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Worst Christmas songs

OdradekOdradek
in General
I am, of course, not including songs that don't exist

5: Last Christmas

4: I Saw Three Ships

3: Every parody version of Twelve Days of Christmas

2: Jingle Bell Rock

1: Dominic The Donkey
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Comments

  • ZeetherZeether
    Know your lines? Of course you know your lines! But I don't want to just hear your lines...I wanna hear what's in YOUR SOULS!!
    You forgot Christmas Shoes
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Baldanders said:

    I am, of course, not including songs that don't exist


    5: Last Christmas

    4: I Saw Three Ships

    3: Every parody version of Twelve Days of Christmas

    2: Jingle Bell Rock

    1: Dominic The Donkey

  • VriskaVriska
    8luh 8luh.
    ah yes, "Last Christmas", the song about regifting vital organs.
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/IoGc2jA.jpg
    The Italian Christmas Donkey
  • Section42LSection42L
    edited 2015-11-30 01:31:46
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    Does "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" exist?

    If it doesn't, I can like this reality.
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    No that exists, it is just better than all of these songs.
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    Then in that case...

  • KlinotaxisKlinotaxis
    edited 2015-11-30 02:00:14
    kill living beings
    forgot all this negative crap. cheech and chong have the best christmas... sequence of audio


  • MetaFourMetaFour
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Jaga Jazzist: "Yo! It's Christmas"

    You may think I'm joking, but I'm not. There's a joke here, but it's a joke at our expense.
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    I like "Jingle Bell Rock", but I don't think there are more than a teeny tiny handful of covers of that song which are actually good.
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    I am rescinding this list, as all these songs are better than the music I heard at Barnes and Noble a few days ago.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Sredni Vashtar said:

    I like "Jingle Bell Rock", but I don't think there are more than a teeny tiny handful of covers of that song which are actually good.

    Agreed.

    It's alongside "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" in terms of songs where covers just can't do the original justice.
  • CorvinaCorvina
    Vampire Lady of Corvidia

    (The other Jane)
    Winter Wonderland fucking sucks
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    edited 2015-12-19 19:57:47
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    You are quantifiably wrong and I will fight you.

    And that also goes for the Animal Collective song of the same name which has little to do with the original.
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
  • BeeBee
    edited 2015-12-19 20:14:19
    I don't think any of them make the top five worst, because let's face it, the bar is pretty high (low?).  But I reserve a special hatred for the generic manufactured soft-jazz-rock stuff like Jingle Bell Rock.  It's just so...lazy.
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    TBF, "Jingle Bell Rock" came from the era when rock 'n' roll in general sounded like that.
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    Uh, yeah, I was gonna say, "You are aware when those songs are from, right?"
  • BeeBee
    Well yeah, but it's like Sinatra minus the soul.  It's a genre that's very easy to do, but very difficult to do well.
  • ZeetherZeether
    edited 2015-12-20 21:21:00
    Know your lines? Of course you know your lines! But I don't want to just hear your lines...I wanna hear what's in YOUR SOULS!!
    I forgot that I pretty much despise We Need A Little Christmas (Right This Very Minute) because most of the versions I've heard sound incessantly irritating, as if you're being shouted at that WE NEED CHRISTMAS by a bunch of Broadway actors
  • lee4hmzlee4hmz
    ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS
    Zeether: The best version of that I've ever heard was by The Muppets, from A Muppet Family Christmas back in the 1980s.
  • MetaFourMetaFour
    For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    Huh. Sufjan Stevens covered that one, and I never realized it was a cover version.

    The album as a whole is kind of bipolar, so his version fits right in with the manic phase.
  • AlduinAlduin
    How is this thread going long enough not to include "Santa Baby"
  • KlinotaxisKlinotaxis
    kill living beings
    I drove across an entire state (like a big one, not Connecticut) and (a) I heard none of these except one (b) I hated everything I heard, seriously, you are a radio station run by Spanish speakers, there must be something better than Feliz Navidad (c) even the muppet twelve days of christmas didn't satisfy
  • thenamelesssamuraithenamelesssamurai

    Acererak said:

    How is this thread going long enough not to include "Santa Baby"

    I think I hate "Hey Santa" more.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    The original "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt I like, but the covers are pretty annoying.

    Taylor Swift? Sorry, girl, but I don't believe that you and your innocent teenage girl voice could seduce Santa Claus.
  • One-Winged EagleOne-Winged Eagle
    Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Jimmy Eat World's cover of 'Last Christmas' is my favorite but I love Jimmy Eat World in general.
  • ZeetherZeether
    Know your lines? Of course you know your lines! But I don't want to just hear your lines...I wanna hear what's in YOUR SOULS!!
    MachSpeed said:

    Jimmy Eat World's cover of 'Last Christmas' is my favorite but I love Jimmy Eat World in general.

    I always associate them with the one song from Burnout 3.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    I don't like any versions of "Santa Baby".

    But yeah, "Hey Santa" is even worse.

    ...but then, I can't think of any Christmas songs I do like. Hmm.
  • Obā-sanObā-san



    good Christmas music
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    no wait. THERE IS ONE


  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    Imipolex G said:

    I don't like any versions of "Santa Baby".

    But yeah, "Hey Santa" is even worse.

    ...but then, I can't think of any Christmas songs I do like. Hmm.

    Not even the songs from A Charlie Brown Christmas?
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    that's ok too
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Jingle Bell Rock is pretty suck, yes
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    so is basically ever pop remix of a traditional christmas carol
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Central Avenue said:

    The original "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt I like, but the covers are pretty annoying.


    Taylor Swift? Sorry, girl, but I don't believe that you and your innocent teenage girl voice could seduce Santa Claus.
    The cool thing about that version is that you can pretend it's part of an evil plot by '60s Catwoman.
  • BeeBee
    Section42L said:

    Imipolex G said:

    I don't like any versions of "Santa Baby".

    But yeah, "Hey Santa" is even worse.

    ...but then, I can't think of any Christmas songs I do like. Hmm.

    Not even the songs from A Charlie Brown Christmas?
    I feel like I'd enjoy the Charlie Brown songs more if they weren't played fucking everywhere.
  • ZeetherZeether
    Know your lines? Of course you know your lines! But I don't want to just hear your lines...I wanna hear what's in YOUR SOULS!!
    The best Christmas song is the Jim Lang cover of Jingle Bells
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    Bee said:

    Section42L said:

    Imipolex G said:

    I don't like any versions of "Santa Baby".

    But yeah, "Hey Santa" is even worse.

    ...but then, I can't think of any Christmas songs I do like. Hmm.

    Not even the songs from A Charlie Brown Christmas?
    I feel like I'd enjoy the Charlie Brown songs more if they weren't played fucking everywhere.
    huh, really?  i never hear them played anywhere.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    I hear this sometimes



    that's about it
  • BeeBee
    ^ That.  That fucking song.

    It's on like every fifth commercial in the States, and on the Christmas playlist of every shop and restaurant.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Everyone likes that tune, though. Even you.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    YES YOU
  • BeeBee
    i liked it before it turned into a creepy stalker that followed me everywhere
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    aww.
  • lee4hmzlee4hmz
    ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS
    Today is Tomorrow said:



    good Christmas music

    Very Townshend-esque, if you ask me. 🔥 WHO 🔥 WHO 🔥 WHO 🔥 WHO 🔥
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    what's so bad about I Saw Three Ships, again?  seems ok to me
  • Section42LSection42L
    We can do anything if we do it together.
    I have to assume that Myr heard some terrible cover of it and he's putting it in his list based on that.
  • AlduinAlduin
    edited 2015-12-22 16:42:17
    I know that the implication of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" was that it was his dad dressed as Santa Claus, but I didn't know what the lyrics were at the time and just assumed that it went like an elaborate holiday cuckolding porno.

    It doesn't help that the most famous cover of it is powered by child abuse.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i actually kinda like Last Christmas but i can understand not liking it
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