The Biohazardous Waste Outbreak of the Heapers' Hangout Forum
It is with great solemnity that I report that a deadly virus has infected the Heapers' Hangout. Within days, everybody here will be bleeding profusely from the lungs, pancreas and left inner ear.
Fortunately, an antidote exists and it's in this thread. Individual dosages, each sufficient to cure one heaper, can be obtained by achieving the 5th, 23rd, 42nd, 108th, 413th, 456th, 612th, 1337th, 1984th or 16777216th post. Also, posts 7, 21 and 205 contain ingredients which can be mixed to make another dose of antidote.
Band-Aids and painkillers may be obtained in posts numbered 4, 16, 20, 37, 42, 58, 89 and 145.
Additionally, due to a spatio-temporal anomaly triggered by the virus' infection of the space-time continuum in the vicinity of this board, the poster who achieves post 8 = Vriska, regardless of the username used to obtain that post and regardless of whether Vriska even posts in this thread; similarly, the poster who achieves post 49 = Imipolex. Also as a result of said anomaly, creating a post with less than 17 visible characters in this thread, or doubleposting here, will both result in the summoning of Cadaeibfece, Arch-Sentinel of Bgahbhahbhde, and his Dreaded Apostles, Vicissitude the Unlovable and the Multidimensional Echo of Aphra Behn's Last Breath, who will proceed to destroy everything you hold dear.
The first person to reach Mornington Crescent wins the thread, but winning the thread won't save you.
Good luck.
Fortunately, an antidote exists and it's in this thread. Individual dosages, each sufficient to cure one heaper, can be obtained by achieving the 5th, 23rd, 42nd, 108th, 413th, 456th, 612th, 1337th, 1984th or 16777216th post. Also, posts 7, 21 and 205 contain ingredients which can be mixed to make another dose of antidote.
Band-Aids and painkillers may be obtained in posts numbered 4, 16, 20, 37, 42, 58, 89 and 145.
Additionally, due to a spatio-temporal anomaly triggered by the virus' infection of the space-time continuum in the vicinity of this board, the poster who achieves post 8 = Vriska, regardless of the username used to obtain that post and regardless of whether Vriska even posts in this thread; similarly, the poster who achieves post 49 = Imipolex. Also as a result of said anomaly, creating a post with less than 17 visible characters in this thread, or doubleposting here, will both result in the summoning of Cadaeibfece, Arch-Sentinel of Bgahbhahbhde, and his Dreaded Apostles, Vicissitude the Unlovable and the Multidimensional Echo of Aphra Behn's Last Breath, who will proceed to destroy everything you hold dear.
The first person to reach Mornington Crescent wins the thread, but winning the thread won't save you.
Good luck.
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Comments
lopel.
I have the antidote.
Now who to sell it to?
Oh great, now we're really screwed.
*sells antidote to highest bidder. Turns out to make enough money to mass produce an antidote, curing humanity and winning forever*
Problem, Fourier?
Well.
Also Naney summoned a demon in this thread so we're still technically fucked.
Oh no, there's plenty. In fact, around 100x more doses of antidote than there are people on the planet.
Here, have some.
*gives futureSpacephantom a large amount of antidote*
Why thank you! :D -drinks all the antidote-
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
Also I assume 5 = Law of Fives and 23 = 23 Enigma.