like that.

Imipolex G

perhaps

glennmagusharvey

I have a Catholic Bible somewhere and some other version of it somewhere else.

I have no idea why stuff gets translated differently.

I guess it's like different sub groups.

Salix Babylonika

glennmagusharvey said:

I have a Catholic Bible somewhere and some other version of it somewhere else.

I have no idea why stuff gets translated differently.

I guess it's like different sub groups.

that's not a terrible analogy actually

Bee

That's not even an analogy.  It's exactly what happened.

Bee

Like, the Luther Bible was written to be simplified for laypeople, and there's sort of an implicit knowledge that you're going to lose a bit in the process but for a good reason.  The KJV was written with the explicit aim of distancing the new Church of England from Catholicism.  Most of the US-Protestant translations are written because they thought the previous one was too liberal.  The NRSV was done primarily to take advantage of access to the Dead Sea Scrolls and reduce archaism.

Each one was done with a specific purpose in mind, sometimes benevolent, sometimes ulterior, and sometimes a bit of both.

Obā-san

The Bible in Ogden's Basic English

Imipolex G

The Bible in limericks

glennmagusharvey

[HorribleSubs]_The_Holy_Bible_[1080p_dualpage_RAR].torrent

Bee

http://lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

glennmagusharvey

Someone once started making an IRC Bible once.

Unfortunately I don't think they got very far.

One of the funniest passages though was that one book which was basically a logbook of people being born, living some number of years, and then dying.  So the IRC version of it was simply people joining and quitting without saying nary a word.

glennmagusharvey

http://web.archive.org/web/20060502182305/http://twc.sshunet.nl/~djstronk/ircbible/pages/archive.html

Yarrun XIX

^ That happens at least two or three times. 

Sredni Vashtar

I like the subjunctive form a lot, so I'm not against that particular wording.

Also, the many mansions thing is purely metaphorical even in context. He means that everyone has a place in heaven/God's grace should they choose the righteous path and that he wouldn't lie about that to people.

Yarrun XIX

When have preachers not over-banked on Biblical metaphor though?

It's the best way to spice up a sermon on what would otherwise be a dull topic to cover for an entire hour.

Bee

The priest I had growing up was actually really good about not doing that.  He still had REALLY long sermons, but at least he was a good speaker and could fill it with substance.

Sredni Vashtar

True, but there are better ways to extrapolate on that verse at length.

This being said, the whole "seed money" thing certain televangelists do and how they exploit poor and desperate people is absolutely disgusting and should be illegal. They are committing fraud, not spreading the gospel, and I would be happy to see them all enjoying years of deep ascetic spiritual contemplation in a concrete room for ten-to-twenty.

Obā-san

Sredni Vashtar said:

True, but there are better ways to extrapolate on that verse at length.

This being said, the whole "seed money" thing certain televangelists do and how they exploit poor and desperate people is absolutely disgusting and should be illegal. They are committing fraud, not spreading the gospel, and I would be happy to see them all enjoying years of deep ascetic spiritual contemplation in a concrete room for ten-to-twenty.

this backfires horribly when their contemplation leads them to a spiritual connection with forces from beyond reality

Bee

Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption

Salix Babylonika

Bee said:

Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption

Wanda Jo Oliver

Salix Babylonika

"please do not send us literal seeds"

Sredni Vashtar

Or the other kind of seed, as the text at the bottom noted.

That segment was very funny and made my stomach do backflips.

Calica

prosperity gospel is a hell of a drug

Bee

Sredni Vashtar said:

Or the other kind of seed, as the text at the bottom noted.

That segment was very funny and made my stomach do backflips.

The best part was why they shut it down.  Not because of government persecution killjoying intervention, but because so many people sent them jars of the other kind of seed.

"We live our lives by one hard and fast rule: When someone sends you jizz through the mail, it's time to stop doing whatever you're doing."

Salix Babylonika

I wanted to send him a CD of my album but I never got out to the post office to do it

a missed opportunity on my part