The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

edited 2013-12-15 21:08:39 in General Media

So, I just saw Wikipedia's summary for the second Hobbit movie:

"At the Prancing Pony in Bree, Gandalf the Grey warns Thorin Oakenshield that someone is trying to have him killed. He persuades Thorin to obtain the Arkenstone to unite the dwarves, and suggests that a stealthy burglar may be needed to steal the jewel back from Smaug.

One year later, Thorin and his company are being pursued by Azog and his Orc party down the Carrock following the events of the previous film. After Bilbo informs the group that a bear is also tracking them, Gandalf ushers them along to the nearby home of Beorn. Upon their arrival, they are attacked by the same bear; Gandalf reveals that Beorn is the bear, as he is a skin-changer, and that he may be able to aid them in their journey. That night, Azog is summoned to Dol Guldur by the Necromancer, and instructs his son Bolg to take over the hunt for Thorin. The next day, Beorn loans his horses to the company so they can reach Mirkwood, and hinders the pursuing Orcs. Upon their arrival at the forests border, Gandalf discovers Black Speech graffiti imprinted on an old ruin, coinciding with a telepathic message from Galadriel imploring him to investigate the tombs of the Nazgûl."

... ok. stop right there. Graffiti? Did the Nazgul ride up on their skateboards and tag the ruins with spray paint? And Gandalf gets telepathic messages from Galadriel coinciding with what he's already looking at?

Peter Jackson, do you realize that you made Gandalf look like a schizophrenic wandering around an urban area?

 

Comments

  • Oh yes, these orcs are totally radical. They probably wear mohawks
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    Prediction for move #3:

    The dwarfs get captured by the orcs and Legolas has to challenge the head orc to a skateboarding competition to get them back. 
  • "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens

    Lord of the Wheels.

  • there is a light that never goes out
    this is an insult to graffiti artists.
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image
  • READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!

    i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
    WHO PAINTED THIS SHIT ALL OVER MY PRISTINE CAVE WALL?!
  • "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens
    ^ IT WAS A MAMMOTH! LET'S CHASE HIM AWAY WITH SPEARS!
  • edited 2013-12-15 21:46:36
    there is a light that never goes out
    some mammoth, by the looks of it

    ninja'd by spears
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    im so fucking mad the awful horse-man plays smaug because it means so many cishets are going to want to start fucking dragons, but not even dragon yuris, dude dragons played by the bad english man

    -tumblr
  • My dreams exceed my real life
    Do you even have to ask.
  • there is a light that never goes out
    everything yuris is a thing!
  • "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens

    Gagarin Yuri?

  • there is a light that never goes out
    It must exist.
  • "It is a matter of grave importance that Fairy tales should be respected.... Whosoever alters them to suit his own opinions, whatever they are, is guilty, to our thinking, of an act of presumption, and appropriates to himself what does not belong to him." -- Charles Dickens
    Two Soviet women are the first humans in space. They start licking each other.
  • there is a light that never goes out
    Naturally.
  • I'm totally okay with Soviet space yuri
  • I watched the movie

    It kind of reminded me of a D&D campaign for some reason.
  • edited 2013-12-16 03:07:31
    (flower path)
    spinor said:

    I'm totally okay with Soviet space yuri

    American space yuri is fine too, btw

    Or other countries I guess
  • what I'm saying is that I approve of cute space program yuri
  • there is a light that never goes out
    that's ok, you pervert
  • THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS
    In b4 APH rule 63
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    Seriously, when are we going to get to the Arkenstone debate where everybody scumbags the dwarves out of a fair share of their rightful gold?

    Screw you Bard and the elves and screw you Bilbo; dem's Dwarven gold and none of y'alls deserves a speck of it except maybe Bilbo for helping (one fourteenth sounds legitimage; but nooooo, you had to take the Arkenstone which clearly wasn't in the deal, so you forfeited yerself outta alla dat treasure).
  • Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.
    Dwarven gold makes everybody greedy.
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through

    Dwarven gold makes everybody greedy.

    DWARVEN GOLD IS FOR DWARVES.
  • there is a light that never goes out
    ha ha ha, morality
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    Pillows said:

    ha ha ha, morality

    Morality is not adding in Legolas to The Hobbit.
  • Either we die constantly or we never die at all.
  • there is a light that never goes out
    Legolas gets female posterior in the seats, everyone knows that
  • edited 2013-12-16 21:59:45

    adding YOUR MOM to the hobbit

    (*The Hobbit: starring YOUR MOM as Benedict Cumberbatch playing Smaug*)
  • ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    Pillows said:

    Legolas gets female posterior in the seats, everyone knows that

    I HATE FEMALES NOW.
  • there is a light that never goes out
    there are so many ways to joke about that, but I just don't want to
  • Pillows said:

    Legolas gets female posterior in the seats, everyone knows that

    as if Sherlock Holmes as the villain wasn't enough eh
  • So


    uh


    anyone watch it yet
  • Actually watched it.
    The visuals still remind me of LOTRO very much, which might be a good thing - so nostalgic.
    Action scenes were numerous and pointless.
    Also, apparently it did not occur to dwarves that a fire-breathing dragon might be fire resistant
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    well molten gold is maybe hotter than dragonfire...

    i did enjoy it, but i'd hardly call it an adaptation of The Hobbit

    they kept the basic structure of the story but that's about it
  • Heh, DnD would have it as a fire-based damage regardless of the source

    Also, the dwarves are still ridiculously handsome. The elf-dwarf romance might even be considered an example of ugly girl, hot guy - the elf maiden is rather plain, while the dwarf is handsome
  • there is a light that never goes out
    pics or it didn't happen
  • imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    image
  • there is a light that never goes out
    point conceded
  • More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.

    Prediction for move #3:


    The dwarfs get captured by the orcs and Legolas has to challenge the head orc to a skateboarding competition to get them back. 
    10/10 would see
  • Miko said:

    Prediction for move #3:


    The dwarfs get captured by the orcs and Legolas has to challenge the head orc to a skateboarding competition to get them back. 
    10/10 would see

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