Nonviolent things to wish upon your enemies

edited 2014-05-15 15:32:42 in General
May you lose a box of supplies in a warehouse full of boxes.

May you be stuck on a dial-up connection for the rest of your days.

Comments

  • May you forever be doomed to write bad checks.

    /Rayman3
  • Munch munch, chomp chomp...
    May your cereal always be super, super soggy. May you lose your favorite pens. May your check always arrive an hour too late. And finally, may your favorite shows never air during the times that you want to see them.
  • I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    May you be forced to watch Cinar shows forever geddit Section hyuk hyuk hyuk
  • May your computer take so long to load the home page of a search engine that you forget what you were going to look up.
  • edited 2014-05-15 19:21:09
    ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    May you live on a coast.

    May you take a shower.

    May you be forced to be in the same room with Almond Ice Cream.

    May you forget the best sunset you've ever seen.

    May you end up spending time doing drivel and realize too late that your siblings have grown up and you didn't play with them enough, that, in the end, that piggyback ride was of utmost importance and the thing you don't even remember was worthless.

    May you absent-mindedly chew on mechanical pencils and spend much money on replacing them.

    May your jigsaw puzzles always have a missing piece.

    May doors never open for you and doorknobs be a constant terror.

    May you always have a feeling that the floor is slightly tilted.

    My you never be able to remember that one book you really loved, except for a couple of sentences, and be driven insane by how it stays tauntingly out of reach.

    May loud noises startle you at random intervals.

    May you realize too late that you are a worthwhile human being after all, and that people actually care about you and have affection; but you've been standing in that river and dying of thirst.

    May you be unable to sleep at night and not realize that the reason why is that there is a sock under your sheets.

    May photographs of you picking your nose become an internet meme.

    May your hiard drive crash and you lose all your stuff and take A WHOLE FIFTEEN MINUTES to find your backup, so A QUARTER HOUR of agony.

    May you never win an argument and may people be inclined to disagree with you; but be continually unaware of that fact, and unaware of their reality-shifting abilities.

    May your constituent particles per mole be one less than avogadro's number, and may you be aware of that fact.

    May you forget what this curse is.
  • Maybe you be the best in the world at blowjobs.
  • Maybe you be the best in the world at blowjobs.

    not much of a curse tbh
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    may you be marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive

    may you have no boobs
  • Maybe you be the best in the world at blowjobs.

    not much of a curse tbh
    Not true.

    Once you had a life! Once you had dreams! Now you're just the blowjob guy.
  • May you step in dog shit every time you go outside.

    May your AC malfunction and blow even hotter air during the hottest parts of the summer.

    May your closest family member confess to thinking of you as a failure.

    May all of your sex be more boring than reading a textbook on your most hated subject.

    May your hair fall out when you try to comb it.

    May especially unpleasant hangnails be a regular occurrence for you.

    May all of your plans fail before you get a chance to try committing to them and all of your fears come true before you even know what's going on.

    May someone siphon your gas every time you fill the tank.

    May the screen of your new iPhone break the first day you get it.

    May your favorite and / or most expensive article of clothing be ripped, stained and generally mangled beyond repair.

    May your dog run away then be found a week later only to die from eating a poisoned meatball.

    May your best betch and your lover run off with each other to France to get away from you because they both think you've turned into a raging cuntmonster.

    May you literally turn into a raging cuntmonster.

    May you be forced to go without wifi for an entire month.

    May your stalker stumble upon your number, email, every social networking profile you have and your address.

    May your stalker piss in your perfume.

    May your stalker let his/her cat piss in your perfume.

    May your identity be stolen.

    May you be in debt all your life.

    May [insert gross sex disease here] make you its bitch.

    May you have a one-night stand with someone who you later find out is a close relative.

    May you have a head splitting hangover without even remembering drinking the previous day.

    May said hangover last for three whole months.

    May you vomit everywhere while trying to impress someone, and may you vomit so hard that your neck hurts afterwards and your eyes won't stop tearing up.

    May your alarm clock never go off, except for every once in a while when it wakes you up far too early leaving you to make a decision of whether to attempt to go back to sleep or just wait it out.

    May your sleep forever be unsatisfying, and you forever groggy.

    May your coffee taste like ass.

    May your mother find your porn / dildo(s) / slutty clothing that you've always hid from her.

    May the condom break.

    May your unexplained need to destroy yourself force you to try to hang yourself, and may you sob uncontrollably after you fail at that as well.

    May your favorite pair of glasses break.

    May your or your best friend pressure the other into an awkward relationship only to realize later, once the other has reluctantly accepted it, that it was the most wrong decision.

    May your candles smell like burnt anus.

    May your shit be laced with crack.

    May your body and mind be forever on different wavelengths, and may you be wholly unable to cope with it.

    May every device you own become riddled with viruses rendering them unusable, all at once.

    May you forever have jogger's nipple.

    May your breath forever smell like death.

    May you return from a ruined vacation to find that your house has been burned down along with all of your possessions.

    May you be the odd one out in every group.

    May your neighbors conspire to lock you out of your home, and also the neighborhood in general.

    May any food you eat be soggy and disgusting.

    May all of your senses gradually start fading together.

    May you lose your identity and suffer a breakdown.

    May someone close to you suffer a breakdown and place the entirety of the blame on you.

    May your urethra shrink, making urination long difficult and painful.

    May wiping only make it worse.

    May your dreams being fucking awful for all of forever

     May you be unable to tell your dull reality and your terrifying fantasy apart.

    May your name be ubiquitously associated with whatever makes you cringe the hardest, and may you recieve tons of shit for it.

    May you find, and immediately lose, your soulmate.

    May a series of events and reactions from those around you slowly bring you to the realization that you're completely unlovable and doomed to fail at life in every way possible.

    May you be granted immortality for the sole purpose of being driven mad while watching everything die around you.

    May you find an asshole genie who grants an infinite amount of wishes that he mangles horrible, forcing you to wish for something every five minutes.

    May you settle down and have the loving family and domestic life that you've always wanted only to realize that your spouse hates you and is fucking the entire neighborhood, your kids hate you and are ruining their lives to spite you, your have 100 lifetimes worth of debt and you never actually wanted this life as much as everyone and everything around you made you think you wanted it.

    May you see whatever terrifies you the most every time you close your eyes.

    May all of your friends run into terrible luck when around you, causing them to gradually stop hanging out with you.

    May your parents complain nonstop about how awful you are to others.

    May your bed literally break in half.

    May you wake up in the middle of the desert with no food, no water, no means of transportation, no map and no memory.

    May you always reach out for comfort and never find it.

    May your skin always be unpleasantly sticky.

    May your body morph in strange ways that confuse and frighten you.

    May your touch cause the things (+ people) you're most attached to turn into dust and be blown away.

    May an entire town of tapeworms take residence in your asshole (and some in your mouth).
  • edited 2014-05-15 20:02:27
    CUNTASAURUS REXXX

    Maybe you be the best in the world at blowjobs.

    not much of a curse tbh
    Not true.

    Once you had a life! Once you had dreams! Now you're just the blowjob guy.



    sounds hot tbh

    may you have no boobs




    damn you
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    /thread
  • May the game you want get a Steam sale only while you're asleep
  • For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.
    May every internet search for songs you like return only crappy dubstep remixes.
  • Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Step on Legos, you bastard.
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

    Step on Legos, you bastard.

    Nonviolent things to wish upon your enemies

  • edited 2014-05-15 20:49:03
    ~*tasteless*~
    大學的年同性戀毛皮

    aaaaa
    May you non-painfully land on a lego with the gooey tentacle-like appendage that has taken over your leg and is working its way through the rest of your body, making you miss the pain associated with feet and childhood toys.
  • ~*tasteless*~
    大學的年同性戀毛皮

    aaaaa
    May you be unable to feel any compassion for your closest companions.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    may you have to eat spinach
  • edited 2014-05-15 20:53:33
    ~*tasteless*~
    大學的年同性戀毛皮

    aaaaa

    may you only be allowed to eat maggot laced spinach until the end of time

    Shit you're evil Imi
  • May you be stalked and ambushed by a group of gay deer ^_^

    or in Miko's case, may you be forced to watch as every gay deer is written out of existence ^_^
  • image Wee yea erra chs hymmnos mea.
    May you forever roll only 1s.
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    May you have to finish every Contra game on one life without cheating
  • “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    May your sinus cycle forever drive you to sneeze, cough and swallow phlegm at inappropriate and irritating times.
  • May one of your ears be forever clogged.
  • “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    May your funny bone always tingle nastily without having been accidentally struck and your eye colour always be mentally compared to unpleasant substances by those you intend to impress favourably upon.
  • May your funny bone always tingle nastily without having been accidentally struck and your eye colour always be mentally compared to unpleasant substances by those you intend to impress favourably upon.

    Jesus I have to remember that one, especially the part about the funny bone.
  • Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    It's not violent if it was carelessness on their part.

    Is it?
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)

    May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.

    Wait,

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    May every car you borrow have the fuel door on the opposite side from your own.
  • May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.

    Nothing in that song rhymes, which has made it my new go-to comeback whenever some smartass points out that two words in a rap "don't rhyme".
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    rhyme is overrated
  • you know who rhymes things a lot

    fred durst
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    May you have to listen to Limp Bizkit forever
  • image Wee yea erra chs hymmnos mea.
    May you play only Mummy Wanderers.
  • May your sealed deck pool have bombs in colors with absolutely nothing going for them otherwise.
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    Invisible Reincarnation: Limp Bizkit has the ability to bring the dead back to life as zombies. As an added bonus, the reincarnated zombies that are brought back are invisible
  • edited 2014-05-18 12:34:40
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch

    May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.

    Nothing in that song rhymes, which has made it my new go-to comeback whenever some smartass points out that two words in a rap "don't rhyme".
    They do rhyme, in a sense.  Rhyming "rival" with "tiger" is a kind of half-rhyme, or slant rhyme, in which there is identity between the vowel sounds but not the consonants.  So it's a form of assonance, really, but using assonance in place of rhyme is a pretty old poetic technique, and it's extremely common in rock music.

    And rap doesn't usually need to rhyme precisely because rap technique is based around rhythm and accent (stress placement) more than rhyme.  If anything, full rhymes run the risk of sounding a little weak or just kind of stupid a lot of the time, although they can be used well.
  • Tachyon said:

    May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.

    Nothing in that song rhymes, which has made it my new go-to comeback whenever some smartass points out that two words in a rap "don't rhyme".
    They do rhyme, in a sense.  Rhyming "rival" with "tiger" is a kind of half-rhyme, or slant rhyme, in which there is identity between the vowel sounds but not the consonants.  So it's a form of assonance, really, but using assonance in place of rhyme is a pretty old poetic technique, and it's extremely common in rock music.

    And rap doesn't usually need to rhyme precisely because rap technique is based around rhythm and accent (stress placement) more than rhyme.  If anything, full rhymes run the risk of sounding a little weak or just kind of stupid a lot of the time, although they can be used well.
    that was kind of my point, really.
  • edited 2014-05-18 14:32:01
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i know, i was just elaborating.
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    I only brought it up because the last line of the chorus was originally going to be "it all comes down to survival", and well, "survival" rhymes with "rival" more than "tiger" does.

    Granted, I think I actually like the final lyrics better...
  • TreTre
    edited 2014-05-20 13:47:13
    image

    Nothing in that song rhymes

    It's the eye of the tiger
    It's the thrill of the fight
    Rising up to the challenge of our rival
    And the last known survivor
    Stalks his prey in the night
    And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger

    </facetiousTre>
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    See, and if the last line were still "it all comes down to survival", that bit would rhyme too!
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    But it wouldn't scan.
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    I noticed that too.

    *shrug*
  • “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    Tachyon said:

    May it dawn on you that "rival" and "tiger" don't actually rhyme.

    Nothing in that song rhymes, which has made it my new go-to comeback whenever some smartass points out that two words in a rap "don't rhyme".
    They do rhyme, in a sense.  Rhyming "rival" with "tiger" is a kind of half-rhyme, or slant rhyme, in which there is identity between the vowel sounds but not the consonants.  So it's a form of assonance, really, but using assonance in place of rhyme is a pretty old poetic technique, and it's extremely common in rock music.

    And rap doesn't usually need to rhyme precisely because rap technique is based around rhythm and accent (stress placement) more than rhyme.  If anything, full rhymes run the risk of sounding a little weak or just kind of stupid a lot of the time, although they can be used well.
    There are actually words for those sort of phonemic and rhythmic effects in prosody. In languages like Classical Japanese and Ancient Greek, poetry tended to not rhyme at all, but rely on rhythmic schemes, tone and emphasis; more to the point, Old English poetry almost never uses end rhymes, which were only popularised in English after the Norman Conquest under the influence of Continental troubadours. Granted, Old English is closer to Dutch or Danish than the modern variety, but the point stands.

    Also, interior rhymes and front rhymes are things. Have the fools analyse and El-P verse, for goodness sake.

    Speaking of which...

    May you be forced to write a thesis-length lyrical analysis of the metrical structure of obscure rap mixtapes with full in-line citations within ludicrous time constraints under penalty of academic censure and ruthless criticism of your own weak-ass science.
  • “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

    See, and if the last line were still "it all comes down to survival", that bit would rhyme too!

    Actually, "survivor" provides a sonic mean between "rival" and "tiger."
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