The Landfill of the Heapers' Hangout (contains Fossilmaiden's Punnery)
Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Comments
energy
Roger Dimmesdale
Roger's The New Thesaurus, Dimmesdale
1. If cylinders have bones, they're invisible.
By Limey Snacket
Dearest Reader
If you have plucked this book from the shelves of your local library in the hopes of finding a tale of adventure, friendship, and victory, I must implore you to reconsider your choice in reading material. For it falls to me the unpleasant duty, as my lone candle grows dim and the rats gnaw at my shoes, to inform you that between these pages, you will not find picnics, hidden treasure, or long lost relatives. Rather, within this volume you will discover fraudulent transactions, pale imitations, unlicensed roadworks, a misshapen omelette, and an unfortunate murder involving a leather suitcase. Be advised that if, against all warnings, you persist in reading onwards, you will not find a happy ending at the end of this story, nor indeed in the middle of it.
First, the candidates must participate in a test of strength, engaging in combat with the dreaded Diatomaceous Earth. Secondly, a test of speed, escaping Diatomaceous Earth's citadel with the Dough of the Elements in hand. Thirdly, a test of wit, smithing the Cruller of Light and Darkness in the Forge of Ages. Whosoever emerges victorious in two out of three of these trials is declared the winner, and has the legendary Fur of the Golden Groundhog of bestowed upon them.
However, if each trial is won by a different candidate, these three must overcome a fourth trial, taming the mighty steed Torabithius. Whoever manages to win the beast's affection is declared Ruler of the Dusklands.
RIDLEY FUCKER