I saw a bat today
And I hated the fuck out of it.
No seriously. I have never hated an animal more in my life than I ever had in the entire lifespan of my magical girlfriend bullshit life-c-span2.
It was a tiny bat, and it was flying around, and I was like "What is a bat doing in this house? Oh my, are you a vampire?"
And it came to me, what if this bat is actually a vampire? Does it wish to seduce me? To run his fingers along my hair after he transforms into a beautiful man? Perhaps it's a vampiress, who wants to nibble on my neck and drag her long seductive red dress along my floor while pacing around me, whispering into my ears?
I tried to catch the bat but it kept flying away, making ultrasonic smeerks at me, and I was like "cmon my vampire lover, reveal yourself to me"
but it never did, and it escaped out of my window, leaving me all alone, without a vampire to do sexual things to me.
Confound these god damn bats. They drive me to wish that vampires would be sexually interested in me.
No seriously. I have never hated an animal more in my life than I ever had in the entire lifespan of my magical girlfriend bullshit life-c-span2.
It was a tiny bat, and it was flying around, and I was like "What is a bat doing in this house? Oh my, are you a vampire?"
And it came to me, what if this bat is actually a vampire? Does it wish to seduce me? To run his fingers along my hair after he transforms into a beautiful man? Perhaps it's a vampiress, who wants to nibble on my neck and drag her long seductive red dress along my floor while pacing around me, whispering into my ears?
I tried to catch the bat but it kept flying away, making ultrasonic smeerks at me, and I was like "cmon my vampire lover, reveal yourself to me"
but it never did, and it escaped out of my window, leaving me all alone, without a vampire to do sexual things to me.
Confound these god damn bats. They drive me to wish that vampires would be sexually interested in me.
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☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
I'm not sure what KIND of vampire he is, but I know he is one.
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
She was cute, but mean.