The NEW Adventures of Chef & Waiterman

Carly Robin Ravenswood

do you feel that, watierman/
it’s the dawning of a new day
like the freshly fallen sonw

chef
it’s january
which wouldn’t normally mean that snow doesn’t make sense except for some reason you made us come to autrasiala

look, waiterman, we’ve already ebeen over this
we’re in autsrtalia because it’s the only place where Nestlé® Wax Beetles™ are still sold to the general bpuclic

but chef
Nestlé® Wax Beetles™ were taken off hte market for a reason
if you eat more than 6 of them in your entire life you will literally turn into a kaiju

i don’t think that’s true
iv’e already eaten 5 and i have one more
i’m eating it now

i see that you are.

waiterman, I have a sudden urge to go terrorize tokyo.
Wanna help me knock over a skyscrapter or two?

I knew this would happen, so I already called some kamen Riders
but the train got delayed due to that semi trailer full of apples you decided to park ont he tracks
So ti’s gonna be a while

Oh, how are those apples, anyway?
They still worth $600?

They never were, Cehf
They never wer.

Imipolex_G

and then chef was a kaiju

Carly Robin Ravenswood

Waiterman!! Thank you for agreeing to join my girl band!!

You’re welcome chef.
But…I’m not actualy sure we’re girls.

That’s ok. you don’t have to be a girl to be part of a girl band.
Oldfashioend notions of gender are SO 2007.

I suppose you’re right, chef.
So what instrument are you going to play?

The Sousaphone, of course!
Every good pop punk band needs a sousaphone!

Are you sure about that, chef?

You’re right. We should probably have two sousaphones.
Do you have Johsn’s pohne nmmber?

Josh has had your number blocked for weeks now, Chef
Ever since that incident with the forklift at the drive-in theater

Yeah, that makes sense.
I hope those charges against me adre dropped soon.

So what instrument do you want ME to play, Chef?

You’re not playing an instrument at all , Waiterman.
You’re going to cook live on stage.
It’s our bands’s new gimmick!!!

ARen’t YOU the chef, though, Chef?
Why aren’t YOU cooking on stage?

WEll, if I was coo,ing , who would play the sousapohone?

That’s a good point , I suppose.
So when’s our first concert.

Oh, I cancelled all of ours councerts.
We’re disbanding the band over creative differences

Why?

BEcause I couldn’t afford to get an uber to take me to the venue

You could have asked me for a ride.
I finally got new tires after you stole mine and set them on fire lat month.

I don’t remember doing that.

You don’t remember doing lots of things, chef.
That’s what makes you so special.

witchy witchy Opalicchi

Yeah I thought the Chef & Waiterman reboot leaned a little too heavy into the anime influence. It was okay, but definitely not as good as the classic episodes.

Carly Robin Ravenswood

terrifying idea: Chef introject

Sredni Vashtar

I can’t wait until next Wednesday and also Double Wednesday for the next new Chef & Waiterman episodes to air at 23:58 on the Unstoppable Double Double Wednesday Night Bloc Block™️ on AHFCK Local 616!!!

Carly Robin Ravenswood

Don’t forget to check out our sponsor and take a look at our new merch store!

Carly Robin Ravenswood

five hundred wtwenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
vive undred twenty-five toushand moments so dear

chef
i have asked you a number of times not to enter my bathroom while i’m taking a shower, pull back thd shower curtain, and begin singing numbers from 1994 broadway musical Rent using my shampoo bottle as an imaginary microphone

i’m sorry
but it’s an emergency this time

then why didn’t you call 911

i’m not allowed to call 911 anymore
the judge made me promise
it’s so unfair

chef
you called 911 seventeen times in a row
while waiting for a train at Chicago Ohare international Airport

it’s not my fault
i thoguht 911 was the phone number for the they might Be Ginants dial-a-song

that hasn’t been the case since at least 1970, chef

oh.

so what’s the emergency?

oh, there is no emergency.
i lied to you.
because I am a genius mastermind who can manipulate anyone.

you couldn’t manipulate your way out of a paper bag

waiterman!
you promised you were gonna stop putting paper bags over my head!
you know it gives me anxiety!

it was a metaphor, chef

well, maybe it should be a metafive!

that’s not a word, chef

that’s ok, neither is brixty
and yet i serve brixty sauce every day at our restaurant

does the departemnt of health know you’re still selling brixty sauce?

look, as long as no one reports me, i’ll be daijoubu forever

please leave my bathroom now

witchy witchy Opalicchi

why is my old username referenced in this one

Carly Robin Ravenswood

So is your working theory that Chef shares our speech impediment of swapping the L sound and the R sound when he gets emotional?

witchy witchy Opalicchi

hai

Imipolex_G

“please leave my bathroom now” is a good punchline

Aliroz_

Gotta get up… gotta get going..

(This is what the refrance: )

MCMXCIII Adora 🌠

Ha! This song has been burned into our brain like a ROM chip for over 30 years and I’m a thousand percent sure Carly Robin was thinking of this when she named the thread.

Carly Robin Ravenswood

bahahahaha
i am an evil genius mastermind

chef
are you playing with your dollhouse again

yes, but that’s not what i’m talking about
today i’m unleashing my plan to TAKE OVER ALL OF CLEVELAND

how do you plan to do that
actually, first
wWHY do you plan to do that?

isn’t ti obvious, waiterman/
if i rule cleveland, nobody can tel me I’m not alowed to be naked in Plyhouse Square!

tha’ts it?
you’re trying for world domination just for public nudity?

not world, domination, waiterman
only Cleveland domination.
maybe Cuyahoga County domination at most

I’m not sure that’s actually any better
How do you plan to go about this?

By being smarter tahn everyone else in town

So this is imposisble then

No, quite the contrarary!
I’m already smarter than 96% of the population of Cleveland!

Citation Needed, Chef.

I knew you’d say that.
That’s why I took an IQ test.
Here’s my results: Isn’t that a large number?

Chef, this a Bob Evans placemat you wroet “CHEF IQ = 4000” on

Damn, he’s onto me
Time to enact Operation Lie To Waiterman

Chef, I can still hear you.

No you can’t.

yes I can.

No, you certainly can’t.
If you could her what I’m aying, you’d know I was plotting to lie to you

I do know that Chef,

No you don’t

This is gettin g tedious
I’m going on break now

Then who will serve the customers?

Don’t worry about that, Chef
All our customers left when you started blasting the Powerpuff Girls theme song through the stereo systems you meticulously placed at each table in the restaurant

Ha! That’s all part of my plan to dominate Cleveland!
It’s called Operation Empty Restaurant!

I’m pretty sure someone called in a noise complaint, chef

Taht’s OK, the police know who I am by now
They’ll only charge me with a handful of felonies beore the night is out

Imipolex_G

that chef is such a rebel