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LEARN MORE ABOUT "WUMBLEWUZZ" CLICK HERE--> >>HERE

Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
in Chocolate
Wumblewuzz! We have it, you want it. Buy Wumbleuzz.

But what wuzz wumbles wumblewuzz? Well stacy we're glad you asked that question

zany sound effect

zoom in on man making an "oh my agah" gesture.

Wumblewuzz will do it all!

Homework? Not anymore with wumblewuzz!
Car? Clean and fixed up! Thanks, wumblewuzz!
Housework? Never again with wumblewuzz?
Your taxes? Pshaw! Dismantle the IRS! With wumblewuzz!
The first flame? Consider it linked! Wumblewuzz!

cut to Joe From Accounting. Reading nervously from a script

we could have sent our daughter to internet school. No more with wumblewuzz

Joe gulps hard. 

Even the president loves Wumblewuzz

Smash cut to a still photo of [CURRENT_US_PRESIDENT]

Wumblewuzz!

Copyright wumblewuzz! You better wumble our wuzz or you're a dead mother-fucker! Wumblewuzz! 

Offer not valid in Nebraska. Contact Wumble Wuzz Ltd. Ctrs. for more information. Ned help? 1-800-WUMBLEWUZZ

RADIO SHACK!
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Comments

  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    (now part of a Centralia canon near you?)
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Jane said:

    (now part of a Centralia canon near you?)

    I don't see why not
  • KlinotaxisKlinotaxis
    kill living beings
    these reads kind of like an ad in awful hospital
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    zombocom
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    Klinotaxis said:

    these reads kind of like an ad in awful hospital

    Wumblewuzz (OOI 009, Neato Class) is a "supernaturally useless product" sold by various stores (both retail chains and smaller 'mom and pop' establishments) throughout Centralia and the neighboring country of Drossolika. Wumblewuzz' only actual effect is to weaken meaningful cause and effect relationships. While this may sound quite scary, the fact of the matter is that Wumblewuzz is only strong enough to propogate itself this way. Wumblewuzz appears in stores, but no one remembers who delivers it or why. It is advertised on television and radio, though no one can recall who paid for the ads or what precisely they claimed Wumblewuzz does, and it is purchased and "used" by families and individuals, though no one can for certain say what exactly it does. 

    The only consistent description of Wumblewuzz is that it is purple, and comes in a box (copies of these boxes may be obtained from the Critical Research office at Big Man 5 discretion only). It is in fact uncertain if the corporation listed on said box (Wumble Wuzz Ltd. Ctrs., owned by one John Wumble) even exists (the town, state, and country it is claimed to be headquartered in are all fictional and it has been observed that older boxes list different locations for each of these, gradually changing over time) or if Wumblewuzz is somehow self-propagating through unknown means. In any case, while it is a waste of time and money, there is no evidence that Wumblewuzz is actually dangerous, just unusual. As such, it is considered a low-priority OOI at this time.
  • KlinotaxisKlinotaxis
    kill living beings
    impressive.wav
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    ^ i am liking this :D
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    chumble spuzz.
  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    edited 2017-03-19 06:06:23
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    KNOWN WUMBLEWUZZ MEDIA LOG:

    The following is a list of all advertisements--in televised, radio, or print form--that exist for the "supernaturally useless product" Wumblewuzz. This media is not believed to be in any way unusual on its own, but its origins are obscure, and its contents are of interest to the Interested Foundation.

    ==

    Date: Jan. 2nd 1986
    Format: Radio, on Radio Free Centralia
    Description of contents: First known Wumblewuzz ad. Though the ad itself makes reference to other, older ads. Claims Wumblewuzz is available "at a store near you" for "bargain post-Christmas depression". The actor then stumbles, correcting to "proces" and then finally "prices", "as seen in our last advertisement", which the actor pronounces "ad-vur-tiss-mint". Ad ends midway through a sentence. Airing spot was taken up by thirty-two (32) seconds of silence before resuming the regular broadcast.

    Date: Jan. 4th, 1987
    Format: Flyers, posted around several cities nationwide
    Description: Flyers consist of the word "WUMBLEWUZZ" in all capital letters in white impact font on a purple background. A much smaller line beneath urges the reader to go to "www.umblewu.zz", despite predating the invention of the World Wide Web by two years. "www.umblewu.zz" is currently a completely blank page, though the domain name was registered in 2006.

    Date: Jul. 12th, 1990
    Format: Television, on RC22, a local news network
    Description: This short broadcast consists of then-R&B superstars Bell Biv DeVoe dancing around a small soundstage. They occasionally gesture to the word "Wumblewuzz" written on the floor as their hit "Poison" plays in the background at a low volume. Toward the end of the ad, Bell Biv DeVoe frontman Ricky Bell tells viewers that "Wumblewuzz will get the poison out of your life!" and flashes a goofy smile. The ad slowly fades to black before resuming the normal broadcast. This is the first instance of a Wumblewuzz ad that seems to have had ad space purchased legitimately, but, like all subsequent instances, no records of the name of the company or persons representing Wumble Wuzz were kept, despite usual practices for doing so. The footage used in this ad is extremely grainy and at the 13 second mark, briefly cuts out entirely before resuming at 15 seconds.

    Date: Jul. 20th, 1992
    Format: Radio, on Radio Free Centralia (notably, on its last day of operation before being de-nationalized as Crown Radio)
    Description: A short excerpt of "Славься, Отечество наше свободное! ('Be Glorious, Our Free Fatherland')"--the Soviet national anthem--is played, and then interrupted by static. A voice that sounds to belong to a middle-aged Caucasian male serves as the announcer. Stating "Change is coming to the world, why not bring some change to your life?" The announcer rattles off several facts about the fall of the Soviet Union, which occurred the previous year, and attempts to relate each to a selling point of Wumblewuzz. Ad ends with the 'slogan' "turn that red purple! Wumblewuzz, the official drink of the new Russian Federation" and a heavily accented faux-Russian voice exclaiming "da!", followed by what sounds to be the McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It" jingle, notably, this ad predates the jingle by over a decade.

    [...]
  • CalicaCalica
    Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.
    is wumblewuzz numberwang

  • Salix BabylonikaSalix Babylonika
    https://i.imgur.com/7Iil2JW.png
    what was I doing when I made this thread
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    You went full SCP by the end there.

    I love it.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    It was extremely good.
  • Sredni VashtarSredni Vashtar
    “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”
    The first two lines and the wacky sound effect would be the best intro to a gabber or grindcore track ever.
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