You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
But of course! We need our greasy, unhealthy food just as much as any nation!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS SOMEBODY GET IN THE DAMN CAR WITH ME
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Anyone can be a Disney Princess, if you believe!
Or not.
Whatever, let's get this show on the road.
*flips on all the blinky blue lights, pulls out onto a rural stretch of Principal Highway going well over the speed limit*
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
I don't know if this car actually has a CD player
All these buttons and switches confuse me
*presses a button, accidentally deploys a spike strip across the lane behind me*
...we should probably have someone go pick that up.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
*awkwardly holds radio handset* Yes, Dispatch? This is, um, Her Royal Highness. I accidentally left some rather pointy objects in the middle of Principal Highway. Could you, like, have someone come pick them up before someone runs over them?
Where on Principal Highway, milady?
I dunno, somewhere between the police station and Enchanted Forest National Park.
That's, like, 10 miles!
Well, yeah. But I'm sure you guys can find it. Centralia's Finest!
That's the Queen City Police Department.
Are you saying there are officers finer than you?
No, I mean that nickname is for--never mind, we'll find the spikes. Just go finish whatever you're doing.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Hey Dispatch, can you tell me where to find the nearest Wendy's?
*sigh* I don't mean to be rude, Your Highness, but, like...can you hold off on the radio for a while? We're trying to catch some PopStation smugglers who're coming down Route 21 and you're kind of getting in the way.
Oh, fine. Talk to you when I get back, I suppose.
No, no, you won't, because I'll still be working then. This is kind of my actual job, you see.
Wait a minute, I recognize that attitude anywhere! Is that you, Guardsman Payne?
Guardsman Payne? Oh, Lee Payne! No, I'm his cousin, PC Jennifer Payne. You can tell by the way I'm a woman.
Always good to talk to one of the Royal Paynes! I'll let you get back to work, Jenny.
Please don't call me that, milady.
Bye bye now.
Well, I guess we're on our own. Which way should I turn at this next intersection?
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
THAT IS NOT A DIRECTION THIS VEHICLE CAN GO
*blares the siren, flips a u-turn in defiance of the red left turn arrow, narrowly avoids hitting a semi*
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Now there's a way to spice up our evening! I believe the wonderful PC Payne said they were out on Route 21?
*makes a sharp left turn, causing mild discomfort to everyone in the car, then drives over a railroad crossing at highway speeds, narrowly avoiding a freight train and probably causing severe damage to the Crown Vic's suspension in the process*
(singing poorly) Heeeeeading for Hiiiiighway Twenty-One!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Hey, PC Payne?
I thought we agreed--
I know, I know, but I've just got one more question and then I'll leave you alone.
*sigh* Fine.
What kind of car were those PopStation smugglers driving?
...Why do you need to know that?
Just curious.
You're not going chasing after them, are you?
Of course not! But, you know, as your princess, I have a right to know. v_v
What do you mean "vee underscore vee"?
Well, actually--
You know what? I don't have time for this. It's a white Mercedes-Benz Sprinter.
Thanks! Good luck with the apprehending criminals!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Alright, here we are by Route 21. Let's pull over and see if we can spot them.
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
(I love how there's like seven of us all packed into a Crown Vic by this point. Must be magic.)
Haha, nice eye, AU! I knew I could count on you.
*pulls out onto the road*
Crap! They're making a run for it! I forgot I left the lights on...they must have seen the blue and realized the cops are on their tail. What do I do??
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You know what? This is my country. And DAMNED IF I'M GONNA LET SOME RUFFIANS GET AWAY ON MY WATCH!
*flips on the siren, goes chasing after the white van as fast as I can*
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
No gniog s'tahw, Ssenhgih Rouy?
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, PC PAYNE! BUT I'VE GOT YOUR CRIMINALS IN MY SIGHT!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
STOP! IN THE NAME OF YOUR PRINCESS!
ALSO THE LAW!
*rounds a corner too sharply and knocks over a traffic signal pole*
Goddammit! That was a 1940s Crouse-Hinds Type D fixed four-way signal! You bastards!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
AH! LITTERING! YOU'LL BE FINED FOR THAT, YOU KNOW!
*swerves to avoid the banana peel, but goes too far and ends up driving on the sidewalk*
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Aaah, he's coming right at us! *hastily makes a sharp right, runs into a mailbox*
That was Royal Post property! You'll pay for this!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
AH MY BEAUTIFUL TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEM
YOU SPIT IN THE VERY FACE OF THE CENTRALIA TRANSPORT IMPROVEMENT ACT
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
*stops the car, hops out without even bothering to put it in "park", and draws my magic wand*
FREEZE! I HAVE PRINCESS MAGIC AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!
*the car continues rolling because nobody has taken the wheel*
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
*stands there, sweating, with my wand aimed at Yarrun*
*my dress is probably ruined*
oh crap oh crap oh crap where are the actual police when you need them
Thgis ym ni slanimirc ruoy tog ev'i tub! Enyap PC, uoy dnatsrednu t'nac I!
The police dispatcher sat back. He'd thought it might be a busy night, but now that Her Highness was involved anything was possible.
His first day on the job, of course, he'd thought it was ridiculous. As a beat cop he'd never had to deal with - uh, well that's not the best way to phrase it - he'd never run into the royalty. Most people in Centralia haven't, really; sure, they'd see her parades, or at academy convocations, or just when she decided to use Princess Magic to clear some clouds and go tanning.
As a dispatcher, though, he heard every thing she did, or at least every one that involved any cops. The rap sheet went on and on. Public rowdiness, abuse of language, conspiracy to overthrow the state (that one had, he chuckled, actually been fun)... mostly harmless misdemeanors, and a few curveballs.
As sovereign, Her Highness was of course immune to the reach of law. In some sense, that reach was hers, and why would she reach... around... nevermind. Point was you couldn't arrest her. And really you'd never particularly want to. Yeah, she did some shit. But hell, he remembered the chop houses as well as any cop who'd done the border. People shambling to Centralian asylum with their arms sewn on backwards, and that wasn't even getting into what was thrown.
So hey, she decides to literally tear the roof off a discotheque, why the hell not? Life needs some levity.
Apparently the criminal was an anarchist. He could sympathize, but hopefully the guy wasn't too serious about it. That would just be no fun.
The dispatcher chose his next words carefully. He enunciated:
Is his refrigerator running too? You'd better catch them!!
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Royal Sysadmin to the rescue! I knew computerizing the highway patrol cars wasn't a waste of money!
Comments
*gets in*
probably not very smart fiends, since it's unlikely to be a profitable venture
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
His first day on the job, of course, he'd thought it was ridiculous. As a beat cop he'd never had to deal with - uh, well that's not the best way to phrase it - he'd never run into the royalty. Most people in Centralia haven't, really; sure, they'd see her parades, or at academy convocations, or just when she decided to use Princess Magic to clear some clouds and go tanning.
As a dispatcher, though, he heard every thing she did, or at least every one that involved any cops. The rap sheet went on and on. Public rowdiness, abuse of language, conspiracy to overthrow the state (that one had, he chuckled, actually been fun)... mostly harmless misdemeanors, and a few curveballs.
As sovereign, Her Highness was of course immune to the reach of law. In some sense, that reach was hers, and why would she reach... around... nevermind. Point was you couldn't arrest her. And really you'd never particularly want to. Yeah, she did some shit. But hell, he remembered the chop houses as well as any cop who'd done the border. People shambling to Centralian asylum with their arms sewn on backwards, and that wasn't even getting into what was thrown.
So hey, she decides to literally tear the roof off a discotheque, why the hell not? Life needs some levity.
Apparently the criminal was an anarchist. He could sympathize, but hopefully the guy wasn't too serious about it. That would just be no fun.
The dispatcher chose his next words carefully. He enunciated:
Is his refrigerator running too? You'd better catch them!!
Meht hctac retteb d'uoy!! Oot gninnur rotaregirfer sih si?
He wasn't the best comedian.
other than those frosty things obviously
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead