Baldanders's copypaste request thread
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Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
It is universally held that the unicorn is a supernatural being and of auspicious omen; so say the odes, the annals, the biographies of worthies, and other texts whose authority is unimpeachable. Even village women and children know that the unicorn is a lucky sign. But this animal does not figure among the barnyard animals, it is not always easy to come across, it does not lend itself to zoological classification. Nor is it like the horse or bull, the wolf or deer. In such circumstances we may be face to face with a unicorn and not know for sure that we are. We know that a certain animal with a mane is a horse and that a certain animal with horns is a bull. We do not know what the unicorn looks like.
"In reality the mouth-apparatus of the urchin is continuous from one end to the other, but to outward appearance it is not so, but looks like a horn lantern with the panes of horn left out."
Anime cellophone. Gotta Matt Harrombow.
Make a call, drop it all, S.O.D. get it in.
Anime drop tops, I'm lookin like Vegeta man,
Arookin like Gohan, lookin like Piccolo,
Lookin like: anime, lookin like Deaf Note.
Lookin Case Closed, man I'm poppin bottles,
Anime drop top, I look like Inuyasha.
Wittgenstein means that philosophy builds an ideological grammar around the victim; 'I am a pessimist', 'I am an optimist', 'I am left wing', etc. I, on the other hand, prefer to call the ideological grammar, a 'masturbating cocoon', so better to visualize and snigger at Thomas Ligotti's world view. For all his musings, Ligotti needs a nice fresh girl, with big breasts, like it promises in the Qur'an, to romance for the weekend. He will feel better.
So a masturbation cocoon is constructed around the head of the victim (Ligotti's) similar to the way a caterpillar constructs a cocoon around its own body. All educated people are carrying this cocoon around themselves and so Thomas Ligotti's cocoon is suicide, which he sells in Conspiracy Against the Human Race, rather than sex or drugs. We all have our preferences I suppose.
By the way, caterpillar experts say that it is impossible to break the cocoon before the time of metamorphosis, which for the lucky caterpillar is a butterfly and for the not so lucky philosopher, death. Better not to be a philosopher then!
Oh Thomas Ligotti, you died cocooned and you never touched the natural state. The profundity of the idea is in adverse proportion to its usefulness. This means that philosophical naval gazing is blinding the human, moving the mind away from the natural state.
The misfortune of being incapable of neutral states except by strain and effort. What an idiot achieves at the outset, we philosophers must struggle night and day to attain, and only in fits and starts!
A guy in the natural state will never take Thomas Ligotti serious because the natural state is the opposite of the ideology he has cocooned himself inside. The suicidal, mind, will find that Conspiracy Against the Human Race is an enjoyable romp. However, by the reviews on Amazon and the You Tube videos, only one group of consumer is buying Thomas' gospel.
So for the suicidal fan-base, Thomas Ligotti will confirm what you already feel inside. You want the human species to jump off the cliff, do you? You need that push to help with your suicidal solution? Thomas Ligotti is your pusher.
Here is flavour of the message in this book. Nietzsche never went far enough and Arthur Schopenhauer was a chicken too, and even Albert Einstein didn't get! These 'thinkers', says Liggoti, are really sissy girls, as they didn't realize that they had to blow their brains out, instead of thinking, or they should had swung from the lamp-post. Ligotti argues that having kids is also a bad idea. Even Plato had kids and he invented philosophy!!! Ligotti would call Plato a sissy too! If only Thomas Ligotti was around to show the Greek wrestler the correct path (Plato was also a wrestler). Let us not be too hard of the genius' of the olden times, it isn't there fault, they are not as clever as Thomas Ligotti.
I am somewhat surprised however, that Mr Ligotti hasn't committed suicide himself. This is his main 'bright idea', you see, the suicide way for all. Now then, because Ligotti won't kill himself, he's like your typical heroin pusher. A good drug dealer knows never to take the product he is selling and Thomas Ligotti is selling you suicide but he is immune from suicide himself.
In a funny way, Ligotti reminds me of Typhoid Mary, the Irish maid from the 19th century who was a carrier of typhoid but was immune from the deadly disease herself.
So Thomas Ligotti is the Typhoid Mary of suicide philosophy. He wants you to commit suicide but, like the way Typhoid Mary was immune from typhoid, Thomas Ligotti is immune from suicide. Joking aside, Thomas Ligotti supplies a nice juicy morsel of pessimism, to re-confirm that life is indeed rubbish. 'I am a pessimist'....
Unfortunately, if you are a pessimist, it is impossible to see into the optimist camp and this is why we are convinced that we have all answers and they haven't.
Pessimists, or people who see women as wicked because they are unwanted, will ignore the naked ignorance in this book and the overly masturbation of darkness in Thomas Ligotti's 'philosophy', just like fans of Wittgenstein, like me, ignore the chaff that the great man spoke, to get to the wheat.
There is much wheat in Conspiracy Against the Human Race, as well as a generous helping of chaff. The universe is none-simultaneously apprehended, so said Albert Einstein. No it isn't, say the pessimists, it's a rubbish universe!
Saying that the universe is rubbish isn't profound, it's mad egoism! Isn't it? To look out into the universe; a universe that you can't even comprehend, than look at your personality?
Anyway, each point is valid, there is happiness and there isn't, take your pick.
So if you are feeling the philosophical influenza (nihilism), like I sometimes do, then you will ignore the uncomfortably happy things in life, like good drugs, a fancy gothic cathedral and big breasted girls in the summer sun. You know, things that do not gel with your world-view.
Ill get to the point now, Conspiracy Against the Human Race is still a masterpiece of philosophical horror. It's like a good Smiths song or a brilliant death metal album. If you are into the dark side, then this book will definitely take you there. Though people like Ligotti always bite off more than they can chew. I mean, how about beautiful people? These are not in the book. Another problem is the lack of a biography of the author.
What I mean is; for a man as personal as Thomas Ligotti; you would expect at least some biographical information about the guy. And he is very very personal because he's saying you and I should die. Do you see what I mean by personal? Women should stop breeding too, all personal stuff, but how about the guy typing the words? Who is Thomas Ligotti anyway? Is he married, does he have kids etc? Seriously, I was expecting Thomos Ligotti's musings on the industrial and existential and horrifying hell he is living in, and the people he is forced to interact with on a daily basis, to be the theme or at least a morsel of a theme in his own book. This is not what you get from this book.
So what is in the book? Well pages of literary criticism and bio's of dead people. So we get Thomas Ligotti's opinion of Nietzsche and his opinion on Susan Blackmore and his opinion on an entire laundry list of thinkers; dead and alive, well, mostly horror writers actually.
Thomas Ligotti doesn't seem to have his own opinion because Conspiracy is full of quotes and discussion of long dead authors. Like I mentioned, Thomas Ligotti is very well read and he knows the literature on pessimism. This is fine, however, I doubt that H. P Lovecraft got angry about the things that make me mad today, in my horrific 21st Century bubble. And I don't really care how the great Russian novelist, Leo Tolstoy, partied with his serfs, to cure his depr