So, COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE, what's your main method of selling magazines?

Viani · 2012-01-19 01:25:22

"WELL, Like, we try to make as many SEXUALLY-GEARED LEWD REFERENCES as possible on our front cover. BECAUSE IT'S SO EDGY AND ATTRACTS READERS BECAUSE WE SAY WORDS LIKE SEX AND BOOBS AND SEX AND VAGINA AND SEX AND ORGASM AND SEX AND-"

"That is not enough to sell magazines alone though...what do you offer the reader that would persuade them to buy the magazine?"

Find a nice celebrity who wants to do a few covershots (LIKE 1 or 2 BECAUSE LIKE HELL WE CAN AFFORD TO FILL A BOOK WITH MORE) And then write a nice article, asking them about their lives, any hobbies they like and ALL OF THE NASTY HOT SEX POSITIONS THEY LIKE AND THEIR ORGASM TIMES AND THEIR FAVORITE SEX AND THEIR BOOBS AND THEIR SEX AND SEX-"

"Okay I get it."

"But since interviewing celebrities is expensive and hard, we can only afford an hour or two of their time, so we take a few pictures of them in nice clothing and slap them on the front cover and then we are done! So how's that?"

"That's only 3 - 5 pages of material. What about the rest of the magazine?"

"Ummmm....well remember the SEX AND BOOBS AND ORGASM AND SEX AND BOOBS and stuff we brought up on the cover? We make very long and drawn out articles about the SEX AND BOOBS AND ORGASM AND SEX AND BOOBS. Our writers also make articles about CELEBRITY GOSSIP, and cue in things not mentioned on other magazines that only us figured out about. If that's not enough, we bring up horoscopes."

"In the end, at 1-3 pages an article that you aim for, that leaves 125 empty pages in the magazine left to fill excluding the table of contents."

"Ummm...I don't know, we could advertise 125 pages of products too!"

"....I guess that works"

AND THAT IS HOW COSMOPOLITAN EARNED ITS WAY INTO THE PROFESSIONAL ADMAGAZINE CIRCUIT.

Manly McMacho · 2012-01-19 01:30:04

You forgot all of the "how to torture pleasure your man!" articles.

Viani · 2012-01-19 01:33:53

With like the part where you put on a SHITLOAD OF PERFUME, SHOWER UNTIL YOUR SKIN IS RAW, and in the moment of orgasm RANDOMLY AFFLICT HIM WITH STINGING PAIN NEAR THE LOWER BACK AREA?

Yeah, those articles are great. Too bad Minka Kelly's ugly.

Justice4243 · 2012-01-19 01:37:11

http://www.cracked.com/article/156_7-sex-tips-from-cosmo-that-will-put-you-in-hospital/

Viani · 2012-01-19 01:43:07

Oh what the fuck

Tnu1138 · 2012-01-19 01:43:55

Aren't magazines kind of a dead medium?

Viani · 2012-01-19 01:44:44

Cosmopolitan is 150 pages of ads.

It's not a magazine.

Well, it is...but not one I'd read

IM LYING

Gelzo · 2012-01-19 01:45:34

Viani · 2012-01-19 01:47:59

lololololol

Tnu1138 · 2012-01-19 01:48:06

You know. An interesting thought just occured to me. Did regular Encyclopedias have their own equivlent of the Wiki Rule?

Justice4243 · 2012-01-19 02:00:58

Possibly, but it would be far less people editing them and probably people with stricter requirements for articles.

lee4hmz · 2012-01-19 22:37:55

Oh god, the redhead in that SMBC Theater skit is adorable. XD

Also, yeah, sex is nice and all, but Cosmo makes it sound like people are absolutely clueless about their own bodies or what turns them on. I have to wonder how many people reading it are actually adults and not curious, hormone-addled 13-year-olds looking for fap material

Imipolex G · 2012-01-19 22:40:38

From what I can tell, Cosmo is full of hilarious, inaccurate, stereotyped and downright cheesy material.

Tachyon · 2012-01-19 22:41:03

I think some people just buy magazines habitually, for the gossip and the new product information, regardless of the quality of the content.

A bit like listening to the radio when you know it's just going to be the same playlist it was the day before.

lee4hmz · 2012-01-19 22:45:08

Fourier: Hmm, that makes sense. Still...I have to wonder about the emotional and sexual maturity of anyone that'd take it seriously, since it seems they're trollan.

Anonus · 2012-01-19 22:45:15

I always wonder what else is in an issue of Cosmopolitan and who buys it.

lee4hmz · 2012-01-19 22:49:35

I've never looked at one, so I can't say, but I suppose it's like other wifey magazines except with the recipes and decorating tips swapped out for dubious sex advice.

That or it's like People except with Star Tracks and the reviews section swapped out for dubious sex advice. I can't tell!

Viani · 2012-01-20 00:45:05

It's ads, with maybe some sex and orgasm flirty dirty time. It's like Stuff Magazine, except for girls, and the front cover girl only has 3 pages instead of 1 or 2 random pages for each section scattered randomly.

lee4hmz · 2012-01-20 02:50:02

Ah, okay, so nothing of importance whatsoever. :lol:

LW · 2012-01-21 19:07:45

I think it can be kind of weird when you see people walking around with an issue of Cosmopolitan or any of those kinds of magazines. I mean, I feel like it is a bit odd how that stuff is apparently mainstream enough to occupy super market checkout lines in the first place when stuff advertized on the front cover does not seem to be the kind of thing you would want to be talking about a lot in public. That might just be me though.

Maybe people just have some random interest in Cosmo just like how some people like bridal magazines despite not planning on getting married or working in a bridal shop.

lee4hmz · 2012-01-22 02:15:17

I can see the interest in bridal magazines from an aesthetic perspective; even if you never want to get married, the dressed and arrangements can still be pretty. It may well be that people are reading Cosmo for the amusement value or something.

Justice4243 · 2012-01-22 19:16:23

Maybe it's just a subtle cover for putting men in the hospital with genital related injuries and making it look like an accident...

So, COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE, what's your main method of selling magazines?

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