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Wonderposting is poorly done on Heapers' Hangout

glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
edited 2013-09-19 02:16:25 in General
That's it.  I'm stick of all this "masterwork shitpost" bullshit that's going on on Heapers' Hangout right now.  Wonderposting deserves much better than that.  Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about.  I myself created a genuine wonderpost on the TV Tropes forum for 2,400 bytes (that's less than 2 cents) and have been perfecting my techniques for almost 3 years now.  I can even cut slabs of solid internet drama with my wonderposts.

Tropers spend years working on a single wonderpost and mistype it up to a million times to produce the finest nonsense known to mankind.

Wonderposts are thrice as incoherent as your standard stupid posts, and thrice as pointless for that matter too.  Anything a typical idiotpost can mock, a wonderpost can mock better.  I'm pretty sure a wonderpost could easily circumvent a forum ban on a forbidden topic.

Ever wonder why the authorities haven't shut down 4chan?  That's right, they were too scared to deal with the undisciplined hordes of bored people with internet connections and their wonderposts of stupefication.  Even in the days of the early console wars, moderators targeted the wonderposters first because their stupefying power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying?  Wonderposts are simply the best posts that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better effort at Heapers' Hangout.  Here are the guidelines I propose for wonderposts:

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Mental Damage + stun
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Crafting: requires level 15 internets skill, 25 doses of anti-meaning, and the flaming corpse of a fictional axolotl that's not on fire

Now that seems a lot more representative of the entertaining power of wonderposts in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Wonderposts need to be done better at HH, see my new stat block.
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