NBC updates on the Boston Marathon attack

Justice4243 · 2013-04-24 10:41:40

"This is Brian Williams with the latest news on the deadly attack that paralyzed a nation in fear! Tonight! Terrorist! They could be anyone! Anywhere! Your neighbor, brother, or even grandpa might be a terrorist! They could be in the closet, under your bed, in a den, with a fox, in a box. Terrorist could be literally anyone or anything, and we're going to go into great details about how pants-shittingly scared you should be for the rest of your life. Now here's Jake Iwema with the latest update on the terrorist suspect."

"Thanks Brian, tonight we interviewed someone who once shared a bus stop with now super dead Terrorist suspect, Tamerlan Tsarnaev."

"I once shared a bus stop with that guy. Pretty quiet."
"Did you imagine he was the sort of guy who would create explosives and murder people?"
"Nope."

"Wow! Insightful information into the mind of a killer, Jake. Coming up! A town spends all day trying to pump water from an empty well! Also, FERTILIZER EXPLOSION ROCKS TEXAS! Is poop the hidden terrorist within?! Stay tuned to find out how you can defend yourself. Now, more new information on suspected terrorist suspects the Tsarnaev brothers!"

"Yeah, I was their barista once...they didn't tip well."
"What did they order?"
"I don't remember."

"Wow, Brian. You can really see a psychological profile emerge. Coming up, NBC reports determine the usefulness of beating a horse long after it is dead....and BREAKING NEWS. Surviving terrorist suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev just sneezed AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO COVER HIS MOUTH! We'll stay with this story ALL NIGHT if we have to!"

"A shocking development, Jake. How much can one nation take? Up next, Al Roker is squeezing a stone. LIVE!

"I'M NOT GETTING ANY BLOOD OUT OF THIS STONE!"

*with inspiration from this comic.*

Obā-san · 2013-04-24 10:44:38

Is poop the hidden terrorist within?!

yes.

Tanya · 2013-04-24 10:45:58

Naney said:
Is poop the hidden terrorist within?!

yes.

Everybody Poops.

Obā-san · 2013-04-24 10:49:42

relevant

lee4hmz · 2013-04-24 12:39:15

I heard poop gives you ass cancer. ASS CANCER, DAMMIT. and also a dirty butt

Justice4243 · 2013-04-25 00:45:20

Does welfare fund terrorist?! Tune in tonight to find out how much tax dollars are spent on bombs to blow you, your family, and your pets up!

Salix Babylonika · 2013-04-25 00:50:36

I don't watch the news much so I'm not sure I'm getting the joke here.

Alduin · 2013-04-25 01:05:39

Mojave Music said:
I don't watch the news much so I'm not sure I'm getting the joke here.

Media tends to sensationalize terrorism.

...that's basically it.

Salix Babylonika · 2013-04-25 01:06:46

Honestly I heard Fox News was way worse, what with assuring their viewers that the terrorists were "not Caucasian".

Of course, I've only heard that, and I have no idea if they actually said it or if it's just one of those rumors that gets passed around as fact.

Alduin · 2013-04-25 01:10:23

Fox News is definitely worse about it than other media channels, but this is more an attack on media in general.

Justice4243 · 2013-04-25 08:39:32

Acererak said:
Fox News is definitely worse about it than other media channels, but this is more an attack on media in general.

This. I'm just picking on NBC because that's what the hotel here is showing in the morning. The tagline for one of their evening shows was "Terrorist Amongst Us", however.

Also, places do seem to be interviewing EVERYONE remotely connected with the brothers. They almost always say they couldn't imagine them doing anything like this.

The welfare update was because apparently one of the brothers was on welfare.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-04-25 08:41:52

Mojave Music said:
Honestly I heard Fox News was way worse, what with assuring their viewers that the terrorists were "not Caucasian".

The further irony is that they were Chechen, making them far more literally Caucasian than most of Fox News' target audience.

Justice4243 · 2013-04-25 08:48:37

NBC updates on the Boston Marathon attack

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