Be proud of your lack of jerking off!

Idler

Obā-san

....That's creepy.

Unknown

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Gelzo

If you're masturbating your ex, they're probably not really your ex anymore.

millercross

depends on how you define ex

Haven

Well, at least God just resurrected a couple of kittens.

Viani

HELP CONTROL THE STRAY CAT POPULATION

MASTURBATE VIGOROUSLY

Gelzo

I did some (very) rough math on this, and I'm pretty sure cats would be extinct if a kitten died for each time a human masturbated.

I don't know what the numbers are for the rest of the world, but the housecat population in the United States is around 60 million, which is roughly a tenth of the human population here. I don't know how I'd figure in mortality rates, but I think that at least ten percent of the human population will masturbate on a given day, and the numbers don't seem to work out for the species surviving that situation.

Justice4243

You're assuming, of course, that God doesn't kill kittens for people masturbating. 

If the numbers we see now are what's left over after the great wank-purges, then that would mean that masturbation is, in fact, keeping the population in check, and stopping it all together would result in the planet being overrun by Felis catus.

Gelzo

As I said, I wasn't sure how to figure in mortality rates, but if you're right, at any given day there would be more fresh cat corpses than the current population. That would be an astounding rate of reproduction.

Yeah, I know that wasn't serious, but I think the actual scale of this is amusingly large enough that understating it is a bit of a waste.

Justice4243

I assumed that if we take joke-pictures on the internet at face value then the cats are consumed by domo-kuns so we don't drown in kitten corpses. 

Salix Babylonika

If we take internet pictures at face value, I'm sure Philosoraptor has long since solved this problem.