Princess Meredith learns about Christmas

Greetings, loyal subjects! In the spirit of goodwill, I have done my best to study the rituals of your wintertime festival.

Am I correct that your December traditions involve bestowing upon one's lover a gift of 184 wingbeasts, spread out over a period of 12 days?

Comments

  • Originally, Christmas was supposed to be about something like this:


    But, with the general decline of the Christian religion, it has instead become an excuse for capitalist greed and people literally killing each other to get the best deals on TVs and other garbage.
  • Glenn "The Goose" Harvey
    this thread is unexpectedly amazing
  • Darkness is ever the herald of dawn.
    Declining in some regions of the world, yes, but not in all of them.
  • well I did say "general"
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    OK, so like...the tree? You have indoor trees, but only at this one time of year? What do you do with the tree the other 11 months of the year? Do you have to dig it up and move it back outside?
  • Well, fake plastic trees have become popular.
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    I see.

    What do the electric lights on the tree signify?
  • Our enforced slavery to electricity.
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    *frantically takes notes with a quill*

    OK, OK.

    Now, I understand that it is customary to exchange gifts. Is it true that you Earth folk often spend several hours ensuring that each gift is concealed within elaborate patterned paper, only for the recipient to unceremoniously shred the paper to obtain the item inside?
  • Again, symbolic of the tremendous waste created by our materialistic society.
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    Why do the gift recipients not remove the patterned paper with care so that it may be reused during the next Christmas holiday? Do they lack any appreciation for the money and effort expended upon it by the gift-giver?
  • Why do the gift recipients not remove the patterned paper with care so that it may be reused during the next Christmas holiday? Do they lack any appreciation for the money and effort expended upon it by the gift-giver?

    princess meredith would get along with my mom, apparently
  • Yeah, my dad used to do that. weirdo
  • Glenn "The Goose" Harvey
    my mom will do that sometimes

    i will do that more of the time
  • edited 2020-12-20 06:15:58
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    honestly I'm just thinking of how Yowp got sad over how the Huckleberry Hound Show wrapping paper from 1958 was just torn up
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    OK. *continues taking notes*

    So, as I understand, it is traditional to display oversized footwear on one's fireplace mantle on Christmas Eve. But this footwear is never worn; it is strictly ceremonial. And gifts such as candy are placed within the footwear on the night of Christmas Eve by the mythological entity known as Sinterklaas.

    Do I have that right?
  • mythological? O_O
  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    So...I have been told that Sinterklaas traditionally enters homes through one's chimney.

    I have a few questions, however.

    First, I live in a palace with several fireplaces, and thus several chimneys. How will I know which one Sinterklaas intends to enter through? Will I have to order all fires extinguished on Christmas Eve to ensure no harm comes to my esteemed guest? Or will he simply choose whichever chimney does not actively have smoke billowing out?

    Second, how will my security team be able to differentiate Sinterklaas from an uninvited intruder? Will Sinterklaas be able to present a passport or other government-issued ID that would allow my royal guards to confirm his identity?

    Please answer promptly. Christmas Eve is tomorrow...
  • No need to worry about it, since you're on the naughty list
  • edited 2020-12-24 02:15:49
    Darkness is ever the herald of dawn.
    The tearing of the elaborately patterned paper serves to slake the thirst of entropy, feeding it with the sacrifice of that which is beautiful, that which has had effort put into it, that which has order (thus, the patterns).  It is precisely because of the resources and care expended by the gift-giver that the sacrifice has power.   Waiting until four days after the solstice ensures that entropy is too distracted to notice the Sun's return to its former strength and power during the critical period just before the new year.

    Also, it is traditional for princesses to stare at walls for fifteen hours a day and give large amounts of money to anybody wearing a hat during this time, and your failure to partake of this tradition, even through ignorance, is why you are on the naughty list.  

    These things are written, and known.  There is no need to verify them.

    Spoiler:
    Tee hee.  I'm surprised nobody else thought to use this opportunity to prank.  I mean, Christmas is only a little less than a hundred days before April 1st.

  • “Alice is like Princess Kaguya, except instead of being found in a stalk of bamboo and sending suitors on impossible quests, she was found in a toy store and eats all the candy.” – Fossilmaiden
    I...but...that is not what the The Alien Goddess's Guide to Earth Customs says at all!
  • Darkness is ever the herald of dawn.
    No, you see, it's right in the back, in Appendix G, part iii.

    -runs away-
  • It's in the part that was censored by the reptilians
  • Glenn "The Goose" Harvey

    So...I have been told that Sinterklaas traditionally enters homes through one's chimney.


    I have a few questions, however.

    First, I live in a palace with several fireplaces, and thus several chimneys. How will I know which one Sinterklaas intends to enter through? Will I have to order all fires extinguished on Christmas Eve to ensure no harm comes to my esteemed guest? Or will he simply choose whichever chimney does not actively have smoke billowing out?

    Second, how will my security team be able to differentiate Sinterklaas from an uninvited intruder? Will Sinterklaas be able to present a passport or other government-issued ID that would allow my royal guards to confirm his identity?

    Please answer promptly. Christmas Eve is tomorrow...
    Sinterklaas is immune to fire.  If you may have seen photos of the Christmas tradition, you would have noticed visual evidence that fires in fireplaces are generally undisturbed and continuously running despite the prior absence, temporary presence, and eventual absence of Sinterklaas.

    His immunity to fire serves as one distinctive feature for confirming his identity.  However, not all creatures immune to fire are Sinterklaas, so here is an additional means for confirming his identity.

    The spell Christmas Cheer can be cast by anyone who learns it.  However, practically everyone who casts it requires a material component (such as an expensive but potentially useless gift) and/or a spell focus (such as sleigh bells or holly) in order for the spell to succeed.  Sinterklaas, however, is distinctively able to cast the spell with ONLY its somatic and verbal components.
Sign In or Register to comment.