I'd make a terrible Princess Celestia

Princess Alice · 2012-02-25 21:10:21

"Your Highness, wake up, it's time for you to raise the sun."

"Ugh...give me five more minutes."

"That's what you said an hour ago!"

"Well, another hour won't hurt, now will it?"

"It's already six o'clock!"

"Well perhaps these ponies should invest in DAYLIGHT-SAVING TIME. Spring forward, fall whatever, blah blah..."

"Come on, Your Highness, please get out of bed and raise the sun!"

"Buh...Can't Luna do it today?"

"Luna doesn't know how. Now just get out from under that blanket..."

(The guard starts to pull away the blanket with his mouth, but I shove him back with unicorn magic)

"Your Highness..."

"Go away. I'm taking the day off."

"You did that last week. The ponies weren't happy."

"Well fuck them."

"We'll talk about your sexual fantasies later, Your Highness, but we need the sun right now!"

"Why the fuck is this so important, anyway? It's just a damn ball of fire."

"Well, without the sun everything on the planet would kinda...you know...die a slow and painful death."

"Not my problem. Immortality, bitch!"

"Wouldn't you be a bit lonely if you let Twilight Sparkle die, Your Highness?"

(beat)

"Ugh, you win. But I'll warn you now, I'm gonna be bitchy all day."

"That's different from a normal day how?"

"Shut your mouth or you're gonna get a horn where the sun don't shine."

"You mean the entirety of Equestria?"

"...You win this round."

Imipolex G · 2012-02-25 21:12:10

Not a morning pony?

Haven · 2012-02-25 21:14:12

Guard <> Princess Centralstia

Gelzo · 2012-02-25 21:18:56

So the reason you'd be a terrible Princess Celestia isn't because you'd lack the charisma, wisdom, or moral direction to properly govern an entire nation, but because you're too lazy to get up in the morning?

You probably weren't intentionally communicating anything like that, but this is reminding me of some of the insufferable Brilliant But Lazy self-troping I've seen and heard about.

Imipolex G · 2012-02-25 21:20:57

Ooh, burn.

Princess Alice · 2012-02-25 21:21:16

I think you're reading a bit too much into it. I just thought the idea of Celestia being too lazy to raise the sun was funny.

Haven · 2012-02-25 21:24:12

So the reason you'd be a terrible Princess Celestia isn't because you'd lack the charisma, wisdom, or moral direction to properly govern an entire nation, but because you're too lazy to get up in the morning?

It's a nation of horses*; you can substitute for all of those things with enough carrots, sticks and sugarcubes.

*or should I say a nation of PONIES

PlutoniumFist · 2012-02-25 21:24:41

YOUR PRINCESS and her guard

Idler · 2012-02-25 21:29:04

Does Celestia even do any actual governing?

Gelzo · 2012-02-25 21:29:07

Like I said, I didn't think it was communicating the same thing. It just reminded me of it.

^Yeah, like we're going to see details like that in a show for children. In any case, we see her give orders and she's had a meeting with Ponyville's mayor.

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 02:42:18

She also seems to have a hoof in making sure the shit doesn't hit the fan when the newest Sealed Evil In a Can arrives to mess up the planet. Also when other dangers threaten Equestria.

I'm sure she manages affairs of state as well, when she has to. But when you're ruler of a species that's pretty peaceful (aside from the errant mental breakdown), can control the weather, and a good third of the populace is usually pretty adept at agriculture, there's probably little to worry about. Aside from the above mentioned magical menaces.

RainbowMatt · 2012-02-26 03:05:08

You would make a much better Princess Molestia Centy ;)

Gelzo · 2012-02-26 03:12:07

Equestria isn't quite so peaceful when you think about it. Let's assume that the two seasons take place over a year or two. We've got the characters facing three dragons, an Ursa Minor, a swarm of apparently exponentially reproducing pests, two separate attempts at take over, a kidnapping, several instances of major property damage, potentially fatal accidents, all that crap that happened during Mare Do Well's watch, and... whatever it is Pinkie Pie does.

In retrospect, it's no wonder some of the ponies are panic-prone.

Misery · 2012-02-26 03:28:20

I would likely be a good Princess Trollestia.

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 03:33:17

^^ That's true.

I was thinking in more of the "type of shit that earth governments have to deal with".

It seems there'd be less day-to-day stuff for a god-Princess to do and more a bi-weekly "Of fuck, fuck, everything if FUCKED!" thing to take care of. Which seems to be resolved inside a day, and sometimes just by delegating it to someone else.

Then again, if Ponyville is indicative of the shit that goes on all over Equestria, the Celestia might have to do lots of trips like she did in Swarm of the Century.

Unless she has other ponies, like Twilight, she can tap to try to take care of things.

Princess Alice · 2012-02-26 03:35:10

I keep wondering how she got saddled with the title "Princess" when she's clearly the highest ruler and also, you know, a fucking goddess

I know, I know, Hasbro wanted it that way to sell toys, IT STILL BUGS ME

Salix Babylonika · 2012-02-26 03:36:15

Isn't there a Queen Celestia from another series?

Obā-san · 2012-02-26 03:36:20

Well, she controls the sun.

In my headcannon she's a local administrator.

Gelzo · 2012-02-26 04:10:51

>saddled

This is an improvement.

Anyway, it doesn't bother me that the highest ranking monarch is titled a "princess" especially considering she's supposedly co-ruling with Luna. What does kind of weird me out is that there are similar titles for ponies that might be more appropriately considered lords/ladies or dukes/duchesses, and that Pinkie has made mention of kings and queens.

Anyway, the fact and the knowledge of her rule is a bit more relevant than what it's referred to as. And there're several real-world examples of powerful leaders taking humbler titles for political reasons. Prime minister seems like it'd be a lower rank than king, but that's not so often the case anymore.

Bunny · 2012-02-26 16:18:05

She might just call herself Princess because she wants to feel young.

I mean, she's at least a thousand years old, she probably feels like an old geezer.

Idler · 2012-02-26 16:22:30

"Why back in my day we didn't have silly things like Hearts and Hooves Day; we were too busy fighting Discord. Buncha spoiled brats grumble grumble".

Ace Rimmer · 2012-02-26 16:30:02

I would make a terrible one too because I would have half the female cast tied up in a dungeon and there would be some weird laws

Bunny · 2012-02-26 16:32:13

Meh, Celestia probably does have a bunch of sex slave ponies.

I know that I would certainly keep a pony or two in my dungeon.

Obā-san · 2012-02-26 16:35:34

Brae~

Idler · 2012-02-26 16:36:32

You guys are weird.

Bunny · 2012-02-26 16:45:21

That's a nice way of putting it.

Most people would use words like "depraved" and "sick". =P

Princess Alice · 2012-02-26 16:52:03

So then we've determined that we would all make terrible Celestias but half-decent Molestias.

Good to know.

Haven · 2012-02-26 16:53:17

That's what I thought.

Idler · 2012-02-26 16:55:44

^^ Speak for yourself! My dungeon would have Feist in it no wait what am I saying

Anonus · 2012-02-26 16:56:00

But what about Tyrant Celestias?

Obā-san · 2012-02-26 17:01:06

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 17:07:07

There's something WRONG with you ponies.

She wouldn't NEED to keep ponies in the dungeon. Aside from her sister, she's the sole undisputed power of all of Equestria, the entire nation and everyone in it can be her sex toys.

Princess Alice · 2012-02-26 17:10:47

But then she'd run the risk of inciting REVOLUTION form the ponies who are tired of magical unicorn sexual abuse. This way everypony still thinks she's a kind and benevolent leader!

Idler · 2012-02-26 17:13:23

Now I'm imagining Celestia rubbing her hooves together and doing a Dastardly Whiplash "nyeh-heh-heh" laugh.

Gelzo · 2012-02-26 17:33:44

>possibility of revolution

>ruler controls the sun

Pick ONE.

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 17:33:47

She should probably just work things so it's acceptable for royalty to go on a booty call every now and again.

She's immortal, she has plenty of time to slowly get the law on her side.

Not to mention a dungeon full of sex slaves is a liability.

If someone stumbled upon it, she's going to have a hard time convincing other ponies that "Sometimes it's OK for a monarch to keep a few dozen virile and fertile sex slaves against their will".

^Apparently Unicorns USED to do it without her. Ponies might be able to get along without her, assuming anyone actually has the power to stand up to her if things get that dire.

Ace Rimmer · 2012-02-26 17:36:36

ITT:

We are all depraved sexual beings

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 17:39:04

"We are all depraved sexual beings ponies"

Idler · 2012-02-26 17:40:22

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that sometimes it's okay for friends to tie each other up and spank each other with paddles."

Also Celestia and Discord totally used to date.

Anonus · 2012-02-26 17:42:44

I like to think of Celestia and Luna having to imprison him in stone as the result of a bad breakup. Or the bad breakup coming after Celestia decided that Discord's idea of "fun" was getting a bit extreme for her.

Gelzo · 2012-02-26 17:43:50

@Justice: I guess so, but the unicorns would have to be powerful enough to both control the sun AND override Celestia's power over it. I guess that's not unfathomable, but it's another obstacle.

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 17:49:53

It really is a question of how powerful she is in comparison to the other unicorns.

I got the impression from Hearts Warming Eve that it usually makes multiple Unicorns to make the sun or moon rise.

In addition to being immortal, it seems likely she has way more magical power than the average unicorn, she's also had a lot of time to learn spells.

I'd imagine the prospect of a revolution would seem not that great considering the blood bath that was likely to ensue.

And, if she leverages THAT, the idea that she molests the populace when it suits her might actually seem like a pretty small price to pay.

Haven · 2012-02-26 17:51:26

I like to think of Celestia and Luna having to imprison him in stone as the result of a bad breakup. Or the bad breakup coming after Celestia decided that Discord's idea of "fun" was getting a bit extreme for her.

After the breakup, Celestia eschewed relationships and went with a steady stream of bitches and horse.

Idler · 2012-02-26 18:09:20

Totally the words of a bitter ex.

Justice4243 · 2012-02-26 18:24:31

Idler · 2012-02-26 18:25:52

Awww.

Obā-san · 2012-02-26 18:39:56

Ace Rimmer · 2012-02-27 03:26:05

So basically, we'd all go around making the other ponies into consensual sex ponies?

I love you guys

RainbowMatt · 2012-02-27 05:18:38

Pretty much ;)

Justice4243 · 2012-02-27 20:04:54

You know, Celestia seems loved well enough that she most of the ponies in Equestria would want to have sex with her anyways.

Maybe it's just a matter of being liked well enough, in this case. It's not like she has a husband that she'd be cheating on, unless there's some sort of rule about here being chaste we're not aware of. In which case I'd definitely use immortality and subtly Orwellian that rule out of existence, over time.

Gelzo · 2012-02-27 20:15:37

Willingness to have sex with someone isn't quite the same as having a lot of goodwill and respect towards them.

Besides that, the population seems pretty intimidated by her, even when she's being genial, which is almost always. There's a power gap there large enough for some to consider any sort of relationship exploitative on her part.

I'd make a terrible Princess Celestia

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