Chef & Waiterman episodes previously exclusive to the TMP Discord server

December 8, 2022

hey waiterman
check iot out

what is itc chef?

i ve just donated $40,000,000,000 to the local children's hospital

no you havne't

OK yes I lied to you
it's not my fault
the gingrbread man madkes it so easy

you need to stop falling for the vices that gingerbread man tries to tempt you with
he is not your friend
he is trynig to lead you into a life of debauchery such as lying about donating trillions of dollars to children's shopitals just so he ca n poit and alaugh at you on the TikTok when you re finally exposed

is that a healthy and valid thing for him to do?

as healthy and valid as anything you've done this year,chef

that's 100% fair, waiteramn
can I have my chocolate chip cookies now

not until you return all those power tools you borrowed from me last week

oh the power tools?
the uh
the gingerbread man told me to sell those on FAcebook Markeptlace
so I did

Godddmamit
Can I at least have my deck of cards back?

yes
But I wrote my name on the four of hearts

...You ddidnt even write "chef", you wrte "donkey"

Im a fictive of Donkey from Shrek 2!!

NO you're not.

Oh dea,r I've lied again.
I hope you can forgiev me.

Oh, chef, I can't stay mad at you.
You know I love you.
Here, let's go get you some medical attention for that very obvious injury to your left leg.

Wait, I have a LEFT leg???i

Comments

  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    February 12, 2023

    wateriamn where is my microphone

    chef
    put some clothes on
    and then i will ask the question:
    what microphone are you talkign about

    th microphone of immortality
    i stole it from prince

    it can't be a good imortality token if it belonge d to a dead guy

    oh that's a good point
    i might as well immediately throw it in teh recycling bin then

    that's sensible
    it's not like a microsphone that belonged to world-famous muciisan prince would sell for more than $0.0000006 anyways

    yeah
    especially not until after the 2008 election

    i think mccain's gonna win this one

    it really is a banger
    all the lyrics are really meaningful

    hey you ca't do that
    nonsense is one thing but it doesn't get to just be a nonsequitur

    what are you talking about

    the chef and also waiterman format
    it follows certain rules
    if you just start typing word salad the structure breaks down

    sell my gloves to an unmarried florist or dave will rent a mausoleum

    nooo
    look what youve done chef

    ?3%
    817357
    ``??`?``?`?
    C:\Users\Owner\AppData\Local\Programs\Microsoft VS Code\Code.exe
    DYNA
    MITE
    WITH
    A
    LASER BEAM

    ----guaranteeD tO blOW youR Mind%7777

    CHEF IM CRYING LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE
  • You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    May 1, 2023

    forever chef, I want to be forever chef
    do you really want to cook forever?
    forever chef

    hey chef
    what are even you doing

    oh hi watierman
    ive decided to VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL COYPYRIGHT LAW
    by recording my own version of 1980s hit songs without compenasation to the original songwriters

    i notcied you changed the lyrics to be about being a chef

    i did??
    i thought the song laways went that way

    you think everything is about chefs though
    i could show you a stop sign and youd tell me it's somehow about chefs

    oh, you mean those big red octagos that say "CHEF" on them?

    stop, chef

    oh, is that waht they say?

    no, you were right about them saying 'chef"
    i'm just telling you to stop in general

    oh, that makes sesne
    I should indeed stop everything I ever do after all

    that's called dying, chef

    so it is
    does my insurance cover that?

    what insurance? you schedule yourself 39.5 hours a week so that you don't have to pay yourself insurance

    oh right
    tht explains why i have to steal allm y adderall instead of getting it filled at Rite Aid

    you have a new felony warrant for that, by the way

    oh, ok, i'll take care of that on my lunch hour
  • Touch the cow. Do it now.
    "Wait, I have a LEFT leg???"
  • edited 2023-05-13 14:39:38
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    check it out watierman
    i've just puclished my first novel

    chef
    this is a copy of th yellow pages that you put a new title on

    that's ok
    SBC Ameritech will never figure out I plaigirizied their intellectual property

    you didn't even, like, put a new cover on it
    you just crossed out "GREATER CLEVELAND TELEPHONE DIRECTORY" and wrote "THE CHEF WHO WAS REALLY COOL: A NOVEL BY NEW YORK TIMES WORSTSELLING AUTHOR CHEF"

    i've sold over √-1 copies worldwide!!!

    what kind of reviews did your book get?

    that's the thing
    the only person i was able to get to review it was my 2-year-old niece Charlie

    what did Charlite think of it?

    she said it was one of the worst-tasting phone books she's ever gnawed on

    huh, that's the same review that food critic gave our restaurant last weekend

    i think charlie is doing a little bitt of plagiairizsm of her own

    i can't believe the lack of journalistic integrity of the 2-year-old tolddlers these days
  • > she said it was one of the worst-tasting phone books she's ever gnawed on

    00000024 - Waluigi Checks Out a Library Book
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