Anonus Watches Shasta McNasty

Anonus · 2013-03-04 22:43:34

So I've become obsessed with the ill-fated UPN, and its many phases. During one of its phases it catered to young males, and this brought a pile of crap called Shasta McNasty into the picture. Shasta McNasty was a sophomoric show that is probably best remembered for serving as a lead-in to the animated adaptation of Dilbert, more likely than not because both of these shows were produced by Columbia TriStar Television than for any sort of commonalities between them.

I'm watching this show's first episode to see how bad it really is. After being greeted with an EJJY AS FUKK ident for UPN featuring none other than the voice of the late, great Don LaFontaine declaring "You're watching UPN," we are treated to the stupid theme song.

And right afterward we are treated to two of the main characters being voyeurs, watching a camera's footage of a woman undressing. One of the other main characters interrupts the shot and tells them that voyeurism is wrong.

This show was clearly for 12-year-old boys. I can tell already.

Anybody else wanting to torture themselves can watch along.

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-03-04 22:45:39

o_o I dunno what I'm watching. I'm gonna watch something else. ^_^

Anonus · 2013-03-04 22:47:06

"Some girls you wanna shag, some girls you wanna marry, this is the kind of girl you just wanna shag on the altar while you get married"

how did this shit get greenlit

Imipolex G · 2013-03-04 22:54:21

catering to young males

usually a mistake, eh

Anonus · 2013-03-04 22:54:37

YES

WHY AM I WATCHING THIS GARBAGE

Imipolex G · 2013-03-04 22:57:08

I couldn't make it past the two-minute mark.

I'm sorry, I failed you

Anonus · 2013-03-04 22:59:37

No

You saved yourself

I'm not that far in myself, but still

"She's like a stripper"

"Relax, she's better than a stripper"

"Yeah, she's like Laura Croft"

"Except she's real, remember Erwin Tuck(?)"

well, they got Lara Croft's name wrong

in addition to the oozing sexism

Also a big penis joke right after this

I very much doubt even a 12-year-old would want to watch this

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:04:56

And now the intro has played

those people

they have names

how did their lives ever come to this point

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:09:15

So now two of the characters are on the beach eating Dnkin' Onuts and ogling women

god this is boring

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:16:32

And there's a dog now

They got the dog to pick up chicks but it's a dog and hopefully that makes this episode more bearable

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:17:43

Oh god, the dog's name is "Dinner"

And there's a doll of Dilbert being used as a toy for him

I admit, that was the closest I've come to laughing at this show, I think

Imipolex G · 2013-03-04 23:19:57

Anonus said:
"She's like a stripper"
"Relax, she's better than a stripper"
"Yeah, she's like Laura Croft"
"Except she's real, remember Erwin Tuck(?)"

"remember our talk?"

I admit there is a certain fascination to this kind of terrible pandering

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:21:40

There is...what do you find fascinating about it? The thought process behind it?

And now one of the other characters has walked into the room with big a "2" and "7" from Franklin Gothic. We're sorry you had to get involved in this, Morris.

Imipolex G · 2013-03-04 23:23:04

It's like exploitation films: no pretense at all of being intellectual or even "good" in any sense. It just aims at the lowest level possible. I guess there's a market for that, though. A big one, too.

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:25:02

Turns out the "2" and "7" were their apartment room's number

And they were trying to get the pizza delivery boy lost so that his delivery would take more than 30 minutes and as such they would get free pizza

Even by 1999, Domino's had stopped doing that

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:25:19

Imipölex G said:
It's like exploitation films: no pretense at all of being intellectual or even "good" in any sense. It just aims at the lowest level possible. I guess there's a market for that, though. A big one, too.

Evidently the market for this was almost nonexistent

This show only lasted one season

Tre · 2013-03-04 23:28:42

Shasta McNasty?

It's like an off brand cola drink, a fast food chain and a Janet Jackson song converged to create some unholy hellspawn name.

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:32:18

And after the pizza boy shows up their voyeur-cam catches a woman making out with a man

And an incest joke pops up

And the black-haired white guy suggests that they do something about this because the man is a cheater

Then they hatch a plot to tell her that the woman that she's being cheated on, so that the black-haired white guy can have "rebound sex" with her, after some debate over who she would be having this rebound sex with

And then the spiky-haired blonde guy tells the black-haired white guy that his penis is too small: "Naaaaaahhhh, you wanna play in her sandbox, you're gonna trade in that little digger for a steam shovel, baby"

Spiky-haired blonde guy is wearing a shirt that says "PORN STAR" on it

Eww

Imipolex G · 2013-03-04 23:32:41

Anonus said:

Imipölex G said:
It's like exploitation films: no pretense at all of being intellectual or even "good" in any sense. It just aims at the lowest level possible. I guess there's a market for that, though. A big one, too.
Evidently the market for this was almost nonexistent

This show only lasted one season

Well, it has to be done reasonably well. This one seems to be a pile of suck even by exploitation standards.

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:34:57

That's because it is.

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:36:58

So apparently black-haired white guy wants to actually pursue a relationship with this woman, and if sex happens, that's nice, as revealed in a Saved By The Bell-esque (minus time stoppage) aside to the viewer

But he can't tell his friends this because they're meatheads who only want sex and will rib him

Tre · 2013-03-04 23:37:18

^x2 burn!

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:41:08

So it turns out this guy is named Scott, the black dude is named Randy (which the show helpfully informs us in a Pop-Up Video-like manner is also British slang for "horny"), and he was framed for a string of car thefts in Chicago, so now he has a tracing bracelet on his leg. Apparently he chose to keep it because it attracts "fly honeys".

The blond-haired douche is named Dennis. He is seen pouring milk into a package of Count Chocula.

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:50:54

Scott further tells us that he's "not a people person". Cut to him on the phone with Feed The Children, offering to donate some leftover pepperoni pizza to them. They don't accept, to which he responds "screw you, pal!"

The three have been buddies since the first grade, as shown by a picture of them on a baseball team. The first grade was when they let Dennis back into the public school system.

Their band signed a deal with an "almost-major label," which later goes under, at which point its name is revealed to be "What the Func Records".

"What happened to What the Func Records?"

"They signed too many lousy bands and went bankrupt. They're turnin' this into a Baskin-Robbins."
"Sucks!"

"Not if you love ice cream, son." (Okay, that part was kinda funny.)

Anonus · 2013-03-04 23:51:56

Anyway, "They signed too many lousy bands and went bankrupt."

Sounds like UPN

Anonus · 2013-03-05 00:04:35

But fortunately, Dennis found their CDs and they got to keep the demo money.

Enough money for their "killer pad" and their "phat entertainment system", which includes a DVD player, a big screen TV, and, to make the 10-year-olds out there watching the show envy them, a PlayStation and an N64.

Anonus · 2013-03-05 00:09:49

And for whatever reason they share their kitchen with their next-door neighbor (if apartment-dwellers use that word to refer to other tenants) Diana. Now we have a flashback to Scott walking around naked and encountering Diana in said shared kitchen, leading him to wonder if he's in the wrong house. He's standing in front of a plate of fruit with a banana placed near his crotch >_>

He sleeps naked, and Diana has a phobia of eating breakfast with a penis staring her in the face.

And one of Scott's buttocks is visible and uncensored in some shots, which is odd for a network television show.

Man I feel stupid right now

Anonus · 2013-03-05 00:19:47

And then Diana says that Romeo (the cheating guy) is a pig and if she were with him, and insane and violent, he'd cut off his dick and then Randy comments that she's "gonna need some hedge clippers".

They hatch a plot to tell-the-victimized-girl-without-telling-her

Showing her the tape of the aforementioned makeout is nixed, but planting girls' underwear in that apartment is not.

"Bob wore girls' underwear? That's some kinky stuff!" (another kinda funny line that managed to avoid connecting only because I want to wear girls' underwear >_>)

Turns out I've somehow managed to fail to keep track of this episode's plot, and now I'm wondering why I'd bother trying anyway

Imipolex G · 2013-03-05 00:34:59

we all do, Anonus

we all do

Anonus · 2013-03-05 00:35:05

So after Diana asks how the "brain trust" is going to go about this planting, Randy proposes that they break in. Scott quips "Man, that's your solution to everything," to which Randy replies "No! Well, yeah! But it'll work this time! They'll both be gone for the rest of the day, right?"

Dennis begrudgingly states that he has a point, and that if it's in the interest of their girl, "then technically it's not a crime." Scott says that "technically, it's a felony", but Randy says that it's not a felony because they're putting stuff in, not stealing anything, and if that's a crime "then string up Santa Claus." With Diana's approval, they begin planning the break-in, starting with Dennis seductively asking her where the panties are.

The show gets right back to the cringe-worthy, creepy pervy shit. Diana says that "the only reason I'm doing this is because I'm sick of women being portrayed as mere playthings for your perverted sexual urges," to which Randy replies by grabbing a red thong and saying "Ooh, I'm feeling a perverted sexual urge right now!"

the rest of this part is probably too painful to write about

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-03-05 00:38:02

Half of the people you know (or more) probably wear women's underwear! :p

Anonus · 2013-03-05 00:42:26

That's kinda beside why this show is a stupid piece of shit, though.

Imipolex G · 2013-03-05 00:45:34

So, if it lasted one season, how many episodes are there? You should liveblog the whole thing.

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-03-05 00:46:14

nooooooooooooooooooo

RocketRunner · 2013-03-05 00:48:21

Jesus.

Imipolex G · 2013-03-05 00:49:22

Yeah, I shouldn't say that, Anonus is my friend after all

Obā-san · 2013-03-05 00:49:41

i read the title of this thread as

Anonus Watches Shota McNasty

RocketRunner · 2013-03-05 00:53:34

I read "Shasta McNasty" as "Strana Mechty," which would have meant BattleTech, which would have been easier on his sanity.

Anonus · 2013-03-05 01:01:24

Okay that part is thankfully over

They sneak into the other apartment building in a sequence that includes some "comical" shots of the characters emerging from manholes and then going back into them, poking out of dumpsters, and finally actually entering the building.

Inside the building we are treated to a Jimmy Hart version of the Mission: Impossible theme (which is odd, as even though this show wasn't a Paramount Television production, the "P" in UPN is for "Paramount", then-owner of the Mission: Impossible TV series).

Scott contacts Dennis over a walkie-talkie and tells them that they are at the door. He responds "Well go in, what're you tellin' me for?"

Dennis then asks Diana if she's wearing a thong right now. She responds with "If I throw a stick very very far, will you fetch it?"

Randy then opens the locked door with a credit card. After initially refusing and a threat from Dennis to go over there, Scott decides to plant the panties. Inside the room are lots of fairly exotic pets, such as a fish and a parrot, which leads him to say that "Yo, it's like Wild Kingdom in here, man!" The parrot says "Buster want a cracker! I said Buster want a cracker," to which Scott responds "Sorry, no crackers today, pal." Buster then says "Hey jackoff, crackers are over here!", nodding his head to the viewer's right. After being shushed, Buster then says "Jackoff, jackoff, jackoff!" because this show's apparent target audience of 12-year-old boys was supposed to find this funny.

After being told that being given a cracker would shut Buster up, Scott reaches for one (revealed to be a Ritz) and gives it to him, promptly being bitten. Parrot-flailing hijinks ensue, ending in Buster being thrown to the wall and seemingly killed. After Scott approaches him, he then gets up from the floor and bites his crotch. Dennis glimpses Scott running around in pain, gripping Buster (who is now facing away from his crotch) suggestively and humping the air, and says "Dude, get a room!" Then Scott bashes Buster's head against the coffee table, at which point the show informs us that they did not use a real parrot for this. Then Scott runs up against the TV and strangles Buster, at which point he says "Buster's gonna pop a cap in your ass!" (he sounds like Zorak when saying this)

Anonus · 2013-03-05 01:12:10

Then Dennis spots the woman on her way home early, and Scott throws Buster up to the ceiling fan, causing him to lose his feathers, and places him back on his perch, from which he falls to the floor.

Randy sees the woman on her way to the apartment, tells Scott to get out, and then says "Damn, she's firin' a person(?)"

Scott continues to struggle to get Buster back onto his perch and pick up his feathers, then jumps out the window, now being represented by what is obviously a dummy (which the show informs us is not a real guy). I honestly don't know if they did this for comedic effect or not.

Scott is rushed to the hospital yet has enough strength to sing a song about his predicament. In his room, Dennis and Randy play with the equipment, which wakes him up. They present him with the good news that the woman found the panties, with Dennis saying that "next time she sees Romeo, he's gonna look way worse than you!"

I can't remember if the show even bothers to give us the woman's name. >_>

Imipolex G · 2013-03-05 01:16:41

I guess I have to ask: in the midst of this lowbrow trainwreck, were there at least any decent boobs?

Anonus · 2013-03-05 01:30:39

Diana has some nice boobs, I guess...

So getting back to the main characters' apartment, Diana says to Scott, who is now confined to a motorized wheelchair, "oh my god, that parrot kicked your ass!" and adds that the police are strip-searching a pizza guy (probably the pizza boy from earlier).

Gathering around the TV, Dennis sees the featherless Buster and says "what the hell did you do to the parrot?" Then the woman enters the room and confronts Romeo about the panties. He says that they are a birthday present for her, and that he wanted to get her something "soft and silky, like you."

She buys this, hugs Romeo, and then puts the panties on, even though she's already wearing clothes. Randy comments that this is turning him on. Scott says that they're gonna need another plan, despite Dennis saying that this is a good plan because sex appeal.

This new plan entails using Dinner, who, like earlier in the episode, fakes a limp. The pizza guy comes, and this time it took him 28 minutes instead of 26 like before. He says that the cops got an anonymous tip that he had a pound of Colombian stashed in his ass and dumps the pizza onto Scott out of frustration, causing him to drive around screaming in pain.

Anonus · 2013-03-05 01:50:32

After a transition, Dennis spots the woman out jogging again, and Scott shows Dinner the tape of the woman undressing from earlier. Dennis tosses the Dilbert doll out the window and Randy lets Dinner out the door to retrieve it.

Dennis sees Dinner having gotten the doll and promptly "licking his ass," then instructs him to go get the girl. We get to see her boobs jiggling as she jogs, then she trips and falls over Dinner.

After some chatter about Lassie not saving Timmy and instead choosing to lick her ass, Dinner then comes back to the apartment with the woman, who says that she is worried that she broke his leg. Scott then says that they were getting worried about Dinner. The woman says that she found his name on his tag, and wonders why his name is Dinner. Scott replies with "A question a child might ask," then turns to the camera and says "but by no means a childish question." Cue flashback to Scott entering an Asian butchery, ordering some food (among which is a whole blowfish), coming onto a female employee (eliciting laughter from the man at the counter as well as himself), and then noticing a younger Dinner in the back. The man at the counter informs him (in some sort of "ching-chong" sounding stuff that may or may not be a real language) that the dog is tomorrow's dinner. Hee hee, racial stereotypes. >_>

Scott makes a horrified face at the camera, then the show cuts to him running out of the store with Dinner, being chased by its two proprietors.

The woman tells him that the story is "so sweet" and that she loves animals herself, to which Scott replies that he had a hamster once, but it died.

lee4hmz · 2013-03-05 02:07:48

I have one thing to say about this show:

Imipolex G · 2013-03-05 02:10:31

the jogging woman is played, I believe, by Cindy Margolis. Who was a popular piece of internet fap fodder at one time.

YNTKT

Anonus · 2013-03-05 02:14:36

Dennis then manages to get her to see Romeo cheating on her with another woman, and in her shock at this, Scott tells her that it's okay and that he's here for her. She runs towards him and leaps into his arms. Yeah, real plausible, that. Dennis and Randy silently cheer for him.

The voyeur-cam then catches the woman dressing, and Dennis comments that it "looks like Scott did the McNasty!" Diana asks "So, how'd Scott's date with the dream girl go," to which Dennis replies "Oh, we're about to find out!" Scott then says "Find out" as he enters the room on crutches.

Turns out that the woman "spent the whole night bitching and moaning about how horrible men are and how she wishes we'd all die painfully." Dennis expresses disbelief at Scott screwing up rebound sex, to which Scott responds that she will not be having rebound sex for a long time.

The show reveals that the woman has found love in another woman, to which Diana responds "you drove her into the arms of another woman?" Predictably Dennis and Randy express arousal at this scenario. Ding ding ding, we have sexism, racism, and homophobia! I wouldn't have put it past this show to have done an episode where it turned out one of the characters's lovers was really a transvestite!

Scott turns back to the camera and says "Well, I guess I learned something this week. I learned that spying is wrong. And I learned that sticking your nose in other people's business can only lead to heartache. But most importantly, I learned that when jumping out of a window, concrete can be very unforgiving," between statements from Randy ("You're missin' this!") and Dennis ("Dude, if you want a moral, go save an orphan!"). Diana then says "She's found the perfect solution...eliminate all men!". Well, considering that she's spent most of the episode hanging out with these womanizing fucks, can you blame her? :P

Predictably, the womanizing fucks Dennis and Randy chime in with "Yeah, except for me." "And me!" respectively. Scott breaks the fourth wall again, with "Why do I bother?"

I hear ya there, Scott.

In one last bit before the end, the guys attempt to make the pizza boy late again by sabotaging the elevator. Turns out that the pizza boy shows up late anyway on the working elevator, that he ate "a couple of slices" (almost the whole thing), which the Dennis says is okay because "we're on a diet anyway." He's not the usual pizza boy at all, in fact, he's the WWF wrestler the Big Show, who manages to squeeze in a not-at-all-hidden plug for WWF SmackDown!. Confused by this, Scott asks if he said something, to which the Big Show replies "that'll be $11.50."

The guys have to go scrounge around their apartment for loose money. They wind up giving him a bunch of other things in addition to money, such as the voyeur-cam tapes and an Earth, Wind and Fire LP. Buster then appears and says "the end!", followed by an iris-out. We are then treated to the logo for Neal H. Moritz Productions and the Columbia TriStar Television Boxes of Boredom.

Anonus · 2013-03-05 02:14:51

lee4hmz said:
I have one thing to say about this show:

Pretty much.

glennmagusharvey · 2013-03-05 02:31:48

Sounds like the only thing keeping this show from actually being funny is a lack of self-mockery.

That ,means the YTP community neds to get on this case. Fast.

lee4hmz · 2013-03-05 02:40:40

If there's a show out there that's just screaming "POOP ME PLZ", it's this one.

Viani · 2013-03-05 03:37:48

I'm watching the first episode.

What font does the opening credits use?

Anonus · 2013-03-05 03:48:21

I'm not sure. It's some distressed serif.

Anonus Watches Shasta McNasty

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