Welcome everyone, to Some Chump.
Here's the rules:
The Winner (me to start since this is the first thing) posts a picture of somebody. It can be anybody, famous, a nobody, real or fictional, live action or a cartoon, whatever. The next posters then describe that person's personality and background, just going off the photo. When five (5) descriptions are submitted, the person who posted the picture selects a winner. The winner then goes on to pick the next pic. The same person can't win twice in a row, though they can describe if they want.
In general, avoid being overly insulting, but always describe the next photography subject as a chump.
Without further delay, I give you, this chump:
Comments
"But he's not looking up, the perspective is just weird!" I won't dispute that. That being said, either way he intends to cut off every ass he can find-not including his own, what a chump- to build the ass-o-tron, and that's pretty much unforgivable.
You're wrong. I hate to break it to you, because you're a nice enough guy—mostly, right now—but this really is as good as it gets. You have a one-octave keyboard, and you play it OK, but in time running on charm alone is gonna grow stale. You'll try "branching out," playing some more complicated variations on that same old schmo, but it'll take thirty seconds for them to tell that when you're not just repeating that same old same old, you're straining, hard. You try playing a few bad guys. Imagine a voice cracking in the middle of a high note, a melody collapsing. That's what everyone sees in the first one. They don't bother with the others. In the last one, you're actually pretty good, but all they see is another tryhard. No turnaround, no "new direction." The boy next door playing dress-up. You'll be back to commercials in no time.
They say you're gonna marry that girl next door, and you will. It'll last three years, which is two more than either of you could have asked for, what with the strippers and that nasty habit where it's gone from one light beer to two to four. Positively fucking Malthusian up in here. And you'll get mean. It didn't used to be a mask, right? You were nice for so long. But this shit, it makes you bitter.
I can give you what you want for a price, boy, but trust me: No matter how you cut it, this is as good as it gets.
*click of a receiver*