Recommend Central Avenue some bad children's books

Princess Alice · 2013-01-09 07:16:01

You've probably seen me blabbing for a couple weeks about how I've wanted to start a blog where I post humorous, "snarky" reviews of bad books aimed at children. Well, now I've got a whole bunch of free time, so I figure there's no better time than now to start. But that means I need some bad children's books!

So then, anybody got recommendations?

(I'd like to stick mainly to chapter books, though if you know of an egregiously terrible picture book that's okay too.)

Viani · 2013-01-09 07:36:39

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Corporal Forsythe · 2013-01-09 07:52:42

When my niece was little, she received some children's book called "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" or some shit

If anything it came off as some kind of stunted adult bid to appeal to kids with SO WACKY AND ZANY kind of humor

Obā-san · 2013-01-09 08:10:15

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus

ಠ_ಠ

Unknown · 2013-01-09 11:40:33

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Unknown · 2013-01-09 11:42:24

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Tre · 2013-01-09 11:43:29

Eragon-- no, wait, no, this is supposed to be fun

Unknown · 2013-01-09 11:44:10

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Tre · 2013-01-09 11:46:37

I read halfway through before I went OH GOD I CAN'T DO IT

and this was me as a ten year old, so clearly that had to be a sign.

Tachyon · 2013-01-09 11:50:56

making fun of Eragon has gotten old. at the very least, i'd save it for once you've established a style and built up some interest. same with Twilight if you were gonna review that.

hm... either i was not very discerning when it came to children's books, or i mostly read good ones

i wish i could remember the name of that one where the narrator kept getting shot in the arse with a laser gun, though. that was a little disturbing. i was 8 when i read it but that detail stuck with me.

Princess Alice · 2013-01-09 11:59:12

Yeah, Anonus actually recommended Eragon too, but I figured I would save that one for later on, partly because I want to establish a style first and partly because it's like 500 pages.

Thanks for all your suggestions, though! ^_√

that emoticon was a typo but it amuses me so it stays

Salix Babylonika · 2013-01-09 12:02:53

I liked Eragon as a kid but I haven't read it for a long time.

Tachyon · 2013-01-09 12:15:10

Pokémon: I Choose You

i can't remember if this book was actually that bad, but i wasn't impressed by it at the time

Justice4243 · 2013-01-09 12:41:29

I should find that horrible Star Wars series where completely random children are saved by the entire main cast of the original trillogy. Because it's not like the Leaders of the Rebel Alliance have better things to do.

Ace Rimmer · 2013-01-09 12:50:16

Viani said:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

That will always sound like a dodgy knock off in my mind.

Mr. Darcy · 2013-01-09 12:53:58

Captain Underpants.

I remember wasting too much time with soulless series books, but the problem with Nancy Drew et al is that they're churned out as a product, not that any given book is bad.

Justice4243 · 2013-01-09 12:57:51

Seconding Captain Underpants

Unknown · 2013-01-09 13:23:49

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Imipolex G · 2013-01-09 13:36:34

Cream said:
Wait I think those books are fake. >_> nvm

Pretty funny, though.

Jumpingzombie · 2013-01-09 13:52:59

I never did like Julie of the Wolves

Also, I guess you could go for some of the Goosebumps books or other series by Stine. Though fun, those were not the highest quality of books.

ProfessorGator · 2013-01-09 14:27:53

I'm not so sure about starting off with R.L. Stine books. There's already Blogger Beware.

Unfortunately, I can't think of any suggestions at the moment. My memory of children's chapter books is very fuzzy.

Anonus · 2013-01-09 14:46:35

CA follows Blogger Beware, incidentally...

ProfessorGator · 2013-01-09 14:51:48

Ah. My mistake. Sorry about that.

Though come to think of it, I haven't seen any entries on the Choose Your Own Adventure books so far.

Jumpingzombie · 2013-01-09 15:02:10

Ah fair point, completely forgot about Blogger Beware.

You could actually try reading those weird political kids' books. I always see the covers and concepts mocked but no one really do a read through of them.

Princess Alice · 2013-01-09 15:25:07

Funny you should mention Blogger Beware...I figured I'd stay away from the Goosebumps books since he so thoroughly covered them and I can't really do any better, but I was thinking of going after some of the copycat children's horror series that came up during the height of Goosebumps' popularity.

I wonder if it would be possible to cover the political kids' books without actually bringing my views into it. >_>

Hexartes · 2013-01-09 22:06:11

That's no reason to avoid it. It's a thing that needs to be done.

Odradek · 2013-01-09 22:17:19

The third Captain Underpants book was the first chapter book I read.

Obā-san · 2013-01-09 22:18:11

Captain Underpants never struck me as all that terrible.

but who am I to judge such things?

Imipolex G · 2013-01-09 22:19:38

The title alone makes me cringe.

Obā-san · 2013-01-09 22:21:35

the title is pretty terrible

but it does what it is supposed to do (make kids with bad senses of humor read) and so

Hexartes · 2013-01-09 22:34:10

You're ignoring a very important quality, though.

There really isn't much to snark about with that series.

Tachyon · 2013-01-09 22:35:17

Oh, what about the Animorphs series? I liked those as a kid but some of them were pretty daft. The Warning ought to be good for a laugh. It's about the Internet and was written in 1998 so that should be snarkable.

Odradek · 2013-01-09 22:36:27

No, because as tropers we are all in love with the Animorphs series /dumb joke

Hexartes · 2013-01-09 22:42:20

a8 said:
Oh, what about the Animorphs series? I liked those as a kid but some of them were pretty daft. The Warning ought to be good for a laugh. It's about the Internet and was written in 1998 so that should be snarkable.

From what I've heard that series had a few dumb moments but was pretty good on the whole.

Tre · 2013-01-09 22:48:16

yes, but the Choose Your Own Adventure Animorphs books were terrible

read one way? you die!

read the second way! you're stuck in animal form, beyotch!

read the third way? congrats, you get to do it all over again!

t'was annoying, naturally. felt kinda like the whole thing was railroaded.

Tachyon · 2013-01-09 22:55:12

i never read those.

But seconding Choose Your Own Adventure anyway, those could get pretty silly.

Did you ever read any of those Fighting Fantasy ones?

LW · 2013-01-09 23:40:10

Help! I'm Trapped... Series (e.g., Help! I'm Trapped in My Gym Teacher's Body)

The Baby-sitters Club

Magic Tree House (plus the anime adaption)

I mostly got those from Wikipedia, sort of based on the idea that you might be familiar with stuff from the 90s/early 2000s, so I am not really sure if they would work for you. Another option would be one of the mystery series (Nancy Drew, Nate The Great, The Boxcar Children, Young Cam Jansen, Encyclopedia Brown), but your mileage may vary on whether they are bad or good.

Hexartes · 2013-01-09 23:49:33

You might want to try the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but only the later books are bad.

Princess Alice · 2013-01-09 23:51:42

Haha, I loved the Help! I'm Trapped... series as a kid. Never let it be said that Child Avenue had good taste.

(Confession: This was due, at least partly, to the fact that the main character sometimes swapped bodies with women, and that appealed to me for obvious reasons)

I seem to recall the ghostwritten mystery series like Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys being of variable quality, which I guess makes sense for something so mass-produced. I was also thinking at some point I'd do a feature on the least plausible Encyclopedia Brown solutions.

As for Captain Underpants...I've said it before, but I always kinda liked those (toilet humor notwithstanding) because I could identify with the protagonists. After all, I was also one of those kids who's labeled a troublemaker for not fitting in with what's expected at school, so, while it may be silly, I kinda felt the author was siding with me. That said, it's been a few years since I've read any of those, so I should probably pick one up again and try to take a more objective look.

Mr. Darcy · 2013-01-10 00:34:17

Magic Tree House isn't bad. There are whole tiers of better children's literature, but each book in the series teaches the reader about a different historical period. And they're a labor of love by one author, not ghostwritten like Nancy Drew or Babysitters Club.

Oh, yeah, the less plausible side of Encyclopedia Brown would be a good feature.

Obā-san · 2013-01-10 00:41:28

I remember Magic Tree House being really choppy.

Mr. Darcy · 2013-01-10 00:44:59

Yeah, choppy simplistic prose is a problem.

Obā-san · 2013-01-10 00:47:06

ooooh, i know: Do Deltora Quest, that series was kinda shoddy b-rate and cliche ridden.

also upon googling apparently an anime was made of it

huh.

Anonus · 2013-01-10 00:57:20

Yeah, The Hub had the rights to it before they lost them a while back

That's how I knew of it

Odradek · 2013-01-10 10:04:55

Did Blogger Beware ever do the choose your own adventure Goosebumps books? Because those were amusing for how balls to the wall crazy they were, a lot of the time.

Tre · 2013-01-10 10:40:57

Kexruct said:
You might want to try the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but only the later books are bad.

Yeah, anywhere past Dog Days is fair game, more or less.

The Ugly Truth especially is horseshit. It is neither funny nor interesting, it's basically Greg bitching about getting old even though he's only like 14.

Princess Alice · 2014-01-01 14:26:07

I STILL WANT TO DO THIS

it's been an entire year but still

2014 will be the year!

Odradek · 2014-01-01 17:07:54

Do deltora quest I wanna see how those hold up in retrospect.

criminalscum · 2014-01-01 17:16:30

I'm guessing Latawyna, The Naughty Horse, Learns To Say "No" To Drugs would be too obvious.

Hexartes · 2014-01-03 23:53:49

Odradek said:
Do deltora quest I wanna see how those hold up in retrospect.

From what I've heard, fairly well.

Hexartes · 2014-01-03 23:54:51

Also I say this as someone who loves criticism dearly:

Don't think that just because you're doing this for entertainment you don't need to understand how criticism works. Make sure you know what you're doing. I'm sure you'll do well, but this kind of thing isn't easy.

Recommend Central Avenue some bad children's books

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