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Recommend Central Avenue some bad children's books

Princess AlicePrincess Alice
edited 2013-01-09 07:16:01 in General Media
You've probably seen me blabbing for a couple weeks about how I've wanted to start a blog where I post humorous, "snarky" reviews of bad books aimed at children. Well, now I've got a whole bunch of free time, so I figure there's no better time than now to start. But that means I need some bad children's books!

So then, anybody got recommendations?

(I'd like to stick mainly to chapter books, though if you know of an egregiously terrible picture book that's okay too.)
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  • VianiViani

    ☭ imageimageimageB̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ imageimageimage ⚢

    image
    Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
  • Corporal ForsytheCorporal Forsythe
    Doctor Who reference in Pokemon B2W2? Headcanon accepted.
    When my niece was little, she received some children's book called "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" or some shit

    If anything it came off as some kind of stunted adult bid to appeal to kids with SO WACKY AND ZANY kind of humor
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus

    ಠ_ಠ
  • Unknown
    edited 2013-01-09 11:40:55
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Unknown
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • TreTre
    image
    Eragon-- no, wait, no, this is supposed to be fun
  • Unknown
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • TreTre
    image
    I read halfway through before I went OH GOD I CAN'T DO IT

    and this was me as a ten year old, so clearly that had to be a sign.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    making fun of Eragon has gotten old.  at the very least, i'd save it for once you've established a style and built up some interest.  same with Twilight if you were gonna review that.

    hm... either i was not very discerning when it came to children's books, or i mostly read good ones

    i wish i could remember the name of that one where the narrator kept getting shot in the arse with a laser gun, though.  that was a little disturbing.  i was 8 when i read it but that detail stuck with me.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Yeah, Anonus actually recommended Eragon too, but I figured I would save that one for later on, partly because I want to establish a style first and partly because it's like 500 pages.

    Thanks for all your suggestions, though! ^_√

    that emoticon was a typo but it amuses me so it stays
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    I liked Eragon as a kid but I haven't read it for a long time.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    Pokémon: I Choose You

    i can't remember if this book was actually that bad, but i wasn't impressed by it at the time
  • Justice4243Justice4243
    READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    I should find that horrible Star Wars series where completely random children are saved by the entire main cast of the original trillogy. Because it's not like the Leaders of the Rebel Alliance have better things to do.
  • Ace RimmerAce Rimmer
    Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast
    Viani said:

    Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

    That will always sound like a dodgy knock off in my mind.
  • Mr. DarcyMr. Darcy
    edited 2013-01-09 13:03:22
    "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens

    Captain Underpants.

    I remember wasting too much time with soulless series books, but the problem with Nancy Drew et al is that they're churned out as a product, not that any given book is bad.

  • Justice4243Justice4243
    edited 2013-01-09 12:58:16
    READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    Seconding Captain Underpants
  • Unknown
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    Cream said:

    Wait I think those books are fake. >_> nvm

    Pretty funny, though.
  • JumpingzombieJumpingzombie
    edited 2013-01-09 13:54:25
    I never did like Julie of the Wolves

    Also, I guess you could go for some of the Goosebumps books or other series by Stine. Though fun, those were not the highest quality of books.
  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    I'm not so sure about starting off with R.L. Stine books. There's already Blogger Beware.

    Unfortunately, I can't think of any suggestions at the moment. My memory of children's chapter books is very fuzzy.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    CA follows Blogger Beware, incidentally...
  • ProfessorGatorProfessorGator
    Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."
    Ah. My mistake. Sorry about that.

    Though come to think of it, I haven't seen any entries on the Choose Your Own Adventure books so far.
  • JumpingzombieJumpingzombie
    Ah fair point, completely forgot about Blogger Beware.

    You could actually try reading those weird political kids' books. I always see the covers and concepts mocked but no one really do a read through of them.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Funny you should mention Blogger Beware...I figured I'd stay away from the Goosebumps books since he so thoroughly covered them and I can't really do any better, but I was thinking of going after some of the copycat children's horror series that came up during the height of Goosebumps' popularity.

    I wonder if it would be possible to cover the political kids' books without actually bringing my views into it. >_>
  • HexartesHexartes
    That's no reason to avoid it. It's a thing that needs to be done.
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    The third Captain Underpants book was the first chapter book I read.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    Captain Underpants never struck me as all that terrible.


    but who am I to judge such things?
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    The title alone makes me cringe.
  • Obā-sanObā-san

    the title is pretty terrible


    but it does what it is supposed to do (make kids with bad senses of humor read) and so
  • HexartesHexartes
    You're ignoring a very important quality, though.

    There really isn't much to snark about with that series.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    Oh, what about the Animorphs series?  I liked those as a kid but some of them were pretty daft.  The Warning ought to be good for a laugh.  It's about the Internet and was written in 1998 so that should be snarkable.
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    No, because as tropers we are all in love with the Animorphs series /dumb joke
  • HexartesHexartes
    a8 said:

    Oh, what about the Animorphs series?  I liked those as a kid but some of them were pretty daft.  The Warning ought to be good for a laugh.  It's about the Internet and was written in 1998 so that should be snarkable.

    From what I've heard that series had a few dumb moments but was pretty good on the whole.
  • TreTre
    image
    yes, but the Choose Your Own Adventure Animorphs books were terrible

    read one way? you die!
    read the second way! you're stuck in animal form, beyotch!
    read the third way? congrats, you get to do it all over again!

    t'was annoying, naturally. felt kinda like the whole thing was railroaded.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i never read those.

    But seconding Choose Your Own Adventure anyway, those could get pretty silly.

    Did you ever read any of those Fighting Fantasy ones?
  • LWLW
    edited 2013-01-09 23:43:12

    Help! I'm Trapped... Series (e.g., Help! I'm Trapped in My Gym Teacher's Body)

    The Baby-sitters Club

    Magic Tree House (plus the anime adaption)

    I mostly got those from Wikipedia, sort of based on the idea that you might be familiar with stuff from the 90s/early 2000s, so I am not really sure if they would work for you. Another option would be one of the mystery series (Nancy Drew, Nate The Great, The Boxcar Children, Young Cam Jansen, Encyclopedia Brown), but your mileage may vary on whether they are bad or good.
  • HexartesHexartes
    You might want to try the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but only the later books are bad.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Haha, I loved the Help! I'm Trapped... series as a kid. Never let it be said that Child Avenue had good taste.

    (Confession: This was due, at least partly, to the fact that the main character sometimes swapped bodies with women, and that appealed to me for obvious reasons)

    I seem to recall the ghostwritten mystery series like Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys being of variable quality, which I guess makes sense for something so mass-produced. I was also thinking at some point I'd do a feature on the least plausible Encyclopedia Brown solutions.

    As for Captain Underpants...I've said it before, but I always kinda liked those (toilet humor notwithstanding) because I could identify with the protagonists. After all, I was also one of those kids who's labeled a troublemaker for not fitting in with what's expected at school, so, while it may be silly, I kinda felt the author was siding with me. That said, it's been a few years since I've read any of those, so I should probably pick one up again and try to take a more objective look.
  • Mr. DarcyMr. Darcy
    "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens

    Magic Tree House isn't bad. There are whole tiers of better children's literature, but each book in the series teaches the reader about a different historical period. And they're a labor of love by one author, not ghostwritten like Nancy Drew or Babysitters Club.

    Oh, yeah, the less plausible side of Encyclopedia Brown would be a good feature.

  • Obā-sanObā-san
    edited 2013-01-10 00:41:36

    I remember Magic Tree House being really choppy.
  • Mr. DarcyMr. Darcy
    "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens
    Yeah, choppy simplistic prose is a problem.
  • Obā-sanObā-san
    edited 2013-01-10 00:48:21

    ooooh, i know: Do Deltora Quest, that series was kinda shoddy b-rate and cliche ridden.


    also upon googling apparently an anime was made of it


    huh.
  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    Yeah, The Hub had the rights to it before they lost them a while back

    That's how I knew of it
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Did Blogger Beware ever do the choose your own adventure Goosebumps books? Because those were amusing for how balls to the wall crazy they were, a lot of the time.
  • TreTre
    image
    Kexruct said:

    You might want to try the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but only the later books are bad.

    Yeah, anywhere past Dog Days is fair game, more or less.

    The Ugly Truth especially is horseshit. It is neither funny nor interesting, it's basically Greg bitching about getting old even though he's only like 14.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    I STILL WANT TO DO THIS

    it's been an entire year but still

    2014 will be the year!
  • OdradekOdradek
    My dreams exceed my real life
    Do deltora quest I wanna see how those hold up in retrospect.
  • criminalscumcriminalscum
    I'm guessing Latawyna, The Naughty Horse, Learns To Say "No" To Drugs would be too obvious.
  • HexartesHexartes
    Odradek said:

    Do deltora quest I wanna see how those hold up in retrospect.

    From what I've heard, fairly well.
  • HexartesHexartes
    Also I say this as someone who loves criticism dearly:

    Don't think that just because you're doing this for entertainment you don't need to understand how criticism works. Make sure you know what you're doing. I'm sure you'll do well, but this kind of thing isn't easy.
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