You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
i should probably decide whether my blog is going to be science quotes and informally presented reviews of science things, or me complaining about the ten thousandth infographic conflating whole continents or whatever the fuck
i mean it's not really science here. i'm pretty good at science, it's what i'm studying or whatever. but i'm also casually interested in history and stuff and people are like WHOA did you know china invented peace why did i never learn this in school?? and it's so irritating. i can't help myself, i have to complain about it. it's not like i follow idiots, either
^^ Yeah, it's a weird phenomenon where there is a significant amount of criticism for a work being misogynistic, yet because it's a very internalised form of misogyny expressed in the context of a female fantasy a lot of the flack received is itself misogynistic.
You'll see the same kind of thing in how some progressives treat prominent female right-wingers. The vilest, most misogynistic crap they can think of, and often a bunch of other offensive things too. Things that if they said them about anyone else, would get them thrown off the progressive Internets real fast.
Oh, and about the "truscum" thing -- from those I've seen, those described as such aren't generally all that much against non-binary people; they just think that bodily dysmorphia is the crucial distinguisher of being trans. Whatever the gender you are, including non-binary ones; the point is that your unhappiness with the gender assigned at birth includes with the physical sex characteristics of that body.
They think that unhappiness with the gender role of your birth-assigned gender doesn't make you trans by itself.
Now, part of the reason this is an issue is that those who suffer from dysmorphia want it treated as a medical condition, for which the recognized cure is physical transition to whatever degree the person desires. The reason they care is that the medical procedures involved are hugely costly if a trans person has to pay for them entirely themselves; they want it unequivocally considered as an essential medical treatment for which healthcare or insurance covers. Many poorer trans people can never afford them; others make serious compromises in their lives to get the money, e.g. taking on dangerous jobs.
Meanwhile, people who identify as trans who do not experience physical dysphoria tend toward the opinion that considering transness a medical condition stigmatizes it, and it should be considered a normal human variation. Which is great, except that this would really fuck over those who feel serious physical dysphoria (which can lead to suicide, misery and self-harm).
At the same time, the desperation for physical transition has led to some pretty nasty things at times, mostly from the urge to prove to doctors and society that they are the good trans people who are deserving of help, even if it involves hurting others (e.g. transvestites, drag queens, trans sex workers). The need to justify oneself to medical gatekeepers is poisonous; but at the same time, I can't see society approving of sexual reassignment surgery as simple elective cosmetic surgery anytime soon, nor in helping trans people to pay for it without it being considered medical treatment for a condition.
And I think it's that pressure to prove oneself as worthy that has led to the trans community being one of the most vicious on its own members and periphery of any disadvantaged group I know. The knives are out for each other so, so often, and it horrifies me to see it happen so readily and often.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
Really though, all that bad stuff is true, and I feel fortunate that I can be with someone accepting who taught me to ignore people's shitty opinions. I still feel very bitter about the kinds of situations some of us are put into.
That is actually an excellent explanation of the phenomenon, Morven. Thank you.
Physical dysphoria has always struck me as a really horrifying situation to be in, so I can understand being afraid of something that threatens your ability to rectify that, but at the same time that does lead to a rather unsettling mentality that marginalises people who might have even more complicated gender issues that cannot be solved in the usual manner. And really, the usual manner is trying enough...
just goes to show you how ultimately self-serving and inefficacious the mentality of "me/us vs. the world" is really, even if you are part of that discriminated group
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
I suppose what I mean is understanding that for some people, life really does become "me vs. my surroundings and everyone in them." For a really long time, I was a very alone person. I had no friends, barely any family relationships, and no guidance. Life felt like a desparate, perhaps hopeless search for a way to feel okay with myself, and to find someone else I could belong with, even if it was just one person.
I went through a life where I was given little support, too - I was (am) also a very lonely, depressed, and bitter kid, who was (is) also friendless and was (is) mostly emotionally distant from her family, and I do know how hard it is to not feel like that constantly throughout your life
I eventually grew to be saddened, through my own experiences, on how ultimately helpless that mentality makes you feel, and how easily it begets distrust over people that do honestly want to help, but you just brush them aside, thinking no one can truly help you
in relating to the subject at hand, when I first saw all those depressed trans teenagers at Tumblr cursing at cis people, or even the rest of the LGB community, at any chance they get, I couldn't help but wonder whether I should be joining them in their collective bitterness
how could things effectively change for the better, how could we confidently move on with our lives, if we only just angrily vent our frustrations, shut the world away from us, and sulk in our little corners? Yes, I know for a lot of people, that is the only thing they can do, but people there had really started to let their bitterness against the rest of the world completely consume them, with others, seeing their posts and sympathizing with them, following suit
and that vicious cycle grew in a continuous rate - and then you start seeing people claim that "trans men are more privileged and face less oppression than trans women", "transvestites and drag queens are inherent misogynists", "non-binary people are wasting hormones for people who truly need them"
—I got off on a ramble again, but I want to say that I wish there is an easier way or chance to show others that had suffered that they don't have to continuously think of life like that
And it's a horrible place to be, when one's hatred and resentment and fear are the only things keeping one going -- but at the same time they're destroying you.
What is a bright light at the end of that tunnel is that it used to be like that to be gay, and the same poison hurt the gay community, but while it's still there a bit, things have gotten a lot better. Not everywhere's safe to be gay, but there are plenty of safe places to be gay, now. There's community, there's support, there's hope, there's acceptance.
I think give it another 10 years for the trans community for things to be way better. I just wish it wasn't a wait.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
The big mistake is when a person begins treating the world the way that the world treats them, i.e. "I hate cis people" and whatnot. That person could be scaring away people who could be their friend and only making their environment more hostile. It's less that I care about the effects on cis people (they are just going to log off tumblr or whatever and go about their day without a second thought) than I care about the effects on the angry trans people themselves, because ultimately they are just hurting themselves and giving the less tolerant people more "reason" to be intolerant.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
An (approximated) exchange I saw on tumblr the other day that comes to mind: - "I hate cis people." - "We hate you too." - "I know, that's why I can't use a bathroom in public."
It's also the thing that happens all across the fight for social justice and equality and progressive ideals; the true enemy doesn't care and isn't hurt by our hating them and cursing them, so instead we turn on those on our own side who aren't perfect, because ... when we yell at them it gets noticed.
But that emotional gratification has an enormous cost to the cause.
Honestly, it's really fucking stupid. "We can't make horrible people feel bad, so let's beat on people who care for making mistakes because that is totally a mature and sensible way to deal with anger!"
Lashing out at random can only hurt you in the end.
I rarely speak on my bisexuality or genderqueerness (genderqueerity?) specifically for fear of that type of retaliation.
I'm white and don't really want to transition, and god knows I've been a misogynist fuckflank at some points in my life (I don't think any person raised as a man alive is exempt from that statement), and I am afraid that if I were (god forbid) to ever somehow become "notable", these things would come up a lot more than I'd like them to in conversation.
i honestly cant think of any times in my life where i was misogynistic, though perhaps that's because i was raised pretty much solely by a very ardent feminist and had little time for my peers...
I think most men are misogynistic at at least some point in their lives. Either outwardly or just passively.
For me I am very struck by a particular incident (that I'll not relate in detail, I'm sure you understand) in middle school.
For all the problems I had--both at the time and in retrospect--with St. Elizabeth of Hungary's, they were at least pretty swift in dealing with me being a fuckface.
Misogyny permeates our culture sufficiently that most women have been horribly misogynist at some point in their lives, too. American culture especially encourages women to the idea that (a) women can't win by directness, only by deception and manipulation, and (b) all other women are the enemy, because winning as a woman is a zero-sum game in which the best tactic is undermining others.
Men can be horribly competitive but at least it's recognized that you can be successful purely on your own merits, without hurting others. Plus, it's "unmanly" to acknowledge insecurity by responding to it.
that is a most unfortunate thing and i really ardently hope you are wrong.
Meh, maybe I am and am just trying to project past failures onto others.
I suppose that in my own defense I was only in middle school at the time, but that doesn't really excuse much, I wasn't too young to know better.
Anyway, my main point is that the larger queer community really likes to beat up on its own, and that's why I'm largely unwilling to affiliate myself with it except in a very loose sense.
I was stupid about some things when I was younger, but I don't think I ever really had issues with women in that way. If anything, I was the opposite of a bigot, just totally clueless.
I did get a bit weird about homosexuality when I was very young, but that was more just me not understanding what it was at all. Or how sexual attraction worked, or why anyone would want to do such a gross thing as the sex act with another person at all. It really weirded me out.
Being molested by a man when I was about twelve or thirteen really messed me up about homosexuality for a long time, and made me not want to acknowledge such stuff in myself. Because, it seemed, that would mean I either deserved it or was ruined by it. Yeah, I know, it doesn't work like that, but the 80s weren't exactly a great time for a bi kid to learn the truth.
Though I'd say that the online, social-networking queer community is way worse than the in-person one in most places.
there is no queer community in Appalachian Pennsylvania.
If anyone around here knew I was bisexual--much less genderqueer--I'd very likely be the target of serious physical persecution. I wish that were an exaggeration.
I was stupid about some things when I was younger, but I don't think I ever really had issues with women in that way. If anything, I was the opposite of a bigot, just totally clueless.
^^^ That's... really horrifying. I am terribly sorry. ._.
However, you have managed to grow into a remarkably well-adjusted and sensible person regardless, insofar as I have seen, and that is something to be admired.
Though I'd say that the online, social-networking queer community is way worse than the in-person one in most places.
there is no queer community in Appalachian Pennsylvania.
If anyone around here knew I was bisexual--much less genderqueer--I'd very likely be the target of serious physical persecution. I wish that were an exaggeration.
Mo, as soon as it is remotely feasible, you really need to move a few counties south, preferably to Philadelphia proper. I can imagine you being much, much happier there.
I know it's not an exaggeration because I grew up mostly in places like that. Great places to feel ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK ALONE and have more in common with the cows than the people.
The only problem with the cluelessness is that sometimes you can pick up hurtful things because you don't get why they hurt. But hey, that's curable.
I did a few things as a teenager that I am very un proud of, but I didn't really get what the problem was. Between being molested by a much older man and sexually harassed interminably at school, my sexuality was a mess and my understanding of reasonable rules for consent very, very poor. After all, nobody ever bothered asking ME.
No, I didn't rape anyone. But I did e.g. touch without permission.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
I was taught quite a few things too, and if I had more positive human contact growing up, I probably would have learned sooner that they were wrong. I thank the internet for exposing me to a lot of new ideas to think about, because I was a very, very alone NEET when that happened. I believed a lot of stupid things because I was taught that way and only presented with pale straw shadows of opposition.
I should point out, I have never felt particularly compelled to come out, because of safety reasons yes--both the area I live in and my mother's family are very conservative--but I have also simply never felt a need to declare my identity to anyone publicly.
Sometimes I worry this makes me either a coward or somehow illegitimate.
No, it doesn't. It means it's not causing you so much pain in your life you feel compelled to do it despite the cost. Which, y'know, isn't that bad a thing.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
Morven, I deeply sympathize. Sexual abuse makes me sad. I feel like most LGBT people already experience a lot of confusion if they don't grow up in an accepting environment.
i don't think i've ever volunteered my sexuality spontaneously or anything. i mean, i don't hide it at all but i generally don't like talking about such matters with people i don't know well in the first place so...
The worst is that it leaves you forever doubting yourself and distrusting others. I'm still not fully over all of it.
One is left distrusting one's own reactions. "Am I just feeling this or doing this because ..."
And the interaction between that damage and the fact that I'm Asperger's and have some of the touch issues associated with that has led to a few freakouts.
But I am so one thousand percent better than I was.
More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
I don't like being asked about my sexuality, because I still dunno what to say other than I'm a lesbian who has also liked/had relationships with guys.
Comments
- "I hate cis people."
- "We hate you too."
- "I know, that's why I can't use a bathroom in public."
Hate feeds more hate, etc.
I'm white and don't really want to transition, and god knows I've been a misogynist fuckflank at some points in my life (I don't think any person raised as a man alive is exempt from that statement), and I am afraid that if I were (god forbid) to ever somehow become "notable", these things would come up a lot more than I'd like them to in conversation.
For me I am very struck by a particular incident (that I'll not relate in detail, I'm sure you understand) in middle school.
For all the problems I had--both at the time and in retrospect--with St. Elizabeth of Hungary's, they were at least pretty swift in dealing with me being a fuckface.
I suppose that in my own defense I was only in middle school at the time, but that doesn't really excuse much, I wasn't too young to know better.
Anyway, my main point is that the larger queer community really likes to beat up on its own, and that's why I'm largely unwilling to affiliate myself with it except in a very loose sense.
If anyone around here knew I was bisexual--much less genderqueer--I'd very likely be the target of serious physical persecution. I wish that were an exaggeration.
Sometimes I worry this makes me either a coward or somehow illegitimate.