American "cuisine" is barely worthy of the name

Odradek

Hamburgers: This is just a specialized type of sandwich

Apple Pie: Oh, so no one would have thought of putting apples in pies without you America? Fuck off

Hot Dogs: This isn't even fucking food, and it's disgusting, and nobody should eat it. 

Steak: You just ran out of ideas, huh

Sredni Vashtar

"Chinese food" as most of us know it is primarily an American invention, based on some Taiwanese ideas.

Odradek

The regional foods and the Americanized versions of foreign foods can be good

The pan-American foods are all dreck though. English food gets shit, but Bangers and Mash>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hot Dogs

Fossilmaiden

Klinotaxis

American sandwiches are good though. Like, even beyond burgers, stuff like reubens... yum. Being "just" a sandwich is ok with me.

I had some General Tso today too. Good shit. Would probably be actually good if it hadn't been fast food

Odradek

"What if we took a sausage, but ruined it so that it tasted like the pig anus it is and smelled like it too, then covered it in ketchup and mustard to hide how shitty it is?"

Sredni Vashtar

But pan-American food is ultimately more like pan-European food than English or French or Greek food. And nobody's too keen on blood sausage or pickled fish. It's just that everybody inexplicably has some variant on them. Likewise, the real American food is shoo-fly pie, gumbo, and cheesesteaks with fried onions.

Odradek

One of the richest countries in the world thinks taking a hunk of beef and throwing it on a table is fine dining

That's sick

MetaFour

Counterargument: barbecue.

Crystal

CarnEvil said:

Apple Pie: Oh, so no one would have thought of putting apples in pies without you America? Fuck off

Hot Dogs: This isn't even fucking food, and it's disgusting, and nobody should eat it.

I won't stand for this.

Anonus

I don't like beef, but you seem to really hate steak

Klinotaxis

So uh how is steak uniquely American

Obā-san

I didn't sign up for an account on this website to experience this terrible content

Odradek

Keroberos said:

I don't like beef, but you seem to really hate steak

"I like to think of it as a steak. This is a game that's really a steak. It's deep, it's juicy, it's good. And tomorrow, I would love to have another steak. Some games aren't like that. They're much more like candy or cake. Oh, I'll eat cake, and now I'm sick of cake, I don't want it any more. I'm done. Borderlands is such a good game that it doesn't do that. It's got some magic there."

""I enjoy playing WOW, I enjoy playing Lord of the Rings Online. But you know... I'm going to be a bit cheeky now, but if you've been to McDonalds for four or five years, and had your burger and your Coke, sometimes it's great to just have a great steak and a glass of good wine. I think that's what we're trying to do. It's more expensive, it's not for everyone and perhaps it's not as easily accessible as WOW is. But it could be more meaty.""

"I think the PS3 is the Surf 'n Turf. You want the lobster and steak and you're going to give yourself the treat of getting the best thing on the menu. The PS2 is your favorite burger restaurant -- you go there for comfort food and it's just always good and is a good value.

"[As for the other two consoles], one [Wii] is a lollipop, and I'm too old for lollipops. The other one [Xbox 360] I get sick from once in a while because the cook isn't always reliable."

"With Facebook users, we're looking at that and we're seeing amazing things with the casual gaming space. What we're thinking is that some of those players will get tired of that fast food style of gameplay, and they'll want to graduate to something a bit more - whether that's a triple-A PC title or something in between. We know there are new gamers being exposed or created every day based on this social gaming phenomenon and the fact that it's free. It fits another time-niche. We're hoping that people will want to gravitate towards something with a bit more meat on it. You get tired of eating MacDonalds everyday and you want a steak sometimes. We're the steak."

Odradek

Nanners Sub Sandwich Esquire said:

I didn't sign up for an account on this website to experience this terrible content

Salix Babylonika

The Haunting Presence said:

But pan-American food is ultimately more like pan-European food than English or French or Greek food. And nobody's too keen on blood sausage or pickled fish. It's just that everybody inexplicably has some variant on them. Likewise, the real American food is shoo-fly pie, gumbo, and cheesesteaks with fried onions.

it's spelled schufly

Crystal

Alice Margatroid said:

CarnEvil said:

Apple Pie: Oh, so no one would have thought of putting apples in pies without you America? Fuck off

Hot Dogs: This isn't even fucking food, and it's disgusting, and nobody should eat it.

I won't stand for this.

Salix Babylonika

CarnEvil said:

Keroberos said:

I don't like beef, but you seem to really hate steak

"I like to think of it as a steak. This is a game that's really a steak. It's deep, it's juicy, it's good. And tomorrow, I would love to have another steak. Some games aren't like that. They're much more like candy or cake. Oh, I'll eat cake, and now I'm sick of cake, I don't want it any more. I'm done. Borderlands is such a good game that it doesn't do that. It's got some magic there."

""I enjoy playing WOW, I enjoy playing Lord of the Rings Online. But you know... I'm going to be a bit cheeky now, but if you've been to McDonalds for four or five years, and had your burger and your Coke, sometimes it's great to just have a great steak and a glass of good wine. I think that's what we're trying to do. It's more expensive, it's not for everyone and perhaps it's not as easily accessible as WOW is. But it could be more meaty.""

"I think the PS3 is the Surf 'n Turf. You want the lobster and steak and you're going to give yourself the treat of getting the best thing on the menu. The PS2 is your favorite burger restaurant -- you go there for comfort food and it's just always good and is a good value.

"[As for the other two consoles], one [Wii] is a lollipop, and I'm too old for lollipops. The other one [Xbox 360] I get sick from once in a while because the cook isn't always reliable."

"With Facebook users, we're looking at that and we're seeing amazing things with the casual gaming space. What we're thinking is that some of those players will get tired of that fast food style of gameplay, and they'll want to graduate to something a bit more - whether that's a triple-A PC title or something in between. We know there are new gamers being exposed or created every day based on this social gaming phenomenon and the fact that it's free. It fits another time-niche. We're hoping that people will want to gravitate towards something with a bit more meat on it. You get tired of eating MacDonalds everyday and you want a steak sometimes. We're the steak."

isn't this like hating Citizen Kane because everything for a while was known as "the Citizen Kane of [x]"

Odradek

No, because the people who say that have generally not seen Citizen Kane and are just aware it's considered the apex of movies

Odradek

Incidentally, steak and citizen kane are both things Donald Trump likes

Klinotaxis

That's still... pretty indirect.

Seriously though, i don't think Americans invented the beef hunk. And i think it's expensive for production reasons

Salix Babylonika

I think many people have seen Citizen Kane. I've seen Citizen Kane and I never watch movies. I've seen Citizen Kane twice. You think you know more about Citizen Kane than I do? Well you may be correct, but I've seen it multiple times. Citizen Kane.

Odradek

"Rosebud" was his steak

Anonus

you take exception to "steak > burger," I take exception to "wine > Fountain Coke"

Salix Babylonika

Steak is the Citizen Kane of steak.

Odradek

I feel like this is if Citizen Kane was the only classic movie people knew

Like it was all Adam Sandler movies and blockbusters, and then the only classy movie they could name would be Citizen Kane

Salix Babylonika

Is...is that not the case?

Like I've seen a handful of other classic movies but that's because I had a film class in high school.

Odradek

Okay but you can NAME other movies that people think are really good, even if you haven't WATCHED them

Like if I said "The Godfather" or "Vertigo" you would know that is a movie

Klinotaxis

Is this still the analogy? Because i gotta level with you: i can't remember most terms for fancy food on account of they're French.

Odradek

Exactly

Tre

I genuinely enjoy burgers, hot dogs and steak, and apple pie isn't my favorite but it's not terrible

(as far as steak goes I definitely like Japanese steak more than American steak, though I haven't been to any of the super-fancy places like Ruth's Chris or whatever so I haven't had absolute top-of-the-line American steak)

Salix Babylonika

Accoutrement?! What is this fucking bullshit?!

Klinotaxis

Also, when i see "juicy steak", i think of a King of the Hill joke rather than a restaurant with waiters.

glennmagusharvey

Well steak is kinda environmentally unfriendly.

Also steak smells better than it is to eat it.

Also you're neglecting foods such as grits, fried chicken, and key lime pies.

Anonus

Two of those three are some good soul food

One-Winged Eagle

Steak isn't really American and it isn't really fine dining. People eat it like that so they can eat the whole animal before it spoils. It's just easy to make and good-tasting in general.

Odradek

One-Winged Eagle said:

Steak isn't really American and it isn't really fine dining. People eat it like that so they can eat the whole animal before it spoils. It's just easy to make and good-tasting in general.

And it should be treated as such.

Potatoes put on no such airs, and that is why the noble potato is the prince of vegetables

One-Winged Eagle

What vegetables put on airs? The bok choi?

glennmagusharvey

American cuisine lacks leafy greens.  And frankly speaking, stereotypical American food, especially "fast" staples like burgers and fries, lack veggies in general.

One-Winged Eagle

Not that I don't love potatoes but potatoes are barely vegetables in a culinary sense. They're much closer to bread or rice on the table.

Klinotaxis

You don't have to be something to be a prince of it. That's politics for you

Salix Babylonika

You don't have to be something to be a prince of it. 

Klinotaxis

Glad you agree, weird painting man

glennmagusharvey

but you do have to be an Inhabitant of that Food Group for which you shall be chosen

(in addition to having attained the Age of twenty-five Years, and been seven Years a Member of the Category of Food)

Odradek

The boy in the first picture is the old man in the second picture

Obā-san

this is the best cracked article I've seen in years

TitleName

Fuck your leafy greens.

Bee

Cajun food.

You're welcome.

Calica

Baristute Barrister said:

American cuisine lacks leafy greens.  And frankly speaking, stereotypical American food, especially "fast" staples like burgers and fries, lack veggies in general.

you know most places put lettuce and other veggies on burgers, right

glennmagusharvey

The typical amount is one or two pieces of lettuce and one or two slices of tomato at a fast-food place.  Maybe add onions for a sit-down restaurant.

If you're lucky or at a dining hall buffet you can get as much lettuce and tomato and onions as you want, and maybe even add caramelized onions and mushrooms to add to it.

Still not that much, and that rather small amount of lettuce is the only part that counts as leafy greens.

TitleName

Keep your greens off of my burgers. >:T