IT'S 4:32 AM AND I WANT A SOFT PRETZEL

Comments

• Tachyon

  2015-11-21 11:33:02

  ^{i will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch}
  

  What are soft pretzels like?
  
• Anonus

  2015-11-21 11:46:31

  I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat

  Nice chewy bread!
• Tachyon

  2015-11-21 11:52:29

  ^{i will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch}
  

  Cool
• One-Winged Eagle

  2015-11-21 12:17:12

  Man is a most complex simple creature: see what he weaves, and how base his reasons for doing so.

  Now I want a soft pretzel too.
• Yarrun XIX

  2015-11-21 12:18:26 edited 2015-11-21 12:18:36

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  The last time I had a soft pretzel, the Pope himself sanctified it for me.
• Corvina

  2015-11-21 18:43:29

  Vampire Lady of Corvidia
  
  (The other Jane)
  

  Mm, soft pretzels
  
• Princess Alice

  2015-11-21 18:44:27

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  fuck now i want Auntie Anne's
• Corvina

  2015-11-21 18:47:21

  Vampire Lady of Corvidia
  
  (The other Jane)
  

  Central Avenue said:

  fuck now i want Auntie Anne's

  
  
• LOAD Cherry

  2015-11-21 21:33:46

  Splat Charger Specialist

  Corvina said:

  Central Avenue said:

  fuck now i want Auntie Anne's

  
  

  
  
• buttercrispy

  2015-11-22 05:09:34

  man, i check the main page and now i am infected too
• Crystal

  2015-11-22 05:13:39

  Munch munch, chomp chomp...

  I really dislike all types of pretzels.
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 07:34:32

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Our pretzels are probably better than yours.
  
  Just a public service announcement from the place where pretzels really came from.
• Anonus

  2015-11-22 08:19:16 edited 2015-11-22 08:19:28

  I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat

  never been to Philly
• Klinotaxis

  2015-11-22 08:22:49

  kill living beings
  

  fire death
• Calica

  2015-11-22 08:24:05

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  yeah now i want wetzel's
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 08:26:02

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Not Philadelphia per se, just the Lehigh Valley. It has to do with the mineral content in the water. Same reason why our sandwich rolls are better.
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 08:32:23

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Things About Which Sredni Vashtar Has Permission To Be Smug:
  1. Dough quality in the Lehigh Valley.
  2. Macintosh's comparatively strong record on viruses and music software.
  3. Car Seat Headrest being subject to a thinkpiece in the New Yorker.
  4. Being the first person on the Internet to accurately transcribe the lyrics to "Sweet Sister Ray".
  5. Probably nothing else.
• Anonus

  2015-11-22 08:46:00

  I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat

  I'm not allowed to be smug about anything
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 08:50:42

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  That list was extremely tongue-in-cheek.
• Klinotaxis

  2015-11-22 08:52:22

  kill living beings
  

  except dough quality. srdni vadhtar is the fucking dough czar. men die at his word
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 08:54:26

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Naney has gone on record that Wawa has the best soft pretzels. I change lives every day, man.
• Salix Babylonika

  2015-11-22 10:09:54

  https://i.imgur.com/IoGc2jA.jpg

  Sredni Vashtar said:

  Not Philadelphia per se, just the Lehigh Valley. It has to do with the mineral content in the water. Same reason why our sandwich rolls are better.

  this is like 2,000% true
• LOAD Cherry

  2015-11-22 19:10:46

  Splat Charger Specialist

  Babe I gotta eat all the carbs in your hometown
• Salix Babylonika

  2015-11-22 19:17:53

  https://i.imgur.com/IoGc2jA.jpg

  you will die don't do it
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 19:20:21

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Just rob a Wawa and eat all the pretzels and rolls over the course of several days. You will not die but our bread and pretzels are superior and I am the evil but pragmatic angel on your shoulder. Imagine me as an extra from All Hail Gay Satan but dressed like a slutty accountant.
• Yarrun XIX

  2015-11-22 19:22:31

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  The pretzel that was sanctified by the pope himself was gotten from Reading Terminal

  
  

  It was the most trustworthy establishment there (except for the Mediterranean one, and I already have a designated restaurant for all hummus-related purchases)
• Obā-san

  2015-11-22 19:26:30

  
  

  Sredni Vashtar said:

  Imagine me as an extra from All Hail Gay Satan but dressed like a slutty accountant.

  DONT MIND IF I DO
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 19:30:25

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Yarrun XIX said:

  The pretzel that was sanctified by the pope himself was gotten from Reading Terminal

  
  

  It was the most trustworthy establishment there (except for the Mediterranean one, and I already have a designated restaurant for all hummus-related purchases)

  The cookie place would be my go-to were I not limited by monetary concerns. Actually, just most of Reading Terminal. But your pretzel came with Jesus Magic, which I cannot do.
• Obā-san

  2015-11-22 19:32:13

  
  

  the incredibly spicy chicken stew sanctified by Sredni Vashtar himself
• LOAD Cherry

  2015-11-22 19:34:45

  Splat Charger Specialist

  Sredni Vashtar said:

  Yarrun XIX said:

   But your pretzel came with Jesus Magic, which I cannot do.
  

  This sentence must be immortalized
• Sredni Vashtar

  2015-11-22 19:35:56

  “I'm surprised. Those clothes… but, aren't you…?”

  Today is Tomorrow said:

  the incredibly spicy chicken stew sanctified by Sredni Vashtar himself

  Troof.

  Knightess Cerise said:

  Sredni Vashtar said:

  Yarrun XIX said:

   But your pretzel came with Jesus Magic, which I cannot do.
  

  This sentence must be immortalized

  Danke.
• Crystal

  2015-11-22 20:23:55

  Munch munch, chomp chomp...

  Crystal said:

  I really dislike all types of pretzels.

  
  
• Obā-san

  2015-11-22 20:29:51

  
  

  fascinating, so what you are telling us here is that you do not enjoy pretzels?
• Crystal

  2015-11-22 20:33:34

  Munch munch, chomp chomp...

  Today is Tomorrow said:

  fascinating, so what you are telling us here is that you do not enjoy pretzels?

  No no, you don't quite understand. It's that "I" don't like "pretzels." Distinct difference.
• Obā-san

  2015-11-22 20:34:04

  
  

  elaborate
• Crystal

  2015-11-22 20:36:04

  Munch munch, chomp chomp...

  

  Except the opposite.
• glennmagusharvey

  2015-11-22 23:41:33

  here's a soft pretzel
  
  be lucky you didn't ask 3 minutes later
  
  because it would be 435 and there are no soft pretzels served on the floor of the house of representatives
  
• Princess Alice

  2017-01-04 15:51:19

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  Bump
• Anonus

  2017-01-04 17:11:30

  I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat

  Why
• Princess Alice

  2017-01-04 17:12:24

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  Because it amused me
• Tatterhood

  2017-01-04 18:44:09 edited 2017-01-04 18:44:35

  only 10.25 months until oktoberfest!
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2017-01-04 19:35:54

  We bought a bag of hard pretzels from a grocery store in Las Vegas when we visited it over the Christmas weekend.
  
  Still haven't had it yet.
  
  it enlarged rather amusingly when we were at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon though.  Air pressure difference and all.
  
• eriophora zia

  2017-01-04 19:41:45

  I have cut a caper with the dancing mad god

  Auntie Anne's > Wetzels

  
  

  Auntie Anne's has these delicious sweet almond pretzels that I absolutely adore. I do not believe Wetzels has an equivalent. 
• buttercrispy

  2017-01-04 20:40:17

  oooh that sounds delightful! 

  Wetzels is just where we usually pick them up because they have one in the terminal at union station, so if we time it well enough we can grab them for ourselves/the other one on the way to/from home on visits as a special treat. Whereas I think the nearest Auntie Anne's may be in the mall in the opposite direction and not en route.
• Princess Alice

  2017-01-04 21:54:48

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  I once had a pretzel breakfast sandwich from Auntie Anne's at Chicago O'Hare

  
  

  You needed to know this
• Tre

  2017-01-04 23:06:53

  
  

  I had a Java Chip at Starbucks there a few weeks ago on the way home.
  
  It was nice. Crowded, but pretty.
• buttercrispy

  2017-01-05 00:46:17

  My knowledge of Chicago O'Hare is based entirely on the Left Behind series, but now it is not
• Salix Babylonika

  2017-01-05 00:59:22

  https://i.imgur.com/IoGc2jA.jpg

  O'Hare scared the fuck out of me. No building or complex thereof should sprawl that much.
• Klinotaxis

  2017-01-05 01:33:03

  kill living beings
  

  i remember i had a stopover in dallas once, and i had this slow realization that i was expected to get on a train to move between gates
  
• Princess Alice

  2017-01-05 04:03:17

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  Funny, Anonus was just showing me pictures of the DFW airport trains this morning.