The inherent stupidity of all aphorisms

Odradek

"When it rains, it pours": This is a good metaphor. I can tell it's a good metaphor because ON A LITERAL LEVEL IT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE. Light rain exists, fucko

"It's always darkest before the dawn": You know the fun thing here is that if you'd said "It's always been dark longest before the dawn" you'd have a true statement. But you didn't, so see above.

"Nature abhors a vacuum": Stop quoting long debunked Aristotlean physics at me, nimrod.

"The best things in life are free" Fuck you

"You can't have your cake and eat it too" This is the worst way to phrase that

"No news is good news" fuck you

"Crime doesn't pay" fuck you

Hexartes

"Everyone's grave is the same size" immediately and abundantly false

Klinotaxis

Lol

Imipolex G

aphorisms are pretty stupid, really

a misuse of language

Obā-san

relevant song

Fossilmaiden

Calica

i hate quotations.  tell me what you know.

Salix Babylonika

"Never trust people who use quotes" - Murdoc Niccals

MetaFour

"Have" is often used as a synonym for "eat"; in fact when the object you're "having" is food, people will assume that's the intended meaning, unless context specifies otherwise.

So either it's "You can't have your cake and eat it, too, because for the purposes of this aphorism we're excluding the expected meaning of 'have'," or it's "You can't have your cake and eat it, too, because it's impossible to eat the same cake twice."